Wednesday, December 22, 2004
A few more little people.
I called them dudes. There were several of them in my mind. The most
significant of them were
The discovery of each individual dude was an Aha! Moment.
I didn’t regret them. Instead I looked them the way Snow White would
look at the dwarfs.
I realized that each one of the little dudes had responsible roles. They were just
performing their duty. Like life, thought fights for dominance too. Thought
tries to proliferate too. The dominant and winning thought defines our mood,
decision, personality, happiness or sorrow at any given moment.
In my case I realized that around 60-80% of my back ground buzz in my mind
on a day to day basis is due to these three little dudes.
ToDoDude: He is the one who listed all the To Dos which LookAheadDude
runs through every now and then. (The more complex your ToDo is the more
worried is LookAheadDude and more often he run through them.)
LookAheadDude: Dude, Dude, by 11:00 we have to finish this and have
lunch. Yeah, lets cut down on rice this afternoon and hit on rotis. That makes
us less sleepy in the afternoon session. Btw, have you seen that
TooDeterminedDude ? He had eight rotis yesterday. Man! Then take a nap.
Oh by the way, we have to check the laundry on our way. Get back to
meditation from 1:00 and 2:30. Oh yeah, I have to pick medicine for cold at
the counter at five. Yeah take a bath at 5:15. Let us better be there by that
time. Otherwise we wont get hot water. Hmm, back to meditation by 6:00.
I wonder what discourse do we have this evening. After the discourse,
go to bed. Lets make sure we sleep before the snoring dudes start their
WorstCaseScenarioDude: At one time I was fantasizing a cruise from
Australia to somewhere. At midnight after making love to all the two dozen
Australian chicks on board I went to deck and started peeing in the sea. I
was mesmerized with the reflections of the moon in the sea while peeing into
it. Then WorstCaseScenarioDude created this great white shark which leaped
out of the water and snacked my dick. At another time, I was fantasizing sex
with a stranger in the New York subway and WorstCaseScenarioDude
mentioned AIDS and neither of us were carrying condoms.
At another time, I dreamed of merging my current startup with an
established firm and taking it to public, then Manmohan Singh died and stock
market crashed. When I swam, he increased the depth. When I took a flight,
he failed an engine. When I met my dream girl, he created a cage. When I
worked harder for greater success, he created ill health and failure. When I
trusted someone he made them backstab me. When I took my girlfriend to a
lonely ranch, he created a serial killer. I was amazed at how unaware of this
dude all the while.
(Later, it is this WorstCaseScenatioDude who helped me find my
‘Origin of Fear’.)
I should say, I was very successful in merely observing all these emotions
instead of identifying with them. I should also say that it kind of made me
Ok, you have little people in your mind. What else?
Can we skip like, to Day 10? Thanks in advance.
Hmm..once again, there is no blue font! Is it going to come back?
I heard of stuff like Adistana, Craving and Aversion before. What about that?
The Art Of Women
Monday, December 20, 2004
Yesterday I attended a party (a friend's brithday) thrown
at Ram Gopal Varma's guest house. Its located in an almost
jungle like location not far from Hyderabad.
He made a Telugu movie long back (Deyyam) which was entirely
picturized at that guest house. Spooky dude he is. I got
totally spooked out while reaching there. I was alone and
it was pitch dark. The road barely existed. I didnt know the
directions and my cell was Out Of Coverage Area. :-)
Adding to it, in the middle of the night, power went off.
:-). Hmm..what did I have? Two pegs of Red Label, prawn
biryani, mutton curry, chicken fry, crab fry and fish fry.
Like I mentioned at Fairy's blog before, we shouldnt be discussing
the moral aspects of two teenagers having sex at school. But law
and press should devote their energies in punishing the poeple who
are circulating this MMS. I did what I could by refusing to watch
I am glad to know that finally the 'circulators' are being noticed.
(One IITian and CEO of Bazee.com). Even the teenager is being
presented at the juvenile court today.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Tom Wolfe won this year's the British prize for
bad sex in fiction.
This is the stuff that won the award for him
"Slither slither slither slither went the tongue," one of his winning sentences
begins. "But the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand,
since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the
otorhinolaryngological caverns -- oh God, it was not just at the border where
the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest -- no, the hand
was cupping her entire right -- Now!"
Friday, December 17, 2004
One of the tech's all time favourite stories is back again.
I should say, this time it got better. (For all those who
read Pepsi to Apple and thought they knew everything about
Mac -- No we dint get most of it from Scully).
Oreilly did a book on that and its available in the market now.
(Patrix, now you know your weekend read)
For all of us Non American Residents, most of the book is avaialble
in the form of stories for free at http://folklore.org
One of my favourite stories is Reality Distortion
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Your mind wanders. Smile.
Dont feel bad for not being able to concentrate on your breath.
Your mind wanders.
Accept the fact that your mind wandered.
With a smile, bring its attention back to your breath.
Observing your breath is as simple a task can get. Thats what any one would
think. But the thing is, your mind doesnt really like doing the task on hand.
It always wanders.
The more it wanders the more frustrating it gets.
The same instructions were repeated several times.
Soon by the afternoon, I saw a pattern. By that evening, in one of those aha! moments, the pattern became a map. The moment it became a map, it became much more clear.
It was an elating moment.
My mind revealed itself. It suddenly gave me an perspective that was very
objective. Every emotion, every thought, suddently fell into a precharted territory.
Soon I realized that the vast thought process I thought I possessed is actually
an implementation of very few interfaces. (Pardon the language). In other
words, every thought had a pattern. It neatly fell into a zone.
The zones were surprisingly few.
Each zone is an escape channel to avoid NOW.
So what happened to the blue font?
Ok, you got a map. So what?
Hmm...who are these little people?
Come on hurry up dude.
A few important little people
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Observe it; accept it, as it is.
Observe your breath. Dont regulate it. Just observe your normal, natural breath.
If it is warm, then it is warm.
If it is cold, then it is cold.
If it is shallow, then it is shallow.
If it is deep, then it is deep.
If it is hard, then it is hard.
If it is soft, then it is soft.
If it is fast, then it is fast.
If it is slow, then it is slow.
Observe it, as it is. Accept whatever is real, as it is.
04:30 to 06:30 AM
08:00 to 11:00 AM
01:00 to 05:00 PM
06:00 to 07:00 PM
08:30 to 09:00 PM.
The duality of my mind fascinated me when I was in the final year of my college. I asked this question several of my friends.
Lets take for example, preparing for the exams. Our mind perfectly understands the benefits of preparing for the exams, passing the exams, getting good percentages and the benefits we reap on them. Our mind actually visualizes us sitting through the exams, acing the exams and being praised by parents, friends and relatives. Our mind motivates us to set higher goals, prepare plans and gather material to start preparation. Yet the same mind discourages you from going through this. It tells you to take a break, to go to a movie, to sleep early, to not to get up early etc and looks for instant gratification every moment.
This applies to every duality one usually faces like, smoking, drinking, eating, spending, working etc. Your mind perfectly understands the benefits of doing or not doing a task, yet the same mind totally discourages you from doint it or not doing it.
That question haunted me. Well after eighteen months, I found the answer, when I was least expecting it, in the book shelf of a friends uncle. The name of the book was
I'm Ok you're Ok.
The answer I was looking for lied in something called Transactional Analysis.
For the first time, that book made me think about my mind, its behavior patterns and its working patterns. For the first time, I realized how my past effects my future and how every decision I made in the past also has a heavy influence on the decisions I am making today.
That book gave me a huge intellectual satisfaction. No book ever satisfied me that much until then.
I found myself already in I’m OK and you’re OK zone. I felt glad about it.
So, what do we get out of this observation?
Is this what you did for TEN days?
What does this blue font prose have to do with your Vipassana stuff?
Your mind wanders. Smile.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Emotion has no reason, needs no reason and knows no reason
Twelve days of my absence would cause havoc to all our ongoing tasks, priorities and targets. There were so many last minute things. There was a certain amount of tangible loss too. I was prepared. Gave instructions to the staff, made more than hundred decisions in a span of six hours and finally said good bye to everyone. My staff treated me with a Paradise Special Mutton Biryani. I ate little and left. Two of my good friends offered to drop me at the center. On our way, we picked my cousin Vinny, who also enrolled to this course.
We entered into the campus and were instructed to fill several forms. Almost every form and instruction pointed to one single thing.
I agree, I will not leave this campus until the end of the ten day course, no matter what.
Without even a trace of doubt, I agreed and signed. They asked us to surrender the mobiles, valuables, pens, notebooks and cameras. Then we were registered and assigned rooms. One of the clerks realized that Vinny and I are cousins and allocated us rooms that are separated by a good 50 feet.
My good friends told us, Dudes, screw this thing. Keep at least one cell phone with you guys. If you ever feel like coming out, you can just give us an SMS. We know how to break a lock. I strongly disagreed and surrendered the phones. I asked them to leave and said good bye.
I suddenly felt lonely, the moment they left. As it got darker, my uneasiness and loneliness grew. Vinny had a slight fever and a thick cold. We were served Upma as our dinner at 5:30 PM.
I ate that stuff, picked blankets, mosquito nets and made my bed. At six, (my office boy packed my bag) I opened my kit and found that two essential things, toothpaste and toilet soap were missing. By six fifteen, at least a dozen mosquitoes bit me. At six thirty, a bell was struck. The noble silence begins from now. You are not supposed to speak, signal or look into any one else' eyes. You should work in this ashram for the next days, as if you are completely alone. I was instructed. Cake walk. I thought.
At seven thirty, they asked us to assemble in the main hall. By then I wasnt just uneasy but beginning to get nervous about the whole thing. I am slightly claustrophobic. I dont like closed environments. Also, I need noise and people around me all the time. I dont like eerie silences and empty halls. They scare me to death.
We entered into a dark, spacious and closed hall. I was shown a small white cushion. I was asked to write my name and room number on its tag. You are supposed meditate only on this cushion for the next ten days. The Dhamma worker said.
I was very nervous by then. Just the type of nervousness that strikes you before an interview or a public speech. I sat on the cushion in a padmasana and closed my eyes. I was not comfortable with my nervousness. I realized it was a kind of fear. I hated myself for fearing something as simple as meditation. A million things flooded my mind the moment I closed my eyes. The tasks that I left unfinished, all the things that can go wrong in my absence and all the worst case scenarios that I can get into.
For a second, I developed this intense urge to shout
Fuck this. I don’t need this. I am fine. I am leaving. Bye.
Lights got further dimmer and suddenly two speakers came to life. Then a strange raga filled the room. It wasnt a chant. It wasnt a song. It wasnt a mantra. It wasnt like anything I heard before. An East Asian Buddhist raga, I thought.
Without warning and without a reason a wave of panic numbed my mind. I thought I was fainting. It was a very strange experience. I panicked and opened my eyes. I cursed myself for going through this for something as simple as meditation. The next thirty minutes were a huge struggle between my panic state of mind and my reason. I wondered about the stuff I would go through in the next ten long days. I made a concrete decision that, if I get overwhelmed with fear or anxiety in the next session I would leave the center.
At nine, I walked back to my room fighting mosquitoes. I had two roommates. Within fifteen minutes they both entered into deep sleep snoring loudly. If there is one thing that I cant stand in this whole world, its snoring. The hard pillow wasnt comfortable. The blanket wasnt full length. That strange nervousness was still there. I stared into the ceiling for a long time.
I never showed faith to any God or any religion at any point of time in my life.
As a matter of fact, until very recently, I used to be an active atheist and
Through out my childhood, early teens and teenage I strongly stood on my atheist grounds. I read lot of books, debated and gave a lot of thought about concepts like origin of life, evolution, universe, rituals, religion, social structures and belief systems. I accepted things that stood reason. Rest, I declined. I never had any problem saying that the rest of the world could be wrong.
I never believed in reincarnation, traditional definitions of sin, karma, evil, heaven or hell. At the age twenty, after having a series of long debates with two of my good friends I concluded the following
1) There is no greater purpose to this life
2) Zillions and zillions of living cells were born and died. You and your short little life is just another blink.
3) The universe that you know is a grain in an endless sand beach. Zillions of earth like planets evolved and morphed and this solar system itself is just another blink.
4) The root of misery lies in attachment
5) When there is no greater purpose to the life, when no religion or social system is absolute, then the only thing that ever matters in your life is just being happy. In this short little life, every thing we ever do is towards just one state, to be happy.
6) Detach. Enjoy. Be happy.
At twenty one, out of curiosity, I joined a French class. I learned a little bit (too little) of French and bought a book titled ‘Learn French’ published by Orient Longman. Some where in that book I found a beautiful expression that caught my imagination. The more I thought about it, the more it fascinated me.
I used to do lot of painting in those days. I wrote stuff like Metallica, Hells angels, Aromatic Fart, Pak Stinks, Bon Jovi, symbols of fire, cross, swastikas, skulls, guitars, on jeans pants using Fevicryl fabric paints. On the next day I painted this French phrase on my cap and my T-Shirt.
Some of my freinds asked me what it is. I told them, it meant joy of life. They asked me back, So what about this joy of life? I told them that, that is the answer I was looking for all these days.
Thats the most beautiful expression I ever heard. I realized that joy of life is not
in finding solutions, finding happiness, conquering sorrows, possessing valuable things, attaining nirvana, finding love or anything thats a part or bye product of life.
The joy of life is in living itself.
The next year, this new cool technology called internet became a public phenomena and this new cool thing called ‘hotmail’ became almost a social status. I promptly got a mail id. In the signature option I put this phrase.
Joie De Vivre.
Observe it; accept it, as it is.
Monday, December 06, 2004
The day before the day before
A huge party was scheduled for that night. A private party at a private pool at Leo Meridian. I had dark rum and a chicken kabab. I helped myself with extra doses thinking about the dry and vegetarian days I am going to spend at the Vipassana centre for the next ten days. I was sure that I would love doing it and was in a way eagerly looking forward to it.
That night tossing on my comfortable soft bed at Park Inn, watching TV, I thought about the upcoming ten days.
Around two and half years back, I drew up a Master Plan of my life. I had identified six major areas of my life and prepared goals in those areas of self, love, career, finances, family and society. It was an ambitious, bold, strategic plan filled with lot of vision stuff.
I took several major decisions about my life based on my master plan and totally altered my life in a single week. The plan was my guiding force, a kind of compass that always lingered in the background.
I reviewed the plan occasionally. It told me where I was doing good and the areas I was doing badly. A year later, when I was reviewing the plan I realized that I failed miserably in many areas.
When I looked back and reviewed my life in that year, I realized that it was an eventful journey. Extreme fun, bold and dynamic energy, unlimited spending, utter failures, learning new things, adopting to new environments, realizing the dreams, failing the dreams, unlimited sorrows, unending pains, fear, the ugly side of humanity, love, women, the beauty of humanity, loyalty, friendship, relationships etc. So much happened in one single year.
But one thing that was constant was the stress. Anxiety, worry or stress, whatever you call it. Blame it on the number hours I was spending at work, or the number hours I was spending drinking and partying late nights or my lack of managerial skills or lack of ability to handle conflicts or lack of communication. Whatever it was, as much as I was happy, during the entire time, I was that much worried too.
After being clinically diagnosed with stress and given anti stress pills and sedative medicines, I realized that it was time for me to concentrate more on my ‘state of happiness’ or the ‘mental balance’.
In that process I stumbled upon a book called ‘How to stop worrying and start winning’. The author of the book is also the author of one of the all time self help best seller ‘How to win friends and influence people’. Even though the title sounded cheesy I bought that book because of the name of the author. I read it. Usually I make notes while reading a book like that. On a neat white paper, after I read the last page of the book, I wrote just two words.
For the sake of clarity, I added italics later,
After I came out to the normal world I got back to my routine with out a hitch.
But on that weekend, on sunday morning I started typing and didnt stop till
LL asked me @ HBM, So are you posting on Vipassana?
I said, I am. A long one.
So, is this one of your 'never finished' theories like Unified Blog Theory?
Lot of people so far asked me, What is this Vipassana? Why did you do
I am not sure if I can pin point to one single reason or if I can pin point to
'reason' at all for Why I Took Vipassana. I am not sure if I can tell anyone
what I got out of Vipassana or what is Vipassana.
Vipassana is not just theory, but your own experience added to what you can
call is a 'frame work'.
I typed whatever that came to my mind that afternoon, in no particular order
I didnt try to make it funny or more readable. I didnt correct my spellings
or grammer. But I feel obliged to share my thoughtSnapShots and experiences.
Your feedback is appreciated.
Smiley's MindStuff Dept.
In Association with
Smiley's StoryTeller Dept.
The Vipassana Chronicles
Friday, December 03, 2004
Around five months back, couple of dudes and an ace team joined
me and we closed in on an interesting script. We thought of scheduling the
shooting in the third week of Jan. Things changed a lot in between.
Our definition of Media was initially confined to movie making.
We changed the scope so as to increase the scope. (Ha!)
Several interesting projects are on my table at this moment.
An 'Animal Planet' kind of children's TV show to a crossover film.
We are currently interested in interesting ideas (Another Ha!).
Overseas, local, crossover, offbeat, onbeat...whatever.
If you or any of your friends are interested in any of the creative
departments (story, screenplay, music etc), do let me know.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Come one, come all
come short, come tall
come slim, come fat
come dog, come cat
OK, that dint make sense, but that was the only damn thing that rhymed,
man !!! ;-) The point of the matter is to spread the word ... its time for the
Second Hyderabad Bloggers Meet,
So come and see the biggest freak show on earth (no snide comments on this
line plese, this is just us being modest)Venue : Barista, Ground Floor, Banjara
Hills Main Road (If you can scream loud enough, mebbe we can get Neil to
change the venue to a place where we can get some booze ... Hic!!)
Date : 04-Dec-2004, SaturdayTime : 5 PM
(the last one to arrive foots the bill, and trust me, we eat a lot ... so get there
on time) Special prize for ladies (pssst, dont tell anyone, its justa ruse to get
the ladies to come ;-)) So I hope to to see you ppl there
"BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE"
P.S: This is the original invitation. A cut and paste of this post can be found
at Adi's blog.
(Copy right? My ass! I am a H-Blogger. Copy is right. )
Saturday, November 13, 2004
You? Vipassana? Are you sure? Mr. Sharma enquired.
Hold on dude, I told my friend on my mobile, turned towards Sharma and gave him this Duh look. Why do you think I drove all the way to here and filled in this silly application form?
Do you know anything about Vipassana? Sharma enquired further.
Dude, I will call you back. I told my friend and gave this give me a break dude look to Sharma and told him. Yeah I know everything about Vipassana, Dalai Lama, Buddha and Angelina.
Who is Angelina?
Did I say Angelina? I meant Leela. She is friend of mine. She took this course.
Sharma looked very unconvinced.
For the first time I realized that admissions are not automatic and not granted. I need to pass through Sharma's scrutiny. I became very nervous. I already bought four oversized Jockey Underwears for this meditation thing. I am not going let them go waste.
I put my mobile in silent mode and sat a little erect.
A lot of young men like you (thank you baseball cap) walk in and they get disillusioned in no time. Sharma said. Besides they end harming themselves by developing this intense negative feeling about the whole thing. Do you know what it is like to spend ten full days at Vipassana? Its not a vacation. You will working intensely for ten hours a day for full ten days. Everything you see, feel, eat will be against your will. Some times a minute lasts for days.
Bah, I endured a flat chested, whining, crying chick for a month. Everything was against my will. I can do this. Besides if Fairy can do this, why cant I?
Who is Fairy?
Did I say Fairy? I meant Leela. She is a curious chick. If she sees a road, she will definitely cross it. Ha ha ha.
Sharma threw my application into a dustbin.
I got extremely nervous. Now what am I going to do with those oversized underwears?
Look Mr err...Smiley, Vipassana is not fun, its not an adventure, its not cool, it needs total dedication, hard work and submission of your will.
Sounds like me.
No, of course not. I have been practicing Vipassana from the past twenty five years. I have seen thousands of people. I know. I dont want to judge you, but please think about the whole thing again.
Dude Sharma, you will regret this moment for the rest of your eventless life. You are denying Vipassana an oppurtunity to get in touch with Smiley. You are coming in between a historic and momentous moment. Can you tell me that I am not going to be the next Buddha? You cannot.
By denying the oppurtunity you proved yourself to be judgemental. Which means, you are still judging events, people. You are still associating them with your self, ego and past. I would say you wasted twenty five years of your life.
I added, What I said about you is true. So , its going to hurt your ego. You havent conquered your ego. Instead of admitting the fact that you were judgemental, you are going to deny my admission. Good bye Sharma.
Sharma, took the admission out fo the dustbin, he turned it over and jubiliantly said, Ha! You need to be introduced by an old student. No one introduced you. So I cant let you in.
Hope beckoned. I immediately took my mobile. She this Rani Mukharjee I told you about did this post after she did her Vipassana. I read it. It is technically as good as being introduced by her.
Rani Mukharjee did this course? Where?
I meant Leela. She is a good friend of mine. You can see, I showed him the SMS I sent to Leela that morning
Happy Diwali :-)
and Leela's reply to it
Stop bothering me :-(
Sharma very reluctantly gave me a confirmation. Two female foreign (British) students walked in. One of them said, I need to check my email. Sharma didnt understand a thing and said ya ya.
She went into the computer room. Sharma longingly looked at her. See, videshi vanita she is, she is been living here from three months. What dedictation? What dedication? He looked at me and asked. What do you think?
I looked at her and said
Yeah, nice butt.
I shook Sharma's hands and said, Thanks for letting me in, you will be proud of yourself in very few days. Sharma looked a little nervous and a lot worried.
P.S: What do you think? If Sweetie Lee can do it, I cant do it-aa?
My course starts from Nov 15 and ends at Nov 26th.
May the smiling buddha emerge. :-)
May you all live in peace.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
I am feeling a little Patrixy today.
First, let me lampoon Patrix and his kind..
Hyderabad Shoe Shine
A proposed Outer Ring Road for Hyderabad (Part of V 2020) is finally approved. The land grabbing has already started. This ring road is supposed to usher a new era of western style sub urbs life style. Thumbs up.
A mega 'Central' mall by the name Hyderabad Central was opened last week and has already got rave reviews. (By teenage love making lovers).
To support the outer ring road HUDA is coming up with 22 (twenty two) satellite towns around the ring.
A super flyover with a mini flyover over that super flyover is coming up to digest the congestion between Begumpet and Banjara Hills. Now, take the ramp at Grand Kakatiya and exit at Banjara. No stops. :-)
India Super Shine
The grand Infy ADS is an indicator of whats going to be the next wave of corporate India. If I am right (which I always am) there will be a major (exponential) influx of foreign fund flow into India. Not just because of the FDI but also because of external borrowings by corporate India.
The moment RBI regulated the overly regulated external borrowing (dollar funds) channel to protect the volatile rupee, every CA and CFO charted out plans to borrow the low interest and cash rich west funds. What we are seeing is a realization of that implementation. Next quarter, we should see an all time high rate of external borrowings. It is good for the corporate India. Ironically, RBI will have to step in, and reregulate the unregulated, again in another two to three years to prevent a crumble down like that of the paper East Tigers (that happened during the end of the Clinton era) and the domination of external factors.
Nehruvian Urban Secular Socialists
Some schools are teaching their kids the negative effects of 'Celebrating Diwali'. It causes sound pollution, air pollution, wastes lot of paper etc. So, the convent going, english speaking, urban hip kids pledged not to 'celebrate' diwali. Not only that, they want to spead this 'awareness' to the rest of the India. So they are painting the perils of Diwali. Fuck them all. I have just ordered a shit load of diwali crackers. I told my office boy to pick the loudest, smokest and litterest possible damaka stuff. If you see a guy distributing these crackers to the slum kids in Madhapur on the night of diwali, its me. (Thats what I have been doing from the past two years).
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
At the breakfast table..
Smiley: It went super smooth. I kind of touched that 'sweet spot'.
One little nudge and it was over. All I had to do was just shake off at the end.
Eddie:Yeah. Yeah. Mine too. By the time I read Garfield, it was over.
I wish every day starts like this.
Gello:What are you two talking about?
Smiley&Eddie:About how we shat this morning.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
It wasnt a planned management policy. It actually started pretty innocently on a fine lazy sunday morning. I sent an SMS to my cousin Vinny. The SMS simply read
Good morning :)
Vinny immediately called me and said,'Dude, how are you doing? Yeah I am doing good. Thank you and you have a wonderful day'. I was surprised by the warmth in his tone. So the next day morning I sent him another SMS the moment I woke up.
Good morning :)
Vinny called me again. We wished each other a great day. Then Vinny forwarded that SMS to all of his staff and clients. Neither of us expected the kind of response we would get. Almost all the people who received the SMS either sent a reply or called Vinny back.
The next day Vinny sent me that message even before I did. It lasted for couple of weeks. It became a kind of game between the two of us. Who would get up first and send that SMS. During that week Vinny discussed with me the kind of new enthusiasm this SMS is building in his sales and administrative staff. Everyone was getting up a little early and the moment they saw him they were throwing this huge smile. It kind of became an announcement among the staff. Look I got up at 6:00 AM today. On an average he was receiving not less than a dozen Good Morning :) SMS every morning, with in two weeks.
So, I extended this to my staff too. The response was the same. Warm and welcoming. The next day I sent that SMS to everyone in my phonebook. To say that this simple SMS literally rejuvenated all of my contacts would be an understatement. I sent this SMS to the Company MDs to Office boys. The response was always the same. No matter how the previous day ended, my staff would get up anticipating this message. Many a differences were settled. Many of my clients beamed. Many new contacts turned into new business. (I am not exaggerating). Some SMS lazy guys, when met in person, mentioned that they were receiving these SMS.
Like all the new fads I thought this one would be dead in a week too. Even though I stopped sending those SMS (I send that SMS to very special few), I still receive atleast half a dozen of them in the morning.
Two days back my accountant walked into my room and was rattling on cutting costs. He informed me that we consumed 4.7 cups of tea per day per head last month. We agreed to cut it down to 3 cups per day. Entertainment cost per head for sales people came around 750. We agreed to cut down it to 400 per head. He then held the H-Bomb and told me in a dramatic tone, You wont believe this, last month, our staff sent SMS worth Rs.6543. We can easily take out 5000 off that.
No, I said, take off all limits on that. Thats the best investment we ever made on our HR.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
The archaeological find will be featured in a National Geographic Channel program to air in early 2005.
Illustration by Peter Schouten
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Ek Chicken Biryani aur Do Kingfisher.
After a long time Eddie and his wife Gello invited me and Dimmy for a dinner.
Dimmy and I went. Eddie's 12 months kid Cheddi embraced, kissed and gladly welcomed us in. Gello said Hello. Dimmy and I praised her kindness and her saree. We admired her beauty and remarked how lucky Eddie was.
Gello smiled till her lips touched her ears. She asked us to be comfortable and went into the kitchen to make an additional dish for us. Eddie, Dimmy and I were watching cricket on TV while the kid tried to draw our attention to him. We ignored him. The kid went into the kitchen and started bothering Gello. Gello came out and asked Eddie to put the kid to sleep. But Eddie was too busy watching cricket. So I took up the job. I told the kid a story. I told the kid how a sparrow makes its nest. I told him about the mating calls made by frogs, by making those sounds. He laughed and laughed and suddenly fell asleep. Proudly I handed him to Eddie.
Eddie went inside his bedroom and put the kid on the bed. He annouced, Gello, I put the kid to sleep. Gello shouted back, Be careful. Watch him. He rolls in his sleep. We were back to watching cricket. Gello would shout from the kitchen every two minutes, Are you watching the kid. Eddie would shout back, Yes and Eddie would run into the bed room to check the kid. It went on for about twenty minutes. I got tired of Eddie and gave him a brilliant idea.
Why dont you put pillows on both sides of the kid and save us from this disturbance? Eddie beamed and did exactly that. By then Gello finished making Chicken biryani, Raitha and went onto making Sambar and papads. India was winning. Gello would shout from the kitchen every two minutes, Are you watching the kid?. Eddie would just sit in chair and shout back Yes and then would give me that you are my best buddy look and then I would nod back in agreement.
It went on for another ten minutes.
Then we heard this sickening thud. Yeah the thud of a soft baby's head falling from a good three and half feet high and hitting the marble below is sickening. It took Eddie couple of seconds to register what had happened. His face went extremely pale after he realized. He jumped into the bedroom. Dimmy and I got suddenly uncomfortable. With in couple of seconds we heard the kid crying at the top of his whatever little lungs.
I went into the bed room for the rescue. The kid thing totally turned red and opened his mouth so wide crying, I could see the food he had for dinner. Eddie was shivering. We came out of the bedroom and my legs trembled when I saw Gello.
Gello looked pure anger. Her nose turned red. Her face turned red. Her eyes turned red. She was so angry that she was gasping for air. She hissed Give me the kid and snatched the crying kid from Eddies hands. Eddie became clueless.
Wow! I didnt know he can roll over a pillow. Ha ha ha. He said.
You son of a triggerless gun. You good for nothing couch potato. All you ever do is sit and watch that stupid TV. There isnt a thing that you can ever do right. Gello shouted.
We were least prepared for this outburst. Eddie couldnt stand this humiliation right in front of our eyes. His macho image crumbled like a crumbling sand castle. He got angry but had the sense to not to show it.
He said something like, He is my son. He is strong enough. When I was kid I fell from a two storied building.
Ok, now we know why your brain is half dead. If you ever fucking call him your son again, I am going to kill you. You never was a good husband. You never talk to me. The only thing that ever matters to you is your office, your friends, your stupid cell phone and cricket. I cant stand this anymore. I am leaving. Sob sob.
Eddie looked half dead for sure.
Then I made my move. I said, Gello, pillow was my idea. Not Eddies. Its my fault. Wow, look the kid stopped crying. Now can we just move ahead and enjoy that biryani? Hmmmm...it smells so good.
She simply said, No biryani for you.
I looked at Eddie. Eddie looked at Dimmy. Dimmy tried to look busy checking sms in his cell phone.
Munching on my chicken biryani, sipping on my second beer, wathcing the match in a shady bar I asked Dimmy who was sitting opposite to me, for the dozenth time
Huh! How could Cheddi roll over a pillow?
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Evolution is some how a word that misleads you. It makes you think that
we are evolving towards something better.
Adding to it, We are self aware. This self awareness made us special and
superior to the rest of the species we were told.
But how does self awareness makes you superior? Thought is a by product of
self awareness. Does that make us superior? How and why? Why are we so sure?
What makes you superior?
You can build better buildings than an ant can?That makes you superior only if
the ant is comparing its hill with your building.But the ants dont care. You are
the one who is comparing.
What if the ant says,Hey I can trace food with my antenna thats 100 meters
away. You cant find that cookie crumble in your sofa.
What if the ant says, Hey I can lift a weight thats 100 times my body weight.
What if the ant says, Hey long before you thought of socialism, communism
and found religions, we discovered living a selfless life, to live for a society.
The thing is, your metrics for superiority are your metrics. Not the ants.
Ants dont even have metrics. Actually that makes them too superior because
you can NEVER beat them. No matter how complex a thing you evolve into.
The new age culture and science told you that you are superior. Western
individualism and I CAN, I WANT, I WILL and I AM cheese cake pop
philosophies flourished just because of that. They are pop. (In the same week
America discovered that Monica saved the wipes of Clinton's bursts in her
closet, thousands died in Gujarat. I dont need to tell which news made it to the
covers of TIME. Thats what pop is all about. What you like to see is what you get.)
This I AM thing took us too far.
This egoic I AM lets us say I AM right, this IS the truth.
We found religions that said I am right. You are wrong. So convert.
We found religions that said I am. You are not. So die.
In a way, we are just as preprogrammed as ants. They have antennae.
We think. Thats it. In terms of evolution we are no superior than a fly.
We might be a major impact on its direction with our devastation powers
as a species put together.
This self righteousness gave us right to kill every other living organism.
See, we can think. They cant. So, we have a right to.
We flourished because of our strengths. There is nothing wrong in it. Its one
of the fundamental qualities of life. To multiply. To be ruthless and to be
selfish. Always at the expense of another life. Thats how this system is built.
But, unfortunately multiplying doesnt mean 'better'. This must be just a blip.
A spike in the curve. Chance favoured us. Big ones died. Climate favoured.
Continents came closer.
Even then we were just the same. We co existed, related to and learned from
them. The more you trace back your folk tales the more you can discover how
humble our thought process used to me.
A mere two thousand years which isnt even a snap in an evolution year cant
make us superior. Actually nothing makes you ever superior than your fellow
beings.We are all same. With different qualities at different quantities. We are
just another possible outcome of this ever multiplying and morphing
On this day and at this hour, I am denouncing my attributed superiority. I am
accepting the fact that the ant thats crawling on my hand now is just as unique
and as important as I am.
I am saying, Hello world.
P.S: I hope that the other ant thats been hiding in my underwear right from
this morning gets these vibes and stops biting me.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Monday, October 04, 2004
Love has no matter
I took two steps forward.
Cage moved forward with me.
Took two steps side wards.
Cage moved side wards.
She was there. Outside the cage. I knew I could never get her.
I guess she knew it too. But she stood there as if she was more curious about
what is going to happen than in seeing me out of it.
Why is the cage?
Because you want to get out of it.
They said time started the moment the bang happened. Before that, there was
no time. Before that, there was no matter. Because time as we know it is linear and unidirectional. They said, you cant peek past the bang, where no event was
If matter can neither be created nor be destroyed, where did matter come from?
Matter is the initial condition of the universe. You cant get past it.
Is there anything that can be created out of its own?
Everything is a morph. Just various instances of energy and matter. You cant
create new instances. You can only change the attributes. The sum of all
energies is always the same.
What about information? Where did it come from?
What do you mean?
This post never existed before. I CREATED it.
This universe cares a fuck about your post. It is at balance. You just spent
some energy to DO something. To run or to think, who cares? You just
converted one form of energy into another.
I created information. It can be consumed. Unlike energy, it need not be
reproduced for every consumption. It doesnt morph with every consumption.
It doesnt even know about consumption. It is independent of its consumption.
I dont know how many people are going to consume this information. This
information is going to be consumed, in other words created, in I dont know
how many peoples heads, for I dont know how long. Why cant I call every
consumption an instance? Something that was not there before?
In other words, in theory, a bit of information can be replicated infinitely in
every corner of the universe. Number of replications or instances do not directly
or indirectly draw energy from the original bit.
Where is it going?
I am saying that the energy sum of all the bits of information that is ever
created from this post is higher than the energy required to create this post.
This is a clear contradiction to the law of the universe. Energy can neither be
created nor be destroyed. So I am wrong. But for me to be wrong, I must have
created anti Information for every instance of information I created.
Something of antiBit sort.
If the cage exists as long as I want to get out of it, if antiBit is true, it should
disappear if I dont want to get out of it.
He laughed to death.
Ok, this is your last time. I am not going to let you out of the cage anymore. Neither excuses nor theories are going to work next time.
The cage disappeared.
She stretched her arms.
I ran towards her. To love her and to make love to her.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
My mom and my cell phone
Its all because of your cell phone. She said. It heats up your brain.
I have seen it in discovery channel. They send signals and waves into your brain.
And you have a faulty one.
Yeah, you have been trying to repair it all the time with that stick.
Uh? Oh…that’s called a stylus and my cell is a touch screen. It aint faulty.
My mom and my Xbox
This movie sucks. No story, no emotions. She said.
Yeah, the bank robbery one that you are watching. And why are you
rewinding it so many times?
Uh? Oh…that’s a video game I am playing. Its not a movie.
My mom and food
Son, shall I serve the lunch. She asked for the tenth time.
Mom, I just finished my breakfast and had two apples meanwhile.
Tea or coffee? I bought these biscuits for you yesterday. They are so tasty.
Mom, I just had my lunch.
Here, I seeded this pomegranate just for you and I am frying your
favourite papads for dinner.
Dinner? Isnt it five in the evening?
My mom and sky
Mom, I told you to use my name. Not that Bujji stuff.
Look at the sky. Its so colorful.
I crawled out of my bed and into the balcony.
The sky was colorful.
I like watching sky filled with clouds in the evenings. Its Gods creation.
We are blessed. She said.
Look at the birds mom. They are going home.
Isn’t life beautiful?
Yeah mom, yeah.
She watched the clouds and I watched the birds until the sun set.
After a while, darkness consumed everything.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Friday, September 03, 2004
My cousin Vinny came to the town yesterday. After couple of beers I asked him,
How is Winny? Is she still sexy? How is your sex life?
Whats wrong dude? Is the kid still bothering you?
(The curious kid and the sex starved Vinnies.)
No, its getting plain plain lately.
I dont know how to put it. I am not attracted to her like I used to be.
Vinny stared into the ceiling for a long time.
I think its natural. You should try something different.
We did. I tried doggie style yesterday. Still didnt work.
No, not that different. Something else that makes her look different.
Like, ask her to get a new hair style, be more aggressive, watch a porn flick
together or go out to a new round of honeymoon.
Dude, you dont understand it. I tried that stuff.
This afternoon we did some shopping.
Vinny suddenly remembered that the day after is Winny's birthday.
I need to buy her nice pair of sandals.
You and your sandals. Ok, lets go.
We walked into a fancy store which had lots of Chinese imported stuff.
They had a separate section for ladies. It was filled with a lots of imported lingerie.
Vinny, may be you should try one of those transparent, light weight and really
cute bras. I know Winny wears Tantex. One thing I know about those bras is
that they arent sexy. I suggested.
Now, the lingerie section was filled with sexy sales girls.
I picked a big boobed one and asked her to show some 'Interesting' bras.
All girls giggled. (Thats what they do.)
Sir, this is for who? Giggle. Giggle.
I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable and said
Vinny, may be you should take charge and pick something interesting.
They showed us lots of stuff. See through ones, non-existing ones, slightly existing
ones and threadly existing ones.
Vinny visualized Winny in every pair of 'bra and panty' and drooled.
I visualized the Sales girl in every pair of 'bra and panty' and drooled.
(I have to confess that I visualized Winny in some of the pairs.)
Do you want to see 'nighties'? We have some interesting stuff.
The sales girl suddenly said.
Then, she went onto display some mind blowing varieties of nighties.
I saw that kind of kinky stuff only in porn flicks and in hollywood movies.
I never knew that in real life, that kind of stuff existed. The piece de resistance
was a 'Six Piece Sexy Black Nightie'.
Here is the panty. (A piece of thread with lace work attached to it).
Here is the bra.
Here is the top.
Here is the short.
Here is the cover.
Here is the over.
Pack that for me. Vinny beamed.
But will Winny wear this stuff?.
She will. She already has a four piece white nightie.
I was shell shocked. We walked out.
To me that was an interesting experience. Now, I know what I should buy
for my non existing girlfriend to make our non existing sex life a little bit more
Monday, August 30, 2004
I eat anything. I was my moms favourite son in that aspect.
I dont like being interrupted while I am reading, watching a movie,
thinking or talking.
I think I have the most beautiful feet in the world.
I am a very patient listener. I totally empathize or totally pretend.
Either way,I listen.
I am not curious about other people's lives. I dont ask many questions.
If I do that, then thats certainly an exception.
I like myself a lot.
I tend to avoid arguments. Many times I dont consider the other guy worthy
enough or the outcome worthy enough.
I use an extremely soft cotton pillow. I sleep on my back, hands on my chest.
I dont snore and I keep myself away from people who snore.
I have lots of clothes. But you will see me wearing only those two T-Shirts.
I dont comb my hair.
I am extremely comfortable in discussing any part of my life. People who are
around me often reveal their inner most secrets to me at their own peril.
I tend to be very stiff in the beginning. It takes years for me to establish an
I did not hurt anyone physically, so far.
I guide, inspire, motivate dozens of people around me. The control and influence
I exert sometimes scares me.
I dont lose friends. They are usually for life.
I can forgive ANY mistake.
Contrary to the popular belief, I dont spend much time on girls or on finding girls.
The opposite is true. I spend a lot of time avoiding noise in my life.
Smiley is not me. He is a character that evolved. (Which is another living proof of
the Unified Blog Theory).
I tend to be too grand and abstract with my ideas. I am a poor executioner. My
vision tends to be brilliant and complete. Implementation tends to be
incomplete and inconsistent.
Friday, August 20, 2004
Rajiv Gandhi is coming to our city today.
My auto driver informed this morning.
Oh yeah! How do you know?
I know stuff.
I see all these cutouts. I see all these cars from the airport.
Just saw Spiderman 2. While I was waiting to get into the theaterI
bought a big pop corn and a medium coke. Armed with, strolling, I found
and looked at these 'just out of oven' chocolate chip cookies. I stared at
them for a long time. The dude said,
Sir, you want one?
No thanks. Just drooling.
I insist. Take one. Its on me.
So, I had a free 'just out of oven' chocolate chip cookie.
I know you will think that I am making this up, but still, I feel obliged
to share. This morning, to make a coffee myself,
I added one tbsp sugar, one tbsp instant coffee powder, filled the rest of
the cup with hot milk and made myself a nice coffee.
After my bath, I took a cereal bowl,
added one tbsp of sugar, one tbsp of instant coffee powder, corn flakes,
filled the bowl with warm milk and made myself this cereal that sucked.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
She became a duck, a duck all in the stream
And he became a waterdog, and fetched her back again
She became a star, a star all in the night
And he became a thundercloud and muffled her out of sight
She became a rose, a rose all in the wood
And he became a bumblebee and kissed her where she stood
She became a nun, a nun all dressed in white
And he became a chantry priest and prayed for her by night
She became a trout, a trout all in the brook
And he became a feathered fly, and caught her with his hook
She became a quilt, a quilt all on her bed
And he became a coverlet, and gained her maidenhead!
Friday, August 13, 2004
Tuyu tuyu tuyutoom tuyutoom
Tuyu tuyu tuyutoom tuyutoom
Tuyu tuyu tuyutoom tuyutoom
Please open the door.
Thats the new calling bell my dad installed at home. Its driving
my mom crazy. My dads logic: I needed a ring tonethat specifically
tells me to open thedoor. All these calling bells and cell phone rings
are confusing me.
I am going to Mumbai (again). Lee told me thather dog is having a
severe headache and she cant meet me. I hope her dog gets well soon.
Yesterday I asked my driver to get me some pasturized milk and
corn flakes. He brought me nestle milk powder and complan. Then I
asked him to mix four spoons of milk powder in a cup of hot water and
add one spoon of complan. He added four spoons of complan and one
spoon of milk powder.
Friday, August 06, 2004
I got so tired of driving from this end of this city to that end of that city.
Taking an auto sucks. What do youdo for that long sitting in an auto?
Besides no auto dudewould come.
So I opted for Public Transport system. Take a bus. I dont remember
when was the last time I used a bus. (Eight years? Ten years?) Couple of
friends adviced me to take 'Veera' bus. (Special).
On the first day, the moment I entered the bus stop, a veerabus came.
I got in, got myself a comfortable window seat. Tooka small nap.
Woke up, got down. Holy fuck my lord. This simple, ha!
In the evening, the moment I entered the bus stop, a veerabus came.
I got in, got myself a comfortable window seat. Tooka small nap.
Woke up, got down.
I waited in the bus stop for 40 long minutes cursing myself loudly. It was
drizzling. Finally an 'ordinary' bus came. Itwas filled with people. I convinced
myself into that bus.It wasnt a bus. It was a sea of stinking armpits.
Wherever I put my nose, therever was a stinking armpit.
Now I know why they call us pigs.
I hardly had 8 inch by 4 inch ground place to stand. (To balance).
I had a wallet with good amount of cash and two cell phones, a spare
battery, a pen in my pockets and a bag on my shoulders.
Beware of pick pocketers. A red paint read.
Conductor came, felt my dick and asked for a ticket.I gave him a note.
He gave me the ticket and felt my dick.He then rested his ass on my leg
and started writing something on an excel sheet.
One dude placed his hand on one of my pockets. Another one,on my bag.
What are they thinking? That they can steal something from me? Never.
I watched the dudes carefully. Conductor felt my dick and left.
It was an hour long journey during which I gaurded my pockets and bag
several thousand times. With every push andpull someone would fall on me.
I would check my right pocket, left pocket, front pocket of my bag, back
pocket of my bag.
With every stop people would get down and more people would get it. I
would check my right pocket, left pocket,front pocket of my bag, back
pocket of my bag. Conductor came, felt my dick and said, next stop is
yours. Conductor felt my dick and left.
I made myself a way out of the bus. The moment I got out, I took a
deep breath and checked my right pocket, left pocket, front pocket of
my bag, back pocket of my bag. I felt like a champion. I managed in an
ordinary bus during the peak hour whithour being robbed.
Smiley you are the man man.
Went home, swithced on the heater, got into the shower, looked down
below the belt. My dick looked odd and lonely. When I realized what had
just happened, I fainted.
The conductor stole my balls.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Sex unit = the amount of energy required to have sex. (Humans).
Lets call it Su.
For Mr.Quickster it is just 50 calories.
For Mr.Stagster it is about 350 calories.
Lets take a decent average of 200 calories/act.
Let us make it one unit.
One Su = 200 calories.
Now calculate how many calories are you.
I am 73 kgs.
@ 1 Kg = 2.2 pounds, I am 160.6 pounds.
We know that it takes 3500 calories to build up one pound
of human flesh.
@ 3500 calories = 1 Pound, I am 585200 calories.
One smiley = 585200 calories.
One sex unit = 200 calories.
One smiley = 585200/200 = 2926 Su.
Two thousand nine hundred and twenty six.
Thats an awesome figure. I feel so good.
Here is the formula.
I = W*2.2*3500/Su.
W = Your weight in Kgs.Su = 200 calories.
I = You in Su.
Eat more. Feel better.
Monday, August 02, 2004
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, Dear Lee,
Happy birthday to you.
Ladies and Gentlemen, today is our sweetie cutie pie Lee's
*Lee bows to the audience*.
Dont leave so soon.
After we smash this cake on to her face we have some
dhoom dhaam stuff coming up.
Fairy and Babita are going to address with
'Getting Older. How does it feel like?'.
TP is gonna perform his 'Me so hot, me so wet' lambada in the pool.
Adi and Smiley follow it up with their nogun banana dance.
(Organizers are looking for a pink undie of Adi's size).
Good old granny alpha is making cookies for all of us.
To ice it up we have 'hot NRI mamas' fashion show.
Enigma, Babita and Ph aaaaaaaare gonna make you rock n rolllllll.
Fairy, Granny alpha, Pinky, Mahati, Cynic and Goonda are gonna perform
'Too cheez badi hi mast mast'.
Its one looooooooong kick ass night.
Bling bling bling.
Ching ching ching.
Ding dong ding.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Monday, July 26, 2004
The Tortoise challenged Achilles to a race, claiming thathe would win
as long as Achilles gave him a small head start.
Achilles laughed at this, for of course he was a mighty warriorand swift
of foot, whereas the Tortoise was heavy and slow.
How big a head start do you need? he asked the Tortoise with a smile.
Ten meters, the latter replied. Achilles laughed louder than ever.
You will surely lose, my friend, in that case, he told the Tortoise,
but let us race, if you wish it.
On the contrary, said the Tortoise, I will win, and I can prove it to you
by a simple argument.
Go on then, Achilles replied, with less confidencethan he felt before.
He knew he was the superior athlete,but he also knew the Tortoise
had the sharper wits, and hehad lost many a bewildering argument
with him before this.
Suppose, began the Tortoise, that you give me a 10-meterhead start.
Would you say that you could cover that10 meters between us very quickly?
Very quickly, Achilles affirmed.
And in that time, how far should I have gone, do you think?
Perhaps a meter, no more.
Very well, replied the Tortoise, so now there is a meter between us.
And you would catch up that distance very quickly?.
Very quickly indeed!
And yet, in that time I shall have gone a little way farther,so that now
you must catch that distance up, yes?
Ye-es, said Achilles slowly.
And while you are doing so, I shall have gone a little wayfarther, so
that you must then catch up the new distance,
the Tortoise continued smoothly.
Achilles said nothing.
And so you see, in each moment you must be catching up the distance
between us, and yet I at the same time will beadding a new distance,
however small, for you to catch up again.
Indeed, it must be so, said Achilles wearily.
And so you can never catch up, the Tortoise concluded sympathetically.
You are right, as always, said Achilles sadly and conceded the race.
HBM finally broke its jinx. TP is the man.
Non sensai is the man man. They decided to
date each other.
Thanks to Vineeth I got my hands on Halo2(Beta).
Havent got used to the game yet.
Here is some of my upcoming stuff
The story of Mobydick I II III
Male Pride I II
Early Morning Erections I II
And Smiley goes to... I II III IV
Monday, July 19, 2004
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
1997. I was changing flights at Frankfurt airport. Connecting flight
got delayed by fourteen hours. Unfortunately the shoulder strap of
my carry bag broke. Carrying it with short handles was too painful.
So I had to carry it like you would carry a child. Soon I discovered
that one of the pickle jars inside the box was leaking. So I had
to keep the bad absolutely at 90 degrees. One degree tilt, one degree
With in those fourteen hours I had to take a temp visa, do shopping,
use the lu, take bath, eat breakfast, eat lunch, have german beer.
I had to carry that bag everywhere. Hour by hour that bag grew
heavier and heavier. At the end of fourteenth hour, I hated that
bag so much that that incident got burned deep into my cerebrum.
I am sure everyone of us must have gone through that painful
experience. Volunteering to carry the backpack at a picnic,
vacation and soon finding that the bag is heavier than you
imagined. Hour by hour, the pain grows. Minute by minute,
it adds pressure.
Now imagine carrying something, not on the back (which actually
is more comfortable), but in your stomach, for n i n e l o n g
If you can imagine that, you can understand a mom.
She discovers it during her third month. Soon the physical changes
set in. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, it slowly
gets bigger and bigger for six months altering and destroying
everything about her and everything that is her.
Mood swings, sexual activities, physical activities, eating habits,
sleeping habits, periods, career, home, friends, financial matters,
almost everything has to be altered and adjusted to accomodate
It finally gets to a point when you begin to wonder how any one
can push such a big thing through such a small vent. You would
actually begin to wonder and question the design of evolution.
She endures, miraculously delivers and starts a new life.
If you can imagine that you can understand a mom.
Now replace that backpack in your imagination with a fishbowl
filled with water to the brim. Imagine carrying that fragile
thing everywhere. Imagine a game in which all the rules are rigged
in the favour of that little fish. Imagine carrying the bowl
everywhere, feeding it hour by hour, cleaning it hour by hour,
making sure it doesnt get contaminated hour by hour, making sure
the water doesnt spill. One spill, one virus and one missed hour,
you loose the game. And sorry, its a 24/7 game. No taking rest.
Not only you have to live through it, endure it, but also you
have to 'love' it, unconditionally. This is just level one.
With a year you get to level two. Where you will have two small
fish in the bowl and new dynamics to deal with.
Now throw in few more opponents like, burden of a running a house,
husband, career, shape etc. It is like 'Enter the Matrix'. There
is no return.
If you can imagine that you can understand a mom.
For a working mom, it gets worse. For a working mom living abroad,
it gets still worse.
This miracle of life happens right in front of our eyes and we
ignore the marvel of it. We dont take time to grasp the magnanimity
Human history has recorded the stories of brave, endurance,
strength, courage, love , passion, lust, intelligence, genius and
thought of men very well. It failed to record the flip side that
silently supported men and their freedom.
Moms amaze us with their endless patience and love. They actually
make it look easier. Men dont like to acknowledge the burden of
pregnancy and raising a child in a modern society.
A mom's love towards her child is almost divine to watch. It is
as graceful a lion's roar, a deer's leap and a cheetah's run.
I know one such mom who shows endless love to her child and cant
stop writing about him, actually nothing but about him. If you ever
visited her blog 'Never Been Better' you would feel her love to
her kid Rohan.
God blessed her again. She is pregnant again. (Stupid moms).
This post is dedicated with love to her. (This modern day warrior
disguised in a soft mask called 'mom').
Happy Birthday Babita. You are HBM's original sweetheart.
On your birthday our two shots of vodka is for you.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Light from a distant fluorescent lamp filled the room through the
curtain less glass windows. At that past midnight hour, it looked
like moonlight inside the room. Two mosquitoes were singing
beautiful tunes for us. The sky blue blanket was 100% cotton
and very soft. She smelled great. I had a smile on my face and I
was looking forward to every second of that night.
We remained so for a while. Such softness for such a long time in
such a close proximity never happened to me before. I was truly
overwhelmed. I tilted my head a little down. Her hair strayed
and irritated my nose. I adjusted my face to avoid her hair. My nose
touched her forehead. My lips were somewhere near her eyebrows.
I was hardly breathing. I kissed her on her forehead. She didnt move.
For a moment I thought she fell back into her sleep. For a moment
I was clueless. She adjusted her face in such a way that I didnt
have to tilt my head to kiss her again. So I kissed. This time with a
new found confidence and new born love. I kissed her on her still
closed eyes. Placed my hand on her cheek and later cupped that
side of her face with my palm.
I could feel her steamy warmth. I could see the edges of lips,
where the pink suddenly ended, getting more visibly outlined.
When I kissed her cheek I slightly tasted her. She was a little
salty. I wiped out the moist I left, with my thumb. A streak of pale
yellow followed my thumb on her skin. Soon the yellow got filled
with red. I repeated it several times. Her right cheek became
distinctly brighter than her left cheek.
Just when I was to kiss her left cheek she slightly opened her eyes,
placed her hand around my neck, drew closer to me and kissed me full
on my lips. I was least prepared for that soft assault. Oddly,
her lips were a little stiffer than I thought they would be. I didnt
have enough air left in me to hold my breath for a long time. So
I separated myself. Her breath got a little irregular and the
raise and fall of her chest got more animated.
This time I drew closer. Kissed her full on her lips. We repeated
that for many times before at her surprise I let my tongue suddenly
in. She became a little defensive and hesitant. She was a little
sticky inside. The tastelessness of her saliva surprised me.
I took charge and placed my hand on her breast and felt her erect
nipple. I ran my finger along the circumference.
The guy sleeping next to her woke up and started coughing. We froze.
My finger on her nipple just stayed there.
An air of heat and anticipation surrounded us. My heartbeat was
so loud that I thought he would hear it. I regained my senses.
Light from a distant fluorescent lamp filled the room through the
curtain less glass windows. At that past midnight hour, it was
igniting fire in two young hearts. The sky blue blanket was all
we needed at that moment. My finger was still on her erect nipple.
I was just looking forward for that guy to settle down.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Sorrows of a Loser II
I took twenty steps backwards, ran towards the cage and
hit it head on.
The crackling sound I heard was that of my skull.
Everything went blank for a while. A tsunami of pain hit me
later. Like a thunder after a flash. I couldnt take it. I stepped
backwards and fell on to the ground.
My whole life flashed in couple of seconds. Happy faces,
happy incidents, my mom, my dad, my family, my friends,
my achievements and then it suddenly fell into an abyss. The
sorrow that followed only grew in its intensity. I recoiled
with pain. Take me back. Take me back. I murmured.
Soon I realized that I was lying in a pool of blood. Not
just blood but other liquids that were pouring out of my
broken skull. I ran my head to check the damage. I was
stunned to realize the soft mass that my hand touched was
my brain. I checked the cage. It morphed. The design became
more intricate and more puzzling. The cage now appeared
to be layered.
I managed to stand up, trying to push back the brain into
the chambers broken skull. I ran and hit head on again.
It was a soft crash. A spring in the design broke loose and
spiraled through the right side of my brain and emerged through
my right eye.
Aah huh huh. I retched with pain. I pulled my head out. My
eye stayed back. I picked it up and looked at it. My eye.
My eye. My eye that fed me with the beauty of the world,
with the reflections of myself, with the things that I loved,
with the things that I learned and with her smile that I
cherished and lived for.
I ran backwards. My head seemed like having hard time balancing
itself over my shoulders. It was an ugly crisscross. With an
empty slot in right eye, a cracked skull and a half dead brain,
I sprinted for her. A moment before I hit the cage I jumped
into the air and turned around. My back struck the cage with
great force and broke into several pieces.
The cage stood undisturbed.
I fell in an awkward position. My back and ribs broken, the
upper body contoured to an ugly ninety degrees to the lower
one. The legs were twisted into an exact opposite direction.
A pearhead from the design sliced right through my throat.
Aarg arrg arrg.
The flight response took over my body and emptied my bowels
and bladder. I vomited with extreme pain. Some of it, through
the sliced throat. Blood flowed.
I lied with no control over my body in that pool of blood,
vomit, stool, organic acids, urine and tears. I cried for
my mom, I cried for myself and I cried for love. Every hiccup
caused further uncontrollable waves of pain.
Through my tears I watched her leaving me.
Through my tears I watched him shaking his head in disbelief.
Through my tears I watched the world carrying on withself.
Through my tears I watched vultures circling over me.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
And then, the sun set. And then, the sun rose.
On the fifth day, the last vulture, after plucking the last
piece of meat from me, drank my last tear and merrily said,
Huh huh, sorrows of a loser.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Sorrows of a loser
I need love. I need love. I am too human for this stuff.
You don’t necessarily get what you need or want son.
You have to work with what you have at this moment.
Go fuck yourself, for a change. Not me. I am through.
He was disappointed in me for a while which made me more insecure.
He smiled after a couple of seconds.
I glanced at the lake. Her white sari, protected by couple of
stones from sailing Away was flying like a transparent flag, on
the shore. I could see her through it. She was swimming naked.
She looked like an artist’s dilemma. She didn’t blend well into
the background. Her fairness and smoothness came through like
A contrast. She enhanced the scenery at the same time. Her
curvaceous and feminine moves fit well with the waves.
She looked through and waved at me.
I turned my head away.
An acute pain emerged from inside out. I held my chest and hid
my face from him for sometime. I didnt want him to see my tears.
Son, this desire is going to burn you and kill you.
Who are you to tell that to me? Ha! Who the fuck are you?
The same irritating smile.
I grew impatient and walked away as he approached me.
She came out of the lake to pick her sari. She was worried that
I was leaving.
I started running away.
Stop. He said.
I was enraged. I turned back and started running towards him to
ram him. That’s when my head hit the cage.I didn’t notice it
before. I was separated by a cage from him and her. Blood
trickled down from my skull.
She held the sari in her hands and came running to me. She
put her hand on my head and started crying.
She held my hand onto her soft bosom.
At that moment, I knew I was complete.
At that moment, I knew I was incomplete.
I looked at him. Why this cage? Why?
Accept the cage. It is not the cage that is hurting you.
It is the desire to get out of it that is hurting you.
But why this cage?
It is you who created the cage with your desire.
It was never there.
Then I will destroy it with my will.
You will destroy only yourself.
I leapt with a ferocity that was not known even to me.
I shivered to have discovered such mounting and erupting
frustration within me.
Friday, July 02, 2004
As I have mentioned already, Madhav and I had certain
instinct together. When Gabbar entered the toilet that
day, something stopped us from running down. Gabbar
acted a little smart that day.
He went inside casually and within couple of minutes he
suddenly opened the door to see who was standing outside.
None. He did that again. It was just too much adrenaline
for us. We ran down the third time he locked himself. We
stood before his door. Inside his tap was running. Ok, one,
two, three go. Saala Gabbar, aa be aa. We started banging.
To our utter horror, Gabbar was patiently waiting inside
faking a running tap. The moment we started banging, Gabbar
unlocked the door. Our mind took few micro seconds to
understand what was happening. We held on to the handle
of the door. A fierce tug of war went for a minute.Gabbar,
fuming and shouting from inside was trying to open the door
with all his strength. We were trying to close the door
holding on to our dear lives and the door handle.
We managed to outpull him, then we closed the door from
outside and ran to our room.
Gabbar started his * profanity and started banging and
kicking the door from inside. Nobody dared to open the door.
We lived in panic for a full hour. If there were any last
lines, we crossed them. A defeat of that magnitude will not
go down very well with any senior. Sooner or later he was
going to find out who it was. Images of hanging upside down
from the terrace, running butt naked around the campus,
eating a full toothpaste, licking his shoes etc flashed
in our minds.
Next day, Gabbar looked like someone who didn’t get his
sleep for days. Dark circles grew under his eyes. We watched
in horror, Gabbar like a buffoon, faking the toilet act
and suddenly coming out only to find none outside.
It went on for a long time. We didn’t dare to push it any further.
An astonishing thing happened then. Gabbar faked entering
the toilet for the tenth time. Then, a junior ran towards
his toilet, locked him from outside and started banging on
his door. Saala, Gabbar. Aa be aa. Nobody opened the
door later. We all forgot about him and went to the college.
It was rumoured that, that day, Gabbar neither shouted from
inside nor asked any one to open the door. An unsuspecting
soul who accidentally opened that door around noon was
punched so hard that he saw Divya Bharathi who was long
dead by then.
We never saw Gabbar around toilets again. Within couple of
days, he managed somehow to get a bed in the seniors hostel
and left. Later, at the end of that year, Gabbar was elected
as Senior of the year during the farewell party.
We came to know that he was actually a warm hearted and fun
loving dude. He shook hands with all of us. I have to admit
that I got shit scared when I shook his hands.