Smiley meets Ram Gopal Varma

It was Saturday afternoon. No one was at my office except Zee, Shredder and I.
Zee was lazying in the sofa and I was playing dead with Shredder.
Zee suddenly asked
What are your plans for the evening?
Dunno. If you are staying back, I will have couple of drinks and go home. Else, I will
go home straight and sober.
There is a cocktail dinner at Taj Krishna. You want to join?
No. No way.

The day before I bought a key chain with glowing LEDs. I was showing it to
Shredder and then hiding it. He gets frustrated pretty fast when he is losing.
So he was begging me to show that zing zing thing to him.

Zee said, Hey Ravi just called. I need to go to the party.
Who is Ravi?
Ravi Teja.
Why is Ravi Teja attending this party?
You are crazy or what? It is his party. Its got something to do with his latest
movie Shock. Ram Gopal Varma will be there too.
Gee Zee. Can I join?
Sure you can. But you need to take a bath. Lately you smell like a dog.

In the shower I suspected that Jyothika might attend the party too and did my
Smileys Quick Fix Ab exercise (Just in case). I wore jeans, Calvin Klein T and my
new shiny metal Espirit watch. (I wrote the previous sentence just to tell you about
my new watch. It rocks. My friend loveAll gifted that watch to me two weeks back).

On our way we picked Dagger and reached Taj.
It turned out to be an audio function with cocktails and dinner later.

This sucks man. An audio function? Dagger got frustrated.

There were the usuals. Puri Jagannath, Raghavendra Rao, Suresh babu, Rajamouli
etc. But nothing prepared me for the arrival of Ram Gopal Varma. There was certain
uneasiness till then. With Ramu’s arrival the whole auditorium got charged up. He
was mobbed by the press and everyone from Tollywood wanted to shake his hands
and to get a picture with him. There is an enigmatic energy surrounding him. He was
charismatic in his own way and knew his way through.

Audio function was over in a swift fifteen minutes. Everyone mobbed the bar
counter.There are always three kinds of people in this type of parties.

Celebrities.
Hey-I-Know-Celebrities.
Hey-I-Know-a-Hey-I-Know-Celebrities.

Zee and I managed drinks and some quick snacks. We secured a comfortable
area to stand too. Dagger, Kyonki and Rocky joined us. Soon Ravi Teja joined us.
(Dagger, Zee and Kyonki are good friends of Ravi Teja, the hero of the film).

Ravi is energy personified. There is no difference off screen. My eyes were rather
fixed on an itemNumberBomb. She did a number in the film. There was another
beautiful female who was a little on the plump side in a bright red saree. She was
sexy. She was also shy. Clearly not from the industry.

A lot of young girls were taking pics with Ravi and his autographs. Bomb was
with an oldie. There were going everywhere together.

I wonder how much bomb charges for a night.
30-50k. But she must have been already booked. Dagger came in handy.

By the time I finished my second Bacardi rest of the dudes finished four. Most of the
folks finished their dinner and left. We got a little high. I spotted this dude Jeeva.
(Chandraswamy in the movie Sarkar).

Zee, lets talk to Jeeva.
Jeeva was gulping whisky. I walked to Jeeva and shook his hands.
We want to talk to you. As a matter of fact, we would be cool if you join us.
Jeeva joined us. Zee started.

You wont believe what I am going to say.
Jeeva looked curious and puzzled at the same time.
Whatever I am going to say is going to come from my heart. Not from my mouth.
Say it.

Zee is a fan of yours. I lied.
Zee thumped his chest and then placed his hand on Jeevas shoulder.
Eyes. Your eyes man. Your eyes. Zee remained silent after that.

Thats all Zee wanted to say. I helped Jeeva out of his open mouth.
You know what is the thing that we remember about the movie Sarkar?
What?
You.
You know what is the first thing that strikes whenever someone mentions
Krishna Vamsi?
What?
You.
You know a villain who can do comedy as well as a rape?
Don’t know.
You.

Dagger loved what was happening. He joined. My grandma used to tell me that
artists are Gods children and rest of us is adopted. Your life is blessed.

Jeeva got fully charged up. He started talking about divinity in acting and how his
job of acting is his puja to the God.

Sir, long time back I saw an illegal clipping of a Malayalam movie. It was a clip of
you raping a girl in a hotel room. It looked so original. I asked.

Jeeva gave me a Chandraswamy look.

Meanwhile Ramu walked by. A girl who looked like just out of her teens was waiting
to meet him. I was observing that girl. One of Telugu artists spoke to her at length
before that.

Meanwhile Zee caught Lawrence. (Composer of Chiranjeevi’s famous Veena step,
Director of Mass and Style).

You wont believe what I am going to say.
Because whatever I am going to say is going to come out of my heart.
Not from my mouth.

Lawrence looked at me for rescue. I winked.

Zee thumped his chest. I am fan of Chiranjeevi. I saw your film.
You are a fan of Chiranjeevi too. We are brothers.

Meanwhile Ramu was getting physical with the girl. He put his hand around her
shoulder. Another Telugu star (Cant disclose the name) approached the girl and
whispered something in her ear. She looked a little nervous and not really into it.

I just couldnt stand it anymore. I walked to Ramu and looked into his eyes and said,

Hi Ramu, I am Smiley. I love your films. I am so glad I met you in person. Then I
looked at the girl and winked at her. She looked at Ramu. I shook Ramu’s hands.
He just said, Thanks. He was oozing power that was intimidating. I walked back.

Zee and Dagger were explaining Gist about how they have got rights to a dinner
with Shah Rukh Khan and wondering how to cash it. Gist was assuring them that
if they can pull Preity Zinta he can sell it out.

The girl was wearing a sleeveless. Her skin still has the radiance of a girl and her
chin is still filled with baby fat. Ramus seasoned hand on that shoulder, sucking
her into the matrix, looked like a metaphor to me.

Bomb left. Red saree left. Teenage girls were going gung ho taking pictures
with starts.

Its going to be a long night. I thought. I waved my hand for an extra drink.

Hoot

Hooters in India .
Auuuuuuuuuwooooooooo.
For us Southies, even their 911 chicken wings wont do.



Ta

Ta is the sound you make by pressing your tongue to your upper
jaw and releasing it at once.

Ta is also the sound you automatically make when you eat the lemon
from a lemon pickle.

This morning my mom made two chapati, cabbage curry, spinach dal,
rasam, pulihore and pongal, along with carrot pickle for my meal. I ended
the meal with an extra helping of curds and pulihore. When I thought it was
over, my mom gave me pineapple pieces cut like crop circles.

When she asked me about how the meal was, I said
Ta.

Huh

Not believing in anything I just sit,
listening to my breathing
After thirty years
It still goes in and out.

Albert Coelho

Addendum

Huuuuhhhh!

Reading the mornin paper while I sit,
Flashes in the mind of one dim twisted wit
Thirty years and still
What goes in as food comes out as shit

Two Penny

H(M)uah!!

and in a voice that sounded faraway and strange she asked
oh shitting stranger,
how many miles more to Utopia?
Utopia is this land of dreams i hear
oh stop reading the paper dear
how many more miles to Utopia?

nonick
ps: love u too

Cheeky

Yoda Iyer

Here is how to draw him

Dumb logic of the year

Just read on Megha's blog about this design nomination stuff. Hilarious post.
Not the post. But the logic of the nomination. Some stuff about Indiblog
awards is silly (I appreciate their effort. But lets call a dud a dud.)

1) They talked more about programming than nominations and content
2) They are proud about the Script they wrote that let people vote than
voting patterns and gaurding the privacy of the voters
3) Categories basically are silly and not comprehensive

Finally, if what I read on Megha's blog is true (read), well there is no point
in me rambling about it because I totally agree with her (whoever this
Megha chick is).

So here is my award to the Jury of Indibloggies
Dumb ass logic of the year award goes to Indibloggies.org for saying
that 'People who borrow (steal) templates from public domain are eligible to
nominate for a category called Best Design'.

Added later: Since Desipundit.com is the default pit shop for every
Indiblogger I propose Desipundit.com to come up with hosting the awards.
I will sponsor the award of 'Two day vacation with Smiley at Kulu Manali'
for the best female humour category.

At the other end of your blanket

Rated: Yawn

Just with in couple of days of Shredders arrival, my fantasies of my dog
fetching me beer and peanuts got distorted with lots of reality. Actually,
got replaced by, me cleaning his feces and puke, running behind him,
hiding my-socks, shoes, cell phone charger, coffee mugs, cushions, pillows,
(re) making the tent for him, making sure not stepping on him and on
his urine.

By fifth day he looked like a prodigal child. He doesnt respond to my calls.
He doesnt listen to me. All he does is eat, shit, shred and bite. Of course,
sleep. He absolutely refuses to sleep alone. He bothers Srinu during the
nights. (Srinu eventually shifted into Kitchen). That’s when my nephew
came to my house, saw shredder, fell in love with him and said,
I want him. I said, Take him.

The next day, I gladly packed the tent, the food, the toys and Shredder
and knocked on Sillys door. Silly looked perplexed. Here, your son wanted
him. I efficiently and quickly tied Shredder in her balcony, gave her
instructions and left. Actually I left to a different city to attend an annual
meet. I came to know that Shredder accommodated Silly well and became
a family member in just two days. According to Silly, he is the nicest dog.
But things were not destined to happen that way. Someone close to Silly
died the next day and the entire family had to leave and I got a call.
(I was in a different city). I called couple of my friends and instructed them
to pick this funny looking black patched dog from my sisters place and keep
him with a family for couple of days. Thats what they did.

For the next two days, Shredder didnt eat a single grain. Not even his
favourite Royal Canin. He cried through day and night. I got more than two
dozen calls because he was also going through diarrhea.

I drove back. Collected him and brought him home. I hand fed him. He ate.
That, some one so small and selfish could distinguish who was feeding him,
kind of surprised me. Shredder, kind of won my respect.
May be it was curiosity.

With in just four five hours Shredder was truly home. I know a thing or two
about animal stress. So, I understood. Shredder continued to bite and rule my
house. Unfortunately for him, I read couple of articles on the net about
alpha male and show him who is the boss stuff. On that night, the next day
morning, for a full four hours I tried to tell him that I am the boss. Some how
he didnt get it (Looking back, I didn’t get some of what he was telling). He
continued to fail to understand not to crap or pee inside the house. His worst
nightmare came true that night. I took him inside my bedroom, took my
leather belt out and shouted to him. Listen. He ignored me. His ears still
stood out in pride. Whack, came down the belt. His first reaction was
disbelief. He is a furless dog. It must have hurt a lot. Listen. I shouted.
Whack. He gained his senses and ran to a corner. You will go nowhere.
I shouted. I held his collar and dragged him to the middle of the room.
Listen. I shouted. His ears were in a submissive mode this time. We stared
at each other for a long time. You will listen to me from now on. I told him.
And you will respond. I added.

Things changed a lot after that. Within two days he learned not to pee or poo
inside the house. But he still continued to bite and ignore calls. One of his
favourite spots is the my travel bag that lies under my bed. He loves
crawling into that corner and sleeping on it.

Soon I realized that he is actually a smart dog. He has an amazing range
of low grunts and whines. Remember, he is a French Bull dog. He doesnt
bark much. He makes this Weee…weeee…which can be translated to
Untie me, I want to play. He makes this Hissss weee hisss weee..which can
be translated to Stop tickling me. Ha ha ha.

He makes this hwwwiieeee….Please dont disturb me, I am sleeping.

He also has a wide range of looks. Sometimes his looks can be spooky.
He also has a wide range of body expressions. The best is when he walks
to you and rolls on his back to expose his belly and looks at you.
He is saying, Yo, scratch my belly.

It struck me a little later, but I really didnt understand why we are
supposed to be more intelligent than dogs. I seriously dont think so.

We formed a true bond when Shredder got super sick. He got food poisoned.
He became a skeleton in two days. I let him sleep with me those two days
and talked to him a lot. Shreddy, you are strong boy. Its alright. You will
be fine. He used to sigh with lots of self pity in his eyes. It took him a week
to recover.

Another threat to our relation came from the management of the
apartment. They said pets are not allowed in the apartment. Now,
shredder stays in my office. Shredder misses me a lot. I miss him a lot.
I never disciplined him beyond, Sit, Stop.

Guess what? I am moving next month. Yeah, to accommodate this funny
looking dog in my life.

A note

She has these incredible sexy chocoloty browny edges on her lips.
Her saliva is so neutral you can drink her. Probe her under her
tongue and drink her.

I rested one of my hands on her plump rump. Then squeeezed it.
She steamed. I took some liberty and ran my hand over her breast
to feel her hardened nipple. I rested there and squeezed her.

She grew hesitant and said, No.
What do you mean by No?

No, you cant do that.
What do you mean by I cant do that?

We can kiss on lips. Thats all.
(My hand still on her breast) That sucks. But logically it shouldnt matter.
Took some more liberty and kissed her on her nipple.

No, we cant do this. We can kiss, though.

Note to self: The white Jockey Elance you are wearing is not exactly
your luckiest wear.
Another note to self: Girls are so complicated.

Of Macs, Modi, Mutton and Monkeys

Can an announcement last more than 90 minutes? It could. Says
Thinksecret.com guessing on Apple's traditional Steve Jobs
presentation thats going to happen today. So whats being churned
by the rumour mills?

1) Intel Based Apple Tops
2) Cheaper Shuffle
3) Media Centric Mac Mini (Mounted on Front Row)
4) Several major media deals

**

I threw a gala party at a place called Alankrita yesterday. Honouring me,
everyone had their dinner in a bowl and with a fork. (Thats trademark
Smiley). This is what we had Rasam+Rice+Mutton Rogam Josh.
The ones who didnt know the art of eating rasam with fork drank
straight away from the bowls.

Thats not the point. There was a discussion about Narendra Modi Vs
Rajashekhar Reddy. Actually there was no discussion. Unanimously we
all agreed that Modi is the best in India. (Hard to swallow for the so called
secular Indians, but I havent met an average Indian who doesnt like Modi.)
Thats not the point either. The intellectual depth of the conversation got
me clean bowled. By the way, did I mention the capuccino Hukka?

**

Last week, during one of those lazy afternoons I returned home from office
to take a nap. While dozing I heard next door kid crying (both crying and
shouting) "Uncle, Uncle". I wondered what was happening and went to her
rescue. Standing at my door was a six year old, soaked in her tears. In front
her is a baby monkey making faces at her and scaring her.

I hugged her and stomped the baby monkey. "There is another one inside my
house. My mama is not at home. I am scared". I liked her honesty in admitting
that she is scared. She stayed with me untill her mom returned.

She revealed few things (kid notes) about me. Kids in the apartment are scared
of me. They like my TV. They love shredder. (All the kids routinely play on my
floor). Now she thinks I am 'good'. (Silly girls). 'You are good only' with
vigorous head shake.

Next day she introduced me to her friends. 'Monkey Uncle'. Stupid girls.

Delirium
Its a go

I stopped walking.

What is that?
That strange shining white light object?
Yeah
Its light.
Light?
Yeah, we are at the end of the tunnel.

For a long time I didnt say a thing. The emotion was overwhelming.
I looked at my bloody feet. Felt my wounded soul. The sense of relief
wasnt obvious. Not as obvious as I thought it would be.

I sat down in the mud. I silently started crying, within.
He left me alone for sometime. After a while, he returned with a huge
smile and asked.

Why are you crying?
Because its a Delirium post.

We laughed. I hugged him.

What do I do now?
Keep walking.

Know Thyself
The net.

When Junior entered the room, Master Yoda was licking his armpits.
Junior greeted Master. Oh the one, whose pits are clean chits, Greetings.
Master greeted back. Oum.



Oh the master of masters, the one whose wisdom guided Adam to slow
down, I have a question.

Ask.

Its shredder. Shredder shredded the known world to bring in a new
order, new kind, new peace and boundless hapiness to this new world.
But oh master, there is one thing that puzzles me about Shredder.
Why is he always trying to bite his own ass? The word in the woods is
that it has to do something with the last Buddha.

Master Yoda's pupils grew larger. Junior, the last Buddha is a myth.
All Shredder is trying to do is sniff his last meal.

Master, oh whose ear wax can light a thousand clouds, I know when
you lie.

Master Yoda sighed deeply. Alright junior. The truth, I warn, must be
contained. I will tell you why Shredder is trying to bite his own ass.

It was a different world. It was a different kind. It was a different master.
Humans they were. They called it the information age. The age of
knowledge. They truely believed that they were destined for greater
greatness, because they harnessed information. It was called the Net.

The last of Buddha called it Being or collective consciousness. The last
Buddha also warned, Thought alone, when it is no longer connected
with the much vaster realm of consciousness quickly becomes barren,
insane and destructive.

But the humans didnt think so, they integrated net into themselves
and called it Bionet.
They thought
harnessing collective intelligence and real-time leveraging of the
two-way communication ubiquotously
will finally make man himself, the God.

But then Shredder was born.

continued...

Know Thyself II
I shred.

Blog awards everywhere

Indibloggers are nominated. Except for few deserving, its a disappointing
list. Is Gaurav's blog a good blog or a popular blog? I would like to fire the
bench and appoint myself the supreme. Here are my nominees.

Male Humour
Penny, Yogu, Daman (by the way they are not blogging anymore)

Female Humour
Alpha or Megha? Lets schedule a cat fight and see who wins. (Psst thats just
to enjoy the fight. My pick is Alpha. Dont tell this to Megha)

Travel Blog
Finn Times (Sigh. The full moon.)

BNOUBA (Blogs no one understands but appreciates)
Ph, ::M::

Default Nominees
Patrix, Desipundit

Sexy Mom who blogs
(Hey send me some pics here)

Most redundant post of the year
Patrix's 2005 review of his posts post

Most grammatically correct blog
Absolute Lee

La Vada

Rated:Gross

It happened a long time back. We entered second year during our
Engineering years and were bloody ravenous to rag junior. (We got so
thoroughly ragged during our first year that we were in a revenge mode).
A lot fun stuff happens during ragging. But this one lasted so long.

We asked a junior to attend a greeting formality at our room. When he
entered we asked him to perform a mono and mime act.

Do you know how to eat a pussy?
Don’t know sir.
Well, well, we very well know that you know. You have two options.
Either perform or die.

He started performing. He was surprisingly good.

With little encouragement from our side,
Yeah, you can imagine a table. No, no, first undress her. Yeah, she can
wear a sari. Wow man, go ahead. No you cant fuck her,
the show went well.

A little later another junior entered the room. I got a little curious and
told Junior2, Dude, Junior1 is going to perform some stuff now. You
have to tell us what he is doing.

Junior1, start all over again, No sounds please.

Junior1 promptly did his act.

So, Junior2, tell me what he was doing.

Without any hesitation, Junior 2 said,
Sir, Junior1 went to a Udipi hotel, ordered a plate Vada and ate it.

We all laughed for two full days.
We promptly nicknamed Junior2 La Vada. Junior2, for the rest of his four
years was fondly called Lavada ga.

Alpha's new post rocks

I just love this girl's sense of humor.

Spartan kicks ass

Bungie got this cool idea of incorporating a Spartan (of Halo fame), a female
Spartan in Dead or Alive 4. For all of us who are used to hald naked chicks
in Dead or Alive a Spartan I should say is too clothed.

Flowers falling and stuff

Author:nonick
(Yeah that nonick)

pink paperthin blosoms of the May tree
add something to my busy mornings

falling flowers
no purpose whatever
add cheer
to vacant thougths.

i need to fall down with the dying blossoms
gently without noise
on undisturbed earth
and with a fragrance
without obstruction
light up my corner of life's canvas

Morning Saga

Yesterday I realized that , though I lead mostly an unorganized and
hour by hour life, I have a 'routine' in the mornings.

I prefer getting up early. I dont get lazy in the bed. If I am working out
(which happens rarely) I get up at 5:15 AM. Else it is 6:30 ish. I prefer
waking up to see two newspapers on my recliner or bed.

Times of India, Economic Times. I read, Speaking Tree, Business Section,
Sports columns and couple of comic strips. It is Economic Times that I read
paying more attention. All this happens while having a big mug of Coffee.

Then I walk to my laptop, to check (in that order) Gmail, Businessweek.com,
Rediff Biz, Business Section of Samachar (which I love), Bloglines (Desipundit
and Boing Boing are a must), my office mail. Couple of random sites like
Yahoo movies (I always keep a tab on Box Office collections), Amazon, Wired
Google news etc.

Then its Loo time. I always have a copy of 'Business Week' in my Loo. I like
reading on the pot. I prefer to brush and take bath immediately after that.

By the time I am picking my clothes to wear I usually am hungry. I prefer to
have my meals early in the morning. Having breakfast and lunch is not for me.
My breakfast is a big meal. I get cranky when I am hungry. I am not at peace.

After having meal I rest in the recliner watching silly stuff like Oprah,
Animal Planet for about 10-15 minutes. Sometimes I take a quick nap
(10-15 minutes). By then my mind is usually hyper with tasks and
problems and to-dos.

Only then, only then, do I make calls or take calls and start yet another
day. :-)

Last night I scored.

I don’t remember when the last time I played cricket was. I think it must be
something like a decade back. I don’t play Tennis either. I can play Volley ball
for hours. (I am not sure if I can still claim that). The thing is, my knee doesnt
let me to run on hard surfaces.

Many a times there were opportunities to play cricket. I was always
apprehensive about fielding, running and catching and stuff. Last week
some dudes who I remotely know through my friend Zee, booked an entire
ground for a day and night match. I hesitantly asked them if I can play.

Sorry, we have already formed teams. Captain Kiran informed.
How many are there in your team. Zee enquired.
Eleven. Kiran.
Make it Twelve. Smiley is playing. Zee concluded.

Twelve we were. Before getting into the field I told Kiran that its been a
decade since I played this game.

Can you atleast stand for 25 overs? Kiran asked.
I can try.

He put me on the offside.
It was already dark and the stadium dudes switched on the flood lights.

Zee meanwhile mixed a bottle of vodka with sprite and water for me.
I ran back, stuffed my right pocket with Haldirams mixture and came back
to my position to field (with the bottle).

I was a little nervous worrying about me misfielding. It did happen.
The batsman swung his bat, before I realized, the ball came running
towards me.

According to Brian Green, the probability for it to happen is infinitesimally
small.But it happened. The ball just when it was about to close in my palms
entered a new dimension, got disappeared and reappeared in a fraction of
seconds at the boundary line.

Thats ok Smiley. Zee encouraged me from the stands.
Smiley, can you move back to the boundary line? Kiran appeared.

Sure. Within no time I actually got comfortable with the whole thing. I kept on
sipping my vodka. When the ball came towards me the next time, I actually
held it and threw it right on the spot to the keeper.

Kiran suddenly appeared out of nowhere and asked, Can you bowl?

I took that question quiet literally and told him,
Of course I can, what do you think? Fucker!

Go bowl. He threw the ball at me.
Dude, I can bowl. But I don’t think I can bowl.

I did some practice rotating arms suff and tried to remember my bowling
action. It was a white leather ball. Umpire asked me for the guard.
I gave him a blank look.

The first ball was such a wide that the batsman made fun of me by
running after that ball. The second ball was a good one. But Umpire declared
it a noball. He was eighteen years something dude.

Dude, Umpire! Didnt Kiran tell you about my knee injury?
No.
Well, you cant declare nobes for the fucking balls that I bowl.
Take a shorter runup and no nobes for you.

The next ball directly went to the keeper’s glove in a semi circular arc.
Nice throw. My keeper encouraged me.

Suddenly my basics flooded back I bowled four decent balls. Actually the
fourth one was a snick and keeper failed to catch it. After I finished the over
I ran to Kiran to give him a high five. Dude, I finished the over.

They smashed 148 in 25 overs.

I finished my vodka and sat in the stands watching my team’s batting.
Zee appeared suddenly and asked me, Why are you not batting?

Come on, I cant bat. I don’t think I can even see the ball. Besides I just had
a quarter Vodka.
You are batting. Kiran! Smiley is next.
Well, Hari is next. Kiran said.

I am stopping this match. Zee ran into the field. We pulled him back.
The thing is, I never batted with pads on. They gave me full gear. After
wearing the guard, pads, thigh pad and gloves, I refused to wear a helmet.

Thats not for me. I said.

With the gear on, I was little awkward. Kiran sensed it and said,
here, Let me bowl some practice balls for you. So, in the stands, I practiced.
Someone got out. Kiran got into the field. A little later, another one got out.
It was my turn. I walked calmly towards the crease. Took my stance. Bowler
bowled. Before I realized that he bowled, the ball was collected by the keeper.
Everyone oohed because the ball missed my ear by an inch.

Kiran walked to me and said,
Dont try anything fancy. Just enjoy the show. Keep batting. Dont get out.
I made a note. Instead of simply watching the bowlers action, react to it.

Keeper shouted to the bowler. Straight onto the wickets. We will get him.
You will get my dick. Mother fucker. I told him.
I ended up driving the next ball beautifully onside for a four.

Sometimes, after couple of drinks, I get really calm and focused. After getting
drunk, no one can beat me on my Xbox.

Instead of being a nervous wreck, I strangely ended up being focused on that
night. I played for the rest of the overs, remained a notout batsman and scored
some fifteen plus.

The best part was, for one of the offside balls that I missed; I walked down to
the umpire and told him that I would have declared it a wide.
He declared it a wide.

After the match, Kiran said, with little practice, I can come handy as a batsman.

That night I fantasized a glorious innings by me in the finals of 2007 world cup.

Kong is King

The wait is over. The reports are in.
Yeah, he is gonna rule the box.

Hello..mike testing..1,2,3.

Thanks to the broadband connection at home and lots of free time.
I am suddenly brimming with stuff to say. If I ever get enough
free time this is what I would like to talk (type) about

1) Green Apples

An illustrated story starring Smiley, Leela, Shreddy the Shredder, Coo and
Boo.

2) Joie.de.vivre

3) Where have all the chicks gone wrong?

4) The art of giving

5) Strategy and Vision

6) I am wrong. Whats wrong with that?

Eats , Sh*ts and bites

Numbers

For some one (me) who loves numbers this was heavenly.



As many as 3000000 Xbox 360s will be sold this quarter.
Close to 10000000 game titles will be sold for Xbox alone.



Apple is poised to sell something like 37000000 iPods by the
end of this year. So far it has managed 17917000 iPods and
is storing 19083000 iPods for this holiday season.

Its know as the Threshold or Yield in Physics, Halo Effect in
Economics. I have a lot to comment on iPod and its ROKR.
To me this is the most important fusion. Probably the foundation
of Web 2.0.

Harry Potter ended up collecting more than $200000000 at
the box office in just ten days. If the book sales arent mind
blowing enough, wait for the total gross and the later DVD sales.

Sigh. If feels so good when someone is selling.

Annoying Thing

A ding ding ding ding dididing ding bing bing pscht,

Dorhrm bom bom bedom bem bom bedom bom bum ba ba bom bom,

Bouuuuum bom bom bedahm, Bom be barbedarm bedabedabedabeda

Bbrrrrrimm bbrrrrramm bbbrrrrrrrrraammmmm ddddddraammm,

Bah bah baah baah ba wheeeeeee-eeeee-eeeee!

If you had enough of this annoying thing (Crazy Frog of A ding ding ding) you
can now kill him at killcrazyfrog.net. If you have no clue about what I am
talking, then, here.

Bre Bre Bre he he aake.

Just returned back from a three day Tirupati trip. I havent reached
Hyd yet. Halted in Vijayawada. I am already missing Shredder.

So I asked Zee to hit the road and bring shredder along with him.
Amazingly, Zee obliged. Now I cant wait to freak out my mom with
Shredder. I hope Shreddy learned a trick or two to make my mom go
eeeeeeew.....eeeeeeew.....eeeeeew. (Like, Shreddy can eat a newspaper
and can puke it out whenever you ask him to).
(My mom is not exactly a dog person).

His Stuff



My other best friend Zee bought lots of stuff for Shreddy. We made him
a recliner (Zee and I, after three rounds of Brandy, swore that Shredder
is our brother and that he shall be treated like one.)

A tent. Carpet (inside the tent) and bath towels.
Toys. Bones. That so called Recliner.

While Shreddy was busy shredding the gift wraps and polyethene bags, we
pitched up his stuff. He slept in his tent yesterday night. He is already
hiding his stuff in there.

I ended up making lots of changes to the house. In order to understand
Shreddy I had to think at his "level". We taped all the running wires to the
walls. Had to make sure that he cant grab any of the stuff thats not his.
No simple task. Let me tell ya.

Yesterday two of my software friends dropped in for a friday evening party.
They were surprised to see Shredder. Initially they were excited and one of
them promised a silver dollar chain as a gift for Shreddy. With a Silver Dollar
hanging, he would rock, we thought.

But later they grew a little uncomfortable and watched me in almost disgust,
talking to Shreddy, kissing him and fondling him. Lucky for them, because I
had to sleep (pretend) next to Shreddy in his tent to put him (other wise
excited) to sleep at 12:15 in the night. By then they already left.

My new best friend



Dude, where is the remote?? and Hey! What happened to my tail?

This dude arrived from Russia a day before...and to my place, yesterday.
He is a French Bull Dog. According to the breeder, he is the fifth spotted
French Bull Dog in India and first in Andhra.

Yeah, you guessed it. After learning that, the first thing I asked the breeder
who imported him for me, was,...Hmmm...then whats my buddy gonna do
during the mating season? I was assured that by then there would be atleast
four females imported by him to Andhra.

So far, he hasnt barked even once. He just barely whined when I threw him in
the air to scare him. It took him couple of hours to sniff around my place. Once
he got settled, he suddenly got hyper active. Within notime I named him
"Shredder" because by then he shredded everything made out of paper.

He chewed on my shoes, peeed on my Sub woofer, shat at five strategic
locations, bit my hand and simply refused to sleep in the kitchen and to be tied
up. There was no way I could have my food and beer in the evening.

Its only a matter of time before he eats up my telephone cable and signs on my
recliner and make the wires behind the TV his bone hideout place.

In the morning when he woke up, he demanded lots of attention. He watched
me wearing my trousers with such an amazement that even I had to wonder.

This morning, while I was reading my main edition, he ate my sports edition.
I think, life as I knew it is pretty much over.

Now, all I need to do is name him. :-)

Just In

The elegant Universe by Brian Greene
The Third Chimpanzee by Jared Diamond (one of my favs)

Sold

Halo Script

..is ready (for the movie) and is sold to Universal for $5M and 10% Gross.
This script is further sold to Peter Jackson who intends to produce this
movie. According to a review, the script rocks.

Quiet predictably, the movie opens on Master Chief's visor.

We open on a SPARTAN HELMET, and a REFLECTION in its visor.

In the reflection, we see buildings. The design and architecture of the
buildings tell us this is not Earth. The suns are low in the sky, and bathing
the landscape blood red.

We snap back to show the full figure of the SPARTAN and folks we are
introduced to MASTER CHIEF (MC for short for the rest of this review).
Seven foot tall, clad head to toe in MJOLNIR armor, holding a
MA5B ASSAULT rifle

"What are my orders"? by Master Chief will be the opening dialogue.




India Vs China Vs World Vs India-China

Thats interesting.

Illusion of Gravity

Gravity, too, would be part of the illusion: a force that is not present in the
two-dimensional world but that materializes along with the emergence of
the illusory third dimension....(needs subscription)

Blogquotes

I never met a Calorie I did not like !
Swathi

He just rubbed my belly as if it was his.
Gabby

Like the time he told me, “You know, the Europeans are very sexyful.”
I kept a stony face, silently groaning and thinking, spare me your conquests.
Leela

This was to be my first proper date. It was important. He was important.
And I was nervous as hell.
Ash

Bring home a bahu. Babu! III

I understand your concern. Yeah. I have traveled far and wide. Met people from all kind of tribes, countries, continents, religions and customs. Met the most beautiful women on this planet and the most intelligent ones too.

Moms widened their eyes.

At the end I have realized that I need a cheerful companion in my life. Everything else is c in a plus b square. Hmm..I don’t know how to define cheerful companion. See, its basically two people living together and working together. Together is good when there is a common goal. Together is good when one make compromises for the other. Together is good when one knows their weaknesses and respects others strengths. Like the way Vinny and I work together. I love women who enjoy life and who can accommodate people. Someone who understands and respects my goals. Someone who can enjoy a coke, pop corn and watching Finding Nemo. Someone who can accommodate me. That’s it I guess.

Moms fell silent.

Anything else?

Yeah. I like husky voice and light brown eyes.

We all fell silent for a minute. The evening breeze added certain heaviness to the situation. Younger one started looking at the coconut precariously hanging from the tree and my parked car below it.

A little later, suddenly, one thing added to the other. The matrix suddenly revealed itself. A wave of comprehension and joy overwhelmed me. It swam upcurrent and came bursting out of my mouth and eyes.

Do you know anyone with these qua…

I cut my mom and said.

I know who it is mom. Rani Mukharjee.

Rani who? Chorus.

Rani Moo..Khar..Zee.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew you are in love with someone. Who is she? Where does she live? What does she do? Younger one hugged me with unlimited joy and streams of tears.

Bhale. Bahle. Seeghramevakalyanapraaptirastu. Elder revealed her pearls quiet uncharacteristically and took her sutram out and kissed it.

Bring home Rani. Babu!

I will.

Moms blessed me with their hearts filled with joy and radiant hope.

Next day morning Younger one called me to remind of the pressure cooker. She also told me that the night before moms thanked Goddess Durga for revealing the girl on such an auspicious moment. She also told me that the moment I took my car out the coconut fell. It’s a good sign. I am going to get what I want. She told.

I am sure. But I am a little worried soul. Because, I am planning on buying a Great Dane at the end of the month. I already named him Buddy. And I am not sure if Rani likes pets or not.

Bring home a bahu. Babu! II

Ok. There is Gabby. But I think she will be too pregnant for the marriage and these stupid international lines wont let her fly.

Moms looked at each other wondering.

Who else do I know? Aah. Nonick.

No, what?

No nick. That’s all I know about her. She lives in my comment box. Whether its haloscan or blogger.

Halo what?

I ignored the question and continued.

She is a process oriented chick. She wants processes in place for everything you do and she wants it documented. Probably she will demand recipes for all the cooking you do and processes defined in steps for all the recipes.

I didn’t get you.

Ok if she ever catches you stealing money from Dad’s pocket she would demand it documented on a paper.

My mom turned pale.

Then there is Ph. Aaauuuuuummmmm. But she is too complicated. Half the time you wouldn’t understand her.

Like?

Aaaargh. Cant you handle anything without an example? I am getting tired of this. Ok, like, if she catches you stealing she would calmly leave the room and write something in her diary.

What will she write?

Something like

Naked hands frisk loaded trousers.
Adroit fingers find their way to leather cleavages.
Wallets empty themselves to pregnant jackets.

What the f**& was that? The younger mom looked at me in bewilderment.

Didn’t I tell you? Ok, leave it, leave it. Ok I admit. I am moving with the wrong crowd. My only bet was Patrix and he fell in love with Asterix. Chee chee, he fell in love with Ash.

Moms started crying again. You need to settle down son. Otherwise you are gonna lose it. They chorused.

Babu! Do you know what you want? Atleast?

I thought for a long time. Long enough for the elder one to start her prayer again.

Mangalam. Managalam.

I think I like Bengalis.

Bengalis?

Yeah, there is something about them. I don’t know. They are so vibrant. There is a certain radiance of sexuality and you can feel they are content, calm and kind, I don’t know. I like the way they wear their sarees. I like the way they mix traditional tops with jeans. I like the bags they carry. I like their sweets. I like their food. They are ideologically challenged. But I don’t think girls are. They have this strange gift of looking modern and yet make you feel home.

So you like Bengalis?

Yeah.

Mangalam. Mangalam.

I think the first I look at is a girl’s smile. I love the ones that have a pleasant effect. Not exactly cute but pleasant. You know the kind of smile Gello has.

Aham. Om. Mangalam. Mangalam.

This is strange but true. I thought I love fair skin and cant stand dark skin. * Concluded during the early teens after watching a western blue film and a desi blue* But over the years I ended up falling in love with , mmm, how do I explain? Take any shade from brown and what we generally call fair skin, not the Scandinavian paleness, and add cheesy translucent vibrant energy to it. Make it sensitive and soft. That’s my girl.

Moms looked at each other and checked their hands and stomachs.

Elder raised her pitch. Mangalam. Aha, mangalam, oho mangalam.

Another thing. I think I have an inclination towards chubby ones rather than tall and slim ones. Between medium and slim I would go for medium. Not the American kind of Big but the Indian kind of healthy medium.

This brought a huge cheer on the oversized elder one. Her eyes glowed and she placed her palms on my cheeks and said. Thadaasthu.

But my mom looked little concerned.

Have you thought anything about the girl?

To be continued..

Joie De Damaka

Dear Children of the land,

No, you dont have be sad because terrorists killed your fellow citizens.
You have a right to be happy. Dont wear black badges.

No, you dont have to save the environment by not firing crackers.
Those adults dont know what they are talking about.
Fire as much stuff as you can.

No, you are not creating sound pollution.
No one is asking jet planes to stop flying.
Buy the loudest ones and break all decible laws.

No, you are not wasting money by burning crackers.
Poor people can be helped. Not with your money. Definitely not tonight.
Make your parents spend. Burn holes in their pockets.

No, you are not putting weight.
Thats for grown ups.
Eat as much as can.

No, you are not putting yourself at risk.
Safety is for wussies.
Be adventurous. Burn a finger or two.

Steal. Burn. Play.

Be a child. Tonight is the night.

Bring home a bahu. Babu!

Ok. I am leaving. I will come tomorrow morning. Yeah, I remember that I need to bring my pressure cooker while coming.

All three moms stood to say bye. They walked me to the door.

The younger one said, “Babu, we are all praying for you” and without any warning, she suddenly started crying.

This kind of shocked me. Not the crying part, but the praying part. What do you mean by praying?

Sniff. Sniff. Vinny and you are like my sons. You guys are of same age. Whenever I look at you I think of my son. Whenever I look at him, I think of you.

Really? But, why confuse yourself like that? ..and...ha ha ha...and..why do I need your prayers? If you havent noticed, my business is picking up day by day and I bought a brand new laptop just yesterday.

We want to see you settle down. Sometimes we dont understand how you are managing. Your mom never tells, but she is a worried soul.

I looked at my mom. Her eyes were already busy manufacturing a new set of waterlets (rhymes with applets). I looked at the elder one. She started a new round of prayers.

I thought I killed my ego at Vipassana. But three moms worrying about me hurt my ego. I was not comfortable with the idea that they think that I am not a happy person. Vinny always tells me that I must be the happiest person on earth because I have an Xbox and a 44” TV. Also because, I could get a house thats quiet near my office. Also because, I am not overweight like him.

I am the happiest person on earth. Ask Vinny. I told them.

No, you need to get married. Younger mom. We have a girl in our mind. Elder mom. New set of waterlets. Mom.

Sniff. Sniff. We dont understand why you said no to the last one. Sniff. Sniff.

I know the girl you have in your minds. Sorry, I dont get any sparks when I think about her.

Screw sparks. Spark theory is all bull. We know it. She is such a nice girl. She will be an excellent match for you. This is Mom's (Goddess Durga) wish. Younger one.

Mangalam. Mangalam. Elder one.

Elder one suddenly started crying. She glanced at my balding head and added “and you are aging”. We thought atleast you yourself will bring home a bahu. We are open to that too. But you couldnt.

What do you mean by COULDNT? I know a lot of girls. Come on. Its not like I couldnt but it didnt happen. I guess I am working on it.

Really?

Yeah. Like, OK, if you want to know. I proposed to this hot chick named Leela, last time I met her in Bombay. She is pretty. No, she is hot. Mm..actually she is pretty. She reads a lot and she can cook. She likes bungee jumping, water rafting, rock climbling. She can sing Norah Jones like Norah Jones. She loves children.

What did she say?

She said she cant marry someone who thinks a Pav Baji is a quarter bajji. Thats too much of a cultural difference. She thinks.

Quarter Bajji?

Yeah, she said a quarter Bajji is her favourite dish.

Tch. Tch. Those Bombay people. Always working hard to meet their ends. Bring her home son. We will feed her lots of full bajjis.

Thats what I told her. Silly girl. She said no. Anyways, she is in Dubai now.

Any one else?

Yeah. I know a girl in Delhi.

North Indian people? But we dont know much about them.

I know something about her. Her grand dad was like good at catching chicken. During partition he caught a lot of them in Afghanistan and sold in Delhi and got married with that money.

And?

And what?

Is she fair?

Ha she is so fair, her name is Fairy. If you pinch her cheeks they turn pink.

Really?? And?

And what? And, she works as a manager.

Works!!!!!!!!!!! Manager? I dont understand how women manage to be managers. But will she listen to us?

Listen? She will kick your ass if you dont listen to her. She also is good at detecting lies. Like next time you steal money from Dad's pocket, she is gonna detect it and report it to him.

Mom suddenly became nervous.

Dont worry. If you cant deal with that, I know a girl in Hyderabad. But she is in Europe now and she is gonna come back.

And who is she?

Her name is Mahati. She is cool. She is hot. She is pretty. She recently learned singing. As far as I know she can cook cookies and brownies.

What is she doing in Europe?

She is doing her Masters. Some kind of criminal psychology.

Psychology?

Yeah, she studies criminals, rats, abused children, rats and men. Btw, she is good at understanding whats going in your mind. Next time you think about stealing money from Dad's pocket, she is gonna detect it and report it to dad. Not only that, she will summon you for a therapy.

My mom stopped crying and started thinking.

But dont worry. I know a girl who is gonna fit in like a perfect fit.

Her name is alpha-2. She is one tenth Tamil, one tenth Telugu and so on and the last three tenths are American. She is fair. She is tall. She can cook. She can draw and I dont know about her singing talents. But, she has a fetish for female nudes. You better be careful while changing dress before her.

Thats OK. We all girls like watching each other.

Really? I didnt know that. She is working but still is traditional.

She sounds too good. There must be a catch.

Yeah. She is married.

Do you have like any normal friends?

Let me finish.

To be continued…

Sorrow

Its better not to write on Sorrow.
When I was young I thought sorrow was the naked pregnant prostitute in a Van gogh
That sorrow was like a song that wafted from afar
About unrequited love
About a nothingness in our lives
That sorrow of silences .
But today sorrow has the hues of the settling dust
A hint of betrayal
The smell of death
The bite of the cold night air when there’s no roof to call your own
Sorrow is the language of misfortune
That talks to you from the dry eyes of a mother
When her children lie buried in rubble that was once shelter.
Sorrow is the memory of a happy yesterday
And the waste around one now.

They say that the soul of the world is one.
That it lives in us.
Then this sorrow is ours too.
And if we truly Listen to the sacred silence within us
We’ll know that we are looking into our very own eyes
And the dead are ours
This sorrow. ours.

Universal soul?
I don’t know for sure. But some have felt it.
They say you become very brave afterwards.
You can stare at death’s face calmly.
makes life is pretty simple .
and I am sure they know what it is to be happy.

-nonick (In support of the call made by desipundit.com)

P.S: Posted by smiley in support of nonick's response to the
call made by desipundit.com and in support of the call made
by desipundit.com

Flock, The browser

I downloaded and tried Flock. Its basically some features added to Firefox.
I liked the idea of Shelf. But neither the Shelf nor the features to blog right
from the browser worked. Its still a developer's version and build isnt even
an unary.

Doom, The movie

According to Edbert "Doom" is like some kid came over and is using your
computer and won't let you play"

Yoda, The dude @ boingboing

Invitation

I have an invitation to Tarun Tahiliani's fashion show @ Taj Krishna
tomorrow night. Mmm..I have another invitation to a party @ Touch
tomorrow night. Both the events are by invitation only. Interested
hot (hooooooooooooooooooot) girls are cordially invited. :-)

Here is the plan. First we go to Taj. Watch the crap and then go to
Touch and get drunk. Then we go to my apartment. (Because by then
it will be really late).

Teeritiri teeri. Laaala lala laaala.

Fools paradise

My first thought was, "I dont think those legal notices served to Gaurav
and Varnam are from IIPM. In the first place, I dont think they are legal
notices at all. I wonder if any one called that Saxena dude and verified it."

The article ran by Jammag indeed is frivolous journalism. At times it is
almost a ridiculous article. (The campus photographs of all IIPM centers
are published on the homepage of IIPM.edu. I wonder why Rashmi had
to send someone to checkout the architecture and stuff).

All ads are hyped. Period. Duh. Whatever.
To obviate further clinical analysis, for Christs sake, its an ad.
IIPM runs (like any private educational institute in India) on strong
media hype. Last year, educational institutes were the largest segment
when it came to print media advertisments. (Education tops ad spending)

But yeah, people at Jammag has every right to run the article and express
their opinions.

Freedom of speech is a silly trump card. Everybody has one in their pocket.
If Jammag has FoS, so does the students of IIPM. Their freedom
of speech doesnt appeal to popular taste. But appealing to popular taste
didnt stop Larry Flint from calling pope a gay and an ass***e. It didnt stop
Howard Stern from airing a contest of "Who can fart longer" on prime time.

Sorry dudes, if you use your FoS trump card, then the students of IIPM use
theirs and will call Rashmi a lesbian.

(Larry Flynt won a landmark Supreme Court decision on February, 1988
(Hustler v. Falwell, 485 U.S. 46), after having been sued by Jerry Falwell
in 1983 over an offensive ad parody in Hustler that featured Falwell. The
decision clarified that public figures cannot recover damages for "intentional
infliction of emotional distress" based on parodies. )

But then, Desipundit has every right to codemn this cheap act and to call for
a reaction. The aftermath would have been a great case study for Malcom
Gladwell for his Tipping Point. Desipundit did demonstrate the strenght of
the net.

I strongly suspect that the management of IIPM has nothing to do with the
phoney blogs and the silly legal notices that followed. I strongly suspect it
was these pissed off students who pressurized the management (who inturn
would have been pissed off by Gaurav's disparaging comments on IIPM and
its Dean) to bully IBM. (Lenovo).

I strongly suspect that that bunch of smart ass students who patiently set
those phoney blogs and comments, created those silly legal notices and
pressurized management and IBM are laughing their asses off right now.

I congratulate Desipundit on an outstanding job and the power it unveiled.

I hope this incident doesnt step into the main media.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

"Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal.
Just three stories." -Steve Jobs

Commencement address by Steve Jobs at Stanford

God's own movie

Peter Jackson decides to produce Halo

Template Change.

When 38.5% of your readers can't view your blog properly, you better
change the template.

Puja

Puja

This one is Silly's favourite. I flickred it. :-)

More

Tech

Flock

"The Web is not just a library of documents, but a stream of events and
people," says Flock co-founder and Chief Executive Bart Decrem. "And
people are spending a lot more time sharing on the Web."

They are going to release the Beta in a week. Check their website
www.flock.com

Open Office 2.0

Larry once said that the key is the Office suit. Not the OS. Sun made a
strategic bet long back on StarOffice. In Sun's tradition they donated it
the community. The result is Openoffice.org . But OpenOffice suit so far
limped behind Office. Not anymore.
OpenOffice RC (Release Candidate) 2.0 is as good as Office 2003.
I tried it and am impressed. I am sticking to it.

The world is not enough

For Larry and Oracle, the world definitely is not enough. Oracle buys
yet another database company. This time its Finnish open source
database company.

Oct 12

ThinkSecret.com thinks this time its not 'Yet Another Upgrade To Nano'.
A possible upgrade to the Mac lineup itself is on the table. Whatever it
is, I have my eyes and eara open for Steve's announcement.

Desipundited

I started this blog around two years back. I was heavily influenced by
Unified Blog Theory back then and thought that this blog is for myself.

Nevertheless, I would make it public. If people wanted to read it, let them
read. But I am gonna blog for myself. Well, that was the idea.

I wanted to keep the blog simple, non opinionated and basically easy going.
Smiley was the natural choice. He basically symbolized Joie De Vivre in a
simple and elegant manner.

Thats how it was for a long time. Few HBMers who knew me occassionally
visited this blog and occassionally left a comment. All of that changed with
some gay comments I left on Alpha's blog. (Note: I am not gay).

Those comments and what followed later defined the character of Smiley.
Smiley made friends with an amazing lot of people. LL, TP, Adi, Sensai,
Mahati, Leela, Alpha, Babita, Neil etc. (in person) Patrix, Fairy, nonick,
Gabby etc. (online).

While it lasted I enjoyed the humour it brought, thoroughly. Esp, Alpha,
nonick and TPs. Hunting down Leela on every comment box (not
necessarily mine) was shameless and classless, but priceless too. :-)
Detective Fairy is such a game. She is a very cool techie.

Thats how it was for a long time. HBM got dissolved. Alpha quit.
Lee left. TP vanished. Nonick took an off. My blog got back to its
original status. Few people who knew me occassionally visited and
occassionally commented on it.

Then all in a sudden, after two long years I decided to install a counter
on my blog. On my day one I expected something like 5-10 hits. (I never
registered my blog with any search engine). I was shocked to see 50 hits.

Needless to say, it all came from Desipundit. My post Your friends wife..
got an entry on Desipundit and attracted all that traffic. (If I hadnt installed
that counter probably I wouldnt have known about that entry).

Thats a good start for a counter. :-)

On the second day the counter registered another 56 hits. Once again almost
all the hits came from Desipundit. Another entry in Desipundit explained it all.

This blog is never intended (unlike the other A class blogs) for a larger base of
readers. But its a good feeling when the stuff you write is read (and sometimes
appreciated).

I thank the team at Desipundit for doing an excellent job of bringing the best
of blogosphere (and giving Smiley an entry into the best of the blogosphere).

Based on my experience, I humbly present this world a new verb

Desipundited

verb. To have your blog mentioned on Desipundit.com

Usage:
1) Can you believe it! That silly post of mine about picking nose in public got Desipundited!!
2) Man! Look at the number of comments I got today. I must have been Desipundited.
3) She writes so well, all her posts are Desipunditable.

I Bloc

The spell check of Blogger doesnt recognize the word blog. It offers bloc as

an alternative. Funny.

P.S: It doesnt recognize the word Blogger either. Funny funny.

Dads driving moms crazy

My dad likes clear and complete sentences, no matter what context they are
presented in. He also likes to have complete information, no matter what the
situation is.

This often leads to interesting conversations.

Thats because my mom has a tendency to enter the room with a sentence
that doesnt fit the above criteria.

Mom: They just called. They are coming tomorrow.
Dad: Who just called?
Mom: My sister and her husband. For heavens sake we just talked about it.
Dad: How am I supposed to know?
Mom: They are coming tomorrow and they want us to..
Dad: Who just called? Your sister or her husband?
Mom: Why dont you listen to what I am saying? Its my sister.
Anyways, they want us to..
Dad: So how are they coming tomorrow? By train?
Mom: Of course by train. How else? You know my sister cant stand bus
journeys. Anyway, we have to...
Dad: Which train?

By the time my mom gets to tell my dad about the real piece of information
she usually half delivers because she is already upset.

Nothing is obvious to my dad.

Mom: My sister and I went to buy sarees this afternoon. I was short of money.
So I took some money from her.
Dad: From who?

Mom: How is the tea?
Dad: Which tea? (While drinking tea)

Mom: How is the curry?
Dad: Which curry? (While having the only curry in the plate)

My uncle is a little different. (My moms elder sister's husand.)

He has a tendency to repeat the crucial bits of information and to have a
contra entry for bit of information.

We were watching NDTV. A train got derailed.

Uncle: A train collision, I guess.
Me: The train got derailed.
Uncle: The train got derailed?
Me: Yes. Train got derailed.
Unlce: Train got derailed? I thought it was a collision. Dont you think its a
collision? Look at two engines. One of them is a diesel and other one is electric.
I think thats a collision.
Me: (reading the headlines of NDTV) So and so train got derailed.
Uncle: Yes, train got derailed. Crazy. It looks like a collision.
So, the train got derailed?

My other uncle is a lot different. (My moms younger sister's husband).

He basically speaks in an antakshari mode. Not exactly akshari but more like
a wordri. Lets call it anatapadari. He doesnt need your acknowledgement
either. While he is talking there is no chance for anyone at all.

Uncle: So what time are you leaving?
Me: I have to...
Unlce: What time do you usaully go? Commuting is a big problem here. Dont
you think so? Last time remember when I came here to visit Prasad...
You know Prasad right?
Me: I..
Uncle: Prasad is the elder son of the younger daughter of your grandfathers
second sister. They are in Hyderabad now. He left to US. Where did you work
when you were in US?
Me: I..
Uncle: But you people dont maintian relationships in US anyway. It took me
two hours to reach from Kukatpally to SRNagar. What traffic? What traffic?
What do you think? Is this because of all these IT people? These days bank
folks are giving loans to every Tom, Dick and Pussy. Btw, did you buy your
car on loan?
Me: Yes, I ..
Uncle: But they are not realizing. The roads are crowded and fuel prices are
increasing. I dont know how you people are managing? Are you managing
your finances well? Be careful. Save when you can. You have seen what
happened to Pattabhiram. Huh! You should see, his apartment
construction got stopped. What a shame. There is no money to buy even
cement now. Managing finances is the key. Btw, what time are you leaving?

Now, imagine all these characters at one place. Now they are at one place.
My sister Silly is hosting a nine day durga puja. (Today is the third day).
Serious stuff. Serious puja. Moms are going to recite slokas from morning
till noon. They eat only prasadam during these nine days.
Its a grand tradition in our family.

For these nine days, dads (all retired) have nothing else but to drive these
moms crazy.

For these nine days, moms are going to pray for the health of the family,
the world and a long life for their nut husbands.

Its a strange world, I tell ya.

Your best friends wife is your friend too

A week before, my friend from the US called me and gave me the schedule.

Basically I had to receive his wife, six months kid, his in-law and their luggage (six heavy bags) at 2 AM and then put the luggage in the cloak room, take them home, feed them. Then move on to confirm the in-laws open ticket from Hyderabad to Vizag at 5:30 AM. Then take them back to the airport, get the luggage from the cloak room, check them in and call my friend to let him know that everything went fine.

Now, the ToDoListDude inside my mind got very excited with such a hectic ToDoList and started running through it repeatedly.

I woke up at 1 AM and found my allInOneSreenu blissfully sleeping on the
floor. I got maha Jealous. So I woke him up.

Make some coffee for me. We are going to the airport now. I told him

I bet he must be thinking that that must be a bad dream. For him, unfortunately it wasnt.

It went actually very well. Check out was smooth. My friends wife M, in law and the six months baby. She emerged out with a huge ear to ear smile. You look exactly the same. She exclaimed.
(She had put on some weight, to which I agreed).

No, actually I got a little bald. I bent my head to show her.
You aint seen my husband and my brother lately. They are clean. You are way better. She said.

Then the inevitable.

How is my kid?

Thank God, he looks like his father. I teased her.

I think the kid got scared or may be a mosquito bit him or may be he just felt like, but he started a marathon crying session. She got a little embarrassed.

I took them home. She admired the little Krishna on my TV. She admired the TV as an after thought. She checked out the bedroom, bathroom and the other bedroom. She pointed out to a blue checks towel and said, So, you are still using it?. I admitted.

I switched on the AC and we all sat down. The kid was still crying.
She gave him an 8ml Tylenol. His dose is 4ml. But we need to double it tonight. She thought aloud.

Suddenly the kid started laughing. Dont worry he does that occasionally. She said.

I thought I will stick to my grounds of just looking at the kid instead of trying to understand him. Apart from the kids occasional burst, it was silent and calm. There was a pause. An awkward pause.

I think the fact that she is back in India and she doesnt have to worry about the luggage and check out and check in and all this stuff, suddenly relieved her. She started talking.

A lot of stuff. How happy she felt when she discovered she was pregnant. How worried she was about her weight because of her thyroid. How the kid was delivered prematurely. On and on and on to how the kid puked on their family doctor and on and on. I wasnt even looking at her. I was thinking about the rest of the ToDoList, occasionally poking the kid around his navel.

She suddenly felt nostalgic. So, how about you? Are you still doing that? Are you still doing this? Is that still your favourite song? Remember how we used to that? Remember how we used to and on and on.

I was surprised at how much she knew about me and how much of it she still remembers.

She suddenly announced. I am so happy to see you again.

It suddenly appeared to me that, she is actually happy to see me again.
I realized that I am her friend. She cares about me and she remembers a lot about me.
To me, she is my friends wife. I dont even know her full name. To me she was a task. A payback to my friend.

I realized how hard I try to bury my past. I buried it so deep all these days. Strangely I was suddenly filled with the past. The past I thought I buried and forgot.

I remembered how her husband was excited the first time he called her from the US. (Match was settled after a photo exchange). The pre marriage excitement. Arrival of the couple. How we teased her all night. The number of weekend trips we all went out. How I used to pull her hair or unclip her clip from the hair or pull her chunni. Movies we all went to. I can just go on and make this paragraph as big as possible. It was a full three and half years.

Now it makes sense. But I never realized that. To me she was always my friends wife.

I just stayed calm looking at the kid.

Its better for us to get some sleep. I need to get up early to confirm the ticket. I said.
No, no, lets talk. Its been such a long time. I dont know when we are going to meet again. She said.
But the ToDoListDude already took over me. No, certainly not. Its better for you too to get some sleep.

I will sleep in the hall. I will go and confirm the ticket. I will wake you up at 8 AM. We can leave at 9:15 after the breakfast. I said.

She reluctantly agreed. I tried to get some sleep. But suddenly there was a power cut. With the mosquitoes buzzing around, I slipped into the past again. Power came back after ten minutes.

But inside the bedroom, they need to switch on the AC manually (AC is connected to a stabilizer) . I wondered if she can figure that out. She didnt. I could listen to them fiddling with the switches and getting clueless about why the AC was not on.

Welcome to India. I thoughtfully left them to chance and slipped back to my trance.