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Sunday, December 24, 2006

Conversations

Parodoxii

Is Paradoxii a word?
I dont think I care. As long as I communicate the right feeling. Adding to that, if Smiley needs, he creates words.

You know what your problem is?
I wish.
You have an ego that is larger than this room.
As far as I know, I dont have an ego.
Shut the fuck up.

See, your ego got hurt to know that I dont have an ego. You might have a tough time trying to understand this. I HAVE NO EGO.
Shut the fuck up.

I call it attitude. I think modesty is more of "fear of failure" than humility. I dont have a fear of failure. I acknowledge my strengths. People think it is attitude. Well, it IS attitude. Dont confuse it with ego, which has a need to be right.
You know what your problem is Smiley?
I wish.
Your fall is going to be spectacular. Just the way your ascent has been.
I never fall. I just gain experience. :))
Fuck you.

Are you in the safe zone?
Yes I am.
Good. Well, your choice. Ribbed condomn or me. :)
Well, thats some choice. I dont know.
I will drink up this insult and try to present "me". I aint ribbed, but know a trick or two.
Try me.
Love you.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Moms and Dads

It all happened so fast, it is sometimes still hard to believe. That we as a family lost Vinny's dad. Vinny's mom isnt too old. She is in her late forties now.

It is amazing to realize, in a traditional sense, how important it is for a woman to have a husband and a home in this society. She lost both in a single sad month.

She is like my friend. She is the only aunt who I dont ji.

Last week I drove to the sleepy town of warangal to meet her. She is staying with her daughter now. Predictably, she was full of tears the moment she saw me. I felt little uncomfortable. But I withheld my usual, "Dont worry, All this happened for greater good. You will be cool" stuff.

I just listened to her. From her early marriage romance, the first movie she saw with her husband (big deal in those days), a surprise bloom of romance after they married off their daughter, the only time he hit her, how truthful he was, how simple he was and the greatest regret of hers.

She narrated that incident to me. Apparently she once set him for a dual. List out 10 flaws in other. He said, You begin. She rattled 17 flaws of him. (Didnt stop at 10). He said, I dont see any flaws in you. I like you as you are. That was also the only moment he said I love you to her. (In their 31 years relationship).

My sister put a plate of Warangal Papads (very popular) in front me. I listened to my aunt through my papads. It was a marathon. It took some effort from my side to sustain a sympathetic face and lots of nodding. By afternoon she felt lot lighter. There was a visible relief in her face.

Over years of experience, (after many hard lessons) I learned to listen to a woman and not offer solutions. It is kind of frustrating but, thats how it is.

Before lunch, I said, Dont worry. I am your son. I am doing quiet well this year. I am there for you. After more tears, she said, Even your brother (notorious for zero communication) invited me to his house. More tears.

I couldnt go through those tears. Well, stop crying. Yeah that was a tragedy. It will take couple of years, before you are totally out of it.

Well, I gotta share this with someone. Now I am feeling better. Sorry for putting you through my stuff, she said.

I know those words I said (I am your son) and my taking time out to visit her, means a lot to her. She will recuperate with the help of these words and relations. She will weave a new web, an intangible and emotional web, which dads and sons quiet dont get.

I guess for men, tangibles speak more than anything.

On my drive back, I called my mom and said, Just visited your sister.
Really? You have done a good thing! How is she?
Usual. Still crying. Otherwise fine.
Keep calling her.
Sure. Bye.

I also called Vinny.
Just visited your mom.
How did you go?
My new car. Its a two hour drive.
Whats the mileage?
13+.
Great. If you havent bought a keychain yet, dont. I will buy you one tomorrow.
Thank you.

Friday, September 08, 2006

A Laddu for INR 16500

Any festival is a festival when its in India. Burning man is a wussie compared to Vinayaka Chaviti of Hyderabad.

Millions of crazy young drunk fuckers dancing to loud (also called Teen Maar) drums and other such noise making devices, marching towards a big fucking lake to dump (called Nimajjanam) more than 10000 idols of a funny looking fat elephant God.

This God is not someone who you 'fear'. This God dude is your dude. He is your buddy. You play with him, you drink with him, you eat with him and you stand on him. He is fondly called Ganesh in Hyderabad.

We Indians never appreciate the courage and determination of our Politicians, Police and Babus. We are so used to disliking them.

Imagine this. You are a policeman equipped with nothing but a Lathi (Most of them dont even have walkie talkies) dealing with more than a million drunk young men. And you will never be thanked for a job well done.

Like most of the Indian Miracles, this festival is another fucking thing that 'just happens'. 6000 fucking teams pouring out from different streets, passing through narrow lines, crawling under High Voltage lines, accommodating all communities (like diwali, Ganesh too is contagious and non religious), you know!, to dump this God. Crazy shit. Indeed.

So, I was invited by a colony of friends (or friends from a colony) to be their guest on their nimajjana day. After the usual Grease poll and Teen maars we all went to a friends place to sit on their daba. The custom is to auction the 'laddu in Ganesha's hand', before Ganesha heads for the dump ritual.

I asked Zee to participate in the auction. Come back with the laddu. Is what we told him.
He came back, glowing and with the laddu.
How much?
16500.
Holy fucking shit!
(I have a picture of that laddu. :) It is the most expensive dish I ever ordered.)

P.S: The highest bid for a laddu this year is 9.02 lakhs. Hundreds of laddus went for a bid thats higher than 1 lakh. This is just Hyderabad. And this government tells me that there are only 61000 millionaires in India. :)

Monday, September 04, 2006

Dunhill Desire

Her eyes told me how much she was anticipating me. I had never seen such brilliant present eyes. Shredder has those eyes sometimes. You know, the pure joy eyes.

She ran me through her stuff. From her excitement I sensed that she was thinking I am 'somebody'. Truth is, I am not 'somebody', yet. "But who asked you to work on 'this'?", I asked her.

So you dont like it?
Its not a matter of liking or disliking it. But you dont need to work on this. There are definitely tasks that have more priority. And yeah, I am not exactly 'impressed'.
A little disappointment in those brilliant present eyes.

The next night, I was invited to 'The most happening place in Bangalore' (for invitees only) by this guy. I went there, expecting a guy's evening in a T and jeans and without taking a shower.

She was there. In pure black magic. Brilliant eyes matched by brilliant smile. My heart pumped faster. Before entering into the dance floor I said, "Excuse me" and went into 'Men's'.

Washed my face, did some pecker adjustments and pulled my belt to a lower hole. Went to the bar, grabbed couple of drinks, handed one to her. I dont drink. She said. I gave that to my friend. There was a silence on us, isolated in that 1000 watt room.

She said something.
What? I shouted back. She put her mouth into my ear and shouted.
Want to dance?
No.
She gave this huge brilliant present smile.
You smell good. She shouted.
I nodded.
Do you want me to guess? She shouted.
Guess.
Guess? Giggles. No, wait a minute. Let me smell you again. She smelled behind my ear.
No, this one is jasmine. Indian? She asked.
Palmolive Hand wash. From the mens room.
I told her the truth.

She laughed the whole evening. She told me that I am a crazy, cheap, blunt but adorable guy.

Next day morning, by the time I reached the office, these girls were already giggling.
Bah Girls! They cant keep anything to themselves.
So what is it today? Dettol antibacterial wash? Ha Ha Ha. Girls burst into a burst.
Dont even think about it.
Why? The same huge brilliant present smile, with a twinkle in her eyes.
Its Dunhill Desire. To quote the salesguy, "It arouses a woman and creates an urge."
On me, its quiet irresistible. I said.
Girls looked at her visibly blushing. Her blush was spectacular. She was embarrassed.
All she said was, Yeah Yeah right.

On my return flight, with my eyes closed, I was smiling.
What is it? The curious contractor asked.
You know what they have for handwash at the office?
What?
Palmolive hand wash.
So?
Someone is going blush a lot this week.
I dont get it.
Never mind.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Silly Me(mes)

Well, dude Patrix tagged me to come up something silly. Just to come up with
something silly there is no need to tag me at all. But this, its for a silly picture.

I think I have one. (As a matter of fact, I have so many of them).
Here you go Patrix. :)

Vinny and Smiley in Frocks.


Sunday, August 27, 2006

Metro Retro

Your Score 34

Thats what this "What kind of Man are you?" Survey said.
According to them, I am neither Metro nor Retro. I am somewhere in between.

This Chick made her body a billboard and selling it inch by inch. Not a bad idea


Check out the original idea and his amazing fairy tale come true blog

I absolutely loved this organic design


And I found this really cool Yoda dog at cuteoverload.com

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Nothings. Some sweet. Some sour.

After we finished watching the movie, a convsersation got started and eventually drifted to sex.



May be we should take this up a little higher. We should add kissing into this movie-popcorn-cola routine. You know we can call it KMKPKC Kissing-movie-Kissing-popcorn-Kissing-cola routine.



Hmm...hihihi...hahaha....errr...yeah we can do that.



Sounds great. Come lets kiss.



*after a long kiss*


Sigh. I think we took too long to get here. We should have started kissing right from day one.



*Giggles* Well, we enjoyed the times.

May be you did. I was thinking about how to do it all the while.

Really?

What do you mean by "Really?"? What were 'you' thinking?

What do you mean by 'thinking'?

I mean why did you agree to watch movies with me?

To watch movies. Of course.!

Really?

What do you mean by "Really?"? What were 'you' thinking?



Ahem.

Tell me. What were you thinking?

Well, to initiate this and take it to the next level.

Intiate what and take it where?

You know, we start with kissing and hugging and we end up in bed. Isnt it a standard routine?



Routine? So is this what you have been thinking during all the times we spent?

Werent you?

So when we went to blah blah blah blah blah..what were you thinking?

That day? That day you looked absolutely delicious. And I was thinking blah blah sex blah blah sex and blah blah sex.

Hmm. So the day you took me to blah blah blah blah.. what were your intentions?

Ha 'that'? See, for an event to happen you have to 'create' some pre-events. So the intention was blah blah sex and blah blah sex.



(Inner Voice: Dude, I have a feeling that this is not your regular quiz show where you give the right answers when you know them.

Me: Inner dude, I know my chicks. Take rest.)



So, all the talk about "you like spending time with me" is crap. Right?

Well, not crap. But I would call it context. The movie context and the intellectual talk context is the premise or OS in which we run "we started with kissing and before we knew it" routine.



(Inner Voice: Dude, trust me. She is not exactly going to appreciate this enlightment.

Me: Inner, I am not exactly soliciting advices at this moment)


So all this is just a 'context'?

"Con"."Text". Ha ha. Funny. Just kidding. Let me put it this way. If I had a choice and if I dont have a context, I would rather take my dog for a walk or have beer with my buddies.



You are a cheat. Thats what you are.

(Inner Voice: Did you ever listen to me?

Me: This is outrageous. She is calling me a cheat. Can you believe that?)



Give me a break, will ya? Dont tell me you never thought about the 'routine'. Dont tell me you dont know that eventually we are going to kiss.

Well, I did think about kissing you. But I am not like you, thinking about it all the time. I also enjoyed our little talks.

Well, my dad is much wiser than me. Why did you pick me? Patrix does better movie reviews than me. Why do you want to watch movies with me? And you never really liked LOTR.



I hate you.

If all you wanted was to watch movie, why are you smelling so good and why are you looking pretty?

Is it my mistake?



Of course, it is your mistake. Come here. Kiss me.

*another long kiss*

Sigh. How did it feel?

Hihihi. Good. I love you. Dont ever talk to me like that.

I love you too.



(Inner Voice: Dude, now is the perfect time to take it to the next level)

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Smiley 2.0

I have another blog at thegreatindiandream.com , where I will be mostly
posting the kind of posts I used to post at tgid.

I tried importing jdv to thegreatindiandream.com and in the process
wordpress kind of screwed up my jdv template. I will repair it soon.
Ofcourse, with some help from Fairy Dear.

The posts that are screwed up here are showing up unscrewed at ,
you know where, thegreatindiandream.com . You might wanna
read them there. (If at all).

Love and make love,
Smiley.

Monday, July 24, 2006

'Real' men dont cry

It is almost, mmm, whats the word?, silly, yeah, silly is kind of nice word.
Where were we? Yeah, its almost silly, the lengths we (men) go, to act like us (men).

It takes a lot to act like a man. (Sometimes.)

This morning, just like that, after making Egg Bhurji for me, Srinu disappeared.
I waited for him to come back and make my roti. Nah.

So, I asked my guest Lore, Where is this Srinu guy?
He got a call from his mom and left.

Now, Srinu's mom is always in some kind of trouble.
She is been ill. Well, you dont call your mom's illness a trouble. Will ya?
So, Srinu's been giving his best.

I was doing my mails then and it came to me. The realization that Srinu is
fighting it all alone. He is not sharing it with anyone.

All Srinu ever wears on his face is a smile. Beyond that no one ever saw any
other emotion on his face. But, all of us left him. To fight his own way through.
Through the financial burdens, through his moms manic depressions, through
his brothers sobs. He gave a good fight so far. Because, he never asked for help.

Eventhough, I financially supported his mom's illness, surgery and
medications, I was never really there for him. I guess. Otherwise, he would
have shared.

I realized this and I woke up couple of demons in my mind. Demon One is the
sheer helplessness you go through in a situation like this. Demon Two is the
desertion. Your family, friends and this world, just moves on, leaving you behind.

You suddenly get stuck. There is no way out. There is no one out.
But if you are a 'Real' man, you dont yield. You dont cry. You dont ask for help.
You will simply suffer through. Thats all there is in this world for a man.

When Srinu came back, I asked him.
So, how is your mom? You know what? Dont worry about her. She will be fine.
He just nodded. The same smile.
We are taking her to SangaReddy, to her brother's place. He said.
Hmm, why? You brother cant take care of her or what? Do you want to stay
there for couple of days and be with her?

My brother cant take...
His lower lip couldnt hold it anymore. His eyes suddenly betrayed him and he ran
into the balcony.

I know. I know how it feels like to run from your cubicle to the restroom, holding your
tears back.

The child in Srinu is still there. The child wants to be hugged and assured.
My heart shouted. It shouted an arm on his shoulder and a tap of assurance.
Assurance that he is not alone. Assurance that it is going to be ok.
My world is a 'Real' man's world. No one is going to do that for him.
Not me. Not his friends.

I gave him couple of minutes to fight his tears back. He came back.
I explained his mom's illness to him. I suggested a solution to this trouble.
Send you mom. Bring your brother to our office. You guys stay there
together for couple of months and dont worry about money...and why
is brother being such a wussie?

I dont know sir. He is uncontrollable. He is crying non stop.
He is afraid, about, losing our mother.

Sucker.

He is just seventeen...

Srinu ran into the balcony again. This time, it took him more than five minutes
to regain his composure. He just stood there facing the grill, wiping his tears.
I stood near the TV, watching TV and occasionally looking at him.

Your brother is a fucker.
Yes sir. My brother is a fucker.
Tell that fucker, real men dont cry.
Yes sir. I told him so.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Happy Birthday Alphu

Happy Birthday Sweetie. :-)

Its Alpha's birthday. Last time I spoke to her, I promised a chocolate pastry to her.



I know, I know, thats a cheap trick.

So, here is a cool trick. :-)

Honeletter A DSC00615 Pp Y
untitled neon sign i Rr t H 004 Case 705.4 IMG_2156 Y
A12 taj-L untitled Big Red H U

Friday, June 23, 2006

This post is sponsored by

Krrish
A Review (No Spoilers)

Krrish is a nice boy. On a fine day, his (once a sex bomb) granny discovers that he does excellent sketches using Faber Castell pencils. With in days she also discovers, using Faber Castell, its not just sketching, but Krrish dude also excels at doing other dudes homework.

Ex-Bomb Granny decides to keep Krrish away from Faber Castell pencils and takes him far far away where they use chalk for teaching and sand for writing.

But Granny soon discovers that after his daily cup of Bournvita, Krrish does amazing stuff like jumping too high and running too fast and diving too deep. Ofcourse, she uses the All New Tide to keep his clothes clean. But Krrish does stuff thats beyond Tide. So Granny tells him not to jump anymore.

Ok, Krrish grows up. On a fine day Priyanka drops out of sky into his village. Sorry into his lap.
Priyanka is not alone. She is a part of a group adventure tour (on a bus sponsored by Siyaram's) lead by Vicks Inhaling Duryodhana.

Bah. Krrish and Priya falls in love. Priya leaves to Singapore. Priya works for Star News in Singapore. Priya's boss always wants something cool to show on the TV. Priya tells her about this Krrish dude. Boss asks Priya to bring on the Krrish dude. Priya calls Krrish dude's village Phone booth where they also Navratan Oil and Taka Tak snacks.

On Priya's Lays Chips eating friend sexy sharma's suggestion Priya tells Krrish that she is love with him and needs to see him.

Krrish explains this to Granny. Granny refuses. Krrish shouts. Granny flashbacks. Krrish cries.
Granny lets Krrish go.

Interval.

Priya keeps Krrish in a hotel. Krrish helps a street performer and gets invited to The Great Bombay Circus sponsored by Hero Honda. (In Singapore, of course). Circus tent catches fire. Krrish rescues priya. But crowd demands more help. Now its time for Krrish to jump too high stuff. But he promised granny that he would never jump too high. Atleast not in public.

Tattadaaaaiii.

So he wears a mask. And jumps too high.

He soon learns that Priya is interested only in his stunts side, but not in his Dil Na Diya side.
So he packs.

Tattadaaaiii.

Thick eye browed villain type who turns out to be helping type guy enters and tells Krrish that his dad is not dead. After inventing a future seeing machine which accepts only his heart beat as a password, his dad is held captured whatevered by the real villain.

villain sees in the future seeing machine that a masked man is going to kill him. So he kills a man who has that mask. (Krrish actually lends that mask to the street performer).

villain still sees in the future seeing machine that a masked man is going to kill him.

Krrish kicks ass. Krrish kills villain just like the way the future seeing machine sees it. Krrish takes dad home. Granny cries. They all live happily ever after.

P.S: Moral of the story?
1) Never borrow masks.
2) Never invent future seeing machines.

P.S: Actually, Krrish rocked. Amazing technical values. Amazing story telling. This movie is definitely a landmark in Indian Film History. This movie is going to rock the box office.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Dear desipundit.com

May 12, 2006,
Hyderabad

Dear pundit,

I have been following desipundit.com right from its inception. To cut short, you are doing a great job, still, there is always room for improvement.

Here are my 10 steps to stardom.

1) Feedback mechanism: Right now desipundit is doing the job of displaying talent. Good. But what you need to do, is create a community. You guys are not doing it. Well, the community is there, but they dont have a role to play, to participate, to feel significant or to feel part of.

Good news is, you dont have to re-invent the wheel. Right from amazon.com to businessweek.com have done it. Let the user rate a post. Let users rate an author. (True, this will result in lot of isms and group politics, but, whatever, whatever ism, as long as it takes place at desipundit.com is good.

2) Choose the right template: Simply put, the template of desipundit.com is not up to the mark. You are displaying Indian talent. Not Scottish. We Indians need color. We Indians need a lot to happen on the screen.

More color. More joy. More brightness. Thats what we Indians need.

3) Create Personolities : What desipundit could have hit and totally (abysmally) missed is creating 'personalities'. Desipundit is not a 'team of editors'. Desipundit is 'Patrix'. Desipundit is 'Ash'. Etc.

Come forward. Talk to people. Be open about your tastes. Your likes, dislikes. Your backgrouds. Your dreams. Your tastes. Create your personolities. Share the vision you have for desipundit.com with people. Share the values you have for desipundit.com with people.

4) Market yourself: Good ideas dont run on good will alone.

Make yourself the benchmark of talent display.

Create "Featured on desipundit.com" button. Authors whose post gets featured would love to show it off.

Create "Rated **** on desipundit.com" button. If my post gets five star rated on desipundit.com I would brag about it for the rest of my life. Let me brag. I am creating free publicity for you guys.

Occassionally invite other group bloggers to do an editorial on desipundit.com

Well, you get the idea right? Possibilities are endless.

5) More stats: Remember, this is not a book. This is net. People need stats. Give them stats.
Most featured blogs
Most read posts
Top rated posts
Top rated authors.

Stats are sureway of making users 'connect' to your idea. Stats make people stay longer. Stats make people compete. Stats at the end, reward and tell you the truth.

6) Get rid of the language posts: Honestly speaking, an occassional Hindi, Telugu or Tamil post might satisfy that particular community, but its an irritation for others. It breaks the harmony of the display.

It may make you 'feel good' that you are behind a good cause of giving a chance to 'languages', but its not practical. Just because you have given Tamil a chance, you also need to give Telugu, Kannada, Gujarati a chance. Bah.

Blog community is English.

7) Make desipundit.com "The Best Of The Indian Talent": Expand the scope to include
Pictures
Podcasts
YouTubes
Short Stories
E Books
Illustrations

8) Never Side: Well, its good to stand behind Earth Quake relief funds and Tsunami funds. But its not good to side on an issue like IIPM, for a 'generic talent display area' like desipundit.com

Issues are endless. Fanaa, Aamir, Reservations, Immigration, War, Poverty etc. If someone wants to side, they should side in their editorial. Not desipundit.com

Remember the thumb rule. Always try to stand 'for' something. Not 'against'.
'Against' soon tires you mentally and emotionally. Same thing applies to your readers. Make them feel good.

9) Rock this place: I am surpised to see the lack of 'Event Management' at desipundit.com
Conduct melas
Select Best of the bests
Select monthly bests
Create themes and invite people to write.

Ok, you get the idea.
At any given point of time, make sure, something is 'happening' at this place.

Dudes, where is the joie?
Where is the joie of participation?
Joie of winning?

10) Create an official directory: There is no directory for Indian talent. Invite guest editors dmoz style who are specialist in their channels. Create directory yahoo style.

Be the 'Official directory of Indian Talent'.

P.S: I wrote this post as a personal mail to Patrix around two weeks back. I held back, because I had a business interest in desipundit (on which I am still working). I also doubted that desipundit is bigger than the team that started it. I saw desipundit.com this morning. I thought, heck, these guys are doing it right and doing it good. :-)

Its easy to type letters like these 10 steps to stardom. It is very difficult to execute. Ideas are everywhere. I am pretty sure all the suggestions I gave must have crossed the minds of editors atleast 100 times. What desipundit should do is firm up their vision. It should share its vision. Right vision leads to prioritized goals lead to execution. :-)

I am interested to see how desipundit is going to shape up.

If someone doesnt stop me from preaching, soon I am going to write my next letter
"How to make VCs go crazy for desipundit.com" :-)

Saturday, May 27, 2006

How to build a million dollar business in less than 90 days

On March 5th , with less than 25 thousand rupees in my bank account, I boarded a plane to Bombay with a personal cheque written for an amount of 14 lakhs, as a sign up fee.

I signed on an agreement and called couple of my partners to let them know that I signed on that agreement.

I came back and prepared a business plan.

The plan basically is about investing in my project and getting a net return of 33% for the first three years.

I called couple of my friends and told them about this plan.

Both of them came forward with 20 Lakhs each.

I deposited 15 lakhs in my account for the sign up cheques to be cleared. I invested 20 Lakhs in Real Estate and spent that the rest 5 lakhs on clothes, laptops and in setting up of a new office.

The cost of the project initially was one crore. By then, 40% of it was funded. I needed to look for the rest of 60%.

Then I met couple of biggies in the town. One of them wanted 40% of the project.

That will be 80 lakhs. I told him. He said yes.

The other guy wanted to invest 50 lakhs and apportion his share at the end of the project.
Meanwhile another guy came forward with 20 lakhs.

I called Bombay dudes and told them to make the project bigger and much better.
I want it to be better than anything anyone has ever seen in Hyderabad. I told them.
We will. They told me.
(Meanwhile, the real estate investment I made blossomed into 30 lakhs. I took an exit and made a 10 lakh cash profit. )

The cost of the project got escalated to 2 crores. I put 10 lakhs. With that 10 lakhs the project got totally funded and my company still owns 100% of the project and is eligible for 60% of the total profits. (Don’t ask me, how is it possible. If you have the right story to tell, it is possible).

Just hype it. I told one of my partners.

We made couple of popular night appearances in the circles that mattered.
A dozen people queued to be a part of the project. (Includes a movie star and son of a famous industrialist).

Deny entry. I told my partners. Shield me from access. I told my office.
I changed my mobile phone number.

Hype got hyper.

Summon the original shareholders. I told my partners.

In that meeting, I dropped the bomb. You wont be part of this project. Your money will technically be a loan for my company. However, because of this huge heart that I have, I am letting you guys tell around that this project is yours too.

Those dudes went into a coma for a week. They recovered. Ok, whatever, just let us be part of this. They said.

Heck no, I said. I hate my heart. Its so large and its so generous. I want you to be a part of this project.

I gave them back more than what I initially planned for and more than they ever expected. Not just that. I gave them a blue print to recover their investment and double it in the first two years itself. Not just that, I gave them responsibilities and titles. Not just that, I gave them the brand itself. It is yours. Fuck it. I told them.

Now we are a happy team looking forward to the launch.

Last week me and my partner (who is financial managementally challenged) were drinking.

I hope this project clicks and we make profits someday. He said.
Sucker. What is your investment so far?
None.

What is the cost of the project?
2 crores.

How much of it do you own?
33%.
Translate.
Fucking shit. 67 Lakhs.
What is your share in profits?
20%.
What is the worst case scenario in projected profits in the next three years.
Fucking shit. Its 3 crores.
For how much do you think we can sell this project after three years?
Hmm. 2 Crores?
So whats your profit?
60 + 67. 1.27 crores.
But that’s not how you value a business.

Warren Buffet way: (The most orthodox and non aggressive way).

The profit you are offering me should be more than, the bank interest rate + projected inflation, after tax.
Average bank interest rate 13.5%
Inflation 7%
That means Buffet is willing to invest 100 bucks if I promise him that my net margin will be 20%.

Question: Lets say, for 100 bucks, you get one share of my project. How much Mr. Buffet, would you be willing to pay, if I told you that my net margin is 40%.

Answer: 200 bucks.

So partner, what is the total projected profit of this project including the exit sale?
5 crores.
Now, How much would Mr Buffet pay to own a business that would fetch him a profit of 5 crores in three years or 1.6 crores a year. Add Brand Equity to it. Add good will to it. Add preoperative expenses to it.
Partners jaw dropped. (Using several different analysis, it can be valued anywhere between 6 crores to 8 crores (1.6 * 5)).

Now, can we safely go ahead and say, we have just built a million dollar business? And we are just talking about one project. Remember I signed on two agreements. Not just one. And remember I made them sign on exclusivity. Then I whispered in his ear, what I want to do with project 2.

Pleahhhhhhse, let me be your partner forever.

Go, first fetch me some ice cubes. My brandy got warm.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Just In

Chain of Command



I am not a huge fan of politics or reading investigative journalism.
Bah, I dont why, I thought I should read this book. Its a good one. I read
chapter one. I think I am not going to read the rest. I am saving it as a
gift for someone.


The art of seduction



The morality of this book can be debated. I loved the author's previous book
48 Laws of power. Some of those laws are a part of my work ethics now.

125 bucks is not a bad investment in knowing the art of seduction. One chapter
brought huge smile on my face.

Part One
The Seductive Character
The Charmer Page 38

"They (Charmers) understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods.
In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers do not argue or fight, complain or pester. What could be more seductive?"

Thursday, May 04, 2006

What Did Massa Smiley Say?

The Heat.
The Heat.



Gasp. Gasp.
Massa. Massa.



Heat. Gasp.
Heat. Gasp.



Oh wise Massa.
Oh wise Massa.
Help me.



Splash. Dive.
Whateva wise Massa Says.
Whateve wise Massa Says.



Ayyaayyaayyaayiii.
Massa Smiley Rocks.
Massa Smiley Rocks.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Swapna's tears

The engineer was abducted and killed by Talibans.

If you are living in India, there is lot of other stuff thats happening too.
  • Lots of Hindus got Killed in kashmir (the big media is trying to be politically correct and mentioning the killings as 'minorities got killed'.). The killed were not Christian missionaries. So, there is no fun in that news.
  • Pramod Mahajan, clearly one of the greatest strategists of modern politics is dying. Bah, no fun there too. BJP is not the ruling party.
  • Darna Zaroori Hai got released. Hmmm.. interesting.
  • Some dude in a movie titled Gangster, Kissed a slut on the screen. Hmmm..interesting.
Well, we cant disagree with the newspapers. They know the news better than us.
They know what sells. They know what doesnt. So do the politicians.

Yeah, coming back to the engineer. We have an engineer here, from the Indian
middle class, who went to work in Afghanistan (dumb choice) to earn more
for his loving wife and kids. Cool. We got a flash last week that Surya was abducted
by Talibans.

Now, thats news. Talibans sell. Thats for the media.

So , media went big on that story. A telugu news channel TV9 somehow managed
to sneak into Surya's house in Hyderabad and started relaying (live, ofcourse)
Surya's wife and his clan watching TV9 live and weeping.

The women of Andhra love watching other women crying. I am sorry to say
this, but thats how it is. So they flipped their favouring soaps (filled with sorrow
filled crying weeping chicks) to watch Surya's wife.

Apart from the Taliban aspect, there is also the suspense angle to this story.
Surya's wife by thumping her chest live, already stole the show. Now the suspense
is, will Surya live? Now, you can see the newsroom anchors of TV9 rubbing their
hands in glee.

If you are a politician, you cant miss an oppurtunity like this. You have a story
that won the sympathy of women folk and interest of the state. So the CM
promised everything he can do to bring back our engineer. CM blamed Taliban.
CM blamed Pakistan thats still hosting Taliban. CM blamed the previous ruling
party. CM said, he will die to protect his people.

TV9 hit a jackpot. They have a story that won people's interest. Now they have
a government thats pretty much helpless when it comes to protecting its citizens.
News channels love blaming government. Thats their muscle. Thats their power.
When there is chance, they will flex it. (I guess, I dont even have to mention the
SMS circus.)

Finally the inevitable (sorry to say this, but thats the reality) happened. You cant
mess with the Indian middle class. They own the media. Both central and state
governments went crazy.

The CM of Andhra Pradesh personally visited Surya's (weeping) family live (ofcourse
on TV9). Both central and state governments announced lots of exgratia.
The state government announced Five Lakhs and a promise to provide a
government job to the deceased wife.

I dont understand this.
1) What is the merit of Suryanarayan to win Five Lakhs of Government's money?
2) What is the merit of Suryanarayan's wife to secure a government job?

Sympathy? Or is it because of the popularity of the story?
Clearly the popularity of the story. The governement is already at the receiving end
by not able to bring back its citizen. It needs to cover up.
Strangely, during these times, media supports those cover ups. TV9 demanded
more ex-gratia for the family.

Correct me if I am wrong. WHY SHOULD the government PAY? If the government
should pay, BASED ON WHAT CRITERIA ex-gratias should be declared? If the
government should pay, it should then pay the innocent Kashmiris too who got killed
by militants. Who is paying THEM? If no is paying them, is it because they are
less popular story?

It would have been just another story. But wait, TV9 is on a roll. On the day the dead
body arrived, an innocent looking young woman by name Swapna surfaced and claimed
a share of the announced ex-gratia. Swapna surfaced and how! She apparently is the
'second wife' of Surya.

The women folk of andhra jumped in delight. This is getting better than their regular
soaps. Airtel jumped in delight. Media jumped in delight. Swapna went live too.
She went live and stole the entire show. So much so that the first wife attempted
a suicide.

It just cant get better than this for TV9. Swapna has this strange innocent beautiful
look on her face. When she talks she moves her eyebrows in such way that the whole
Andhra fell for her. (That includes me). Her demands are straight forward and honest.

1) I have a child. I am not asking for anything. Nothing. I want a share of the ex-gratia
for my child.
2) I want to be recognized as the 'second wife' of Surya. I dont need no money.

Quiet obviously, first wife's camp refused. Swapna's camp went on a dharna.
Police lathi charged. Media condemned police. Police condemned media and the
second camp. Second camp condemned first camp and police and government
and talibans and government and government.

If you ask me, Swapna has no one but to condemn herself. Technically there is nothing
called 'second wife'. It is basically illegal. The 'second wife' or her 'children' have no
legal rights or no legal claims to anything. Ideally thats how it should be.

But the problem is we have this innocent, beautiful young illegal widow who
is pouring her tears out for justice. Technically there is no justice. But no one in
their right mind can come out and say that. Not the media. Definitely not the
politicians.

We are humans and this is India, where heart is placed above process and systems.
So lets enjoy this show. Let the media milk money. Let politicians claim fame.

Peace, love and someone else' tears.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Singing Birds and Civilizations

This little bird can sing. Big deal! There is something more interesting than
this little bird singing. This bird sings and how? Grammatically. ! Ha! thats
the man bites dog part. Yeah this chick gets grammar.



One of my previous posts talked about a book titled Songlines and some
whales in the pacific singing. You wondered what the link was? Well, my
suspicion was kind of close.

Here is what Stewart Hulse has to say

it occurred to Hulse that music might be an ideal way to study how the brain arranges sights and sounds into an order, enabling people and animals to communicate and navigate their environments.

"Language is based on certain sounds and a grammar, which describes
the rules by which one thing comes after another. We all have a grammar
if we are going to speak, and so that's an example of the problem of serial order."
I thought about songbirds because they sing. Their song is not music, but
bird song has a grammar and a structure to it.
Here is an excellent study (if you are very mathematical just read the conclusion)
done by two Japanese from University of Tokyo.

Abstract. The mating song of the male Bengalese finch can be described
by a finite-state grammar and has the feature that more complex
songs are preferred by females [1]-[3].
From the standpoint of Chomsky’s theory, the most unique function of human
language is its “recursiveness”, which enables potentially infinite expressions
from finite elements [4]. This plays a fundamental role in grammar. Since “linguistic
behavior does not fossilize”, the questions of how mankind attained this
function and how language has been complicated in modern times are difficult
to deal with scientifically and they remain significant open questions.


I was fascinated at the female's ability to pick up
mispronounciation (or bad grammar). Check out the pic.





We focused on whether song grammars could evolve to become complex through
relatively brief, song-interjection communication. Consequently, we could clearly
demonstrate that song grammars could evolve to become complex as a result of
females’ interjection. This supports Okanoya’s hypothesis. In addition, it turned
out that the song grammars could not become arbitrarily complex, and instead
they evolved towards a boundary where interjection is successful, but not perfect.
After reading these two papers, my suspicion that lot of what we call 'abilities of humans'
are not unique at all. Some creatures evolve certain aspect into higher complexity.
Like dogs can smell million scents, we humans can form gazillion combinations of words
using a fundamental structure of grammar thats not unique to us at all. It is just a highly
evolved form of grammar.

This also throws light on theories that argue that human civilization can be traced back
much beyond. Unfortunately the Christian mind of 20th century had hard time trying
to accept any greatness before Christ.

I propose that for a language as complex and as beautiful as Sanskrit or Latin, to evolve
requires thousands of years. For a philisophical and thinking foundation that gives
rise to vedas, buddha and plato requires atleast thousands of years of thought evolution.
For a political and economic structures that supported Alexander, Pyramids and Asoka
needs great organizations, for an organization to evolve out or pure permutation and
combination requires atleast 10000-15000 years.

I propose ancient civilizations can be (should be) traced back to as back as 15000 BC.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Weeeiii

The hair accentuated her playfulness. So did her bouncing bosom. I wasnt
looking at her in bits and pieces. It was more like, I was filling that moment
with her. So it was like , it wouldnt have mattered if even if her bosom wasnt
bouncing. Anyway, that moment was filled with her playfulness.

I stopped typing.

Shredder! Stop reading over my shoulder. I dont feel comfortable.

Weeeiiii.

So, where was I?

Yeah, sometimes you have to look out for those small things. There is more to a
woman than a bouncing bosom. Sometimes the wind falls in love with her and
embraces her. She gently shoos the wind away by locking her locks behind her
lobes. Sometimes she embraces the wind with her arms widespread letting her
locks from her locks.

Weeeiii.
Alright Shreddy. We humans are a little complicated. I know you want to know
how her ass smells like, but thats not how we do it.

Yeah there is more to a woman than a bouncing bosom. Underneath her
mask of shyness, there is a key. Her responses are pointers. If you know how
to read them, a woman is a great journey. Sometimes it is adventurous;
sometimes it is sad, sometimes it is bliss.You only need to be aware enough
to read her.

Weeeiii.

Yeah there is more to a woman than a frown and a smile. Look into her eyes.
They tell you a lot. Usually they are (the eyes) very skillful at that. If you had
ever noticed how her pupils grew larger to a similar dimension when you told
her you missed her and that other time when you climaxed together, then you
would know how much she is not just about sex. But then, you were looking at
her bouncing bosom whenever she came running towards to hug you.

Weeeiii.

Yeah a woman is more than an ass that you grab. The touch, and then there
is this touch. There is this lust filled squeeze and there is this palm on your
forehead to check your temperature. Trace her and open her. Open her and
probe her. Repeat. Her breasts are designed to be gently sucked at, not get
squeezed. Know this, and you will be rewarded well.

Weeeiii.
Shredder!!! Will you stop fucking my leg?

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Dumb and Dumber

I can never be sorry enough because these incidents havent died yet.
I know I will have to live with them. They will only die with me.

Dumb

Long back, I used to work as a Y2K consultant for a Fortune 100 company.
Women in general are considered to be hot in that region. But Sharon was
hotter. (Thats her real name). Sharon a pretty hot black origin with a latino
skin pretty much used to set the cubicles on fire. Needless to say we all used
to fantasize about Sharon. Sharon, just like any normal American girl, used to
be a lot friendlier than, just like any normal hostile Indian girl.

One day Sharon came to my cube (Needless to say, she was pretty dumb
when it comes to programming. I used to occassionally help her with
MVS and IMS), glowing, looking just too special.

She was all smiles.
Smiley, today is my birthday.
I was in the middle of something. I thought about it for a while.
It took me sometime to absorb her presence and the news.
Meanwhile, she got a little offended with my perplexed look and said,
Smiley, its my birthday!

I was like, Hey, am I missing something here and continued my look.
She said, Hmph.
Gee, I scratched my head and said, So?
(I actually meant, So, what am I supposed to do, in a way to actually know
what am I supposed to do).
I think I am not that special to be treated special on my birthday. !!
And she walked away.

Even years later, I feel bad about it. :-) Last week I called a friend at
that company to get her email id to say sorry to her. She left two years
back.

Dumber

There used this really cute and really hot hot chick at Starbucks. Then I was
working as Java Developer for another Fortune 500 company. My routine used
to be simple. Buy coffee at starbucks and smile at her. Soon we developed some
kind of commeraiderieee whatever, you know that word right?

Her smile was pure. Pure American, Christian, Naive, Cultured smile.
Good morning. I am guessing its a Latte and a biscotti.
Yeah.
Its Three dollars 45 cents and here is your change. Have a good day.
You too.

Needless to say, in my fantasies we got married and everyday woke
up to her pure smile and a tasty starbucks coffee.

One day I got into my office elevator and pressed my level 4 button.
When the door was about to shut she entered inside.
I looked her and nodded.
She gave me that pure smile again.
I started looking at the walls and button panel.
After a moment she said,
Huh. I guess I am getting lazy these days.
And pressed her level 3 button.
I looked at her waist and thought she used to be thinner than this.
I thought may be she was getting lazy and sympathized with her.
Yeah, you have grown fat around your waist.
Needless to say, there was no conversation after that and the pure
smile turned into a frown so much so that I stopped buying coffee there
later.

It dawned on me after something like an year that I was supposed to ask
her (like a gentlemen) in the elevator, So which floor you want to go?

And yeah, I am never going to reveal my dumbest moment. Ever.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

So many books

I have been buying a lot books lately. Actually I should say, I found lot
of interesting books lately.

It takes a lot from my side to buy fiction. I dont read fiction because I dont
see any 'purpose' or 'outcome' of reading fiction. (I am boring when it comes
to books).

Another thing is, I am a 'Blink' buyer. I make my decision in about ten
seconds. Surprisingly I buy quality books. I think I have an instinct for
quality.

Santaram ***: I think it was Leela who recommended me this book. Or
thought, it was Leela who recommended me this book. Interesting book.
Nice quotes, good humour, lots of layers. I read something like 400 pages.
Then my objective mind took over and asked me, "Ok, do you really care
about whats gonna happen to Santaram in the end?" Truth was, "I dont care".

The Elegant Universe*****: My all time top ten. No book stimulated my
imagination, challenged my knowledge etc etc. This book sent me into a zone
for about a week. Beyond that I dont want to comment. They say, Quantum
physics is something you dont try to understand, its something you just get
adjusted to. This book is definitely not for girls.

Collapse****: Diamond is my favourite author. I get attracted to anything
macro and grand in scale. So a book that answers questions like, why
civilizations fail, is cool to me. I just started reading this book.

Undercover Economist*****: At the core of everything is a gene. Dawkins
says the gene basically is selfish. I say, the gene basically is an economist.
I love undercover economics because it is unmasked behaviour. I would like
to call it Common sense Economics. Excellent read. Highly recommended for
girls.

A new Earth***: Any book by the author of 'The Power of Now' (which is
my unofficial bible) , you think would be as smart. This one is a let down.

Heart pours into it (or something like that): Its the story of starbucks.
I love reading story of corporations. I just love. But havent started reading this
one yet.

Parallel universes: After reading Brian Greene, couldnt resist buying this one.
Havent started reading yet.

Trump **: Love this guy. Love this guy. I dont remember the title but just loved
reading this book. Finished it. At the same time, this book is very 'cheap'.

Mans search for meaning***: Its a shrink direct from gas chambers. I
realized that I know very little about holocaust. I spent more time on
wikipedia while reading this book, than reading this book. I dont know much
about Hitler too. For the first time I realized how sad holocaust was. How
evil Hitler was. It made me sad. So I discarded reading this book.
For now. I am sure I am going to finish it.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Ta!

April 14th was Cake and Cunnilingus day. (careful!)
They always tell me when its over.

But good news is, its not over yet..

Best consumed over 7 days.

Shopping List:

1 chocolate mud cake
1 carrot cake (Some nice healthy vegetables)
1 banana cake (A lashing of fruit)
1 coffee cake (Keeps you alert)
1 cheesecake
1 ice cream cake
1 sponge cake
7 cup cakes

1 partner (at least) with long tongue, expertise in pussy licking and an
obsession with making you come.

The Diet:

Take cake of your choice into bedroom. Remove clothing and position
yourself on the bed according to preference. Direct partner into correct
position between your legs. (Read on..)

Monday, April 10, 2006

Smiley Says

Better win than be right.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Ding Dong

Ding Dong.
I waited for allInOneSrinu to open the door.
No response. Even after a minute.
Lately I am getting this feeling that Srinu is using my
recliner and bed when I am not around.
I could listen to the music being played inside.

Ding Dong. Again.
No response. Again. Even after a minute.
I tried to peek through the curtain. I could see couple of candles on the floor.

What the fcuk is Srinu upto and why the fuck is he not opening the door?
Thats it sucker is fired. This is it.

Ding Dong. Again.
No resonse.Again.

I angrily knocked on the door.
The door opened.

I pushed it wide open.
The recliner was facing me.
On the recliner was a teddy bear.
On the recliner was a greeting card.
Next to the recliner was a stand. On the stand was two pasta bowls.
(With pasta in them). Two wine glasses. (With wine in them).
My amp was playing some love song from a love album.
(Pardon my music knowledge).

I looked around. Candles everywhere. Some of them scented.
I picked up the card.
Surprise. It said.

I whistled.
I went into the bed room. She was standing there.
Wearing a skirt and a top (ok, whatever you call it).

I kissed her. She smelled good.
This is so cool. I said.
I am glad you liked it. She said.
I am not yet into what I actually liked.
I ran my hand around her waist.
She came closer.
We kissed for a long time.
Suddenly as if I remembered something I undressed myself.
We made love. Not the sex kind of sex but making love kind of sex.

Then we sat and ate the pasta stuff. Drank the wine stuff.
Then we made love. Again. Not the sex kind of love but making love kind
of love.

I am glad we are not in love. She said.
Yeah, or else we would have screwed it up by now. I added.

So much for love. So much for making love.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Happy Faily

Faily, what was that again? Yeah Bilthday.
Faily,
Happy Bilthday.

This is flom all of us. Yeah, alpa, eela, gamma, monkey, nikky, daddy
and so. They say you all hot. You all best. I tust so.
Massa Smiley too say you all hot.

P.S: Massa Smiley Rocks.

Monday, March 27, 2006

AdMan's Ads -Two

Click for the full version here
If I am not exaggerating, we can call Indian Telecom ad campaign,
Before Hutch and After Hutch. Also, on the same tone, we can call
the telecom Industry, before Reliance and after Reliance.

When Hutch Came, it came. Hutch filled every city with its beautiful,
clean, white orange logos. When RajaniKanth's movie Baba was released,
Hutch basically painted the theatre in Chennai with white and orange.
Everyone loved Hutch.

When Hutch aired, it aired a pug and a boy. Pug sales in India grew by
4000% after the campaign. Everyone loved the pug. Teenage girls sang,
You and I and its a beautiful world.

Hutch basically revolutionalized an Indian ad campaign. Fortunately for
Hutch's ad agency, the ads won awards and elite acceptance.
Unfortunately for Hutch, the ads were never understood by the masses
and more importantly, Hutch ads never sold services.

On the contrary, Reliance came with boring, ads that are right on the bang.
Hey, our calls cost so much. Hey, these are our latest phone models.
It was the same ad, month after month. Month after month. Reliance never
won any awards for its ads.

Reliance is number two in India after three short years.
Hutch is a distant four. (After the purchase of BPL and Essar).

Now, the admen of Hutch came up with something new. Pink. So it is another
Adman's ad campaign, that would win more awards but would never really
ad to the bottom line of the company.

Like mint economics, telecom has its own rules. By rule, all technological
companies lead by differentiating the 'choice' of the customer. You love Hutch
ads. But at the end of the day, when you want to buy a mobile phone, you
would look at two things. Coverage. Rates. Period.

When someone offers better coverage, better rates, better options, you switch.

Dell differentiated by offering this choice to the customers.
In a telecom economy, you need to let your customer 'know' the options.
Brownie points to Reliance. Poop on Hutch.

So, I concluded to LoveMe that, I call Reliance, as a matter of fact BSNL (whose
ads all elite loves to hate), SBI are successful ad campaigns.
I call Hutch, its pug, its little boy, all those funny mint ads that make you
laugh, duds.

More read:
Airtel Vs Hutch.
Adevertising trends in Indian Telecom

AdMan's Ads -One



The other day LoveMe suddenly said, "I absolutely love these new
SBI ads. They are so much on target and so inviting". I was kind of
amused. Because, atleast in the blogdom lot of people didnt like SBI
ads.

We talked about ads for a little then. We agreed that we love those
new 'mint' ads. As a matter of fact, mint ads are the funniest ads
with catchiest phrases.

Dubaraa mat poochna.
Dimak ka batti jalade.

Funny part is neither of us remembered the name of mints. I dont
know if its Mint-O-Plus or hey what is that other mint?

But hey, A mint with a hole, a Polo is something we would never
forget. I must say, Polo is the most successful of all, when it comes
to 'Product Differentiation'. Someone designed the product so well,
it doesnt really harm Polo if their ad people screw up the campaign.
Polo ads suck. But can you ever forget Polo.

Dimak ka Batti Jalade is funny, but which mint is it for? This also
brings us to pay attention to mint economics. Mint atleast in India
is 'small currency'. Every time an Indian buys a cigerette in all likely
hood he gets a mint back.

The success of a mint lies in its distribution strategies and its margins
to retailers. So it makes sense to spend money at retailer level and
not on national TV. (Around 97% of Indian mint sales happen at
'unorganized' retail).

This points us to an important factor of all. What is the job of an ad?
Is it to show the creativity of the ad agency or to sell the product?

The answer is quiet obvious. Right?
But, not the practice.

It is surprising how everyone from Brand Equity of Economic Times to
Cannes Lion, discusses and awards, 'How Good An Ad Is' rather
than how successfully an ad sold a product.

There are million different awards for 'Good Ads', what I call the AdMan's
Ads. But none, I repeat, none to award an ad that increases the sales.

Now let us scrutinize the mother of all cute ads, Hutch.

Continued..

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Shredder Art

Now, beat this!


Art by Smiley. Dedicated to my buddy Shredder.

Sing a Song, Arre, Ding a Dong

This study shows whale songs resemble human language.
In other words, whales kind of talk, through songs.

This also reminds of an interesting argument I had with my
friend LoveMe. Bottom line is, life is smarter. Animals are
smarter. We are not that smart. I have an interesting theory
on 'proliferation' which I think is purely a chance event.

Human 'thought' proliferated lately. Ofcourse its manifestations
too. I think thats just a chance event. Nothing too great about it.

Anyway, the whale songs remind of an argument made by
Bruce Chatwin in his brilliantly original travel book Songlines.


Image by EllenRussell

Chatwin studied the curious tradition of aboriginies singing
songs. They basically sing the landscape. Aboriginies own songs
and exchange songs. They think the Earth was sung in the
beginning. Anyway, the argument is that it was song first
and language later. I dont know the merit of it, but it was
a brilliant argument.

Ofcourse, this Dane has a theory called Sing Song theory. Yeah
it was song and merrying first and language later.

Quantum Tears

I was watching Oprah the other day.
(Confession: When no one is around, sometimes I watch Oprah :-I)

It was about "your wildest dream coming true". Just like in every
episode, Oprah had a list of interesting candidates. Of all, an
eighteen year old black girl caught my emotion.

She was deserted by her family three years back. She is been
living on the streets since then. She was harassed several times.
She occassionally gets shelter from a cousin or a friend. All she
wants to do is finish her graduation. No one from her family
ever graduated. She grew up the last three years idolizing
Oprah as her mom. She has this fantasy, if you can call it so,
to hug Oprah atleast once. Hmm She also wants to look pretty
once, for a change, because she thinks, she is pretty. She is
tired of her blue jeans and blue coat.

She was innocent and honest in her intentions.

On Oprah's request America's top model (dont remember her name)
went to her college to surprise the black girl. Model met the girl
and offered free classes in modellign by top dogs. Top dogs took
her photos and made a fantastic portfolio. Model also gifted her a
designer wardrobe that would last two months if she doesnt wear
the same clothes agian. She was called on Oprah' s show and Oprah
hugged her. Her portfolio came out so well, she was offered job as
a model by a top agency. A women's magazine offered to put her
on her cover. And they did. A white woman offered to adopt her
to see through her gradutation. Ne need, said the university. The
university paid for her graduation. All this happened as a surprise
to that girl.

She hugged Oprah and cried.
I cried too.

I suddenly came to senses, wiped my tears and looked around. I
was so embarassed, I didnt know what to do.

So I called Vinny.

Dude, when was the last time you cried?
Whats wrong with you man? I told you not to stay at home alone.
Please, when was the last time you cried?
Why?

Err. I was watching Oprah and cried.
Why the fcuk are you watching Oprah?
All those chicks cheering and shouting Oprah turn me on man. I lied.
You know what? There is a hot anchor who is doing Tring Tring Top Ten
in Gemini TV. She is wild in bed it seems. Shall I book her for you?
No thanks, I can take care of myself. Tell me, when was the last time
you cried?

Ok. But you shouldnt make fun later.
Go ahead.

Finding Nemo. When Nemo gets stuck in that tube I got so upset, I cried.
You gottobe kidding. Oprah is Ok. Crying in a Pixar movie?
Hello? I thought we agreed on something.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, sometimes movies make you funny.
I have another confession to make. Remember Lakshya? When Hrithik makes
that call to his dad, I cried so much.
Thats nothing. Remember Chalte Chalte? When Shah Rukh slaps Rani, I had
tears running down like a leaking pipe, down my cheeks.
Worse. King Kong. King Kong man. I cried when King Kong died.

Sigh.
Sigh.

You think this is normal? I mean, are we normal?
I dont know.
Ok. Hang up. I want to call Eddie.
Why?
I want to know when was the last time he cried.

Are you out of your minds? If you tell this anyone, we will be fried for the
rest of our lives.
You think so?
I swear so. This is between us. To the end.
To the end.

Sigh. I feel a little lighter man.
Sigh. Me too.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Smiley Says

Routine is God.

Links

  1. Here is a list of worlds top selling drugs. Whats interesting is they ALL are lifestyle related. So its just the environment that we are putting under pressure. :-)
  2. Looks like this is the season of lists. About future stuff at wired.com. In 1997 I dreamt of a device thats basically a mobile phone, wirelessly connected to the broadband, involves flippable, foldable epaper and auto language translator. Most of the stuff became a reality. Just somehow, someone needs to figure out that foldable, flippable electronic screen.
  3. I dont know where these guys come up with this stuff. But this is seriously cute stuff.
  4. These guys have something say about how to succeed in emerging markets, yeah, they mean, in India and China.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Shreddy The Shredder

Shredder has his own page now. It could have been a blog.
But out of curiosity I used Google's page creator.

There are couple of posts that I wanted to finish.
One is Know Thyself, which is kind of Pseudo philosophically
comically surrealismistic post.

Another one is Green Apples. Green Apples need some
illustrations to tell.

Hopefully I will tell these stories one of these days.

Monkey, you are welcome to come up with your whacky
posts.

Here is the theme.
Master Smiley ordered Shredder to shred world's
information. Every time Shredder says 'woof' he turns
into ShredderMan. Nothing can stop him but an order
from Master Smiley.

A panel led by Master Yoda assigns Minor Yoda to embark
on a journey that involves travelling seven seas to reach and
protect The Oracle, which is Shredders final destination.

Whether Shredder shreds Oracle or not depends upon what
Oracle tells him.

Update # : What else? Shredder's page updated.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Smiley Says

Make friends with everyone.
Choose your enemies wisely.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Predictions come true (Kind of)

In his famous article 'Web 2.0 Predictions for 2006', Dion predicted
10 things for Web 2.0 in 2006.

His prediction number 2: 37signals.com will register million users.
37signals famours product whiteboard didnt exactly set the web
on fire, but its competitor writely.com did. Google.com bought writely.com
Why million I am sure, its gonna get atleast 2-5 million registered users
by the end of this year.

His prediction number 3: Microsoft will go live. Well, go to live.com

His prediction number 4 & 7: BarCamp is happening in Hyderabad and its
theme? Web 2.0

Prediction number 9: Provider Switching is becoming everywhere.

I am beginning to respect this guy.
Blues

I discovered this wonderful blog couple of days back.
When was the last time I read someone's archives?

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I Love You



Lets say for the sake of a fantasy, I get what I want.
I would get this island. (Roughly 110 Crores). I will take her
there on a surprise blindfolded helicopter ride.

I would tell her, I love you.
And what do you think? Is this an ideal nest for us to
procreate?

(The above shown island is for sale. Its in Fiji. Now all I need
is a girl that I love. A girl who loves me.)
Treat

I watched this movie titled 'Apaharan' and fell in love with it
instantly. Its my movie of the year. Forget Crash, forget Capote.
This is true stuff. So wonderfully unbiased stuff. I loved the movie.

I enquired about the director and came to know that there is
another movie of his titled Gangajal. I brought that DVD home, but
ended up watching the match between South Africa and Australia.

Fcuk !

I eman Fcuk! That was the match of the decade.

I am saving Gangajal for tomorrow.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Make Noise Project

Monkey, I think I have the toughest job in the world. Explaining
myself to a bunch of girls.

The reaction to my post Vaishali was rather strong.
So was the reaction to a comment I left on Megha's blog. The responses
made me laugh. And also think. So I left a comment there.

It got mysteriously disappeared. This post would have never
happened because I dont care about what ZZ, Huh had heh or Megha
think about me.

But I do care about what alpha, Leela or nonick think about me. When
the reaction was strong enough for my friend to email me saying

"Somehow I felt there was a certain insincerity when I read it. The
'Gross Smiley' act has become so much a part of you that it's hard to
believe when you mean otherwise."

I felt bad after reading it. (Hey surprise! Men have feelings too). But
I understood the gap I am creating with this Smiley style. I was also
surprised none asked me the required question "So what have you
done to better Vaishali's life?". Honestly I thought my readers are
smart enough to understand that I sympathized with Vaishali's
situation and helped her. I was wrong. Only Monkey and Patrix
looked like they knew me.

If I told you that after our first meeting Vaishali and I became good
friends, that I helped her financially with her health, that I
encouraged her to keep her girl in the school and helped her with the
school fees, that in our last meeting Vaishali broke down into sobbing
and I told her how much I admire her as a person, that even well after
an year every time I visited the manufacturer I made it a point to
visit her and encourage her, would I stand corrected?

I hope so.

Now here is my response to the dudes on Megha's blog (wait..I am trying
to recollect what I wrote on her blog)

My apologies for coming up with a bad example. That pinching butt stuff is
a bad example. I thought I was pointing towards an incident that happens
on a daily basis in this nation, to highlight the attitude behind that act.

Agreed. Raping is crime. Ogling is indecent. Pinching butt is vulgar and crude.
Smiling at is kind of ok. Using endearments is civic. I get it. I think everyone
should get it.

But why is this harassment as common as air in India? Why is it happening
everysecond to every mother, to every child in every street and in every
public place? Gurudwar to city buses why the butts are being pinched?

It feels good to thrash men. To condemn these barbaric acts. You think
a) there is something wrong with the upbringing of these men
b) all these men are emotionless beasts.

But that doesnt solve the problem. Why are men doing it?
a) They think they are having fun
b) Thats their 'making a move'
c) They are beasts who are taken over by their insincts
d) They think the receiving woman actually enjoys it
e) They dont understand they are making the other person uncomfortable
f) They dont care.

Whats happening on the receiving end?
a) In general women dont like it and dont enjoy it.

So where is the solution?
Make noise.

Make enough noise for the appropriate laws to be passed to punish harassment.
Make enough noise for the machanisms to be built to implement those laws.

Make enough noise for every girl child to understand 'harassment'.
Make enough noise to educate every girl child to understand how to react/
report to a harassment

Make enough noise for every uncle, teenager, rowdy, wise ass to understand
the scars they are leaving behind.
Make enough noise for every man to understand how devastating the
punishment would be if they get caught.

Blank noise is as good as no noise.

Make noise.

If I still sound insincere,
My organization is committed to the prevention of child abuse.
We regularly contribute to orphanages and education programs.
Not just contribute but monitor the implementation too.
I personally contribute to the education of three girl children.
If I still sound insincere, the 'Charity' and 'Charity Activities'
of my account heads are submitted to the government of AP
every year to make them tax deductable. You can always
browse them.

I want to be a part of this noise. That is the reason why I am
entertaining this conversation in the first place.

The only mature response I got was a private email which actually
tried to understand the situation. To quote her,

It will be interesting to see how you deal with the comments on your
blog about Vaishali.
I did, indeed, think of commenting. There is respect involved in flirting,
just that the hormones are too overwhelming for one to identify that.
The problem is that there is too much logic, explanation and the stating
of what is 'reality' as it may seem. Maybe men are not always thinking
about sex, maybe women are not always that touchy-feely. What's the
point in refining one's judgement of what men, women and this world
actually is? What's the point in analyzing the two genders so closely?
It yields nothing too great, excepting a sense of control and
understanding (hence, maturity). I believe that over-analysis and
generalization is a manner in protecting oneself in actually feeling what
they feel. So yes, you wanted to sleep with her..but is that all you will
identify? That men have a goal to reach (literally) and a benchmark
for their performance? Come on. You, Smiley, are a better man than that.

Thats another reason whenever we meet I look into her eyes, not at her
boobs.