Eats , Sh*ts and bites

Numbers

For some one (me) who loves numbers this was heavenly.



As many as 3000000 Xbox 360s will be sold this quarter.
Close to 10000000 game titles will be sold for Xbox alone.



Apple is poised to sell something like 37000000 iPods by the
end of this year. So far it has managed 17917000 iPods and
is storing 19083000 iPods for this holiday season.

Its know as the Threshold or Yield in Physics, Halo Effect in
Economics. I have a lot to comment on iPod and its ROKR.
To me this is the most important fusion. Probably the foundation
of Web 2.0.

Harry Potter ended up collecting more than $200000000 at
the box office in just ten days. If the book sales arent mind
blowing enough, wait for the total gross and the later DVD sales.

Sigh. If feels so good when someone is selling.

Annoying Thing

A ding ding ding ding dididing ding bing bing pscht,

Dorhrm bom bom bedom bem bom bedom bom bum ba ba bom bom,

Bouuuuum bom bom bedahm, Bom be barbedarm bedabedabedabeda

Bbrrrrrimm bbrrrrramm bbbrrrrrrrrraammmmm ddddddraammm,

Bah bah baah baah ba wheeeeeee-eeeee-eeeee!

If you had enough of this annoying thing (Crazy Frog of A ding ding ding) you
can now kill him at killcrazyfrog.net. If you have no clue about what I am
talking, then, here.

Bre Bre Bre he he aake.

Just returned back from a three day Tirupati trip. I havent reached
Hyd yet. Halted in Vijayawada. I am already missing Shredder.

So I asked Zee to hit the road and bring shredder along with him.
Amazingly, Zee obliged. Now I cant wait to freak out my mom with
Shredder. I hope Shreddy learned a trick or two to make my mom go
eeeeeeew.....eeeeeeew.....eeeeeew. (Like, Shreddy can eat a newspaper
and can puke it out whenever you ask him to).
(My mom is not exactly a dog person).

His Stuff



My other best friend Zee bought lots of stuff for Shreddy. We made him
a recliner (Zee and I, after three rounds of Brandy, swore that Shredder
is our brother and that he shall be treated like one.)

A tent. Carpet (inside the tent) and bath towels.
Toys. Bones. That so called Recliner.

While Shreddy was busy shredding the gift wraps and polyethene bags, we
pitched up his stuff. He slept in his tent yesterday night. He is already
hiding his stuff in there.

I ended up making lots of changes to the house. In order to understand
Shreddy I had to think at his "level". We taped all the running wires to the
walls. Had to make sure that he cant grab any of the stuff thats not his.
No simple task. Let me tell ya.

Yesterday two of my software friends dropped in for a friday evening party.
They were surprised to see Shredder. Initially they were excited and one of
them promised a silver dollar chain as a gift for Shreddy. With a Silver Dollar
hanging, he would rock, we thought.

But later they grew a little uncomfortable and watched me in almost disgust,
talking to Shreddy, kissing him and fondling him. Lucky for them, because I
had to sleep (pretend) next to Shreddy in his tent to put him (other wise
excited) to sleep at 12:15 in the night. By then they already left.

My new best friend



Dude, where is the remote?? and Hey! What happened to my tail?

This dude arrived from Russia a day before...and to my place, yesterday.
He is a French Bull Dog. According to the breeder, he is the fifth spotted
French Bull Dog in India and first in Andhra.

Yeah, you guessed it. After learning that, the first thing I asked the breeder
who imported him for me, was,...Hmmm...then whats my buddy gonna do
during the mating season? I was assured that by then there would be atleast
four females imported by him to Andhra.

So far, he hasnt barked even once. He just barely whined when I threw him in
the air to scare him. It took him couple of hours to sniff around my place. Once
he got settled, he suddenly got hyper active. Within notime I named him
"Shredder" because by then he shredded everything made out of paper.

He chewed on my shoes, peeed on my Sub woofer, shat at five strategic
locations, bit my hand and simply refused to sleep in the kitchen and to be tied
up. There was no way I could have my food and beer in the evening.

Its only a matter of time before he eats up my telephone cable and signs on my
recliner and make the wires behind the TV his bone hideout place.

In the morning when he woke up, he demanded lots of attention. He watched
me wearing my trousers with such an amazement that even I had to wonder.

This morning, while I was reading my main edition, he ate my sports edition.
I think, life as I knew it is pretty much over.

Now, all I need to do is name him. :-)

Just In

The elegant Universe by Brian Greene
The Third Chimpanzee by Jared Diamond (one of my favs)

Sold

Halo Script

..is ready (for the movie) and is sold to Universal for $5M and 10% Gross.
This script is further sold to Peter Jackson who intends to produce this
movie. According to a review, the script rocks.

Quiet predictably, the movie opens on Master Chief's visor.

We open on a SPARTAN HELMET, and a REFLECTION in its visor.

In the reflection, we see buildings. The design and architecture of the
buildings tell us this is not Earth. The suns are low in the sky, and bathing
the landscape blood red.

We snap back to show the full figure of the SPARTAN and folks we are
introduced to MASTER CHIEF (MC for short for the rest of this review).
Seven foot tall, clad head to toe in MJOLNIR armor, holding a
MA5B ASSAULT rifle

"What are my orders"? by Master Chief will be the opening dialogue.




India Vs China Vs World Vs India-China

Thats interesting.

Illusion of Gravity

Gravity, too, would be part of the illusion: a force that is not present in the
two-dimensional world but that materializes along with the emergence of
the illusory third dimension....(needs subscription)

Blogquotes

I never met a Calorie I did not like !
Swathi

He just rubbed my belly as if it was his.
Gabby

Like the time he told me, “You know, the Europeans are very sexyful.”
I kept a stony face, silently groaning and thinking, spare me your conquests.
Leela

This was to be my first proper date. It was important. He was important.
And I was nervous as hell.
Ash

Bring home a bahu. Babu! III

I understand your concern. Yeah. I have traveled far and wide. Met people from all kind of tribes, countries, continents, religions and customs. Met the most beautiful women on this planet and the most intelligent ones too.

Moms widened their eyes.

At the end I have realized that I need a cheerful companion in my life. Everything else is c in a plus b square. Hmm..I don’t know how to define cheerful companion. See, its basically two people living together and working together. Together is good when there is a common goal. Together is good when one make compromises for the other. Together is good when one knows their weaknesses and respects others strengths. Like the way Vinny and I work together. I love women who enjoy life and who can accommodate people. Someone who understands and respects my goals. Someone who can enjoy a coke, pop corn and watching Finding Nemo. Someone who can accommodate me. That’s it I guess.

Moms fell silent.

Anything else?

Yeah. I like husky voice and light brown eyes.

We all fell silent for a minute. The evening breeze added certain heaviness to the situation. Younger one started looking at the coconut precariously hanging from the tree and my parked car below it.

A little later, suddenly, one thing added to the other. The matrix suddenly revealed itself. A wave of comprehension and joy overwhelmed me. It swam upcurrent and came bursting out of my mouth and eyes.

Do you know anyone with these qua…

I cut my mom and said.

I know who it is mom. Rani Mukharjee.

Rani who? Chorus.

Rani Moo..Khar..Zee.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew you are in love with someone. Who is she? Where does she live? What does she do? Younger one hugged me with unlimited joy and streams of tears.

Bhale. Bahle. Seeghramevakalyanapraaptirastu. Elder revealed her pearls quiet uncharacteristically and took her sutram out and kissed it.

Bring home Rani. Babu!

I will.

Moms blessed me with their hearts filled with joy and radiant hope.

Next day morning Younger one called me to remind of the pressure cooker. She also told me that the night before moms thanked Goddess Durga for revealing the girl on such an auspicious moment. She also told me that the moment I took my car out the coconut fell. It’s a good sign. I am going to get what I want. She told.

I am sure. But I am a little worried soul. Because, I am planning on buying a Great Dane at the end of the month. I already named him Buddy. And I am not sure if Rani likes pets or not.

Bring home a bahu. Babu! II

Ok. There is Gabby. But I think she will be too pregnant for the marriage and these stupid international lines wont let her fly.

Moms looked at each other wondering.

Who else do I know? Aah. Nonick.

No, what?

No nick. That’s all I know about her. She lives in my comment box. Whether its haloscan or blogger.

Halo what?

I ignored the question and continued.

She is a process oriented chick. She wants processes in place for everything you do and she wants it documented. Probably she will demand recipes for all the cooking you do and processes defined in steps for all the recipes.

I didn’t get you.

Ok if she ever catches you stealing money from Dad’s pocket she would demand it documented on a paper.

My mom turned pale.

Then there is Ph. Aaauuuuuummmmm. But she is too complicated. Half the time you wouldn’t understand her.

Like?

Aaaargh. Cant you handle anything without an example? I am getting tired of this. Ok, like, if she catches you stealing she would calmly leave the room and write something in her diary.

What will she write?

Something like

Naked hands frisk loaded trousers.
Adroit fingers find their way to leather cleavages.
Wallets empty themselves to pregnant jackets.

What the f**& was that? The younger mom looked at me in bewilderment.

Didn’t I tell you? Ok, leave it, leave it. Ok I admit. I am moving with the wrong crowd. My only bet was Patrix and he fell in love with Asterix. Chee chee, he fell in love with Ash.

Moms started crying again. You need to settle down son. Otherwise you are gonna lose it. They chorused.

Babu! Do you know what you want? Atleast?

I thought for a long time. Long enough for the elder one to start her prayer again.

Mangalam. Managalam.

I think I like Bengalis.

Bengalis?

Yeah, there is something about them. I don’t know. They are so vibrant. There is a certain radiance of sexuality and you can feel they are content, calm and kind, I don’t know. I like the way they wear their sarees. I like the way they mix traditional tops with jeans. I like the bags they carry. I like their sweets. I like their food. They are ideologically challenged. But I don’t think girls are. They have this strange gift of looking modern and yet make you feel home.

So you like Bengalis?

Yeah.

Mangalam. Mangalam.

I think the first I look at is a girl’s smile. I love the ones that have a pleasant effect. Not exactly cute but pleasant. You know the kind of smile Gello has.

Aham. Om. Mangalam. Mangalam.

This is strange but true. I thought I love fair skin and cant stand dark skin. * Concluded during the early teens after watching a western blue film and a desi blue* But over the years I ended up falling in love with , mmm, how do I explain? Take any shade from brown and what we generally call fair skin, not the Scandinavian paleness, and add cheesy translucent vibrant energy to it. Make it sensitive and soft. That’s my girl.

Moms looked at each other and checked their hands and stomachs.

Elder raised her pitch. Mangalam. Aha, mangalam, oho mangalam.

Another thing. I think I have an inclination towards chubby ones rather than tall and slim ones. Between medium and slim I would go for medium. Not the American kind of Big but the Indian kind of healthy medium.

This brought a huge cheer on the oversized elder one. Her eyes glowed and she placed her palms on my cheeks and said. Thadaasthu.

But my mom looked little concerned.

Have you thought anything about the girl?

To be continued..

Joie De Damaka

Dear Children of the land,

No, you dont have be sad because terrorists killed your fellow citizens.
You have a right to be happy. Dont wear black badges.

No, you dont have to save the environment by not firing crackers.
Those adults dont know what they are talking about.
Fire as much stuff as you can.

No, you are not creating sound pollution.
No one is asking jet planes to stop flying.
Buy the loudest ones and break all decible laws.

No, you are not wasting money by burning crackers.
Poor people can be helped. Not with your money. Definitely not tonight.
Make your parents spend. Burn holes in their pockets.

No, you are not putting weight.
Thats for grown ups.
Eat as much as can.

No, you are not putting yourself at risk.
Safety is for wussies.
Be adventurous. Burn a finger or two.

Steal. Burn. Play.

Be a child. Tonight is the night.