Bring home a bahu. Babu!

Ok. I am leaving. I will come tomorrow morning. Yeah, I remember that I need to bring my pressure cooker while coming.

All three moms stood to say bye. They walked me to the door.

The younger one said, “Babu, we are all praying for you” and without any warning, she suddenly started crying.

This kind of shocked me. Not the crying part, but the praying part. What do you mean by praying?

Sniff. Sniff. Vinny and you are like my sons. You guys are of same age. Whenever I look at you I think of my son. Whenever I look at him, I think of you.

Really? But, why confuse yourself like that? ..and...ha ha ha...and..why do I need your prayers? If you havent noticed, my business is picking up day by day and I bought a brand new laptop just yesterday.

We want to see you settle down. Sometimes we dont understand how you are managing. Your mom never tells, but she is a worried soul.

I looked at my mom. Her eyes were already busy manufacturing a new set of waterlets (rhymes with applets). I looked at the elder one. She started a new round of prayers.

I thought I killed my ego at Vipassana. But three moms worrying about me hurt my ego. I was not comfortable with the idea that they think that I am not a happy person. Vinny always tells me that I must be the happiest person on earth because I have an Xbox and a 44” TV. Also because, I could get a house thats quiet near my office. Also because, I am not overweight like him.

I am the happiest person on earth. Ask Vinny. I told them.

No, you need to get married. Younger mom. We have a girl in our mind. Elder mom. New set of waterlets. Mom.

Sniff. Sniff. We dont understand why you said no to the last one. Sniff. Sniff.

I know the girl you have in your minds. Sorry, I dont get any sparks when I think about her.

Screw sparks. Spark theory is all bull. We know it. She is such a nice girl. She will be an excellent match for you. This is Mom's (Goddess Durga) wish. Younger one.

Mangalam. Mangalam. Elder one.

Elder one suddenly started crying. She glanced at my balding head and added “and you are aging”. We thought atleast you yourself will bring home a bahu. We are open to that too. But you couldnt.

What do you mean by COULDNT? I know a lot of girls. Come on. Its not like I couldnt but it didnt happen. I guess I am working on it.

Really?

Yeah. Like, OK, if you want to know. I proposed to this hot chick named Leela, last time I met her in Bombay. She is pretty. No, she is hot. Mm..actually she is pretty. She reads a lot and she can cook. She likes bungee jumping, water rafting, rock climbling. She can sing Norah Jones like Norah Jones. She loves children.

What did she say?

She said she cant marry someone who thinks a Pav Baji is a quarter bajji. Thats too much of a cultural difference. She thinks.

Quarter Bajji?

Yeah, she said a quarter Bajji is her favourite dish.

Tch. Tch. Those Bombay people. Always working hard to meet their ends. Bring her home son. We will feed her lots of full bajjis.

Thats what I told her. Silly girl. She said no. Anyways, she is in Dubai now.

Any one else?

Yeah. I know a girl in Delhi.

North Indian people? But we dont know much about them.

I know something about her. Her grand dad was like good at catching chicken. During partition he caught a lot of them in Afghanistan and sold in Delhi and got married with that money.

And?

And what?

Is she fair?

Ha she is so fair, her name is Fairy. If you pinch her cheeks they turn pink.

Really?? And?

And what? And, she works as a manager.

Works!!!!!!!!!!! Manager? I dont understand how women manage to be managers. But will she listen to us?

Listen? She will kick your ass if you dont listen to her. She also is good at detecting lies. Like next time you steal money from Dad's pocket, she is gonna detect it and report it to him.

Mom suddenly became nervous.

Dont worry. If you cant deal with that, I know a girl in Hyderabad. But she is in Europe now and she is gonna come back.

And who is she?

Her name is Mahati. She is cool. She is hot. She is pretty. She recently learned singing. As far as I know she can cook cookies and brownies.

What is she doing in Europe?

She is doing her Masters. Some kind of criminal psychology.

Psychology?

Yeah, she studies criminals, rats, abused children, rats and men. Btw, she is good at understanding whats going in your mind. Next time you think about stealing money from Dad's pocket, she is gonna detect it and report it to dad. Not only that, she will summon you for a therapy.

My mom stopped crying and started thinking.

But dont worry. I know a girl who is gonna fit in like a perfect fit.

Her name is alpha-2. She is one tenth Tamil, one tenth Telugu and so on and the last three tenths are American. She is fair. She is tall. She can cook. She can draw and I dont know about her singing talents. But, she has a fetish for female nudes. You better be careful while changing dress before her.

Thats OK. We all girls like watching each other.

Really? I didnt know that. She is working but still is traditional.

She sounds too good. There must be a catch.

Yeah. She is married.

Do you have like any normal friends?

Let me finish.

To be continued…