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Monday, May 24, 2004

Delirium Three Ex.

The edge of her sari felt like a smooth breeze.
It stayed on my face for a while, before it flew.

Where am I going?

She expected me to follow I guess. She gingerly walked back and held my

The imbalance.

It will always be there. Things are always out of balance. It is the
direction in which you are trying to balance is what matters.

She plucked one of those beautiful flowers from the ground and smelled it.

A profound silence.

You are trying to balance. You are trying to balance everything. You cant.
What do I balance then?

All I can say is, what you get out of your journey is your Joie De Vivre.
I know.
Dont try to shape the journey. Shape yourself for the journey.
No. Let me finish. Reach! But not at the expense of a beautiful journey.

A series of thoughtSpheres broke in my mind. With each pop of sphereShell I
raced towards the simplicity of the truth.

I looked at her. Nothing else mattered.
She looked at me with the flower held to chest.
I reached forward to place a hand behind her neck.
To grab her towards me. To kiss her. To tell her that I love her.


Can you wait for a while?


We kissed for a long time.

He watched.

We went for a stroll.

He followed.

We made passionate love under a big banyan tree.

He waited.

We talked our hearts out.

He listened.

Finally she fell asleep with a smile on her face and hand in my hand.

You were saying something?

Yeah! Dont try to shape the journey. Shape yourself for the journey and
know your destination.


I watched her for a long time. She was content. Her hand firmly holding
mine even in her sleep.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

The Curious Kid and The Sex Starved Vinnies-Teen
A kid free bed and a huge mango

Me: “I am a dog man. (Thanks TP). Sometimes I turn into a dog.”

We stopped to eat Toddy fruit on the highway.

Me: Man, eating these fruits reminds me of oral sex.

Vinny sighed deeply again.

Later during the drive the kid asked me.

TCK: “Tell me a story.”

Me: “Once upon a time there was a princess…”

By the time, the young prince crossed the seven seas, killed the one eyed evil serpent and the dragon, and knocked on the princess’s door, we had reached home.

What happened next, TCK wanted to know. I kept stalling.

“Let me finish this mango.”

“Let me take a bath.”

Winny had made a bed for me in the guest room.

I suddenly said to the kid, “I will finish the story if you sleep in my room.”

She gladly agreed.

The Vinnies beamed at me. An electric charge filled the room. Winny took an extra long shower, wore a special white saree and put jasmines in her hair. Vinny almost hugged and kissed me. They decorated their bed with heart shaped pink pillows. Winny couldn’t stop blushing.

At dinner, Winny served me an extra helping of everything. Whenever she went into the kitchen to fetch salt, mangoes and papads, she playfully roughed my hair. She served me a huge mango. I offered it to Vinny. Will make you more potent, I said. Both blushed.

Good night.

I told TCK the rest of the story in my room.

“...and the prince and princess got married and lived happily ever after.”

I picked up my book ‘Interpreter of Maladies’ by Jhumpa Lahiri.

TCK: “Is that the end of the story?”

Me: “Yes.”

She wasn’t satisfied. She curiously looked at the hair on my chest and at my book. She pronounced Jhumpa Lahiri repeatedly. She wanted to know why Jhumpa couldn’t be Jampa. She wondered if Jhumpa had hair on her chest. She wondered if she would grow hair on her chest. She enquired why my pillow was in vertical position. Why I hadn’t covered myself with the blanket yet. Why I had a water bottle next to my bed. Why I wasn’t watching TV. When I was going to leave. Why I don’t have kids. Why I read books. Why I don’t like what I don’t like. Why I like what I like.

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… Booooooooow..woooooooooooow” I barked.

She turned pale. I bit a pillow and viciously shook my head, “Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...”

With one mighty jump she landed at the door. She ran to her parents’ room and banged on the door.

TCK: “Open the door. I want to come in. I want to sleep with you”

I heard the door being opened. And then I heard Vinny trying to convince TCK that she should sleep in my room. TCK vehemently refused. I could see the shadows of the kid, Vinny and the door. Finally after a long pause, the door widened reluctantly, letting the kid in.

A few minutes later I heard Vinny’s artificial snore.

That night, I laughed so much that I almost puked my dinner.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

The Curious Kid and The Sex Starved Vinnies-Do
Every action has a twice and opposite reaction

The Salesman rambled on about the latest cushion bed with an ultra soft, imported, 8-inch thick mattress which was good for your back, helped you sleep soundly, enhanced your sexuality, increased your life span and prevented hair fall.

Vinny bought it.

He excitedly called me and told me about his new purchase. “The bed recoils with twice the force that you use on it,” he said. “It’s like having sex in a train vestibule. All you have to do is hold the direction. The bed takes care of the rest.”

But the bed only made things worse. Vinny and Winny couldn’t indulge in their early morning indiscretions, when the kid wasn’t awake yet. With each of Vinny’s forward thrusts, the kid used to fly a couple of inches in the air and fall back onto the bed wide awake…

“I knew it. I knew it. You guys always play games when I am asleep. I knew it. I knew it.”

We all laughed and finished our beers.

The next day, I agreed to join the Vinny’s on their drive back home. We all got into the car.

TCK: Hey can you see through you black goggles?

Me: Yes I can. Why?

TCK: If I can’t see through a black car, how can you see through a black glass?

Good logic, I agreed. And then I explained the concept of transparency to her.

TCK tried on the glasses. She agreed that transparency exists. I feared that she might bend them, so I took them off her face and wore them. She tried to grab them back.

I suddenly barked.

“Grrr…….Bow wow wow.” (I am really good at that).

She jumped in her seat. “What did you do that for?”

Know what is going happen next in

The Curious Kid and The Sex Starved Vinnies-Teen
A Kid free bed and a huge mango.

Monday, May 17, 2004

The curious kid and The Sex Starved Vinnies –Ek
Co-Authored by Trick Baby

..and then,she was born.

A cousin of mine visited me recently. Let’s call him Vinny. He has a wife. Let’s call her Winny. They have a five year old daughter. Let’s call her The Curious Kid (TCK)

I took them to the IMAX theatre, to a few restaurants, shopping malls etc. - the regular, boring stuff that a host is obliged to do. It was only on the second night that things got interesting. My cousin Vinny, a few friends and I had gone out for a couple of beers.

After the second beer, the conversation turned to sex (or rather, the lack of it). Friend1’s wife was out of town. For one whole month, he added sadly. Friend 2 was single and didn’t have a girl friend. We looked at Vinny.

Vinny: “Why are you‘ll looking at me?”

Me: “Man, you a have a beautiful wife. After this beer, you are gonna go home and have sex, aren’t you?”

He sighed. His face resembled that of a worn out soldier. He looked sadly into the distance and said, “I wish…”.

With another sigh, he finished his beer.

“Women!”, we nodded in sympathy.

“It’s the kid” he said, “It’s the kid”.

Before the arrival of TCK, Vinny and Winny were like any other happily married couple. They used to have sex four times a week. Sometimes even a quickie in the kitchen or in the bathroom. Then TCK was born.

TCK was an unusually curious kid. She always wanted to know everything about everything. So she never slept until everyone in the house was asleep. She also never slept alone, in case she missed out on the conversation and happenings in the other parts of the house.

Vinny and Winny gradually forgot about their once wild and vivid sex life. Whenever they did remember, they would try every trick in the book to make TCK go to bed early. Vinny practiced artificial snoring. Winny pretended to fall asleep. But the moment Vinny’s hand touched Winny, TCK woke up, shouting, “I knew it. You make me sleep and play more games. I knew it. I knew it.”

Days grew into weeks. Weeks grew into years. The Vinnies got gloomier. They even contemplated sending the kid to a boarding school. But The Curious Kid was just too curious to leave home.

Just when they thought they’d seen the worst, a sales man came along one day.

know whats gonna happen next in

The Curious Kid and the Sex Starved Vinnies- Do
Every action has a twice and opposite reaction

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Asimov, Alfred and Austin

It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be...This, in turn, means that our statesmen, our businessmen, our everyman must take on a science fictional way of thinking.
--Isaac Asimov

"It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!"
--Alfred E Neuman

“Yeah! Baby. Yeah!”
--Austin Powers

Friday, May 07, 2004

The Millionth Monkey

He is got such a Geekish/Stylish/Peculiar/Funny style.

Its not an easy task by the way, to tell 'fried octopus suckers in India ink
sauce’ from ‘shaved monkey scrotum in a mild manta ray sting and blueberry
sauce’, particularly when both dishes have almost same taste and texture.

The nozzle of the gun tastes like a long train journey.

Love, peace and fake boobs… :-)

That day The Man Man was the man, man.

If atom bomb was tested at Bikini Atoll then she would have gone though the same
rigors at Bikini Notatoll.

-Two Penny

Sunday, May 02, 2004

Ek Do Teen

On 02/05/04

1357 Number of emails I have in my Yahoo Bulk folder
7 Number of mangoes I had from the morning
63 Number of SMS I got from this desperate girl who is trying to get in touch with me
3 Number of times I checked my blog
237 Amount of cash left in my wallet
0 Number of minutes I have watched TV



I had this fever right from the morning. For the whole day I slept in my bed.
Drank three full bottles of Electrol. By evening I felt a lot better. I dragged
myself to a book store and bought couple of books. (Thanks for the recommendation).

On my way back, the fact that I had been reading lot of girl stuff, bothered me.
As a matter of fact lately I have been reading lots of girl blog stuff too. I am
also enjoying their posts. Like Fairy's sister's feet post. They even dominate my
co bloggers list. The books I bought were also by female authors.


Adi, Two Penny, Lazy and I had planned for an YAGFLBP that night.

After I reached home, I opened the first book. Jhumpa Lahiri's 'Interpreter of
Maladies'. I saved Gita Mehta for a later day (The other book). I liked Lahiri's
first short story 'A temporary matter' a lot.

Then I got this call from this 'Good looking/talented/artistic/has great
sense of humour-----but already taken' girl . (Thanks for the call).

I finished the call and drove hurriedly to the party.

Lazy and TP were already there.

We had cocktail samosas.

Adi came in and joined and ordered A Kabab, B Kabab and C Kabab.

A new kid on the block named 'V*****' joined us. He is a biggie in a big software
company, we were told. (A big biggie). For such a big biggie he was
pretty down to earth. (Girls, you might want to jot down his number).

To winners. We cheered.

During the conversation, we found out that Two Penny and LL are still virgins.
We thoo ed them. (Thoo).

(Smiley: Lazy, are you still a virgin?
Lazy: *Looking here and there* No comments)

Then Adi ordered D Kabab, E Kabab and F Kabab.

Smiley: Adi, did you really like Fairy's poems?
Adi: *Thinks for couple of seconds* Yes, I did.

Two Penny: Who is this Lee?
Smiley: She is a myth. She is a spook.
Two Penny: Ha ha ha.
Smiley: Ha ha ha.

The Big Biggie: Oh! Lee. Is she the one who won an Abby? I know her.

We were really spooked.

Adi then ordered G Kabab, H Kabab and I Kabab.

We paid the bill and left to Whisper valley. (The biggie's home). The home
looked like it was straight out of a movie set. Rows and rows of DVDs neatly
arranged. Xbox. Literally hundreds of book on shelves. (James Gleicks Chaos to
Bridget Jones Diary).

In his kitchen (which also came out of a movie set) in one of the closets
were neatly arranged bottles of alcohol. Malibu to Bombay Sapphire.

It was two am. We watched Matrix and admired the chick in leather outfit. We all
agreed that Matrix is Godsend. Two Penny and LL enquired if the biggie was carrying
any porn stuff. (These virgins!). He throwed one.

We watched a couple making love in a bathtub, in surround sound Bose audio.
It was just too sweet. We agreed on that and switched back to Matrix. Adi put
'Gone in 60 seconds'. We admired the sweet sound of Mustang. Its better
than sex. We agreed.

I dropped everyone and reached home at 3 am.