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Friday, September 08, 2006

A Laddu for INR 16500

Any festival is a festival when its in India. Burning man is a wussie compared to Vinayaka Chaviti of Hyderabad.

Millions of crazy young drunk fuckers dancing to loud (also called Teen Maar) drums and other such noise making devices, marching towards a big fucking lake to dump (called Nimajjanam) more than 10000 idols of a funny looking fat elephant God.

This God is not someone who you 'fear'. This God dude is your dude. He is your buddy. You play with him, you drink with him, you eat with him and you stand on him. He is fondly called Ganesh in Hyderabad.

We Indians never appreciate the courage and determination of our Politicians, Police and Babus. We are so used to disliking them.

Imagine this. You are a policeman equipped with nothing but a Lathi (Most of them dont even have walkie talkies) dealing with more than a million drunk young men. And you will never be thanked for a job well done.

Like most of the Indian Miracles, this festival is another fucking thing that 'just happens'. 6000 fucking teams pouring out from different streets, passing through narrow lines, crawling under High Voltage lines, accommodating all communities (like diwali, Ganesh too is contagious and non religious), you know!, to dump this God. Crazy shit. Indeed.

So, I was invited by a colony of friends (or friends from a colony) to be their guest on their nimajjana day. After the usual Grease poll and Teen maars we all went to a friends place to sit on their daba. The custom is to auction the 'laddu in Ganesha's hand', before Ganesha heads for the dump ritual.

I asked Zee to participate in the auction. Come back with the laddu. Is what we told him.
He came back, glowing and with the laddu.
How much?
Holy fucking shit!
(I have a picture of that laddu. :) It is the most expensive dish I ever ordered.)

P.S: The highest bid for a laddu this year is 9.02 lakhs. Hundreds of laddus went for a bid thats higher than 1 lakh. This is just Hyderabad. And this government tells me that there are only 61000 millionaires in India. :)

Monday, September 04, 2006

Dunhill Desire

Her eyes told me how much she was anticipating me. I had never seen such brilliant present eyes. Shredder has those eyes sometimes. You know, the pure joy eyes.

She ran me through her stuff. From her excitement I sensed that she was thinking I am 'somebody'. Truth is, I am not 'somebody', yet. "But who asked you to work on 'this'?", I asked her.

So you dont like it?
Its not a matter of liking or disliking it. But you dont need to work on this. There are definitely tasks that have more priority. And yeah, I am not exactly 'impressed'.
A little disappointment in those brilliant present eyes.

The next night, I was invited to 'The most happening place in Bangalore' (for invitees only) by this guy. I went there, expecting a guy's evening in a T and jeans and without taking a shower.

She was there. In pure black magic. Brilliant eyes matched by brilliant smile. My heart pumped faster. Before entering into the dance floor I said, "Excuse me" and went into 'Men's'.

Washed my face, did some pecker adjustments and pulled my belt to a lower hole. Went to the bar, grabbed couple of drinks, handed one to her. I dont drink. She said. I gave that to my friend. There was a silence on us, isolated in that 1000 watt room.

She said something.
What? I shouted back. She put her mouth into my ear and shouted.
Want to dance?
She gave this huge brilliant present smile.
You smell good. She shouted.
I nodded.
Do you want me to guess? She shouted.
Guess? Giggles. No, wait a minute. Let me smell you again. She smelled behind my ear.
No, this one is jasmine. Indian? She asked.
Palmolive Hand wash. From the mens room.
I told her the truth.

She laughed the whole evening. She told me that I am a crazy, cheap, blunt but adorable guy.

Next day morning, by the time I reached the office, these girls were already giggling.
Bah Girls! They cant keep anything to themselves.
So what is it today? Dettol antibacterial wash? Ha Ha Ha. Girls burst into a burst.
Dont even think about it.
Why? The same huge brilliant present smile, with a twinkle in her eyes.
Its Dunhill Desire. To quote the salesguy, "It arouses a woman and creates an urge."
On me, its quiet irresistible. I said.
Girls looked at her visibly blushing. Her blush was spectacular. She was embarrassed.
All she said was, Yeah Yeah right.

On my return flight, with my eyes closed, I was smiling.
What is it? The curious contractor asked.
You know what they have for handwash at the office?
Palmolive hand wash.
Someone is going blush a lot this week.
I dont get it.
Never mind.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Silly Me(mes)

Well, dude Patrix tagged me to come up something silly. Just to come up with
something silly there is no need to tag me at all. But this, its for a silly picture.

I think I have one. (As a matter of fact, I have so many of them).
Here you go Patrix. :)

Vinny and Smiley in Frocks.