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Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Delirium
Sorrows of a Loser II


I took twenty steps backwards, ran towards the cage and
hit it head on.

The crackling sound I heard was that of my skull.

Everything went blank for a while. A tsunami of pain hit me
later.
Like a thunder after a flash. I couldnt take it. I stepped
backwards and fell on to the ground.

My whole life flashed in couple of seconds. Happy faces,
happy incidents, my mom, my dad, my family, my friends,
my achievements and then it suddenly fell into an abyss. The
sorrow that followed only grew in its intensity. I recoiled
with pain. Take me back. Take me back. I murmured.

Soon I realized that I was lying in a pool of blood. Not
just blood but other liquids that were pouring out of my
broken skull. I ran my head to check the damage. I was
stunned to realize the soft mass that my hand touched was
my brain. I checked the cage. It morphed. The design became
more intricate and more puzzling. The cage now appeared
to be layered.

I managed to stand up, trying to push back the brain into
the chambers broken skull. I ran and hit head on again.
It was a soft crash. A spring in the design broke loose and
spiraled through the right side of my brain and emerged through
my right eye.


Aah huh huh. I retched with pain. I pulled my head out. My
eye stayed back. I picked it up and looked at it. My eye.
My eye. My eye that fed me with the beauty of the world,
with the reflections of myself, with the things that I loved,
with the things that I learned and with her smile that I
cherished and lived for.


I ran backwards. My head seemed like having hard time balancing
itself over my shoulders. It was an ugly crisscross. With an
empty slot in right eye, a cracked skull and a half dead brain,
I sprinted for her. A moment before I hit the cage I jumped
into the air and turned around. My back struck the cage with
great force and broke into several pieces.

The cage stood undisturbed.

I fell in an awkward position. My back and ribs broken, the
upper body contoured to an ugly ninety degrees to the lower
one. The legs were twisted into an exact opposite direction.
A pearhead from the design sliced right through my throat.

Aarg arrg arrg.

The flight response took over my body and emptied my bowels
and bladder. I vomited with extreme pain. Some of it, through
the sliced throat. Blood flowed.

I lied with no control over my body in that pool of blood,
vomit, stool, organic acids, urine and tears. I cried for
my mom, I cried for myself and I cried for love. Every hiccup
caused further uncontrollable waves of pain.

Through my tears I watched her leaving me.
Through my tears I watched him shaking his head in disbelief.
Through my tears I watched the world carrying on withself.
Through my tears I watched vultures circling over me.

And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.

On the fifth day, the last vulture, after plucking the last
piece of meat from me, drank my last tear and merrily said,
Huh huh, sorrows of a loser.

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