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Monday, August 30, 2004


I eat anything. I was my moms favourite son in that aspect.

I dont like being interrupted while I am reading, watching a movie,
thinking or talking.

I think I have the most beautiful feet in the world.

I am a very patient listener. I totally empathize or totally pretend.
Either way,I listen.

I am not curious about other people's lives. I dont ask many questions.
If I do that, then thats certainly an exception.

I like myself a lot.

I tend to avoid arguments. Many times I dont consider the other guy worthy
enough or the outcome worthy enough.

I use an extremely soft cotton pillow. I sleep on my back, hands on my chest.
I dont snore and I keep myself away from people who snore.

I have lots of clothes. But you will see me wearing only those two T-Shirts.

I dont comb my hair.

I am extremely comfortable in discussing any part of my life. People who are
around me often reveal their inner most secrets to me at their own peril.

I tend to be very stiff in the beginning. It takes years for me to establish an
informal relationship.

I did not hurt anyone physically, so far.

I guide, inspire, motivate dozens of people around me. The control and influence
I exert sometimes scares me.

I dont lose friends. They are usually for life.

I can forgive ANY mistake.

Contrary to the popular belief, I dont spend much time on girls or on finding girls.
The opposite is true. I spend a lot of time avoiding noise in my life.

Smiley is not me. He is a character that evolved. (Which is another living proof of
the Unified Blog Theory).

I tend to be too grand and abstract with my ideas. I am a poor executioner. My
vision tends to be brilliant and complete. Implementation tends to be
incomplete and inconsistent.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Just another day

Rajiv Gandhi is coming to our city today.
My auto driver informed this morning.
Oh yeah! How do you know?
I know stuff.
Like, how?
I see all these cutouts. I see all these cars from the airport.

Just saw Spiderman 2. While I was waiting to get into the theaterI
bought a big pop corn and a medium coke. Armed with, strolling, I found
and looked at these 'just out of oven' chocolate chip cookies. I stared at
them for a long time. The dude said,
Sir, you want one?
No thanks. Just drooling.
I insist. Take one. Its on me.
So, I had a free 'just out of oven' chocolate chip cookie.

I know you will think that I am making this up, but still, I feel obliged
to share. This morning, to make a coffee myself,
I added one tbsp sugar, one tbsp instant coffee powder, filled the rest of
the cup with hot milk and made myself a nice coffee.
After my bath, I took a cereal bowl,
added one tbsp of sugar, one tbsp of instant coffee powder, corn flakes,
filled the bowl with warm milk and made myself this cereal that sucked.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Two Magicians

She became a duck, a duck all in the stream
And he became a waterdog, and fetched her back again

She became a star, a star all in the night
And he became a thundercloud and muffled her out of sight

She became a rose, a rose all in the wood
And he became a bumblebee and kissed her where she stood

She became a nun, a nun all dressed in white
And he became a chantry priest and prayed for her by night

She became a trout, a trout all in the brook
And he became a feathered fly, and caught her with his hook

She became a quilt, a quilt all on her bed
And he became a coverlet, and gained her maidenhead!

Friday, August 13, 2004

Aug 13, 2004

Dear Diary,

Tuyu tuyu tuyutoom tuyutoom
Tuyu tuyu tuyutoom tuyutoom
Tuyu tuyu tuyutoom tuyutoom
Please open the door.

Thats the new calling bell my dad installed at home. Its driving
my mom crazy. My dads logic: I needed a ring tonethat specifically
tells me to open thedoor. All these calling bells and cell phone rings
are confusing me.

I am going to Mumbai (again). Lee told me thather dog is having a
severe headache and she cant meet me. I hope her dog gets well soon.

Yesterday I asked my driver to get me some pasturized milk and
corn flakes. He brought me nestle milk powder and complan. Then I
asked him to mix four spoons of milk powder in a cup of hot water and
add one spoon of complan. He added four spoons of complan and one
spoon of milk powder.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Gaya Ball

I got so tired of driving from this end of this city to that end of that city.
Taking an auto sucks. What do youdo for that long sitting in an auto?
Besides no auto dudewould come.

So I opted for Public Transport system. Take a bus. I dont remember
when was the last time I used a bus. (Eight years? Ten years?) Couple of
friends adviced me to take 'Veera' bus. (Special).

On the first day, the moment I entered the bus stop, a veerabus came.
I got in, got myself a comfortable window seat. Tooka small nap.
Woke up, got down. Holy fuck my lord. This simple, ha!

In the evening, the moment I entered the bus stop, a veerabus came.
I got in, got myself a comfortable window seat. Tooka small nap.
Woke up, got down.


I waited in the bus stop for 40 long minutes cursing myself loudly. It was
drizzling. Finally an 'ordinary' bus came. Itwas filled with people. I convinced
myself into that bus.It wasnt a bus. It was a sea of stinking armpits.
Wherever I put my nose, therever was a stinking armpit.
Now I know why they call us pigs.

I hardly had 8 inch by 4 inch ground place to stand. (To balance).
I had a wallet with good amount of cash and two cell phones, a spare
battery, a pen in my pockets and a bag on my shoulders.
Beware of pick pocketers. A red paint read.

Conductor came, felt my dick and asked for a ticket.I gave him a note.
He gave me the ticket and felt my dick.He then rested his ass on my leg
and started writing something on an excel sheet.

One dude placed his hand on one of my pockets. Another one,on my bag.
What are they thinking? That they can steal something from me? Never.
I watched the dudes carefully. Conductor felt my dick and left.

It was an hour long journey during which I gaurded my pockets and bag
several thousand times. With every push andpull someone would fall on me.
I would check my right pocket, left pocket, front pocket of my bag, back
pocket of my bag.

With every stop people would get down and more people would get it. I
would check my right pocket, left pocket,front pocket of my bag, back
pocket of my bag. Conductor came, felt my dick and said, next stop is
yours. Conductor felt my dick and left.

I made myself a way out of the bus. The moment I got out, I took a
deep breath and checked my right pocket, left pocket, front pocket of
my bag, back pocket of my bag. I felt like a champion. I managed in an
ordinary bus during the peak hour whithour being robbed.

Smiley you are the man man.

Went home, swithced on the heater, got into the shower, looked down
below the belt. My dick looked odd and lonely. When I realized what had
just happened, I fainted.

The conductor stole my balls.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

How many sex units are you?

Sex unit = the amount of energy required to have sex. (Humans).
Lets call it Su.

It depends.
For Mr.Quickster it is just 50 calories.
For Mr.Stagster it is about 350 calories.
Lets take a decent average of 200 calories/act.
Let us make it one unit.

One Su = 200 calories.

Now calculate how many calories are you.

Take me.
I am 73 kgs.
@ 1 Kg = 2.2 pounds, I am 160.6 pounds.
We know that it takes 3500 calories to build up one pound
of human flesh.
@ 3500 calories = 1 Pound, I am 585200 calories.

One smiley = 585200 calories.

One sex unit = 200 calories.

One smiley = 585200/200 = 2926 Su.

Two thousand nine hundred and twenty six.
Thats an awesome figure. I feel so good.

Here is the formula.
I = W*2.2*3500/Su.
W = Your weight in Kgs.Su = 200 calories.
I = You in Su.

Eat more. Feel better.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Happy Birthday To You

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, Dear Lee,
Happy birthday to you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, today is our sweetie cutie pie Lee's

*Lee bows to the audience*.


Dont leave so soon.

After we smash this cake on to her face we have some
dhoom dhaam stuff coming up.

Fairy and Babita are going to address with
'Getting Older. How does it feel like?'.

TP is gonna perform his 'Me so hot, me so wet' lambada in the pool.
Adi and Smiley follow it up with their nogun banana dance.
(Organizers are looking for a pink undie of Adi's size).

Good old granny alpha is making cookies for all of us.

To ice it up we have 'hot NRI mamas' fashion show.
Enigma, Babita and Ph aaaaaaaare gonna make you rock n rolllllll.

Fairy, Granny alpha, Pinky, Mahati, Cynic and Goonda are gonna perform
'Too cheez badi hi mast mast'.

Its one looooooooong kick ass night.

Bling bling bling.
Ching ching ching.
Ding dong ding.