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Thursday, December 09, 2004

Day 1
Observe it; accept it, as it is.

Observe your breath. Dont regulate it. Just observe your normal, natural breath.

If it is warm, then it is warm.
If it is cold, then it is cold.
If it is shallow, then it is shallow.
If it is deep, then it is deep.
If it is hard, then it is hard.
If it is soft, then it is soft.
If it is fast, then it is fast.
If it is slow, then it is slow.

Observe it, as it is. Accept whatever is real, as it is.

04:30 to 06:30 AM
08:00 to 11:00 AM
01:00 to 05:00 PM
06:00 to 07:00 PM
08:30 to 09:00 PM.

The duality of my mind fascinated me when I was in the final year of my college. I asked this question several of my friends.

Lets take for example, preparing for the exams. Our mind perfectly understands the benefits of preparing for the exams, passing the exams, getting good percentages and the benefits we reap on them. Our mind actually visualizes us sitting through the exams, acing the exams and being praised by parents, friends and relatives. Our mind motivates us to set higher goals, prepare plans and gather material to start preparation. Yet the same mind discourages you from going through this. It tells you to take a break, to go to a movie, to sleep early, to not to get up early etc and looks for instant gratification every moment.

This applies to every duality one usually faces like, smoking, drinking, eating, spending, working etc. Your mind perfectly understands the benefits of doing or not doing a task, yet the same mind totally discourages you from doint it or not doing it.

Why duality?

That question haunted me. Well after eighteen months, I found the answer, when I was least expecting it, in the book shelf of a friends uncle. The name of the book was
I'm Ok you're Ok.

The answer I was looking for lied in something called Transactional Analysis.
For the first time, that book made me think about my mind, its behavior patterns and its working patterns. For the first time, I realized how my past effects my future and how every decision I made in the past also has a heavy influence on the decisions I am making today.

That book gave me a huge intellectual satisfaction. No book ever satisfied me that much until then.

I found myself already in I’m OK and you’re OK zone. I felt glad about it.

Coming Next..
So, what do we get out of this observation?
Is this what you did for TEN days?
What does this blue font prose have to do with your Vipassana stuff?
Day 2
Your mind wanders. Smile.

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