Search This Blog

Sunday, December 28, 2003


Have you ever reached the final level or just 'finished' playing a
video game? After spending close to fifty hours with Rallysport on
my xbox, I have reached that much revered 'classic' level and have
finished first on all the tracks and opened up all the cars.

Now who is buying me a new game?

Monday, December 08, 2003


When you look long enough into her eyes, you can see it. Its like unlocking
yourself into a new zone.When you look long enough into her eyes, you can see
that simple, pure and magical love.

It is then you get this great urge to kiss her. Kissing is a good beginning.
When your lips touches hers, your rest of the sensory organs stop working or
start working in a totally different dimension. You close your eyes, your
mind stops chatting with you and you know 'its' happening.

The act of having sex, just like eating and excreting is pleasurable. It is also
associated like the rest (eat and excrete) with an 'urge'. It has a purpose.
Reproduction. But we humans are an exception. Most of the times we dont
have sex to reproduce. Then why do we have sex? Why are we capable of having sex
in all seasons and through most of our lives? What is sex when it comes humans?
Dictionaries define sex as "The sexual urge or instinct as it manifests itself
in behavior" or "Sexual Intercourse".

You start kissing her soft lips at very short intervals occasionally looking
into her face. When she looks at you the magic happens again. Suddenly you
change your gear and kiss her for a long (really long) time. She initially holds
her breath for a while but just lets it go. You do the same. You start inhaling
and exhaling in a rhythm. Her breath becomes a sweet and mild breeze. You lift
your lips and just stare at her. She already is wandering in a zone. She comes
out of it. She looks at you and gives a shy smile. You kiss her with your tongue.
You suck on one of her lips. She hesitantly does the same. You trace her
lips with your tongue and literally open her lips with it. Your tongues get in
touch and you exchange your saliva. You suddenly become awed with the treasure you
have in your hands and lips. You suddenly become overwhelmed with the pleasure
and the upcoming prospects of it. It is then you port yourselves into a positive
zone. Everything has only a good side there. Yucky things suddenly become sucky.
Learned egos, attitudes and rituals suddenly evaporate. A new yourself who wants
do what he wants to do in a 'no strings attached' manner emerges.
You grab her and she grabs you.

If we are not having sex to reproduce, what are we having sex for? Pleasure?
Give me a break. There are more pleasurable things, like having beer
with your friends, watching cricket, playing volley ball, driving a car, reading
a book, eating food or just being yourself. The cost attached to sex is also super
high. Trying to find a girl, understanding her, establishing a relationship, getting
intimate and maintaining that relationship is an enormous task. The cost of sex
for a girl is almost double; morally, physically and economically. Finding a
prostitute is another enormous task. Find a channel, find a good one,
find a place, prepare contingency plans, spend money, break laws and take
supreme risks with your health. The cost of getting caught is huge. The cost of
catching an unwanted virus is death. In short it would be the riskiest thing you
would ever do. Then why do we and our manifestations (literature, commerce, art)
thrive on sex?

You slightly tilt your head to get deeper into her mouth. She tilts her's
backwards and yields . You become very expressive about the pleasure and the
want. You hug her hard as if you wanted to TELL her that you want her. She grabs
your hair hard and pinches your nipple. You bear the pain. She engulfs you in
waves. (Thats how it feels like). Her softness and tenderness almost brings
tears of joy to you. You wonder if you could ever cherish enough.

Masturbation would be a more economical and less riskier choice.
Why doesnt masturbation alone suffice?
I love myself. Isnt it enough?
No, you need someone you love and someone who loves you.
To share and to support.
To share and to support what?
Your emotions, feelings, victories, losses, health, wealth and life. You need to
be understood, you need to be associated with, you need to be related to and you
need to be listened to.
Because you are human.
So what?

You probably just rip off her blouse, remove your shirt and take off your socks.
She puts her hands around your neck totally giving herself to you in an altruist
manner. You get impressed and suddenly become gentle. You smother yourself with
her beautiful, warm, soft breasts. You suck her nipple and she lets you. You
feel secure and complete. You feel her love and joys of expressions in the way
she holds you, in the way she looks at you and the way she makes herself audible.
You slowly forget about what you want and begin to understand what she wants.
You unconsciously start GIVING pleasure and stop seeking pleasure. Unknowingly,
her pleasure gives you MORE pleasure.

Everything produced needs to be consumed. Matter has anti-matter.
Motion tends towards rest. In the absence of external forces everything is taken
over by inertia. Universe has a tendency towards balance and inaction. Universe
expands only to collapse. Sun burns only to get cold.
What is that to have with sex?

She goes through the same transformation. She starts GIVING you pleasure. Your
pleasure becomes hers. You port yourselves to a new zone, where you get 'attuned'.
Her sweat gets licked by you. Your ear gets chewed by her. You taste her, smell
her, feel her, see her, listen her and understand her. You express all these.
You lick her clitoris or say she is gorgeous. You bite her nipple or put a finger
in her navel. She does the same. You enter her. A miraculous connection happens.
Its a combination of seeking pleasure in unison and being understood in unison.
At the zenith of that moment you become one. You melt into her and she melts into
you. Seeking pleasure becomes giving pleasure. Understanding her becomes being

Balance is the key to this universe. Predator has a prey. Everything you have
seen in this universe is a journey towards a balance. Days, nights, rivers,
moon, sky, stars, gravity and nature. Humans have an ability to 'think'. When you
think, you create something that was not there before. It either needs to be
manifested or consumed. Your thought then has a NECESSITY to be expressed and
understood. You are your perception, in other words, you are what you 'think' you
are. So, you need to express yourself and you need to be listened, you need to be
understood and you need to be appreciated.
Why do I need to be appreciated?

Some people call it orgasm in unison. Some people call it love. You dont know
when it started or how long it lasted. You dont feel bad that its over. You feel
good that you have reached there, together. To your surprise, she holds you much
closer and stronger. She gets more emotional. You try to grasp some breath while
hiding your face in the contours of her neck. Her maternal instinct takes over
and you become her most precious thing. You hold each other, kissing each other
for a long time. You are not very sure about what has just happened to you
together. You feel more comfortable with her. You feel more secure with her. You
feel more yourself with her. You sense a certain divinity in that moment. You
fear that you might disturb that moment.

Because thats when your thought is 'consumed'. You 'think',
therefore you have a self image. The gap between your self image and your perceived
image is the imbalance. Water runs from the top of a hill to the bottom of a hill
to attain its balanced state. Thats where it feels good. The more the gap between
your self and perceived images the more restless you get. In other words, when your
thought is not agreed upon, you become restless. The less the gap, the better you are.

How do I know my perceived image is the same as my self image?

Appreciation or acceptance. Appreciation is saying to you that you are understood
and agreed upon. Your thought attains its balance. You attain your balance. That
is what you strive for through out your life. Sex is a great way of doing it.
Sex is a form of love.
I am just recalling our previous conversation with a little addition.

I love myself. Isnt it enough?
No, you need someone you love and someone who loves you.
To share and to support.
To share and to support what?
Your emotions, feelings, victories, losses, health, wealth and life. You need to be understood,
you need to be associated with, you need to be related to and you need to be listened to and
you need to be appreciated.
Because you are human.

Good bye. Thanks for the info. I am leaving.
Where are you going?
To find mine. By the way, just asking, have you created that magical one for me?
I dont want to waste my life looking for nothing.
Son, thats up to you to find.

The magical moment remains for some time. You look into her eyes, she looks into
your eyes. Both of you say,"I love you".

Monday, November 17, 2003


There are three kinds of people in this world.
Those who can count, those who cant.

Friday, November 14, 2003


Thanks to my buddy. I own an XBox now.
Rally sport, Starwars and Splinter Cell are the games to begin with.
Have two controllers. My place or your place.

Light from a distant fluorescent lamp filled the room through the
curtain less glass windows. At that past midnight hour, it gave a
surreal look to the room. It was humid and hot. Ceiling fan was literally
slicing the air. Two very ugly mosquitoes with an eternal buzz were
pestering me. There was no pillow. There was no bed. I was sleeping
(rather, trying to) on a bedding with a very large bed sheet. There
was no water to drink and I was thirsty. There were half a dozen other
people sleeping in the room. Couple of them snoring. The air smelled
like a blend of tobacco and mosquito repellent. I had like 10 inches
gap from the next person. On my right side was the wall.

She hesitantly emerged from a room on our left. She came and stood near
our heads looking around. She quickly slipped between myself and
the 'next person'. The 'next person' had a pillow. His head occupied only half
of it. She rested her head on the remaining half. I had my blanket to offer.
I just threw the blanket over her body obligingly. (All good things must
be shared).

Her right part of the body from neck to toe came in contact with my left
part of the body, from chest to toe. She quickly fell into a deep sleep.
I was in awe of her 'as-a-matter-of-fact' attitude. If I had any hopes of
catching a little sleep, they were all vanished. Sharing a blanket with a
beautiful female wasnt something I did before. I was staring at the ceiling
with my mind going through zillions of permutations and combinations. Seconds
passed one after the other. I remained still like a log for I dont how long.
She adjusted herself in her sleep inside the blanket moving towards a side
and towards me. Seconds later when I have realized that the soft and warm mass
that my left hand got in contact was her bosom, my heart jumped into my throat.

The pillow guy adjusted himself doing a full 90 degrees rotation and
almost displacing her. She in her sleep lifted her head up unconsciously
searching for a pillow. I had instinctively offered my full arm. She
rested her head on my bicep and placed her hand on my chest and buried her
face into my chest. My heart started pumping double the amount. I could
hear it. I was afraid. Cursing my audacity of offering a hand.

Her breath directly hit my chest. Hesitantly I placed the rest of the
arm on her shoulder. Mosquitoes stopped buzzing and probably were
watching me. After again I dont know how long I dared to open my eyes and took
a look at her face. Her eyelids were endorsed with an unusually thick
Kajal lines. They made a clear distinction on her fair skin. Her nose
was adorned with a small ring. She had a black pearl necklace and probably
a gold chain that got intervened. The contour of her cheek was feminine
and looked soft like a smudged pastel stroke. I have always had a
fascination for feminine beauty. Her 'Kajal'ed and closed eyelids brought
a certain stillness to her presence. Like a frozen frame in a moving
surrounding. Her face was pleasant and content. Darkness loomed below
her neck. I could sense the rise and fall of her chest. I wanted to take
a look. I lifted the blanked a little bit and moved it below millimeter
by millimeter. Exposing her bust to the light. She was beautifully shaped.
The black strap of her bra was slightly showing through her t-shirt. Her
t-shirt almost clung to her chest. I stared at them for a very long time
in a state of trance with great fascination.

I thought I could spend eons looking at her chest rising and falling.
Just then I had this strange feeling that someone was watching me.
I slowly retraced my eyes. When my eyes met her face, they met two perfectly
beautiful and completely open eyes with no trace of sleep, solidly staring
into my face. My heart stopped.

I looked into her eyes for maybe half a second and closed my eyes. A little
later, I felt her hand gripping on my chest. She put her other hand around
my waist. Pulled herself towards me. She crossed one of her legs diagonally
on my legs just below my waist. I gripped my hand on her shoulder pulling
her towards me. We clung together. It took another couple of minutes for me
digest what had happened. My brain started another set of zillions of permutations
and possibilities. Proud of my new possession I looked around the room.

Light from a distant fluorescent lamp filled the room through the
curtain less glass windows. At that past midnight hour, it looked
like moonlight inside the room. Two very beautiful mosquitoes were
singing beautiful tunes for us. The sky blue blanket was 100% cotton
and very soft. She smelled great. I had a smile on my face and I was
looking forward to every second of that night.

Friday, November 07, 2003

My first kiss

She was a tall white blonde. We met in a bar.
"Can I join you?"
Conversation drifted from my salary, car, India, her problems, her ex-boyfriend,
her 9 months baby, her bitchy mom and her idiot new boy friend (mom's).

She had really long and thick hair for an American.

Most of the time I just stared nto her bottomless blue eyes, her expressive face
and her ever moving lips. (Men never listen).

After a while, her face suddenly became more expressive and she bent to really
close to me talking animatedly. Her hair fell into my mug and on my hand.
Her warm mouth near ear. She was telling something about her mom. I was wondering
if my ear was clean and what I should do with the beer mug thats filled with her
hair. (Men never listen).

She looked at the mug and said sorry. Took her hair out. Between a throaty laugh
ordered another mug for me. "Its on me" she said. She smelled her hair. "Smell it".
"Thats OK". She playfully put her head towards me. I smelled. She smelled extremely
nice. I said so.

I agreed to drop her. She liked my Mustang GT with all tan leather interior. I showed
off the awesome power of my GT. (Dear brother, I miss you).

"Come in. I will show you my baby's pics". Saw the pics. Babies are all same. Cute
and cuddly. But I said "wow". She gave me a beer and some ice cream from her
refrig. (huh?). When I said "bye", she said "OK, give me a hug". I am 5'10".
She must be 6. I hesitantly gave her a hug. She kissed me on my cheek. I must have
looked like an idiot. "Ever kissed a girl before?". I wanted to bury myself. Becasue I
didnt. "No".

She put her palms on my cheeks and kissed me full on my lips. I closed my eyes. (Hey
I am supposed to be the man here). "Ever French kissed?". "No".
This time her toungue was in. I just went with the flow. "Arent bad". This time my
toungue probed deeper. I was little awkward with my hands. Becuase didnt know where
to put them. We kissed for around 10 minutes. She finally moaned and said "Good bye"
kissing me on my forehead. She hugged me for a long time.

I never met her again. I wonder why I never asked her name.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

What is Joie De Vivre?

The ``j'' is pronounced like the ``s'' in ``pleasure'', ``measure'', and ``treasure''.
The next sound is like the ``w'' in ``wet'', ``web'', and ``wed''.
The final sound in ``joie'' is like the ``a'' in ``path'', ``bath'' and ``ask'' -
the way these words are pronounced in British English. The ``e'' in the second word ``de''
sounds like the ``a'' in ``China''. The ``i'' in ``vivre'' is like the ``ee'' in ``meet'',
``see'', and ``bee''. The final ``e'' is once again like the ``a'' in ``China''.
The main stress is on the first syllable of ``vivre''.

And what does the word mean? It is a French expression which means ``joy of living''.

Thats what this blog is all about.