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Wednesday, April 28, 2004

The Poems of Sappho
Part I, Chapter 2, Stanza II, III & IV


Then in my bosom my heart wildly flutters,
And, when on thee I gaze never so little,
Bereft am I of all power of utterance,
My tongue is useless.


There rushes at once through my flesh tingling fire,
My eyes are deprived of all power of vision,
My ears hear nothing by sounds of winds roaring,
And all is blackness.


Down courses in streams the sweat of emotion,
A dread trembling overwhelms me, paler than I
Than dried grass in autumn, and in my madness
Dead I seem almost.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Aqua Devils Association-Char
Revenge of a nerd

Stupid boy, still waving hand. By the way, what is that he is holding in his hand?
That's my mobile!

Stupid boy was signaling that I got a call on my mobile.

Of all the strokes, back stroke needs little effort. When you just try to stay
afloat on your back and let the current drift you, you need very little energy.
That was my last resort.

I managed to communicate to my Devil dude.

Thaaht caahll huff puff huff puff iihs impohrtant. I am gohing bahck.

I just floated. I let myself to be drifted along. Something told me not to mess
with devils anymore. Something told me that my chances were slim. Really slim.
Something told me to just stay calm and count the clouds. Stay calm and count
the clouds. Pain and exhaustion are survival systems. They are limiting in nature.
You can always extend them. I went wherever the current took me. Occasionally I
took advantage of the current and drifted diagonally.

I reached the bank atleast a full half kilometer from the boy.

I walked back. Took the mobile from the angel boy. Called back and profoundly
thanked the angel guy who called me to say good morning to me.

Life came back in all its glory. Everything looked dear and beautiful.

I showed the boy all the features of my cell phone. I answered all of his
questions. I took him to my car and gifted him a spike of a hedgehog, that I have
been carrying in my glove box. I took couple of snaps of him with my camera
phone. He watched himself on the screen and giggled. I enquired him if he wanted
to pose nude. He did. I stripped him and took couple of more snaps. I promised him
not to show those pictures to his dad or mom.

The boy a little later informed me that the devils can do lot of stuff. Like, one
of them sleeps floating on the water. Another one can dive so deep, he can touch
the bottom of the river wherever you tell him to. One Devil can pull a small boat
from one end to the other. Another one can stay for three minutes under water.

So what can you do? The boy asked.

Oh! Me? I can pee while swimming.

I showed him the devils who were still chatting in their informal circle.

I just swam into the meeting, peed in the middle of the circle and came back.

The little stupid/angel boy looked at and admired me with wide eyes for couple
of seconds.
Thats awesome. You are so cool. He added.

Yeah, I know. I know. I am cooler than the devils.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Aqua Devils Association-Teen
At the edge of life

Politics it was. None of them were gasping for air like I was. They had enough air
left in them, they were even arguing. I kind of got detached from this world.

How am I going to drown? At one point my hands will simply refuse. My heart will
fail. Will I simply die or am I going to struggle a lot? (Like a fish on sand.)
Why does death have to be so painful?

What is my life so far? Do we have a purpose? If so, did I fulfill it?
Are we just 'gene carrying machines' like that Dawkins dude said?

Politics still it was.

These guys are gonna laugh to death in their next meeting.
But I am not going to ask for help.

Smiley, what do you think? One of them asked.

Think? I aint listening to you guys. I am going to die. I am going to drown.

Dear Fairy, ayyo chee, Dear Almighty, Is there a way out of this?

Detach. Detach.

My vision blurred. I have tried to appear calm. Scanned the distance I made.
There is no way I could get back there. I just wanted to take a look around before
I drowned. The other side of the river still looked foggy and woody. The bank I got
through in, still looked clear and close. That's when I realized that we hadn't
still made it to the middle of the river.

Death was a surety.

What is that sharp pain in my chest? Is my heart failing?

If nobody posts about my death will my fellow bloggers ever know?

Trisha is so cool. She has this cute smile. She is tall and slim. She is surprisingly
big busted for her slim frame. She has it all. Will she ever know that I ever existed?

I should have had an extra plate of that 'Peanut masala' yesterday. Screw calories.

I should have told Radha, Amala, Vimala, Aparna, Scooty, Madhavi, Roja, Divya Bharathi,
Juhi Chawla, Demi Moore, Manisha, Rashmi, Reshma, Sasikala, Anu, Sharon, Julia
and Trisha that I loved them.

I should have…I should have….

Trisha's eyes look beautiful even when they are closed. I still cant believe she
is from Chennai.

F&*% this. I am going to drown.

Will HBM 2 pay a tribute to me? I had a good life. I never had a girl friend though.
But I dont have any regrets about it. Ok, I regret it. I regret not finding someone
who I can share my life with. (What life? you are going to die soon). I regret not
taking her to Kavaratti.(Kavaratti? Reach the bank first). I regret never
fully experiencing that beautiful kiss that I have always imagined. (Ok, you
can kiss a devils ass if you want to).

I scanned the bank which is at a distance. Every one and every thing looked small.
A monkey was scratching its balls. Lucky monkey. It knows it place.
It still has its balls. I am stupid. A bird was lazily chirping. Lucky bird.
It knows its life. I am an aberration. I will be the winner of Darwin's award this year.
A boy was waving his hand.

When you are in the middle of a river, you really feel alone. Your legs dont find
anything solid to stand upon. Your eyes scan the distance that you have to make
and based on the information gathered, your mind activates on of those 'fight or flight'
systems. Both of those systems are rigged to work on land. In the middle of
a river neither fight nor flight is going to work. When your mind registers that
the inevitable happens. In layman terms it can be termed as 'the emotional part of
the brain taking over the logical part'.

When stuff like that happens people tend to illogical things. Drugs, rape,
alcohol, murder, suicide, surrender, hallucinate, argue, faith, lust, love are
just some of those 'things'.

Stupid boy. Soon I am going to drown. Pretty soon.

to be continued...

Get to know what is gonna happen in
Aqua Devils Association-Char
Revenge of a nerd

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Aqua Devils Association-Do
A journey too long

Stroke stroke stroke stroke stroke.

Ok, how far was that? I looked back. Not very far.

Stroke stroke stroke stroke.

How far was that? Not very far.

Devils who jumped in first looked like dots. Devils looked like really far off.
The devil who chose to swim with me didn't look all that concerned.

A sudden realization came to my mind. I never swam in a river before. In a river,
water flows. Which means, you not only have to swim, but also maintain direction.
Which in other words mean, swim against.

Stroke stroke stroke stroke stroke.
Stroke stroke stroke stroke stroke.
Stroke stroke stroke stroke stroke.
Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff.

(Repeat 5 times)

Devil dude, what are we (huff puff) gonna discuss in the meeting?

The regular stuff. Movies, politics and sex.

Stroke stroke stroke stroke stroke.
Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff.
Stroke stroke stroke stroke stroke.
Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff.

(Repeat 5 times)

Dhevhil dhude, how deehp is the rivehr?

Deep. Very deep.

Sthroke. Pause. Sthroke. Pause.
Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff.
Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff.
Sthroke. Pause. Sthroke. Pause.

(Repeat 10 times)

Most of the devils already gathered. They formed an informal circle. All of them
were at ease. As if they were just chatting sitting in park benches. They appeared
a lot closer.

But the last breath in me was already gone. The last ounce of oxygen I could inhale
was already burned. My hands refused to raise. My legs became heavy and were drowning.
Panic struck. My head became a little dizzy with fear.

So this is it. Ha! I am gonna die here. Ha!
Mom and Dad. Forgive me. I have failed you.
Trisha, Britney, Jlo…I will wait for you. In another world.
Who is gonna form the government? I will never know.

I was barely floating. The devil sensed that something was wrong.

Dude, do you need help?

F&*^% you. Not in this world. Not in this life.


I made it to the meeting.

If you want to remain afloat at one particular position in the middle of a flowing
river, you need to put in lot of effort. (Lesson learned). When you are dead tired
and thinking about drowning instead, you need to put in humongous effort.

to be continued..
Will Devils rescue Smiley?
Or will they just let him drown?

Get to know in..
Aqua Devils Association-Teen
At the edge of life

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Aqua Devils Association-Ek
Humiliating the hosts

Round 1

This place sucks. There is no Smirnoff in the bar. They don't have ice cubes.
AC doesn't run. Chilly chicken is too chillyish. Its too humid. I am sweating.
Basically you guys and your this little frigging town suck.

The guy who introduced me to this big belly group adjusted himself uneasily in his
three legged chair.

Is there anything that you can boast of? What do you guys do for entertainment,
I mean, apart from drinking and raping your wives?

Round 2

You call this service? So, this is your hippest joint? So this is it?
I can have more fun with my mobile phone.

Round 3

You rotten stinking suckers. What else, apart from this? Entertain me. Throw me stuff.
Show me something cool.

One of them, barely audible said, " We have an association."

Association. Ha ha ha. Now you are making me laugh. Wait! You are making me puke.
What kind of association?

"Aqua Devils Association".

Devils! Hmm….what do you guys do?

"We get together in the morning. Some people play shuttle. Others swim."

You formed an association to do this? Why devils?

"Because we can do lot of stunts while swimming."

I looked at their bellies. I doubted their abilities.

Huh. What "stunt" do you guys do? Drown? You guys must be the left overs of the
Ha ha ha.

"No sir. We can do this. We can do that. We can …".

Cut the crap. Ok, let me beat the shit out of you guys. Lets settle this score
once for all. I am in. I am joining you guys for a swim tomorrow. Morning sharp six.
By the way, where is the pool?

The next day morning.

It wasn't a pool. It was river Krishna. Calm and serene. Vast and wild.

Devils quickly jumped in. I looked around. Stretched my arms. Calmly took off my
pants and shirt. Wore my shorts. I couldn't see the other side of the river. On
my right side, the river looked like it ended into hills. On my left it disappeared
into fog.

The water was surprisingly clear and warm. I did couple of warm up strokes.
(All this to scare them off).

Ok, what do we do now?

Lets attend the meeting first.

Meeting? But everyone already jumped in.

Yeah! (Duh). Meeting is in the middle of the river.

I tried to appear cool. I casually looked at the horizon. At any discounted
distance the middle of the river looked like atleast 500 to 1000 meters from where
we were. The max stretch I did in my whole f$#%ing life was three continuous stokes
from one end to the other end at Bangalore corporation pool.

Sounds like fun. Lets go.

to be continued...

Monday, April 12, 2004

Happy Birthday Rohan

Little Dude,

Happy Birthday from Lee, LL, Smilee, Neil, Alpha, Fairy Dear, Bleachfaced Adi and Cut & Paste Kash.

Sunday, April 11, 2004


This chik stuff is simply mind blowing. Straight from the gut. Uncut.

Click me

Saturday, April 10, 2004


I taught my cook how to cook. My cook actually is my assistant/servant/cook/dhobi/
secretary/bartender. He doesnt get complicated with his cooking.

I kind of eat whatever is served. In that aspect (in that aspect only) I am my
mom's favourite son. Because I never complained about food in my whole life. Its
not that I dont have taste buds, but I can tolerate anything.

Ok, coming back to my cook. Couple of days back, I asked him to cook Kheema fry.
He did. He left. Later, I was in a mood for couple of vodkas that night. So, I had.

Then I remembered Kheema. I served myself a plateful of Kheema as 'stuff' for my
last shot. Kheema didnt taste right. It rather tasted like tea.

"Blewblewblewblw". I shook my head. "This vodka isnt doing the right thing to
my taste buds

The more kheema I ate, the more it tasted like tea. I restrained my instinct to
spit out that tea like kheema. I finished the plate. But something wasnt right.

The next day morning, first thing, I smelled the left out kheema. It smelled like

Enter the dragon. My cook.

"Cook, cook, do you know how to cook Kheema? You should have asked me"
"Sir. Yes Sir. I didnt know how to cook. But I have my sources"

He proudly handed me the recipe he tore from a telugu magazine.

Kheema Curry

Kheema           1/2 Kg.
Salt                 1 Tea Spoonful.
Mirchi Powder  1 Tea Spoonful.
Masala            1/2 Tea Spoonful.

Mix the stuff and let it be for an hour.
Take a deep fry pan. Put oil, onions, garlic paste.
Deep fry the onions. Empty kheema paste into the pan.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Sunday Afternoon

I was supposed to go for a boring presentation at 1:30 in the afternoon. Got a
call from LL. Also got a call from couple of other friends who were planning for
a little trekking and swimming in woods. Got another call that informed that
the presentation would be postponed.

So I went. It was a lovely afternoon. A mansoon kind of afternoon. Hopped into
our cars with chilled beers and drove towards the woods. Since I cant mention names
here, here is peek into the crowd. One guy is a Mumbai based Musician. (worked for
several movies. His Ex Wife is Ex Mrs India). Couple of French Couples. Couple of
locals, us and this woman, Saveena. I have to tell about her. She is a Gold medal winner
in Fine Arts, a Herpatologist, assistant director to Ram Gopal Varma, made several
TV serials and acted in couple of movies.

We drove into a small village. She got down and gave instructions to the locals
for the preparation of some food. We had to walk to the lake. Oh by the
way, there is this snake catcher Raju, his Bengali wife and their son Tin Tin.
Also this boxer dog named Boxy.

It was P (the music guy) who jumped into the lake first. I followed him. When
I was in the middle of the lake I have realized that I have over estimated my
stamina. (Always happens).

By the time we finished swimming, the weather changed dramatically. Fierce winds
and dark clouds around us. It was such a lovely evening. There was a huge
rock where the ones who didnt know swimming sat. By the way, there was this
Telugu movie hero (who is also a son of a great singer) and his sister. They
were stoned.

Saveena: "Lets go for a trek."
I: "Did you say f***?"

We all went. Suddenly, Raju (the snake dude) jumped into a crack and came
out with a snake. He showed it to us. Saveena took the snake from him.

I: " Saveena, Saveena, I want to hold it."
Saveena: "It has a nasty bite. It will be very painful. You can touch it but cant
hold it"

I: "No, I want to hold it"
Saveena: "Not this one buddy. I will give you a good one to hold."

I touched the snake for a while and felt like one of those dudes on Discovery.

They left the snake back. We trekked further. We reached a small cave kind
of thing. "Saveena's ass wouldnt fit in there", I thought. But somehow she
managed. We crawled and saw light on the other side.

One of the French guys (David) was wearing a Patan dress. He and I wanted to
explore a rock. We climbed it.

I:"Dude, you dont have an ass. Whats wrong?"
David:"I trek a lot. I have no bum. They call me a goat. So, I goat no ass."

We reached back. Weather was over whelming. Huge dark clouds. Great winds.
The lake looked fantastic. Me and the ass less goat got carried away. We left
the group and climbed further.

When we reached the lake back, we were dead tired.

Food was ready. Beer was ready. I watched the sky for a long time. It started
raining. In that pitch dark rainy night I felt like I was part of the nature. I
felt like a beetle in cow dung. I thought couple of Haikus for myself

Rain, rock, lake, wind,
beer, food, friends, night and
creatures. Thank you God, but
who do I share this with?

Rain, you have the earth,
Rock, you have the fossil,
Sky, you have the clouds.
Who do I have?

They served food in (on?) leaves. I ate half of the food on the leaf and another
half on the rock. After food, while sipping gin from the ass less Goat's gin bottle
I asked him,

"How do you pronounce Joie De Vivre?"
"Jooooo the Viiiiv"
"Is my life still Joooo the viiiiv without a soul mate?"
"You have no her?"
"Answer the question, Goat"

Goat paused and pondered thus,
"It can be. Love the lake. Love the snake".

Saturday Night

Adi and I have been planning to have a beer from such a long time. When I met
Adi at HBM, I liked him instantly. He is such a cool guy.

Neil and I reached there first. Easy Rider is a Rock pub. Both of us were not into rock.
Two penny guy joined us. Adi came with a bleached face. LL joined us soon. We went
inside and shouted for a while. Then decided to quit. Went to a Punjabi Restaurent
(Err...I forgot the name).

It was a nice place. They asked us to wait for a while to get in. We waited on
the terrace. It had a beautiful view of Hyderabad. We discussed about our
non existing girl friends.

I have to say something about the Two Penny guy. He said he met with a serious
accident last week. He had injuries (serious and FULL injuries) on both hands,
one broken rib and a dislocated shoulder. Now, thats really cool. He looked
so content. He is definitely on my buddies list.

Some of the tit bits from our discussion

Adi:"We are a bunch of winners"

Adi:"The best cocktail I had was 'Sex on the Beach' after I had sex on a
beach in Goa"
Two Penny:"So you paid for two?"

Smiley:"The weirdest cocktail I have ever had was at Hyatt. The bartender mixed lots
of stuff and finally topped it off with spirit. He then lit it. Boom it went
into flames. Then he asked me 'drink' the flame. I drank"
Adi:"Huh? Is that all? The one I had was Chinese. It was a shuttle cock kind of
container that had a tube at the bottom. You have to suck through the tube.
Oh and they had a live snake in the container"

After couple of large pegs I slowly got high. The thing is, two pegs is good enough
for me. But I didnt admit it and ordered for the third one. (Because Adi and
Two Penny ordered for their third?) After that, I dont remember much. I guess it
was books. Yeah, it was books. Books, authors, films, work, LL, broken ribs,
Neil's dad, Adi's mom, LL, life, cricket etc.

Adi is extremely good at one liners. He made us laugh and laugh.

One cool thing about men is, they are cool. I mean, here we are, some strangers
on the street, having a good time like we have been friends for a long time.
Both Neil and LL are such a wonderful guys. (They didnt drink and yet shared the

Finally we said good night. Neil and LL over paid the bill. I met an
entrepreneur on my way, who was selling 'I love you' balloons on the street at
midnight. I met an auto guy whose name is 'Khan latif Khan'. He dropped me at
home. I hugged him and said good night.