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Thursday, July 29, 2004

Just did it

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
The pretty girl said.

Monday, July 26, 2004

Tortoise and Achilles

The Tortoise challenged Achilles to a race, claiming thathe would win
as long as Achilles gave him a small head start.
Achilles laughed at this, for of course he was a mighty warriorand swift
of foot, whereas the Tortoise was heavy and slow.

How big a head start do you need? he asked the Tortoise with a smile.
Ten meters, the latter replied. Achilles laughed louder than ever.
You will surely lose, my friend, in that case, he told the Tortoise,
but let us race, if you wish it.
On the contrary, said the Tortoise, I will win, and I can prove it to you
by a  simple argument.
Go on then, Achilles replied, with less confidencethan he felt before.
He knew he was the superior athlete,but he also knew the Tortoise
had the sharper wits, and hehad lost many a bewildering argument
with him before this.

Suppose, began the Tortoise, that you give me a 10-meterhead start.
Would you say that you could cover that10 meters between us very quickly?
Very quickly, Achilles affirmed.
And in that time, how far should I have gone, do you think?
Perhaps a meter, no more.
Very well, replied the Tortoise, so now there is a meter between us.
And you would catch up that distance very quickly?.
Very quickly indeed!
And yet, in that time I shall have gone a little way farther,so that now
you must catch that distance up, yes?

Ye-es, said Achilles slowly.
And while you are doing so, I shall have gone a little wayfarther, so
that you must then catch up the new distance,
the Tortoise continued smoothly.
Achilles said nothing.
And so you see, in each moment you must be catching up the distance
between us, and yet I at the same time will beadding a new distance,
however small, for you to catch up again.
Indeed, it must be so, said Achilles wearily.
And so you can never catch up, the Tortoise concluded sympathetically.
You are right, as always, said Achilles sadly and conceded the race.

This and that

HBM finally broke its jinx. TP is the man.
Non sensai is the man man. They decided to
date each other.

Thanks to Vineeth I got my hands on Halo2(Beta).
Havent got used to the game yet.

Here is some of my upcoming stuff

The story of Mobydick I II III
Male Pride I II
Early Morning Erections I II
And Smiley goes to... I II III IV

Monday, July 19, 2004

Let me know if you want one.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

A mom

1997. I was changing flights at Frankfurt airport. Connecting flight
got delayed by fourteen hours. Unfortunately the shoulder strap of
my carry bag broke. Carrying it with short handles was too painful.
So I had to carry it like you would carry a child. Soon I discovered
that one of the pickle jars inside the box was leaking. So I had
to keep the bad absolutely at 90 degrees. One degree tilt, one degree

With in those fourteen hours I had to take a temp visa, do shopping,
use the lu, take bath, eat breakfast, eat lunch, have german beer.
I had to carry that bag everywhere. Hour by hour that bag grew
heavier and heavier.
At the end of fourteenth hour, I hated that
bag so much that that incident got burned deep into my cerebrum.

I am sure everyone of us must have gone through that painful
experience. Volunteering to carry the backpack at a picnic,
vacation and soon finding that the bag is heavier than you
imagined. Hour by hour, the pain grows. Minute by minute,
it adds pressure.

Now imagine carrying something, not on the back (which actually
is more comfortable), but in your stomach, for n i n e l o n g

If you can imagine that, you can understand a mom.

She discovers it during her third month. Soon the physical changes
set in. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, it slowly
gets bigger and bigger for six months altering and destroying
everything about her and everything that is her.

Mood swings, sexual activities, physical activities, eating habits,
sleeping habits, periods, career, home, friends, financial matters,
almost everything has to be altered and adjusted to accomodate
the change.

It finally gets to a point when you begin to wonder how any one
can push such a big thing through such a small vent. You would
actually begin to wonder and question the design of evolution.

She endures, miraculously delivers and starts a new life.

If you can imagine that you can understand a mom.

Now replace that backpack in your imagination with a fishbowl
filled with water to the brim. Imagine carrying that fragile
thing everywhere. Imagine a game in which all the rules are rigged
in the favour of that little fish. Imagine carrying the bowl
everywhere, feeding it hour by hour, cleaning it hour by hour,
making sure it doesnt get contaminated hour by hour, making sure
the water doesnt spill. One spill, one virus and one missed hour,
you loose the game. And sorry, its a 24/7 game. No taking rest.

Not only you have to live through it, endure it, but also you
have to 'love' it, unconditionally.
This is just level one.
With a year you get to level two. Where you will have two small
fish in the bowl and new dynamics to deal with.

Now throw in few more opponents like, burden of a running a house,
husband, career, shape etc. It is like 'Enter the Matrix'. There
is no return.

If you can imagine that you can understand a mom.

For a working mom, it gets worse. For a working mom living abroad,
it gets still worse.

This miracle of life happens right in front of our eyes and we
ignore the marvel of it. We dont take time to grasp the magnanimity
of it.

Human history has recorded the stories of brave, endurance,
strength, courage, love , passion, lust, intelligence, genius and
thought of men very well. It failed to record the flip side that
silently supported men and their freedom.

Moms amaze us with their endless patience and love. They actually
make it look easier. Men dont like to acknowledge the burden of
pregnancy and raising a child in a modern society.

A mom's love towards her child is almost divine to watch. It is
as graceful a lion's roar, a deer's leap and a cheetah's run.

I know one such mom who shows endless love to her child and cant
stop writing about him, actually nothing but about him. If you ever
visited her blog 'Never Been Better' you would feel her love to
her kid Rohan.

God blessed her again. She is pregnant again. (Stupid moms).

This post is dedicated with love to her. (This modern day warrior
disguised in a soft mask called 'mom').

Happy Birthday Babita. You are HBM's original sweetheart.
On your birthday our two shots of vodka is for you.

Monday, July 12, 2004


Continued from

Light from a distant fluorescent lamp filled the room through the
curtain less glass windows. At that past midnight hour, it looked
like moonlight inside the room. Two mosquitoes were singing
beautiful tunes for us. The sky blue blanket was 100% cotton
and very soft. She smelled great. I had a smile on my face and I
was looking forward to every second of that night.

We remained so for a while. Such softness for such a long time in
such a close proximity never happened to me before. I was truly
overwhelmed. I tilted my head a little down. Her hair strayed
and irritated my nose. I adjusted my face to avoid her hair. My nose
touched her forehead. My lips were somewhere near her eyebrows.

I was hardly breathing. I kissed her on her forehead. She didnt move.
For a moment I thought she fell back into her sleep. For a moment
I was clueless. She adjusted her face in such a way that I didnt
have to tilt my head to kiss her again. So I kissed. This time with a
new found confidence and new born love. I kissed her on her still
closed eyes. Placed my hand on her cheek and later cupped that
side of her face with my palm.

I could feel her steamy warmth. I could see the edges of lips,
where the pink suddenly ended, getting more visibly outlined.
When I kissed her cheek I slightly tasted her. She was a little
salty. I wiped out the moist I left, with my thumb. A streak of pale
yellow followed my thumb on her skin. Soon the yellow got filled
with red. I repeated it several times. Her right cheek became
distinctly brighter than her left cheek.

Just when I was to kiss her left cheek she slightly opened her eyes,
placed her hand around my neck, drew closer to me and kissed me full
on my lips. I was least prepared for that soft assault. Oddly,
her lips were a little stiffer than I thought they would be. I didnt
have enough air left in me to hold my breath for a long time. So
I separated myself. Her breath got a little irregular and the
raise and fall of her chest got more animated.

This time I drew closer. Kissed her full on her lips. We repeated
that for many times before at her surprise I let my tongue suddenly
in. She became a little defensive and hesitant. She was a little
sticky inside. The tastelessness of her saliva surprised me.

I took charge and placed my hand on her breast and felt her erect
nipple. I ran my finger along the circumference.

The guy sleeping next to her woke up and started coughing. We froze.
My finger on her nipple just stayed there.

An air of heat and anticipation surrounded us. My heartbeat was
so loud that I thought he would hear it. I regained my senses.

Light from a distant fluorescent lamp filled the room through the
curtain less glass windows. At that past midnight hour, it was
igniting fire in two young hearts. The sky blue blanket was all
we needed at that moment. My finger was still on her erect nipple.
I was just looking forward for that guy to settle down.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Eco Turd

You know you had too much salad when your
shit looks green.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Sorrows of a Loser II

I took twenty steps backwards, ran towards the cage and
hit it head on.

The crackling sound I heard was that of my skull.

Everything went blank for a while. A tsunami of pain hit me
Like a thunder after a flash. I couldnt take it. I stepped
backwards and fell on to the ground.

My whole life flashed in couple of seconds. Happy faces,
happy incidents, my mom, my dad, my family, my friends,
my achievements and then it suddenly fell into an abyss. The
sorrow that followed only grew in its intensity. I recoiled
with pain. Take me back. Take me back. I murmured.

Soon I realized that I was lying in a pool of blood. Not
just blood but other liquids that were pouring out of my
broken skull. I ran my head to check the damage. I was
stunned to realize the soft mass that my hand touched was
my brain. I checked the cage. It morphed. The design became
more intricate and more puzzling. The cage now appeared
to be layered.

I managed to stand up, trying to push back the brain into
the chambers broken skull. I ran and hit head on again.
It was a soft crash. A spring in the design broke loose and
spiraled through the right side of my brain and emerged through
my right eye.

Aah huh huh. I retched with pain. I pulled my head out. My
eye stayed back. I picked it up and looked at it. My eye.
My eye. My eye that fed me with the beauty of the world,
with the reflections of myself, with the things that I loved,
with the things that I learned and with her smile that I
cherished and lived for.

I ran backwards. My head seemed like having hard time balancing
itself over my shoulders. It was an ugly crisscross. With an
empty slot in right eye, a cracked skull and a half dead brain,
I sprinted for her. A moment before I hit the cage I jumped
into the air and turned around. My back struck the cage with
great force and broke into several pieces.

The cage stood undisturbed.

I fell in an awkward position. My back and ribs broken, the
upper body contoured to an ugly ninety degrees to the lower
one. The legs were twisted into an exact opposite direction.
A pearhead from the design sliced right through my throat.

Aarg arrg arrg.

The flight response took over my body and emptied my bowels
and bladder. I vomited with extreme pain. Some of it, through
the sliced throat. Blood flowed.

I lied with no control over my body in that pool of blood,
vomit, stool, organic acids, urine and tears. I cried for
my mom, I cried for myself and I cried for love. Every hiccup
caused further uncontrollable waves of pain.

Through my tears I watched her leaving me.
Through my tears I watched him shaking his head in disbelief.
Through my tears I watched the world carrying on withself.
Through my tears I watched vultures circling over me.

And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.

On the fifth day, the last vulture, after plucking the last
piece of meat from me, drank my last tear and merrily said,
Huh huh, sorrows of a loser.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Sorrows of a loser

I need love. I need love. I am too human for this stuff.

You don’t necessarily get what you need or want son.
You have to work with what you have at this moment.

Go fuck yourself, for a change. Not me. I am through.

He was disappointed in me for a while which made me more insecure.
He smiled after a couple of seconds.

I glanced at the lake. Her white sari, protected by couple of
stones from sailing Away was flying like a transparent flag, on
the shore. I could see her through it. She was swimming naked.
She looked like an artist’s dilemma. She didn’t blend well into
the background. Her fairness and smoothness came through like
A contrast. She enhanced the scenery at the same time. Her
curvaceous and feminine moves fit well with the waves.

She looked through and waved at me.

I turned my head away.

An acute pain emerged from inside out. I held my chest and hid
my face from him for sometime. I didnt want him to see my tears.

Son, this desire is going to burn you and kill you.

Who are you to tell that to me? Ha! Who the fuck are you?

The same irritating smile.

I grew impatient and walked away as he approached me.

She came out of the lake to pick her sari. She was worried that
I was leaving.

I started running away.

Stop. He said.

I was enraged. I turned back and started running towards him to
ram him. That’s when my head hit the cage.I didn’t notice it
before. I was separated by a cage from him and her. Blood
trickled down from my skull.

She held the sari in her hands and came running to me. She
put her hand on my head and started crying.

She held my hand onto her soft bosom.

At that moment, I knew I was complete.
At that moment, I knew I was incomplete.

I looked at him. Why this cage? Why?

Accept the cage. It is not the cage that is hurting you.
It is the desire to get out of it that is hurting you.

But why this cage?

It is you who created the cage with your desire.
It was never there.

Then I will destroy it with my will.

You will destroy only yourself.

I leapt with a ferocity that was not known even to me.
I shivered to have discovered such mounting and erupting
frustration within me.


Friday, July 02, 2004

Saala, Gabbar. Aa be aa. (Duex)

As I have mentioned already, Madhav and I had certain
instinct together. When Gabbar entered the toilet that
day, something stopped us from running down. Gabbar
acted a little smart that day.

He went inside casually and within couple of minutes he
suddenly opened the door to see who was standing outside.
None. He did that again. It was just too much adrenaline
for us. We ran down the third time he locked himself. We
stood before his door. Inside his tap was running. Ok, one,
two, three go. Saala Gabbar, aa be aa. We started banging.

To our utter horror, Gabbar was patiently waiting inside
faking a running tap. The moment we started banging, Gabbar
unlocked the door. Our mind took few micro seconds to
understand what was happening. We held on to the handle
of the door. A fierce tug of war went for a minute.Gabbar,
fuming and shouting from inside was trying to open the door
with all his strength. We were trying to close the door
holding on to our dear lives and the door handle.

We managed to outpull him, then we closed the door from
outside and ran to our room.

Gabbar started his * profanity and started banging and
kicking the door from inside. Nobody dared to open the door.
We lived in panic for a full hour. If there were any last
lines, we crossed them. A defeat of that magnitude will not
go down very well with any senior. Sooner or later he was
going to find out who it was. Images of hanging upside down
from the terrace, running butt naked around the campus,
eating a full toothpaste, licking his shoes etc flashed
in our minds.

Next day, Gabbar looked like someone who didn’t get his
sleep for days. Dark circles grew under his eyes. We watched
in horror, Gabbar like a buffoon, faking the toilet act
and suddenly coming out only to find none outside.

It went on for a long time. We didn’t dare to push it any further.

An astonishing thing happened then. Gabbar faked entering
the toilet for the tenth time. Then, a junior ran towards
his toilet, locked him from outside and started banging on
his door. Saala, Gabbar. Aa be aa. Nobody opened the
door later. We all forgot about him and went to the college.
It was rumoured that, that day, Gabbar neither shouted from
inside nor asked any one to open the door. An unsuspecting
soul who accidentally opened that door around noon was
punched so hard that he saw Divya Bharathi who was long
dead by then.

We never saw Gabbar around toilets again. Within couple of
days, he managed somehow to get a bed in the seniors hostel
and left. Later, at the end of that year, Gabbar was elected
as Senior of the year during the farewell party.

We came to know that he was actually a warm hearted and fun
loving dude. He shook hands with all of us. I have to admit
that I got shit scared when I shook his hands.