Weeeiii

The hair accentuated her playfulness. So did her bouncing bosom. I wasnt
looking at her in bits and pieces. It was more like, I was filling that moment
with her. So it was like , it wouldnt have mattered if even if her bosom wasnt
bouncing. Anyway, that moment was filled with her playfulness.

I stopped typing.

Shredder! Stop reading over my shoulder. I dont feel comfortable.

Weeeiiii.

So, where was I?

Yeah, sometimes you have to look out for those small things. There is more to a
woman than a bouncing bosom. Sometimes the wind falls in love with her and
embraces her. She gently shoos the wind away by locking her locks behind her
lobes. Sometimes she embraces the wind with her arms widespread letting her
locks from her locks.

Weeeiii.
Alright Shreddy. We humans are a little complicated. I know you want to know
how her ass smells like, but thats not how we do it.

Yeah there is more to a woman than a bouncing bosom. Underneath her
mask of shyness, there is a key. Her responses are pointers. If you know how
to read them, a woman is a great journey. Sometimes it is adventurous;
sometimes it is sad, sometimes it is bliss.You only need to be aware enough
to read her.

Weeeiii.

Yeah there is more to a woman than a frown and a smile. Look into her eyes.
They tell you a lot. Usually they are (the eyes) very skillful at that. If you had
ever noticed how her pupils grew larger to a similar dimension when you told
her you missed her and that other time when you climaxed together, then you
would know how much she is not just about sex. But then, you were looking at
her bouncing bosom whenever she came running towards to hug you.

Weeeiii.

Yeah a woman is more than an ass that you grab. The touch, and then there
is this touch. There is this lust filled squeeze and there is this palm on your
forehead to check your temperature. Trace her and open her. Open her and
probe her. Repeat. Her breasts are designed to be gently sucked at, not get
squeezed. Know this, and you will be rewarded well.

Weeeiii.
Shredder!!! Will you stop fucking my leg?

Dumb and Dumber

I can never be sorry enough because these incidents havent died yet.
I know I will have to live with them. They will only die with me.

Dumb

Long back, I used to work as a Y2K consultant for a Fortune 100 company.
Women in general are considered to be hot in that region. But Sharon was
hotter. (Thats her real name). Sharon a pretty hot black origin with a latino
skin pretty much used to set the cubicles on fire. Needless to say we all used
to fantasize about Sharon. Sharon, just like any normal American girl, used to
be a lot friendlier than, just like any normal hostile Indian girl.

One day Sharon came to my cube (Needless to say, she was pretty dumb
when it comes to programming. I used to occassionally help her with
MVS and IMS), glowing, looking just too special.

She was all smiles.
Smiley, today is my birthday.
I was in the middle of something. I thought about it for a while.
It took me sometime to absorb her presence and the news.
Meanwhile, she got a little offended with my perplexed look and said,
Smiley, its my birthday!

I was like, Hey, am I missing something here and continued my look.
She said, Hmph.
Gee, I scratched my head and said, So?
(I actually meant, So, what am I supposed to do, in a way to actually know
what am I supposed to do).
I think I am not that special to be treated special on my birthday. !!
And she walked away.

Even years later, I feel bad about it. :-) Last week I called a friend at
that company to get her email id to say sorry to her. She left two years
back.

Dumber

There used this really cute and really hot hot chick at Starbucks. Then I was
working as Java Developer for another Fortune 500 company. My routine used
to be simple. Buy coffee at starbucks and smile at her. Soon we developed some
kind of commeraiderieee whatever, you know that word right?

Her smile was pure. Pure American, Christian, Naive, Cultured smile.
Good morning. I am guessing its a Latte and a biscotti.
Yeah.
Its Three dollars 45 cents and here is your change. Have a good day.
You too.

Needless to say, in my fantasies we got married and everyday woke
up to her pure smile and a tasty starbucks coffee.

One day I got into my office elevator and pressed my level 4 button.
When the door was about to shut she entered inside.
I looked her and nodded.
She gave me that pure smile again.
I started looking at the walls and button panel.
After a moment she said,
Huh. I guess I am getting lazy these days.
And pressed her level 3 button.
I looked at her waist and thought she used to be thinner than this.
I thought may be she was getting lazy and sympathized with her.
Yeah, you have grown fat around your waist.
Needless to say, there was no conversation after that and the pure
smile turned into a frown so much so that I stopped buying coffee there
later.

It dawned on me after something like an year that I was supposed to ask
her (like a gentlemen) in the elevator, So which floor you want to go?

And yeah, I am never going to reveal my dumbest moment. Ever.

So many books

I have been buying a lot books lately. Actually I should say, I found lot
of interesting books lately.

It takes a lot from my side to buy fiction. I dont read fiction because I dont
see any 'purpose' or 'outcome' of reading fiction. (I am boring when it comes
to books).

Another thing is, I am a 'Blink' buyer. I make my decision in about ten
seconds. Surprisingly I buy quality books. I think I have an instinct for
quality.

Santaram ***: I think it was Leela who recommended me this book. Or
thought, it was Leela who recommended me this book. Interesting book.
Nice quotes, good humour, lots of layers. I read something like 400 pages.
Then my objective mind took over and asked me, "Ok, do you really care
about whats gonna happen to Santaram in the end?" Truth was, "I dont care".

The Elegant Universe*****: My all time top ten. No book stimulated my
imagination, challenged my knowledge etc etc. This book sent me into a zone
for about a week. Beyond that I dont want to comment. They say, Quantum
physics is something you dont try to understand, its something you just get
adjusted to. This book is definitely not for girls.

Collapse****: Diamond is my favourite author. I get attracted to anything
macro and grand in scale. So a book that answers questions like, why
civilizations fail, is cool to me. I just started reading this book.

Undercover Economist*****: At the core of everything is a gene. Dawkins
says the gene basically is selfish. I say, the gene basically is an economist.
I love undercover economics because it is unmasked behaviour. I would like
to call it Common sense Economics. Excellent read. Highly recommended for
girls.

A new Earth***: Any book by the author of 'The Power of Now' (which is
my unofficial bible) , you think would be as smart. This one is a let down.

Heart pours into it (or something like that): Its the story of starbucks.
I love reading story of corporations. I just love. But havent started reading this
one yet.

Parallel universes: After reading Brian Greene, couldnt resist buying this one.
Havent started reading yet.

Trump **: Love this guy. Love this guy. I dont remember the title but just loved
reading this book. Finished it. At the same time, this book is very 'cheap'.

Mans search for meaning***: Its a shrink direct from gas chambers. I
realized that I know very little about holocaust. I spent more time on
wikipedia while reading this book, than reading this book. I dont know much
about Hitler too. For the first time I realized how sad holocaust was. How
evil Hitler was. It made me sad. So I discarded reading this book.
For now. I am sure I am going to finish it.

Ta!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Smiley Says

Better win than be right.

Ding Dong

Ding Dong.
I waited for allInOneSrinu to open the door.
No response. Even after a minute.
Lately I am getting this feeling that Srinu is using my
recliner and bed when I am not around.
I could listen to the music being played inside.

Ding Dong. Again.
No response. Again. Even after a minute.
I tried to peek through the curtain. I could see couple of candles on the floor.

What the fcuk is Srinu upto and why the fuck is he not opening the door?
Thats it sucker is fired. This is it.

Ding Dong. Again.
No resonse.Again.

I angrily knocked on the door.
The door opened.

I pushed it wide open.
The recliner was facing me.
On the recliner was a teddy bear.
On the recliner was a greeting card.
Next to the recliner was a stand. On the stand was two pasta bowls.
(With pasta in them). Two wine glasses. (With wine in them).
My amp was playing some love song from a love album.
(Pardon my music knowledge).

I looked around. Candles everywhere. Some of them scented.
I picked up the card.
Surprise. It said.

I whistled.
I went into the bed room. She was standing there.
Wearing a skirt and a top (ok, whatever you call it).

I kissed her. She smelled good.
This is so cool. I said.
I am glad you liked it. She said.
I am not yet into what I actually liked.
I ran my hand around her waist.
She came closer.
We kissed for a long time.
Suddenly as if I remembered something I undressed myself.
We made love. Not the sex kind of sex but making love kind of sex.

Then we sat and ate the pasta stuff. Drank the wine stuff.
Then we made love. Again. Not the sex kind of love but making love kind
of love.

I am glad we are not in love. She said.
Yeah, or else we would have screwed it up by now. I added.

So much for love. So much for making love.

Happy Faily

Faily, what was that again? Yeah Bilthday.
Faily,
Happy Bilthday.

This is flom all of us. Yeah, alpa, eela, gamma, monkey, nikky, daddy
and so. They say you all hot. You all best. I tust so.
Massa Smiley too say you all hot.

P.S: Massa Smiley Rocks.

AdMan's Ads -Two

Click for the full version here
If I am not exaggerating, we can call Indian Telecom ad campaign,
Before Hutch and After Hutch. Also, on the same tone, we can call
the telecom Industry, before Reliance and after Reliance.

When Hutch Came, it came. Hutch filled every city with its beautiful,
clean, white orange logos. When RajaniKanth's movie Baba was released,
Hutch basically painted the theatre in Chennai with white and orange.
Everyone loved Hutch.

When Hutch aired, it aired a pug and a boy. Pug sales in India grew by
4000% after the campaign. Everyone loved the pug. Teenage girls sang,
You and I and its a beautiful world.

Hutch basically revolutionalized an Indian ad campaign. Fortunately for
Hutch's ad agency, the ads won awards and elite acceptance.
Unfortunately for Hutch, the ads were never understood by the masses
and more importantly, Hutch ads never sold services.

On the contrary, Reliance came with boring, ads that are right on the bang.
Hey, our calls cost so much. Hey, these are our latest phone models.
It was the same ad, month after month. Month after month. Reliance never
won any awards for its ads.

Reliance is number two in India after three short years.
Hutch is a distant four. (After the purchase of BPL and Essar).

Now, the admen of Hutch came up with something new. Pink. So it is another
Adman's ad campaign, that would win more awards but would never really
ad to the bottom line of the company.

Like mint economics, telecom has its own rules. By rule, all technological
companies lead by differentiating the 'choice' of the customer. You love Hutch
ads. But at the end of the day, when you want to buy a mobile phone, you
would look at two things. Coverage. Rates. Period.

When someone offers better coverage, better rates, better options, you switch.

Dell differentiated by offering this choice to the customers.
In a telecom economy, you need to let your customer 'know' the options.
Brownie points to Reliance. Poop on Hutch.

So, I concluded to LoveMe that, I call Reliance, as a matter of fact BSNL (whose
ads all elite loves to hate), SBI are successful ad campaigns.
I call Hutch, its pug, its little boy, all those funny mint ads that make you
laugh, duds.

More read:
Airtel Vs Hutch.
Adevertising trends in Indian Telecom

AdMan's Ads -One

The other day LoveMe suddenly said, "I absolutely love these new
SBI ads. They are so much on target and so inviting". I was kind of
amused. Because, atleast in the blogdom lot of people didnt like SBI
ads.

We talked about ads for a little then. We agreed that we love those
new 'mint' ads. As a matter of fact, mint ads are the funniest ads
with catchiest phrases.

Dubaraa mat poochna.
Dimak ka batti jalade.

Funny part is neither of us remembered the name of mints. I dont
know if its Mint-O-Plus or hey what is that other mint?

But hey, A mint with a hole, a Polo is something we would never
forget. I must say, Polo is the most successful of all, when it comes
to 'Product Differentiation'. Someone designed the product so well,
it doesnt really harm Polo if their ad people screw up the campaign.
Polo ads suck. But can you ever forget Polo.

Dimak ka Batti Jalade is funny, but which mint is it for? This also
brings us to pay attention to mint economics. Mint atleast in India
is 'small currency'. Every time an Indian buys a cigerette in all likely
hood he gets a mint back.

The success of a mint lies in its distribution strategies and its margins
to retailers. So it makes sense to spend money at retailer level and
not on national TV. (Around 97% of Indian mint sales happen at
'unorganized' retail).

This points us to an important factor of all. What is the job of an ad?
Is it to show the creativity of the ad agency or to sell the product?

The answer is quiet obvious. Right?
But, not the practice.

It is surprising how everyone from Brand Equity of Economic Times to
Cannes Lion, discusses and awards, 'How Good An Ad Is' rather
than how successfully an ad sold a product.

There are million different awards for 'Good Ads', what I call the AdMan's
Ads. But none, I repeat, none to award an ad that increases the sales.

Now let us scrutinize the mother of all cute ads, Hutch.

Continued..

Shredder Art

Now, beat this!


Art by Smiley. Dedicated to my buddy Shredder.

Sing a Song, Arre, Ding a Dong

This study shows whale songs resemble human language.
In other words, whales kind of talk, through songs.

This also reminds of an interesting argument I had with my
friend LoveMe. Bottom line is, life is smarter. Animals are
smarter. We are not that smart. I have an interesting theory
on 'proliferation' which I think is purely a chance event.

Human 'thought' proliferated lately. Ofcourse its manifestations
too. I think thats just a chance event. Nothing too great about it.

Anyway, the whale songs remind of an argument made by
Bruce Chatwin in his brilliantly original travel book Songlines.


Image by EllenRussell

Chatwin studied the curious tradition of aboriginies singing
songs. They basically sing the landscape. Aboriginies own songs
and exchange songs. They think the Earth was sung in the
beginning. Anyway, the argument is that it was song first
and language later. I dont know the merit of it, but it was
a brilliant argument.

Ofcourse, this Dane has a theory called Sing Song theory. Yeah
it was song and merrying first and language later.

Quantum Tears

I was watching Oprah the other day.
(Confession: When no one is around, sometimes I watch Oprah :-I)

It was about "your wildest dream coming true". Just like in every
episode, Oprah had a list of interesting candidates. Of all, an
eighteen year old black girl caught my emotion.

She was deserted by her family three years back. She is been
living on the streets since then. She was harassed several times.
She occassionally gets shelter from a cousin or a friend. All she
wants to do is finish her graduation. No one from her family
ever graduated. She grew up the last three years idolizing
Oprah as her mom. She has this fantasy, if you can call it so,
to hug Oprah atleast once. Hmm She also wants to look pretty
once, for a change, because she thinks, she is pretty. She is
tired of her blue jeans and blue coat.

She was innocent and honest in her intentions.

On Oprah's request America's top model (dont remember her name)
went to her college to surprise the black girl. Model met the girl
and offered free classes in modellign by top dogs. Top dogs took
her photos and made a fantastic portfolio. Model also gifted her a
designer wardrobe that would last two months if she doesnt wear
the same clothes agian. She was called on Oprah' s show and Oprah
hugged her. Her portfolio came out so well, she was offered job as
a model by a top agency. A women's magazine offered to put her
on her cover. And they did. A white woman offered to adopt her
to see through her gradutation. Ne need, said the university. The
university paid for her graduation. All this happened as a surprise
to that girl.

She hugged Oprah and cried.
I cried too.

I suddenly came to senses, wiped my tears and looked around. I
was so embarassed, I didnt know what to do.

So I called Vinny.

Dude, when was the last time you cried?
Whats wrong with you man? I told you not to stay at home alone.
Please, when was the last time you cried?
Why?

Err. I was watching Oprah and cried.
Why the fcuk are you watching Oprah?
All those chicks cheering and shouting Oprah turn me on man. I lied.
You know what? There is a hot anchor who is doing Tring Tring Top Ten
in Gemini TV. She is wild in bed it seems. Shall I book her for you?
No thanks, I can take care of myself. Tell me, when was the last time
you cried?

Ok. But you shouldnt make fun later.
Go ahead.

Finding Nemo. When Nemo gets stuck in that tube I got so upset, I cried.
You gottobe kidding. Oprah is Ok. Crying in a Pixar movie?
Hello? I thought we agreed on something.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, sometimes movies make you funny.
I have another confession to make. Remember Lakshya? When Hrithik makes
that call to his dad, I cried so much.
Thats nothing. Remember Chalte Chalte? When Shah Rukh slaps Rani, I had
tears running down like a leaking pipe, down my cheeks.
Worse. King Kong. King Kong man. I cried when King Kong died.

Sigh.
Sigh.

You think this is normal? I mean, are we normal?
I dont know.
Ok. Hang up. I want to call Eddie.
Why?
I want to know when was the last time he cried.

Are you out of your minds? If you tell this anyone, we will be fried for the
rest of our lives.
You think so?
I swear so. This is between us. To the end.
To the end.

Sigh. I feel a little lighter man.
Sigh. Me too.

Smiley Says

Routine is God.

Links

1. Here is a list of worlds top selling drugs. Whats interesting is they ALL are lifestyle related. So its just the environment that we are putting under pressure. :-)
   
2. Looks like this is the season of lists. About future stuff at wired.com. In 1997 I dreamt of a device thats basically a mobile phone, wirelessly connected to the broadband, involves flippable, foldable epaper and auto language translator. Most of the stuff became a reality. Just somehow, someone needs to figure out that foldable, flippable electronic screen.
   
3. I dont know where these guys come up with this stuff. But this is seriously cute stuff.
   
4. These guys have something say about how to succeed in emerging markets, yeah, they mean, in India and China.
   

Shreddy The Shredder

Shredder has his own page now. It could have been a blog.
But out of curiosity I used Google's page creator.

There are couple of posts that I wanted to finish.
One is Know Thyself, which is kind of Pseudo philosophically
comically surrealismistic post.

Another one is Green Apples. Green Apples need some
illustrations to tell.

Hopefully I will tell these stories one of these days.

Monkey, you are welcome to come up with your whacky
posts.

Here is the theme.
Master Smiley ordered Shredder to shred world's
information. Every time Shredder says 'woof' he turns
into ShredderMan. Nothing can stop him but an order
from Master Smiley.

A panel led by Master Yoda assigns Minor Yoda to embark
on a journey that involves travelling seven seas to reach and
protect The Oracle, which is Shredders final destination.

Whether Shredder shreds Oracle or not depends upon what
Oracle tells him.

Update # : What else? Shredder's page updated.

Smiley Says

Make friends with everyone.
Choose your enemies wisely.

Predictions come true (Kind of)

In his famous article 'Web 2.0 Predictions for 2006', Dion predicted
10 things for Web 2.0 in 2006.

His prediction number 2: 37signals.com will register million users.
37signals famours product whiteboard didnt exactly set the web
on fire, but its competitor writely.com did. Google.com bought writely.com
Why million I am sure, its gonna get atleast 2-5 million registered users
by the end of this year.

His prediction number 3: Microsoft will go live. Well, go to live.com

His prediction number 4 & 7: BarCamp is happening in Hyderabad and its
theme? Web 2.0

Prediction number 9: Provider Switching is becoming everywhere.

I am beginning to respect this guy.

Blues

I discovered this wonderful blog couple of days back.
When was the last time I read someone's archives?

I Love You



Lets say for the sake of a fantasy, I get what I want.
I would get this island. (Roughly 110 Crores). I will take her
there on a surprise blindfolded helicopter ride.

I would tell her, I love you.
And what do you think? Is this an ideal nest for us to
procreate?

(The above shown island is for sale. Its in Fiji. Now all I need
is a girl that I love. A girl who loves me.)

Treat

I watched this movie titled 'Apaharan' and fell in love with it
instantly. Its my movie of the year. Forget Crash, forget Capote.
This is true stuff. So wonderfully unbiased stuff. I loved the movie.

I enquired about the director and came to know that there is
another movie of his titled Gangajal. I brought that DVD home, but
ended up watching the match between South Africa and Australia.

Fcuk !

I eman Fcuk! That was the match of the decade.

I am saving Gangajal for tomorrow.

Make Noise Project

Monkey, I think I have the toughest job in the world. Explaining
myself to a bunch of girls.

The reaction to my post Vaishali was rather strong.
So was the reaction to a comment I left on Megha's blog. The responses
made me laugh. And also think. So I left a comment there.

It got mysteriously disappeared. This post would have never
happened because I dont care about what ZZ, Huh had heh or Megha
think about me.

But I do care about what alpha, Leela or nonick think about me. When
the reaction was strong enough for my friend to email me saying

"Somehow I felt there was a certain insincerity when I read it. The
'Gross Smiley' act has become so much a part of you that it's hard to
believe when you mean otherwise."

I felt bad after reading it. (Hey surprise! Men have feelings too). But
I understood the gap I am creating with this Smiley style. I was also
surprised none asked me the required question "So what have you
done to better Vaishali's life?". Honestly I thought my readers are
smart enough to understand that I sympathized with Vaishali's
situation and helped her. I was wrong. Only Monkey and Patrix
looked like they knew me.

If I told you that after our first meeting Vaishali and I became good
friends, that I helped her financially with her health, that I
encouraged her to keep her girl in the school and helped her with the
school fees, that in our last meeting Vaishali broke down into sobbing
and I told her how much I admire her as a person, that even well after
an year every time I visited the manufacturer I made it a point to
visit her and encourage her, would I stand corrected?

I hope so.

Now here is my response to the dudes on Megha's blog (wait..I am trying
to recollect what I wrote on her blog)

My apologies for coming up with a bad example. That pinching butt stuff is
a bad example. I thought I was pointing towards an incident that happens
on a daily basis in this nation, to highlight the attitude behind that act.

Agreed. Raping is crime. Ogling is indecent. Pinching butt is vulgar and crude.
Smiling at is kind of ok. Using endearments is civic. I get it. I think everyone
should get it.

But why is this harassment as common as air in India? Why is it happening
everysecond to every mother, to every child in every street and in every
public place? Gurudwar to city buses why the butts are being pinched?

It feels good to thrash men. To condemn these barbaric acts. You think
a) there is something wrong with the upbringing of these men
b) all these men are emotionless beasts.

But that doesnt solve the problem. Why are men doing it?
a) They think they are having fun
b) Thats their 'making a move'
c) They are beasts who are taken over by their insincts
d) They think the receiving woman actually enjoys it
e) They dont understand they are making the other person uncomfortable
f) They dont care.

Whats happening on the receiving end?
a) In general women dont like it and dont enjoy it.

So where is the solution?
Make noise.

Make enough noise for the appropriate laws to be passed to punish harassment.
Make enough noise for the machanisms to be built to implement those laws.

Make enough noise for every girl child to understand 'harassment'.
Make enough noise to educate every girl child to understand how to react/
report to a harassment

Make enough noise for every uncle, teenager, rowdy, wise ass to understand
the scars they are leaving behind.
Make enough noise for every man to understand how devastating the
punishment would be if they get caught.

Blank noise is as good as no noise.

Make noise.

If I still sound insincere,
My organization is committed to the prevention of child abuse.
We regularly contribute to orphanages and education programs.
Not just contribute but monitor the implementation too.
I personally contribute to the education of three girl children.
If I still sound insincere, the 'Charity' and 'Charity Activities'
of my account heads are submitted to the government of AP
every year to make them tax deductable. You can always
browse them.

I want to be a part of this noise. That is the reason why I am
entertaining this conversation in the first place.

The only mature response I got was a private email which actually
tried to understand the situation. To quote her,

It will be interesting to see how you deal with the comments on your
blog about Vaishali.

I did, indeed, think of commenting. There is respect involved in flirting,
just that the hormones are too overwhelming for one to identify that.
The problem is that there is too much logic, explanation and the stating
of what is 'reality' as it may seem. Maybe men are not always thinking
about sex, maybe women are not always that touchy-feely. What's the
point in refining one's judgement of what men, women and this world
actually is? What's the point in analyzing the two genders so closely?
It yields nothing too great, excepting a sense of control and
understanding (hence, maturity). I believe that over-analysis and
generalization is a manner in protecting oneself in actually feeling what
they feel. So yes, you wanted to sleep with her..but is that all you will
identify? That men have a goal to reach (literally) and a benchmark
for their performance? Come on. You, Smiley, are a better man than that.

Thats another reason whenever we meet I look into her eyes, not at her
boobs.