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Friday, February 27, 2004

A scented bunny shaped eraser-III

My dad was stunned. He narrated to me how many shops he went to and how much time
he spent on buying that bunny eraser for me. My mom scolded me. She said I was not
worthy of being her younger son. I cried. My brother added that I was not worthy
of anything. I wept.

My dad gave a verdict that atleast the remaining bunny should be protected from me
and that my brother should keep custody of it. That hurt me and I threw fits.
No one cared.

The next day, my brother and his friends kicked my buddy Vasu's butt and grabbed
the bunny's head. They somehow managed to restore the glorious original shape
using a certain glue called 'Quikfix'. My brother became a celebrity.

Vasu cursed me and called it 'Cut off'. That hurt me like hell. I some how managed
to hold my tears. Radha thought I was lying to her. That hurt me more. Why would
I ever lie to my love Radha. I would have given her the whole bunny if she wanted.

I also ended up standing on the bench for three out of eight classes on that day
because I missed all my home work.

Needless to say, the 'crap' kid and I became thick friends later and remained
so for the rest of the year.

A scented bunny shaped eraser-II

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. In the divine hands of my dad was
a bunny 'shaped' scented eraser. Not a 'scented eraser' 'inside' a cheap plastic
mould. It was the real thing. It was the H-Bomb. The eraser itself was bunny shaped.
That night I almost didnt sleep.

The next day at school was glorious. Glorious. We all boo'ed the crap kid. Radha
even smiled at me. I loaned that eraser to her for an entire maths class. She used
it. It looked so beautiful in her hands. Thoughts of marrying her came to my mind.
Radha and I would love each other eternally. We will do our home work together
and we will use the same bunny eraser.

Things dont just go the way you planned.

At the end of that glorious day, my dude-of-dudes and dude-of-the-year Vasu buddy
came to me and asked for the unexpected. He wanted me to cut that eraser into two
equal halfs. He wanted the head part. Without any hesitation, I bit the head part
and gave it to him.

I went home. At home, my brother and four of his friends were waiting for me. Looks
like the news of 'Scented Bunny eraser' spread across the class rooms. My brother's
friends wanted to see that thing. The new cool in thing. My brother proudly stood
among his friends. He is elder. He knows that I have to obey him. He said,
"Now, show me that bunny thing".

I tried every classic act. Right from " I have a constitutional right to not
to show you dudes my eraser"
to "I beg you to trust me. The head master took it"
and finally to "You have to promise me that you wont tell dad".

When I took the half bitten bunny out, my brother's friends 'thooo'd him. He
was humiliated. He felt embarrassed for having a brother like me. He kicked my
ass and reported the whole thing to my dad.

what happened next..? know tomorrow in
A scented bunny shaped eraser-III

Thursday, February 26, 2004

A scented bunny shaped eraser-I

Long time back I was a kid. I used to go to school. Back then, we didnt have
'Reynolds' pens. We were rural. We used pencils and plain refills. The most
commonly used pencil was 'Nataraj'. An odd rich kid used to have an 'Apsara' pencil.
'Apsara' pencils were beautifully manufactured pencils, with color coats and
cute cartoon pics on them and with a small eraser at the other end. Those kids were

Every kid carried his own eraser. Cheap 10p Khaki colored military erasers to
expensive pink colored scented erasers. Cheap erasers tore pages. Scented erasers
allowed you to make as many mistakes as possible with your spellings. Kids with
scented erasers were revered.

On a sunny day, one kid brought an 'Animal eraser'. It basically was a rabbit
shaped plastic mould. It innocently looked like a cute Rabbit. But if you opened
it, you would find a scented eraser inside. Viola. The smell of that eraser filled
the entire class room. That kid became an instant celebrity. I turned green.

In reality, that kid was crap. But he had that eraser. When my love 'Radha' was
after him, for that scented bunny eraser, I turned red.

I cried for three full days. I spat on my mom. I went on hunger strike. I refused
to go out and play. I submitted a cost benefit analysis to my dad. I pitied myself
to death. My dad was so fed up that he promised a 'scented bunny eraser' 'pretty

I forgot about it in a day. In couple of days that crap kid became just that.
Crap. Radha ignored him.

After a month or so, when I was least expecting it, my dad came to me and said,
" Look what I have got".
I looked.

expect the unexpected tomorrow in..
A scented bunny shaped eraser-II

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

I am that I am

I am the far-off snow-capped mountain.
I am the deer that runs the winding trail.
I am you that walks through its majestic trees.
I am the whisper you hear in its leaves.
I am you and you are I.

I am the wave you see at the ocean.
I am the tide you see subside.
I am the salty spray you taste upon your lips.
I am the wind you feel through your hair.
I am you and you are I.

I am the sand that tickles you feet.
I am the sea foam that flows ankle high.
I am the sea gull you hear nearby.
I am you and you are I.

I am the person who you are hugging.
I am the hand which you are holding.
I am you and you are I.

I am the passion that comes with surprise.
I am the sigh that comes from inside.
I am you and you are I.

Written by Vossa E. Wysinger
Copyrighted material


Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Delirium now

Consciousness is beyond your mind and beyond emotions.
Is it beyond love?"
In a way, yes, it is. When your love is universal and absolute,
it is not 'love' anymore. It is the truth.
Then why is it so hard to achieve?
Because of desire.
Lust, greed, ... loving someone and wanting to be with them, comes under desire?

Is sex a form of desire or is it a way to...
Its a form of desire and at the same time it is a way to liberate yourself from
How? I guess you are contradicting yourself.
(Smiles) How?
(Whispers it in the ear)

Wow..I didnt know there is so much more to it.
You were eclipsed with desire. You were kept from the truth.
Will I ever find the truth? Will I ever find 'The One' who will share the truth
with me?

(Smiles and after a long pause says...) You will have to find it out.


Sunday, February 15, 2004


For a while LL and I feared that probably it will be only two us at the meet.
Then came this guy. 'Adi'. (Rhymes with 'Maddy', thats how he pronounces it like).

After a while, this dude with a digital camera named Neil joined us. Even though
the fact that he uses Netscape bothered me, I ended up liking him. One thing is,
he is got a camera, another thing is he was born in Assam.

Then two disoriented dudes joined us. One of them has a private blog. He is a
strange aberration to my upcoming post 'Evolution of Co-bloggers' for my
'Unified Blog Theory'. (If you are confused with the previous sentence, consider
yourself normal.)

Then I had a chicken tikka sandwich. (alpha, I know you are counting calories).

Then came 'neverbeenbetter Babita' with a flashing and promising smile. She said
something like 'Babita is not my actual name, its my pet name. Eventhough its
my pet name I use it like my actual name. So what you think my actual name is
actually my pet name'.

Then, I had a doughnut. (A zero calorie one).

Then this strange Aaditya guy joined us. He blabbered, 'fire fox, emacs rules,
debian kills, fsf and oh-my its my folks'. He joked something about Bill Gates.
(Duh). He offered some insights into a bloggers mind.(Duh) Needless to say, he had a
beard. (Duh). If not for the good looking Vaishalee who accompanied him, I would
have gotten into 'oh emacs sucks. vi rocks' thing.

Vaishalee posts as 'Small Tiger' because she posts as 'Small Tiger' because she
posts as 'Small Tiger'.

By then the disoriented dudes got really disoriented.

Then Neil and Adi (rhymes with Maddy) read out all the railway and bus stations
in East India. All of us carried cameras and all of us took snaps of all of us.
(I should confess that Babita and Vaishalee got more coverage.)

Then we filled a questionnaire, introduced ourselves, talked about blogging,
cartoons , comments written in Berkely's unix code, LL's age, his good looking
shirt and our non existing girl friends.

The disoriented guys got disillusioned and left.

Vaishalee had a coffee.

Adi (rhymes with Maddy) told us a Bill Clinton joke, a Bill Gates joke and a
Sardarji joke.

Vaishalee and Aatish left. (Vaishalee paid for more than she ate. I have plans
to donate that extra money to 'Poor Bloggers Foundation'.)

Neil thus spoke and left.

I paid the bill and every one paid me. I ended up 30 bucks richer.

We all left.

By the way did I mention that Babita and Adi (rhymes with you know what...)
sang songs?

Oh, by the way, did I mention that alpha won the contest? We were nine people.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Women Logic and

logic women and..
and women logic
and logic women


"We have to sit and resolve to sit and resolve the issue"
-Overheard a conversation in Pinakini Express
-Inspired by
Man in the mirror

Looked myself in the mirror. Looked like this.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

jdv @ Chennai Central

The fat hindi speaking bitch

I prepared notes for one full week. Printed tons of sheets from the net. Made
a file. Travelled to Vijayawada and had a big long meeting. Sacrificed two days
of sleep. I was fully prepared. But she simply said "yes" to everything. Our
meeting lasted 7.5 minutes. All of my requests granted.

An old friend

That left me with tons of time. Called an old buddy. His wife is pregnant and
is in Bangalore. He was just coming back from work. Couldnt get better I thought.
He sensed me and said,'Oh yeah lekin I gotta go back to work again'. So much
for an old buddy. How much, women change men.(!)

Change of Plans

I had a ticket booked for Hyd Express that evening. I changed plans. Ordered the
travel guy to cancel my ticket and book one for pinakini to Vijayawada and deliver
it to my room. I had my own ideas and was looking forward to a glorious journey.


Looked at the book, 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus'. That is one
book I always wanted to read. I opened the book at random.'Give her a hug four
times a day'. It was printed in bold. My spirits were dampened. The book suddenly
looked like a worm in my hands. I looked around. Its been a while since I read
fiction. (Life of Pi was my last). I found Jeffrey Archers 'To cut a long story
short'. Wow. Short stories by Archer. You cant ask for more. Looked around.
Found 'The Present' by spencer. Wow. Lucky me. Bought the books.


Then I headed to Hot Breads and ordered one bread omlette, one chicken puff. Had.
Looked around. Moved on to another store. Had an egg puff. Moved on. Had an
orange juice. Moved on. Had Curd bath. Curd bath basically sucked. Had. So, moved on.
Had a black forest pastry. Moved on. Mmmm. A new snack store. Ordered 'Kaal' kilo
Pepper appalams. Got into the train. (I certainly know how to spend time at the
central. I once lived there for two days.)

The journey

Short story after short story. Appalam (chekkidam) after appalam.
Destination reached.

More food

Headed straight to DeeVee manor. A cousin of mine joined. Had chilli chicken and
some soup and ofcourse couple of large Smirnoff vodkas.

@ Home

Reached home at 11:45. Dad opened the door. He already had three large Rums.
I didnt look at him. He didnt look at me. Slept like a rock.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004


Peeing is such a fun activity. Atleast, it used to be so in my childhood. Looking
back I realize now, how much I have enjoyed peeing.

Drawing Shapes: This is a privilege reserved for men. (I guess!!). If you are a
kid and if you are peeing on a ground it gets boring after couple of micro seconds.
You would want to do some thing. Drawing something is one of them. Drawing a shape
on the ground is akin to drawing something using your mouse. You dont exactly
get to draw what you wanted to draw, but its fun. Snakes, Rectangles and circles
are the most common shapes. With some collaboration and team effort we once drew
a train.

The farthest: If you and your buddy are peeing together on a daily basis, a contest
out of it is nothing but natural. Long before I learned the words 'velocity',
'gravity', 'angle' and 'viscocity' I have naturally discovered that at 45 Degrees
I (any one) shoot the farthest
. I discovered it by starting at zero (unlike many
kids who start at 90) degrees and moving slowly upwards. I have realized that
at a certain angle I peaked. I marked that angle. I used to win most of the contests.

In the pool: Most of my childhood holidays were spent at my granpa's place. Its
pretty rural. I learned swimming along with cows and some occasional buffaloes.
If you are a Buffalo you tend to do whatever you feel like doing. Buffaloes dont
have any rules. I learned marking my territory by peeing from Buffaloes. It also
feels good to pee in a pool. Even long later, when I used to swim at Bangalore
Corporation pool, I used to mark my territory.
When some of my friends
discovered that, they were awe struck. I frankly thought they were over reacting.
Dah, what is gonna a little pee make difference in such a big pool?

Shower: When I was in USA, I used to pee while taking bath. Not really pee, but a
little. You dont get out of the tub to pee while taking a shower, do you? Once again my
room mate over reacted. He, it seems have been taking traditional bath tub baths,
soaking on the same grounds where I peed. (I peed on his tooth brush several times,
dipped it in the LU several times and never told him about that).

In bed: Big deal! I used to wet my bed when I was a kid. I always used to get a
dream in which I used to pee. After some time I used to realize that I wasnt dreaming.
My mom used to make me sleep alone in the hall. I never really felt bad about that.
But like one time, we went to Grandpa's place and almost all of my cousins were
there. All my little cousins wanted to sleep with me. ( I mean next to me. I used
to be a very good story teller.) My mom told them all that I might wet my bed. My
star status immediately bottomed and I spent the rest of the vacation humiliated
by my 6 year old cousins. I was 12 then.

After Sex: Men have many problems. They dont discuss their problems often. One
of the difficulties men face is, peeing after having sex. A man's penis is a
tube like thing. Occasionally it gets hard. Its actually a good organ to
pee through. It acts like a very good pipe. But after sex, it acts like a
Unlike Buffaloes, humans have to pee into a hole whose diameter is
limited. That makes the job tough. Also, it is very hard to bend an erect penis.
If you try to pee with an erect penis, you over shoot. Since bending an erect penis
to an angle less than 90 is a tough job I usually do stuff like, "What would it
be like having sex with Hillary Clinton?" or "I wonder how much is 13 multiplied
by 27 and the result divided by 19". That does the job.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Cat in the Boot

When I was a kid I used to loose lot of things. Things like my pens, books,
rubbers etc. My father once gave me and my brother beautiful pens that were
made out of sandalwood. I lost my pen promptly.

My brother kept his in his bag. His bag used to smell so good. One day I felt like
using his pen (thats considered a sin) to do my homework. His pen fit in my hand
very well and I started writing effortlessly. Soon I started just gliding through
my homework. I actually entered a homework-zone just like VVS Laxman gets into
his batting-zone. In the zone, solutions flow effortlessly. If you were asked to
write an essay on cow dozen times, you would do that.

In the middle of the zone, my brother snatched the pen from my hands. I felt so
helpless. I also sensed an evil smile on his face. To take revenge I hid his
Social studies notebook in our washing machine. I totally forgot about it in
an hour. We were then in the middle of our unit tests.

The next day when I came home after a play-in-sand-n-eat-some-sand session I found
my brother silently weeping. (He was never public with that kind of stuff). In
between tears he said that he lost his Social studies notebook and that he had
an exam the next day. I was jubilant. Soon my dad is going to come home from
work and going to kick my brother's ass. I visualized my brother's ass being
kicked in Eastman color, slow motion and spring action. I was literally jumping
around my mom, asking "mom, isnt dad coming early today?". Running around the
home, "Dad is gonna come..naaranannaanaa","Dad is gonna come..naaranannaanaa".

My Dad came and hell broke loose. My mom quickly defended my brother. But my
brother was consummated with fear, guilt and despair. He was at the edge. I actually
felt a little sorry for him and started looking around the usual corners in the home
for his book. When I passed the washing machine I have developed a sudden chill.
Something told me that I had something to do with that machine. When I understood
what had happened my legs trembled. Unfortunately, my dad just entered that room
and started looking for that book. I just froze in front of the WM not knowing
what to do. Then I did a stupid thing that only a stupid kid can do. I opened
the lid of WM, took the book out and shouted, "Wow, what ah Suhhrprise. This book
is here? Ha..of all the places..he lost his book here? Mom mom I found the book,
brother you can read now....ho ho ho....a book in a washing machine? Never heard
of it. How did it get here? I cant bellllieve this..."

On that fateful night, my mom and my brother watched my ass being kicked, with
huge and pleasant smiles on their faces.

Movie Haiku

Munnabhai MBBS

Munna is a 'bhai'.
He can also cure you with a hug.
Thats why they called him
Munnabhai MBBS

For more Movie Haikus Click