Haikus

Ab tak Chappan

He kills them with his gun
without a blink. Not before
his wife gets killed, he changes
course and uses a broken glass.

LOTR: Return of the king

The epic ends via
greater battles and with
stranger creatures.
Yawn.

Radha Kaise na Jale (Char)

"Drawing book? Oh, The Drawing Book..well I cant give it to you"

She was a little taken back.
"Why?"
"I am giving it to someone else"
"But you promised me yesterday"
"Sorry. I am giving it to Vasu. As a gift. He wont return it."
She literally shouted,
"Who? Vasu? Vasu?"
She looked at me with disbelief.
"Are you STILL friends with Vasu?"
"I am".

She shivered with anger and confusion. She grabbed my school box and said,
"But you promised me yesterday"
I took her hand off my box.

"Radha, my love, forget this appu gippu stuff. I drew a rose for you. As a matter
of fact, I have dedicated a whole drawing book for you, at home. If you ask me I
will draw whatever you want. I will teach whatever I can. Consider my poster colors
yours. Its ours."

But I never said that.

"Hand in hand, Radha my love, my hand is yours, forever.
It will draw for you as long as it can. But not THIS Appu".

I didnt do that either.

Instead I simply looked at the ground.

She stared at me for couple of seconds. I blinked hundred thousand times fractionally
looking at her. Tears came out of her eyes just like the proverbial 'flood gates
opened'.

All she could muster up was,
"Chee", with disgust, humility and hatred. With that chee, she turned and left
sobbing loudly.

I started home. Stopped on my way at Vasu's home. He wasnt there. I gave the
drawing book to his mom and told her that the book belongs to Vasu.

That night my home strangely was filled with silence. I walked in a daze.
My mom couldnt believe her eyes and ears. I didnt show any interest in the food.
I hit the bed an hour early and under the blanket cried my heart out. I sobbed
until I got hiccups.

I was told that men arent supposed to cry. Not over a Radha's chee and not in front
of a mom. I knew I was man enough.

Radha Kaise na Jale (Teen)

"Sir. Stop."
"Smiley is not that kind of guy. It must be Vasu who started it."
She added, "As far as I know, Smiley didnt do anything."

Meanwhile Vasu came out of his coma and first thing he did was pointing his
finger towards me. Master was enraged. He asked me to sit down and gave Vasu
another mighty slap, "You Liar. We know Smiley is innocent".

Vasu went back to his coma.

It didnt stop there. Master said that students like Vasu must be expelled and
they should be shown no mercy. He said that all the students must be ashamed of
Vasu and nobody should speak to him for a week. He shook Vasu out of his coma and
asked him to stand on the bench for the whole day. He asked Vasu to apologize
to the class and apologize to the girls. Vasu did. Every one looked at him with
utter disgust.

At the end of the day I told Vasu that I am his best friend and he can ask me
whatever he wanted and I would give it to him.

Without a blink, he said, "Ok, Give me your drawing book. I want it."
Without a blink, I said, "Its yours. I will get it to your home".

After school, while I was walking back home immersed in my thought, Radha came
running towards me. She took her breath and asked,
"Smiley, the drawing book"

Now what will Smiley do?
Who will finally win that 'Appu'?
Will Smiley tell the truth to Radha?

Read more in
Radha Kaise na Jale (Char)

Radha Kaise Na Jale (Do)

Vasu and I were having a field day. We were smiling upto our ears. Panty after
panty. Oh a blue one. Oh look an yellow one. Look look a zebra. Ayyo..chee does
she wear one? Wow. Oooh..aah. A few other kids sensed something. Pretty soon
couple of them joined us. Girls sensed that something was happening. Something
bad and something odd. One of them a 'shiny' one quickly grasped whats happening.
Suddenly girls became very aware. Skirts adjusted. Disgusting looks forwarded.

Vasu and I were like, "Oh, so the show is over. Lets go for lunch". But the shiny
girl didnt leave the matter there. She straight away headed to us and gave us the
most venomous look. She looked pure evil. The weakest of us shivered. She informed
us that we were heinous than hyenas and all girls are our sisters and that she
is going to report this class-less act to the head master.

Vasu and I were like, "Go ahead shiny. We have seen worse. This isnt even an issue
for us. Oh, by the way, I know you wear orange. Its you, who is class-less". Rest
of the kids didnt agree with us. They begged for pardon. We didnt budge.

Shiny one promptly reported the 'upskirt view party' we held during the 'no class'
hour, to our class master. An eerie silence filled the class room. All fingers were
pointed towards us. Class master asked me and Vasu to stand up. We stood. Vasu
pointed to me and said that it was I who started it and it was my idea in the first
place." Shut up" He shouted. "You Scoundrels, you bastards, you sons of guns, you
..you..." he became overwhelmed with anger and he slapped Vasu with all his might.
We all felt the resonance. Vasu's skull literally hmmmmmed for a while inside
his head. He just went blank and somehow managed to point his finger to me
before he fell on the desk.

Still shaking, the master approached me. The whole class looked forward to what
was gonna happen next. Especially the shiny one. When the master lifted his
hand, just like in movies, Radha stood and said,..

What did Radha Say? Has she turned against Smiley?
What ordeal lies ahead of Smiley and Vasu?
By the way, what happens to 'Appu'?

Read more in
Radha Kaise na Jale (Teen)

Radha Kaise na Jale? (Ek)

I used to 'draw' when I was a kid. A lot of pictures. One of my favorites was 'Asiad Appu'. Appu was the mascot for 1982 Asiad games. I drew lot of Appus. One day my dad gave me a certain gift called 'Poster Colours' and a No.2 Camel haired brush.

I drew an Appu in my drawing book and filled it with Poster white. On the head
of Appu I put a Bindi using my mom's 'Tilakam'. It came out well. Kids trickled
in to see 'Appu'. Within couple of days I have proudly added 'Art by :-)' at
the bottom.

The word spread to school.

On a beautiful sunny afternoon when I was walking home for lunch (home was
nearby), Radha came running to me. She stood in front of me, caught some breath
and said, "Smiley, I want to see your Appu. Also, can you teach me how to draw
an Appu?"
"Yeah sure, I will get you my drawing book tomorrow."

That night I drew a rose in the same drawing book (hoping she would get the
message). Next day I took my drawing book to school. My best buddy Vasu found
out that I was acting a little different that day. Every other second I was
looking at Radha and Radha was looking at me. We were blushing.

The inevitable happened. When I was looking for something in my box, Vasu found
out that I had a drawing book inside. He took out and marvelled the art.

When girls bend, their skirts get lifted. If you are clever enough to bend down
a little at the same time, you can see their panties. I had a fetish for that view.

I found out that the first bench girls were the most talkative and the most
gossiping. A lot of other girls used to group around that bench. Some of them
used to bend over it, listening intently and not realizing their up skirt views.

With evil intentions in mind, just the day before I convinced Vasu and rearranged
the benches in the whole class room. Instead of being next to the first bench we
were side to the first bench now. The results were more than rewarding that day.

I also had plans that day to give my drawing book to Radha in the lunch when nobody
is watching us. Our Telugu teacher didnt show up that day. Which left us with
'No class' just before the lunch hour. Some kids opted to go out and play.
Some stayed back to make airplanes and boats stuff. Most of the girls chose to
gossip, bending over the first bench.

Now, what does an upskirt view have to do with an 'Appu'?
What evil intentions does Vasu hold in mind?
Will Radha win Appu?
Read more in
Radha Kaise Na Jale (Do)

Some English

A friend of mine, Kishore, was doing his engineering. He had a classmate. Her
name was Rekha. Rekha used to go to NIIT. She had a batchmate, Venkatesh.
Venkatesh and Kishore inturn were friends. One day Rekha came up in their
conversation. Venkatest was surprised to know that Kishore was Rekha's class mate.
Venkatesh wanted Kishore to convey his hi to Rekha.

When Kishore met Rekha this is what he said.

"Hi, Venkatesh asked me to tell you that he asked me to tell you that he asked you".

Some Hindi

"Kotariji, Mai Abhi Raj Kumar Agarwal se baat kiya. Woh bola ki woh paanch baje ko
hamse bolenge. Mai bola ki Mai Kotari se bolke mai aapko boltu. Toh yeh baat
hi. Mai yeh bola. Aap bhi Agarwal se bolke mujko ek baar boliye"

Mr.V trying to convey the following information to a Mr. Kotari.

"I just called Raj Kumar Agarwal. He said meeting is at 5. Why dont you call
him up and confirm?"

inspired by inpassing.org

_ r _ _ m _ Limited (Uncut)

V.O (Voice Over): Run Run.. they are coming.

From the middle of the woods, she emerged out of the fog. Riding on a horse,
galloping towards me. It was her long, care free hair that was flying
backwards that caught me. She was holding something in her hand. A flower?
She bent towards me to give that to me. Thats when I noticed that she was
naked.

I pulled her hand with might and she fell on me. I rolled and I was on top of her.
The water bed had fish inside. It was as if we were on a jelly aquarium. She laughed
and adjusted her pillow. I snatched her locket and threw it off. Either she
didnt notice or she didnt care. My index finger traced her cleavage. It didnt
travel far, stopped by her bra. I reached her behind to unhook the bra. Failed.
Looked helpless at her. She enjoyed my ineptness with her bra.

I: Is it a hook?
She: You should know.

Instead I slipped one strap off her shoulder. The other off her other shoulder.
I pulled down her bra up to her navel. I bent and pressed my mouth around her
navel and blew air. She twisted in laughs. I held her hands. Spread them wide.
With my one day beard chin I tickled her stomach. She had tears laughing.

She: Please Please Please leave me.
I: Say, I love you.
She: I love you.
I: Say I love you twice.
She: I love you.
She: I love you.
I: Say I love you thrice.
She: Shut up.

I released her hands. She got up a little to hug me and whispered in my ears.
Thrice.
I kissed her cupping her right breast.

We rolled. Fell into the sand. Wet sand. I went down a little. She tasted salty.
Another fresh wave broke on us. We drifted for couple of seconds. Finding ourselves
in a new position. Then I told her,

I:..
I: Dude, I dont get this.
I: You dont get what?
I: She was naked once, wearing a black bra in another second.
I: She was naked when she was riding horse, now we are somewhere else. By the
way who are you and what am I talking to you. Wait a minute. You!!!
Get back dude. Get back.
I: But...

She flickered. She held my face with her soft palms, kissed on my lips and said,

I: Also, how can fish live in a water bed. ...and when you fell, you should fall
on a floor, not, INTO a beach.
I: Shut the f*** up. I know. I know. You better get back to sleep dude.
Please, I might loose her.

She flickered again. She beckoned before she was gone.

Halo

A friend gave me 'Halo' for my Xbox couple of days back. Once I started it,
I couldnt stop. (Finished six levels. Four left). I slept at three am this
morning. I am deprived of sleep from the past one week. Can someone sing a
lullaby for me?

P.S: Make sure that you are carrying your plasma shield.

P.S: If anyone of you is thinking about buying a gift for me there is nothing
that can make me happier than Halo2.

P.S: Here is a snapshot of my current thought.
S**t I just scanned four of them on North East.
Click. Click. Low on ammo. Low on plasma. One grenade left.
Where the f%#@ is Captain Keyes?
I am gonna charge in. Someone cover me from long.

P.S: Can someone sing a lullaby for me?

The Bunbundoolooeys

THE mother Bunbundoolooey put her child, a little boy Bunbundoolooey, who could
only just crawl, into her goolay.( Goolay is a sort of small netted hammock, slung
by black women on their backs, in which they carry their babies and goods in
general). Bunbundoolooey, the mother, put her goolay across her back, and started
out hunting.

When she had gone some distance she came to a clump of Dunnia (wattle trees).
At the foot of one of these she saw some large grubs, which were good to eat.
She picked some up, and dug with her yam stick round the roots of the tree to get
more. She went from tree to tree, getting grubs at every one. That she might gather
them all, she put down her goolay, and hunted further round.

Soon in the excitement of her search, she forgot the goolay with the child in it,
and wandered away. Further and further she went from the Dunnia clump, never once
thinking of her poor baby. On and still on she went, until at length she reached
a far country.

The baby woke up, and crawled out of the goolay. First he only crawled about, but
soon he grew stronger, and raised himself, and stood by a tree. Then day by day
he grew stronger and walked alone, and stronger still he grew, and could run. Then
he grew on into a big boy, and then into a man, and his mother he never saw while
he was growing from baby to man.

But in the far country at length one day Bunbundoolooey, the mother, remembered
the baby she had left.

"Oh," she cried, "I forgot my baby. I left my baby where the Dunnias grow in a
far country. I must go to my baby. My poor baby! I forgot it. Mad must I have been
when I forgot him. My baby! My baby!"

And away went the mother as fast as she could travel back to the Dunnia clump
in the far country. When she reached the spot she saw the tracks of her baby,
first crawling, then standing, then walking, and then running. Bigger and bigger
were the tracks she followed, until she saw they were the tracks of a man. She
followed them until she reached a camp. No one was in the camp, but a fire was
there, so she waited, and while waiting looked round. She saw her son had made
himself many weapons, and many opossum rugs, which he had painted daily inside.

Then at last she saw a man coming towards the camp, and she knew he was her baby,
grown into a man. As he drew near she ran out to meet him, saying:

"Bunbundoolooey, I am your mother. The mother who forgot you as a baby, and left
you. But now I have come to find you, my son. Long was the journey, my son, and
your mother was weary, but now that she sees once more her baby, who has grown
into a man, she is no longer weary, but glad is her heart, and loud could she sing
in her joy. Ah, Bunbundoolooey, my son! Bunbundoolooey, my son!"

And she ran forward with her arms out, as if to embrace him.

But stern was the face of Bunbundoolooey, the son, and no answer did he make with
his tongue. But he stooped to the ground and picked therefrom a big stone. This
swiftly he threw at his mother, hitting her with such force that she fell dead
to the earth.

Then on strode Bunbundoolooey to his camp.

(An Australian aborginal story. I have taken some freedom here and there for
more readability. Read more at sacred texts).

Tortoise and Giraffe - An African Folktale

Giraffe and Tortoise, they say, met one day. Giraffe said to Tortoise,
"At once I could trample you to death."
Tortoise, being afraid, remained silent.
Then Giraffe said,
"At once I could swallow you."
Tortoise said, in answer to this,
" Well, I just belong to the family of those whom it has always been customary
to be swallowed."

Then Giraffe swallowed Tortoise; but when the latter was being gulped down,
he stuck in Giraffe's throat, and as the latter could not get it down, he was
choked to death.

When Giraffe was dead, Tortoise crawled out and went to Crab (who is considered
as the mother of Tortoise), and told her what had happened. Then Crab said:

"The little Crab! I could sprinkle it under its arm with Boochoo,[1]
The crooked-legged little one, I could sprinkle under its arm."

Tortoise answered its mother and said:

Have you not always sprinkled me,
That you want to sprinkle me now?

Then they went and fed for a whole year on the remains of Giraffe.

[1. (In token of approval, according to a Hottentot custom.)]

From a collection of African Folktales.
Read more at Sacred-Text