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Monday, April 26, 2004

Aqua Devils Association-Teen
At the edge of life

Politics it was. None of them were gasping for air like I was. They had enough air
left in them, they were even arguing. I kind of got detached from this world.

How am I going to drown? At one point my hands will simply refuse. My heart will
fail. Will I simply die or am I going to struggle a lot? (Like a fish on sand.)
Why does death have to be so painful?

What is my life so far? Do we have a purpose? If so, did I fulfill it?
Are we just 'gene carrying machines' like that Dawkins dude said?

Politics still it was.

These guys are gonna laugh to death in their next meeting.
But I am not going to ask for help.

Smiley, what do you think? One of them asked.

Think? I aint listening to you guys. I am going to die. I am going to drown.

Dear Fairy, ayyo chee, Dear Almighty, Is there a way out of this?

Detach. Detach.

My vision blurred. I have tried to appear calm. Scanned the distance I made.
There is no way I could get back there. I just wanted to take a look around before
I drowned. The other side of the river still looked foggy and woody. The bank I got
through in, still looked clear and close. That's when I realized that we hadn't
still made it to the middle of the river.

Death was a surety.

What is that sharp pain in my chest? Is my heart failing?

If nobody posts about my death will my fellow bloggers ever know?

Trisha is so cool. She has this cute smile. She is tall and slim. She is surprisingly
big busted for her slim frame. She has it all. Will she ever know that I ever existed?

I should have had an extra plate of that 'Peanut masala' yesterday. Screw calories.

I should have told Radha, Amala, Vimala, Aparna, Scooty, Madhavi, Roja, Divya Bharathi,
Juhi Chawla, Demi Moore, Manisha, Rashmi, Reshma, Sasikala, Anu, Sharon, Julia
and Trisha that I loved them.

I should have…I should have….

Trisha's eyes look beautiful even when they are closed. I still cant believe she
is from Chennai.

F&*% this. I am going to drown.

Will HBM 2 pay a tribute to me? I had a good life. I never had a girl friend though.
But I dont have any regrets about it. Ok, I regret it. I regret not finding someone
who I can share my life with. (What life? you are going to die soon). I regret not
taking her to Kavaratti.(Kavaratti? Reach the bank first). I regret never
fully experiencing that beautiful kiss that I have always imagined. (Ok, you
can kiss a devils ass if you want to).

I scanned the bank which is at a distance. Every one and every thing looked small.
A monkey was scratching its balls. Lucky monkey. It knows it place.
It still has its balls. I am stupid. A bird was lazily chirping. Lucky bird.
It knows its life. I am an aberration. I will be the winner of Darwin's award this year.
A boy was waving his hand.

When you are in the middle of a river, you really feel alone. Your legs dont find
anything solid to stand upon. Your eyes scan the distance that you have to make
and based on the information gathered, your mind activates on of those 'fight or flight'
systems. Both of those systems are rigged to work on land. In the middle of
a river neither fight nor flight is going to work. When your mind registers that
the inevitable happens. In layman terms it can be termed as 'the emotional part of
the brain taking over the logical part'.

When stuff like that happens people tend to illogical things. Drugs, rape,
alcohol, murder, suicide, surrender, hallucinate, argue, faith, lust, love are
just some of those 'things'.

Stupid boy. Soon I am going to drown. Pretty soon.

to be continued...

Get to know what is gonna happen in
Aqua Devils Association-Char
Revenge of a nerd

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