Bring home a bahu. Babu!

Ok. I am leaving. I will come tomorrow morning. Yeah, I remember that I need to bring my pressure cooker while coming.

All three moms stood to say bye. They walked me to the door.

The younger one said, “Babu, we are all praying for you” and without any warning, she suddenly started crying.

This kind of shocked me. Not the crying part, but the praying part. What do you mean by praying?

Sniff. Sniff. Vinny and you are like my sons. You guys are of same age. Whenever I look at you I think of my son. Whenever I look at him, I think of you.

Really? But, why confuse yourself like that? ..and...ha ha ha...and..why do I need your prayers? If you havent noticed, my business is picking up day by day and I bought a brand new laptop just yesterday.

We want to see you settle down. Sometimes we dont understand how you are managing. Your mom never tells, but she is a worried soul.

I looked at my mom. Her eyes were already busy manufacturing a new set of waterlets (rhymes with applets). I looked at the elder one. She started a new round of prayers.

I thought I killed my ego at Vipassana. But three moms worrying about me hurt my ego. I was not comfortable with the idea that they think that I am not a happy person. Vinny always tells me that I must be the happiest person on earth because I have an Xbox and a 44” TV. Also because, I could get a house thats quiet near my office. Also because, I am not overweight like him.

I am the happiest person on earth. Ask Vinny. I told them.

No, you need to get married. Younger mom. We have a girl in our mind. Elder mom. New set of waterlets. Mom.

Sniff. Sniff. We dont understand why you said no to the last one. Sniff. Sniff.

I know the girl you have in your minds. Sorry, I dont get any sparks when I think about her.

Screw sparks. Spark theory is all bull. We know it. She is such a nice girl. She will be an excellent match for you. This is Mom's (Goddess Durga) wish. Younger one.

Mangalam. Mangalam. Elder one.

Elder one suddenly started crying. She glanced at my balding head and added “and you are aging”. We thought atleast you yourself will bring home a bahu. We are open to that too. But you couldnt.

What do you mean by COULDNT? I know a lot of girls. Come on. Its not like I couldnt but it didnt happen. I guess I am working on it.

Really?

Yeah. Like, OK, if you want to know. I proposed to this hot chick named Leela, last time I met her in Bombay. She is pretty. No, she is hot. Mm..actually she is pretty. She reads a lot and she can cook. She likes bungee jumping, water rafting, rock climbling. She can sing Norah Jones like Norah Jones. She loves children.

What did she say?

She said she cant marry someone who thinks a Pav Baji is a quarter bajji. Thats too much of a cultural difference. She thinks.

Quarter Bajji?

Yeah, she said a quarter Bajji is her favourite dish.

Tch. Tch. Those Bombay people. Always working hard to meet their ends. Bring her home son. We will feed her lots of full bajjis.

Thats what I told her. Silly girl. She said no. Anyways, she is in Dubai now.

Any one else?

Yeah. I know a girl in Delhi.

North Indian people? But we dont know much about them.

I know something about her. Her grand dad was like good at catching chicken. During partition he caught a lot of them in Afghanistan and sold in Delhi and got married with that money.

And?

And what?

Is she fair?

Ha she is so fair, her name is Fairy. If you pinch her cheeks they turn pink.

Really?? And?

And what? And, she works as a manager.

Works!!!!!!!!!!! Manager? I dont understand how women manage to be managers. But will she listen to us?

Listen? She will kick your ass if you dont listen to her. She also is good at detecting lies. Like next time you steal money from Dad's pocket, she is gonna detect it and report it to him.

Mom suddenly became nervous.

Dont worry. If you cant deal with that, I know a girl in Hyderabad. But she is in Europe now and she is gonna come back.

And who is she?

Her name is Mahati. She is cool. She is hot. She is pretty. She recently learned singing. As far as I know she can cook cookies and brownies.

What is she doing in Europe?

She is doing her Masters. Some kind of criminal psychology.

Psychology?

Yeah, she studies criminals, rats, abused children, rats and men. Btw, she is good at understanding whats going in your mind. Next time you think about stealing money from Dad's pocket, she is gonna detect it and report it to dad. Not only that, she will summon you for a therapy.

My mom stopped crying and started thinking.

But dont worry. I know a girl who is gonna fit in like a perfect fit.

Her name is alpha-2. She is one tenth Tamil, one tenth Telugu and so on and the last three tenths are American. She is fair. She is tall. She can cook. She can draw and I dont know about her singing talents. But, she has a fetish for female nudes. You better be careful while changing dress before her.

Thats OK. We all girls like watching each other.

Really? I didnt know that. She is working but still is traditional.

She sounds too good. There must be a catch.

Yeah. She is married.

Do you have like any normal friends?

Let me finish.

To be continued…

Sorrow

Its better not to write on Sorrow.
When I was young I thought sorrow was the naked pregnant prostitute in a Van gogh
That sorrow was like a song that wafted from afar
About unrequited love
About a nothingness in our lives
That sorrow of silences .
But today sorrow has the hues of the settling dust
A hint of betrayal
The smell of death
The bite of the cold night air when there’s no roof to call your own
Sorrow is the language of misfortune
That talks to you from the dry eyes of a mother
When her children lie buried in rubble that was once shelter.
Sorrow is the memory of a happy yesterday
And the waste around one now.

They say that the soul of the world is one.
That it lives in us.
Then this sorrow is ours too.
And if we truly Listen to the sacred silence within us
We’ll know that we are looking into our very own eyes
And the dead are ours
This sorrow. ours.

Universal soul?
I don’t know for sure. But some have felt it.
They say you become very brave afterwards.
You can stare at death’s face calmly.
makes life is pretty simple .
and I am sure they know what it is to be happy.

-nonick (In support of the call made by desipundit.com)

P.S: Posted by smiley in support of nonick's response to the
call made by desipundit.com and in support of the call made
by desipundit.com

Flock, The browser

I downloaded and tried Flock. Its basically some features added to Firefox.
I liked the idea of Shelf. But neither the Shelf nor the features to blog right
from the browser worked. Its still a developer's version and build isnt even
an unary.

Doom, The movie

According to Edbert "Doom" is like some kid came over and is using your
computer and won't let you play"

Yoda, The dude @ boingboing

Invitation

I have an invitation to Tarun Tahiliani's fashion show @ Taj Krishna
tomorrow night. Mmm..I have another invitation to a party @ Touch
tomorrow night. Both the events are by invitation only. Interested
hot (hooooooooooooooooooot) girls are cordially invited. :-)

Here is the plan. First we go to Taj. Watch the crap and then go to
Touch and get drunk. Then we go to my apartment. (Because by then
it will be really late).

Teeritiri teeri. Laaala lala laaala.

Fools paradise

My first thought was, "I dont think those legal notices served to Gaurav
and Varnam are from IIPM. In the first place, I dont think they are legal
notices at all. I wonder if any one called that Saxena dude and verified it."

The article ran by Jammag indeed is frivolous journalism. At times it is
almost a ridiculous article. (The campus photographs of all IIPM centers
are published on the homepage of IIPM.edu. I wonder why Rashmi had
to send someone to checkout the architecture and stuff).

All ads are hyped. Period. Duh. Whatever.
To obviate further clinical analysis, for Christs sake, its an ad.
IIPM runs (like any private educational institute in India) on strong
media hype. Last year, educational institutes were the largest segment
when it came to print media advertisments. (Education tops ad spending)

But yeah, people at Jammag has every right to run the article and express
their opinions.

Freedom of speech is a silly trump card. Everybody has one in their pocket.
If Jammag has FoS, so does the students of IIPM. Their freedom
of speech doesnt appeal to popular taste. But appealing to popular taste
didnt stop Larry Flint from calling pope a gay and an ass***e. It didnt stop
Howard Stern from airing a contest of "Who can fart longer" on prime time.

Sorry dudes, if you use your FoS trump card, then the students of IIPM use
theirs and will call Rashmi a lesbian.

(Larry Flynt won a landmark Supreme Court decision on February, 1988
(Hustler v. Falwell, 485 U.S. 46), after having been sued by Jerry Falwell
in 1983 over an offensive ad parody in Hustler that featured Falwell. The
decision clarified that public figures cannot recover damages for "intentional
infliction of emotional distress" based on parodies. )

But then, Desipundit has every right to codemn this cheap act and to call for
a reaction. The aftermath would have been a great case study for Malcom
Gladwell for his Tipping Point. Desipundit did demonstrate the strenght of
the net.

I strongly suspect that the management of IIPM has nothing to do with the
phoney blogs and the silly legal notices that followed. I strongly suspect it
was these pissed off students who pressurized the management (who inturn
would have been pissed off by Gaurav's disparaging comments on IIPM and
its Dean) to bully IBM. (Lenovo).

I strongly suspect that that bunch of smart ass students who patiently set
those phoney blogs and comments, created those silly legal notices and
pressurized management and IBM are laughing their asses off right now.

I congratulate Desipundit on an outstanding job and the power it unveiled.

I hope this incident doesnt step into the main media.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

"Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal.
Just three stories." -Steve Jobs

Commencement address by Steve Jobs at Stanford

God's own movie

Peter Jackson decides to produce Halo

Template Change.

When 38.5% of your readers can't view your blog properly, you better
change the template.

Puja

Puja

This one is Silly's favourite. I flickred it. :-)

More

Tech

Flock

"The Web is not just a library of documents, but a stream of events and
people," says Flock co-founder and Chief Executive Bart Decrem. "And
people are spending a lot more time sharing on the Web."

They are going to release the Beta in a week. Check their website
www.flock.com

Open Office 2.0

Larry once said that the key is the Office suit. Not the OS. Sun made a
strategic bet long back on StarOffice. In Sun's tradition they donated it
the community. The result is Openoffice.org . But OpenOffice suit so far
limped behind Office. Not anymore.
OpenOffice RC (Release Candidate) 2.0 is as good as Office 2003.
I tried it and am impressed. I am sticking to it.

The world is not enough

For Larry and Oracle, the world definitely is not enough. Oracle buys
yet another database company. This time its Finnish open source
database company.

Oct 12

ThinkSecret.com thinks this time its not 'Yet Another Upgrade To Nano'.
A possible upgrade to the Mac lineup itself is on the table. Whatever it
is, I have my eyes and eara open for Steve's announcement.

Desipundited

I started this blog around two years back. I was heavily influenced by
Unified Blog Theory back then and thought that this blog is for myself.

Nevertheless, I would make it public. If people wanted to read it, let them
read. But I am gonna blog for myself. Well, that was the idea.

I wanted to keep the blog simple, non opinionated and basically easy going.
Smiley was the natural choice. He basically symbolized Joie De Vivre in a
simple and elegant manner.

Thats how it was for a long time. Few HBMers who knew me occassionally
visited this blog and occassionally left a comment. All of that changed with
some gay comments I left on Alpha's blog. (Note: I am not gay).

Those comments and what followed later defined the character of Smiley.
Smiley made friends with an amazing lot of people. LL, TP, Adi, Sensai,
Mahati, Leela, Alpha, Babita, Neil etc. (in person) Patrix, Fairy, nonick,
Gabby etc. (online).

While it lasted I enjoyed the humour it brought, thoroughly. Esp, Alpha,
nonick and TPs. Hunting down Leela on every comment box (not
necessarily mine) was shameless and classless, but priceless too. :-)
Detective Fairy is such a game. She is a very cool techie.

Thats how it was for a long time. HBM got dissolved. Alpha quit.
Lee left. TP vanished. Nonick took an off. My blog got back to its
original status. Few people who knew me occassionally visited and
occassionally commented on it.

Then all in a sudden, after two long years I decided to install a counter
on my blog. On my day one I expected something like 5-10 hits. (I never
registered my blog with any search engine). I was shocked to see 50 hits.

Needless to say, it all came from Desipundit. My post Your friends wife..
got an entry on Desipundit and attracted all that traffic. (If I hadnt installed
that counter probably I wouldnt have known about that entry).

Thats a good start for a counter. :-)

On the second day the counter registered another 56 hits. Once again almost
all the hits came from Desipundit. Another entry in Desipundit explained it all.

This blog is never intended (unlike the other A class blogs) for a larger base of
readers. But its a good feeling when the stuff you write is read (and sometimes
appreciated).

I thank the team at Desipundit for doing an excellent job of bringing the best
of blogosphere (and giving Smiley an entry into the best of the blogosphere).

Based on my experience, I humbly present this world a new verb

Desipundited

verb. To have your blog mentioned on Desipundit.com

Usage:
1) Can you believe it! That silly post of mine about picking nose in public got Desipundited!!
2) Man! Look at the number of comments I got today. I must have been Desipundited.
3) She writes so well, all her posts are Desipunditable.

I Bloc

The spell check of Blogger doesnt recognize the word blog. It offers bloc as

an alternative. Funny.

P.S: It doesnt recognize the word Blogger either. Funny funny.

Dads driving moms crazy

My dad likes clear and complete sentences, no matter what context they are
presented in. He also likes to have complete information, no matter what the
situation is.

This often leads to interesting conversations.

Thats because my mom has a tendency to enter the room with a sentence
that doesnt fit the above criteria.

Mom: They just called. They are coming tomorrow.
Dad: Who just called?
Mom: My sister and her husband. For heavens sake we just talked about it.
Dad: How am I supposed to know?
Mom: They are coming tomorrow and they want us to..
Dad: Who just called? Your sister or her husband?
Mom: Why dont you listen to what I am saying? Its my sister.
Anyways, they want us to..
Dad: So how are they coming tomorrow? By train?
Mom: Of course by train. How else? You know my sister cant stand bus
journeys. Anyway, we have to...
Dad: Which train?

By the time my mom gets to tell my dad about the real piece of information
she usually half delivers because she is already upset.

Nothing is obvious to my dad.

Mom: My sister and I went to buy sarees this afternoon. I was short of money.
So I took some money from her.
Dad: From who?

Mom: How is the tea?
Dad: Which tea? (While drinking tea)

Mom: How is the curry?
Dad: Which curry? (While having the only curry in the plate)

My uncle is a little different. (My moms elder sister's husand.)

He has a tendency to repeat the crucial bits of information and to have a
contra entry for bit of information.

We were watching NDTV. A train got derailed.

Uncle: A train collision, I guess.
Me: The train got derailed.
Uncle: The train got derailed?
Me: Yes. Train got derailed.
Unlce: Train got derailed? I thought it was a collision. Dont you think its a
collision? Look at two engines. One of them is a diesel and other one is electric.
I think thats a collision.
Me: (reading the headlines of NDTV) So and so train got derailed.
Uncle: Yes, train got derailed. Crazy. It looks like a collision.
So, the train got derailed?

My other uncle is a lot different. (My moms younger sister's husband).

He basically speaks in an antakshari mode. Not exactly akshari but more like
a wordri. Lets call it anatapadari. He doesnt need your acknowledgement
either. While he is talking there is no chance for anyone at all.

Uncle: So what time are you leaving?
Me: I have to...
Unlce: What time do you usaully go? Commuting is a big problem here. Dont
you think so? Last time remember when I came here to visit Prasad...
You know Prasad right?
Me: I..
Uncle: Prasad is the elder son of the younger daughter of your grandfathers
second sister. They are in Hyderabad now. He left to US. Where did you work
when you were in US?
Me: I..
Uncle: But you people dont maintian relationships in US anyway. It took me
two hours to reach from Kukatpally to SRNagar. What traffic? What traffic?
What do you think? Is this because of all these IT people? These days bank
folks are giving loans to every Tom, Dick and Pussy. Btw, did you buy your
car on loan?
Me: Yes, I ..
Uncle: But they are not realizing. The roads are crowded and fuel prices are
increasing. I dont know how you people are managing? Are you managing
your finances well? Be careful. Save when you can. You have seen what
happened to Pattabhiram. Huh! You should see, his apartment
construction got stopped. What a shame. There is no money to buy even
cement now. Managing finances is the key. Btw, what time are you leaving?

Now, imagine all these characters at one place. Now they are at one place.
My sister Silly is hosting a nine day durga puja. (Today is the third day).
Serious stuff. Serious puja. Moms are going to recite slokas from morning
till noon. They eat only prasadam during these nine days.
Its a grand tradition in our family.

For these nine days, dads (all retired) have nothing else but to drive these
moms crazy.

For these nine days, moms are going to pray for the health of the family,
the world and a long life for their nut husbands.

Its a strange world, I tell ya.

Your best friends wife is your friend too

A week before, my friend from the US called me and gave me the schedule.

Basically I had to receive his wife, six months kid, his in-law and their luggage (six heavy bags) at 2 AM and then put the luggage in the cloak room, take them home, feed them. Then move on to confirm the in-laws open ticket from Hyderabad to Vizag at 5:30 AM. Then take them back to the airport, get the luggage from the cloak room, check them in and call my friend to let him know that everything went fine.

Now, the ToDoListDude inside my mind got very excited with such a hectic ToDoList and started running through it repeatedly.

I woke up at 1 AM and found my allInOneSreenu blissfully sleeping on the
floor. I got maha Jealous. So I woke him up.

Make some coffee for me. We are going to the airport now. I told him

I bet he must be thinking that that must be a bad dream. For him, unfortunately it wasnt.

It went actually very well. Check out was smooth. My friends wife M, in law and the six months baby. She emerged out with a huge ear to ear smile. You look exactly the same. She exclaimed.
(She had put on some weight, to which I agreed).

No, actually I got a little bald. I bent my head to show her.
You aint seen my husband and my brother lately. They are clean. You are way better. She said.

Then the inevitable.

How is my kid?

Thank God, he looks like his father. I teased her.

I think the kid got scared or may be a mosquito bit him or may be he just felt like, but he started a marathon crying session. She got a little embarrassed.

I took them home. She admired the little Krishna on my TV. She admired the TV as an after thought. She checked out the bedroom, bathroom and the other bedroom. She pointed out to a blue checks towel and said, So, you are still using it?. I admitted.

I switched on the AC and we all sat down. The kid was still crying.
She gave him an 8ml Tylenol. His dose is 4ml. But we need to double it tonight. She thought aloud.

Suddenly the kid started laughing. Dont worry he does that occasionally. She said.

I thought I will stick to my grounds of just looking at the kid instead of trying to understand him. Apart from the kids occasional burst, it was silent and calm. There was a pause. An awkward pause.

I think the fact that she is back in India and she doesnt have to worry about the luggage and check out and check in and all this stuff, suddenly relieved her. She started talking.

A lot of stuff. How happy she felt when she discovered she was pregnant. How worried she was about her weight because of her thyroid. How the kid was delivered prematurely. On and on and on to how the kid puked on their family doctor and on and on. I wasnt even looking at her. I was thinking about the rest of the ToDoList, occasionally poking the kid around his navel.

She suddenly felt nostalgic. So, how about you? Are you still doing that? Are you still doing this? Is that still your favourite song? Remember how we used to that? Remember how we used to and on and on.

I was surprised at how much she knew about me and how much of it she still remembers.

She suddenly announced. I am so happy to see you again.

It suddenly appeared to me that, she is actually happy to see me again.
I realized that I am her friend. She cares about me and she remembers a lot about me.
To me, she is my friends wife. I dont even know her full name. To me she was a task. A payback to my friend.

I realized how hard I try to bury my past. I buried it so deep all these days. Strangely I was suddenly filled with the past. The past I thought I buried and forgot.

I remembered how her husband was excited the first time he called her from the US. (Match was settled after a photo exchange). The pre marriage excitement. Arrival of the couple. How we teased her all night. The number of weekend trips we all went out. How I used to pull her hair or unclip her clip from the hair or pull her chunni. Movies we all went to. I can just go on and make this paragraph as big as possible. It was a full three and half years.

Now it makes sense. But I never realized that. To me she was always my friends wife.

I just stayed calm looking at the kid.

Its better for us to get some sleep. I need to get up early to confirm the ticket. I said.
No, no, lets talk. Its been such a long time. I dont know when we are going to meet again. She said.
But the ToDoListDude already took over me. No, certainly not. Its better for you too to get some sleep.

I will sleep in the hall. I will go and confirm the ticket. I will wake you up at 8 AM. We can leave at 9:15 after the breakfast. I said.

She reluctantly agreed. I tried to get some sleep. But suddenly there was a power cut. With the mosquitoes buzzing around, I slipped into the past again. Power came back after ten minutes.

But inside the bedroom, they need to switch on the AC manually (AC is connected to a stabilizer) . I wondered if she can figure that out. She didnt. I could listen to them fiddling with the switches and getting clueless about why the AC was not on.

Welcome to India. I thoughtfully left them to chance and slipped back to my trance.