The spirit of Mumbai

For my inflight reading I bought this book titled
The power of your subconscious mind. Its a cheesy book.

I made a call to Leela the moment I got out of the flight.
Take a ric, come to Carona hospital. She told.
I took a ric.
Carona hospital turned out to be karuna hospital.

I called Leela. She came out and waved. She looked beautiful,
beaten and tired.

They are not letting any visitors now.I will take you home.
My home is nearby. She said.

She introduced me to her Tom at the entrance. Tom salivated on my
new Lee cooper shoes. I left the shoes at the door, threw a little
prayer for them and went inside.

Mom, he is Smiley. Aunt he is Smiley. Dad he is Smiley. She introduced.
Her dad never looked up from the Times of India. A little later Leela's
brother came and said, Hey you must be Smiley. I said, Hey you must
be the little brother shadowed by a talented sister-who finally fought
his way to win an Abby.

Yeah.

I sat next to Leela's dad. After a while Dad finished reading his news
paper. I handed over him the Bombay times edition. He looked a little
startled. Who are you? He asked. I am your paper boy. I answered.
Thanks, but I dont read the Bombay times. He said.

The family was busy talking about taking a second opinion on Preeti's
brain condition. I looked around. Pictures of Preeti and her daughter
Alison stood out. There was this picture of Leela and Preeti when they
were kids.

For a moment I fell in love with Preeti. She looked so cheery with her
daughter on her back. For a moment my heart melted.

Her mom made me some drink and apologized for not paying much attention
to me. I am fine. I said. I would like to let you know that Preeti is in
my prayers and my Master Chief's prayers.

Thank you. She said. And can you keep your shoes inside? Tom is getting
excited. She added.

I asked Leela's brother to show his work. He did. Leela couldnt resist and
showed me her stuff too. Her mom fetched me a local newspaper and proudly
showed me a news article on her son.

Leela's dad started rereading the newspaper. This time he started making
some notes. Mom apologized again for not offering any food and excused
herself to the hospital. Leela and I walked down to a nearby food joint.
(Anytime you are dining with Leela, you should prepare yourself for a
dish of Prawns. She will end up ordering a prawn fry after carefully
going through the entire menu.)

So whats up? I asked.
She started telling me. I am not sure if I listened to her. I just
watched her sharing the trauma. The mid day hot and humid Mumbai
air never stopped playing with her curly hair. I was amazed by the strength
and objectivity she showed.

Fortunately or unfortunately I had close encounters with a situation like
this in my past. I can understand the kind of pain and stress one has to
endure in situations like these.

I understood the deal. She is prepared. She is not hoping for what 'she
thinks is the best thing to happen'. She is doing whatever she can do.
She is hoping that that would turn out to be the best for Preeti.

Afternoon shifts are Leela's. I offered my company. Leela's aunt hinted
me that I have to sneak past the stairs, because they are not letting
any visitors. With Leela's help I did. She had to visit the HOD and
at the same time relieve her mom from the morning shift.

Hey, can you go upstairs, tell my mom to go home and be at the ICU till
I finish my work with HOD? She asked.

I can. I went upstairs and told her mom that she can go home and that
I can take care of that ICU stuff. She was embarrassed. What about you?
Did you have lunch? She asked. I had. Dont worry. Take your time. I said.

She left. I sat there and stared at the iron doors of ICU for sometime.
Then I slowly drifted into a nap. Leela woke me up.

We sat there for a long time. I listened to her empathetically. All these
prayers. Something has to happen. She said after a while.

Around three o clock, Leela said she has some work downstairs and asked
me to continue the vigil at the ICU. In about five minutes a nurse emerged
from the ICU.

Preeti. She shouted. Who is for Preeti here? She shouted again.
Me. I said.
She gave me a receipt, a request for three bottles of blood to the local
blood bank and a sample of blood for cross matching.

I was not very sure. I stared at Preeti's blood for a long time. She is
still fighting. I wished that prayer stuff Leela told me is true.
I wished Preeti's blood all the best.

I called Leela and told her about the blood requirement. She called
her brother. Her brother took the note. We need the blood by four.
The nurse declared. Her brother started running.

This tiny little family against a monstrous set up of Mumbai is struggling
to undo the chance event that topsy turvyed their life as they knew it.

This effort of theirs is illogical, instinctive and beautiful.

For some really strange reason they suddenly let Leela inside the ICU.
Smiley, come in, say hi to Preeti. Leela said.
I obliged.

I met Preeti at a lunch before. On the hospital bed she looked much
younger. She has a pretty face. She was serene and almost smiling.
But her skin showed all the symptoms of the fight going on internally.
The kind of pain she must have endured in the last four to six weeks is
simply mind numbing.

Leela put a hand on her sister and whispered in her ear.
Preeti, you are doing well today. Doctors are finally positive.
Your kidneys have started functioning a bit. Your blood pressure
is normal and I am so glad you didnt give up. Keep up the fight.

Preeti's eyes moved under eyelids. In a way, it was almost like
she was responding to Leela.

Hey, look who is here. Smiley. Remember him? We had lunch together
at your office.

I swore to myself that I saw her smiling a bit. A tiny winy bit.

Hi Preeti. Its me. Smiley. I have a confession to make. It was me who
stole your gulab jamun that day.

We walked out. I was still numb from what I saw.
My respect for Leela and her family quantumed.

Leela, I know I can do very little and whatever I am gonna say
is only going to sound cliched. Still. Be brave. Stay float.
You have done a great job. Be proud of it.

Smiley, thanks for coming. Did you really steal her gulab jamun that
day?

What are friends for? Tell Preethi that I will be more than happy to
pay her gulab jamun back. Take care.

On the return flight, I read a couple of chapters of The Power of
your subconscious mind.

This dude is right. There is still hope.

Role of Media

On day two, at Young Indians summit, there was this session called
Role of Media in Transforming India. Very interesting session.
I was looking forward to Tarun Tejpal's (Editor,Tehelka)
take. Tarun wore a Denim and Cotton and looked at ease. On the
other side was NKRam, (Editor, The Hindu), stiff upper lipped and
dark suited.

I read a lot about NKRam in the columns of Varsha, Francoise and
Rajeev. He is a classic Nehruvian socialist according to them.Two
good looking NRI babes were on the dias too. (YI has this policy
of 'Equal gender participation').

Tarun started his speech in a strange accent. Its a kind of British
mix with Northern (Very Hindiish) India. Tarun went on stressing the
importance of the role of Media, especially in a democracy, especially
in a corrupted country like India, especially in an emerging nation
like India. He informed how he and his team sacrificed their lives in
bringing the ugly truth out about the Indian defence deals. He said the
ideal role of media is to act as a check for this function called
democracy. Then Tarun started an attack on a big media house.
(Times of India, of course, every one knows it).

He informed us, how a news paper should not survive on Ad revenue
alone, how a news paper should not concentrate just on circulation
(which in turn is a consequence of depending on Ad revenue) alone,
how a newspaper should not concentrate on popular news alone (which
in turn is a consequence of looking for more circulation).

He thundered that we Indians are cheap. We spend hundreds of rupees
on movie tickets but are not willing to pay another buck for quality
reporting.

Two things struck me. I am sure Tarun is a well read man.

Concept of free market. Indian Psyche still lives in socialist era.
Every one is telling everyone how it should be like and what it should be
like. The government, the media and the leaders. (Ok, lets not even
step into Vivek Oberai's upcoming model village in Tamil Nadu).

The simple fact of life is, what is good for you is bad for someone.
Free power to farmers is good for poor farmers, bad for the power
sector and the economy. Censorship is good in the short run, very
bad in the long run.

Deciding the right content of a newspaper and right price
of a news paper is not for individuals. It is a dynamic evolution from
the market. Market decides it. Not you Mr Tarun.

Respecting other people's choice and taste. Why is someone who
reads Page 3 of TOI inferior to someone who can finish the crosswords in
The Hindu? That is another Indian signature. This is right and that
is wrong.

Another fact of life is, ultimately, it all boils down to profitability.
Media needs funds needs profits needs circulation/viewership/readership.

Now, what is circulation? It is the choice of the market.Dont argue with
it. Go with it. Otherwise you are doomed. The world has seen too many
of you.

On the other hand, NK Ram elegantly (read: Lots of vocabulary, that
half the people sitting there will never understand and never find
any usage.) expressed the role of The Hindu in reporting the charge
sheets on Kanchi peetathipathi dude, communal riots of 1983, recent
Gujarat riots. He informed us how Hindu fought with the system to
fight for the cause of equality and diversity. He deplored the heinous
hindu caste system, flesh selling news papers and supported women
reservation bill.

He agreed with Tarun on newspaper pricing. He told news should be
responsible and not popular.

What I read about this guy is all true. There was no need to mention Gujarat
riots and the arrest of the leader of a Hindu math. How come newspapers
never mention (especially the socialist types) what started Gujarat riots,
what started operation blue star, what started the exodus of Pundits from
kashmir and heinous purchase of human beings into a certain religion type
aka mass conversions into Christianity in the states of Assam, Andhra pradesh
and Tamil Nadu?

At the end of speech, there was a question hour. Lots of schools (from all
over India) sent their kids to this summit. They are all teens. One teenage
girl in a neatly pressed suit from Delhi raised her hand.

This question is for both Tarun and Ram, on the day Sania mirza entered
round two at so and so Tennis tournament there was also this teenage guy
from a poor family from south who won an international chess title at
Sri Lanka.

Both of you ignored the chess dude and printed Sania in full color on the
front page for entering round 2. Can you explain.?

There was pindrop (an Indian slang) silence on the dias. Later Ram explained
why Sania is a symbol of new emerging Indian confidence. Tarun simply
said that Sania sells.

Tarun's reply was atleast honest and pretty much summarized the role of the
media.

The role of media in a free society is not to shape it but to report it.

Thanks teenie. I lacked the balls to raise my hand.

Later on the NRI babes told everyone how they are trying to teach women
in rural India (Anantapur District, Andhra Pradesh) how to use computers.

Yeah, sure.

Mini Break

Coming soon (somewhere in the months of May and June)

Vipassana Chronicles IV & V
The story of moby dick I & II
Sivamma

For now, I am either running out of juices or being too busy with my
personal and professional life.

I love you.

Love (lack of)

In ecstasy the heart is beating,
Old joys for it anew revive;
Inspired and God-filled, it is greeting
The fire, and tears, and love alive.

Alexander Pushkin

Although I hide it
My love shows in my face
So plainly that he asks me,
"Are you thinking of something?"

Taira no Kanemori

Covenants are killed
and Halo is Destroyed.
The world is saved.

Through it, the
Master Chief silently
ate the loneliness and
burned a hole in his heart.
Its a hush hush now that he
is a rebel at Spartan 117.

All that the mighty Chief
asked for is a little love,
a little sun shine and
a companion. So far, he
got none.

Smiley

Couple of weeks

Lots of stuff I wanted to write but ended up not writing.

Feb 24-27: I attended a summit in Bangalore called ‘Young Indians’ Summit
organized by CII ( Confederation of Indian Industries). The Chief Mentor of
CII made every one (seven hundred of us, entrepreneurs, defense men,
professionals, heads and elected members) of us to hold the hands of the ones
sitting next and make a pledge,Together we will transform India.

The summit was basically a get together for like minded ones. The attendees
were a lot of 'who is who' from different fields. The presentations were eye
openers and the questions asked were smart. I felt a tinge of pride
(about myself) for whatever difference I tried to make, despite all the odds.
At the end of the summit I got a little emotional and in my return journey
I thought of a post called The Great Indian Journey.

Mar 2: We had a monthly sales meet and later decided to exit from couple of
products. One of them a highly 'concept oriented' and a 'socially responsible'
and 'environmental friendly' product. Around twelve months back I had put
my heart and soul into this product. I had the rare opportunity to meet the
inventor (?) of the product, a Japanese professor (a Mr. Higa) and wanted to
truly transform India. How we failed is a typical 'Only in India' case study.
It was a painful and at the end an absolutely hilarious journey. I thought of
doing a post about called 'A pig ate our project'. It was an interesting
journey. This product took me to the gullies of Calcutta to dumps of twin
cities to the fresh water aqua culture in Goa to the highlands in Lunavala to the
ministers of the state to the Pune Municipal corporation.

Mar 3: A loan from a bank for which we fought with red tape for four long
months got finally sanctioned. The ifs and buts and the cheats and tricks
were truly amazing. It was a marvelous insight into what we regularly term
as 'The System'. ue to obvious concerns I cant comment much on it, but
wanted to do a post called 'The Great Indian Bank trick'.

Mar 5,6: I finally got myself an apartment. The next day I bought so much
stuff that my wallet and all my bank accounts are exhausted. The good thing
about the whole thing was all the decisions were made in a 'Blink'.
Here is the stuff I bought in a span of 24 hours.

• HPPocketPC h6365
• LG 44" Projection TV
• Onkyo 5.1 speaker surround sound system.
• LG DVD Player
• LG amplifier
• Micorwave oven
• Refrigerator
• A Kurl on deluxe bed
• A cot.

Still pending:

• Two bean bags
• One recliner
• A nice DVD collection
• A girl friend
  

Mar 7,8: A close friend of mine met with a deadly accident. (A head on collision
in the early hours. He started early because he learned that his grand father
expired. So he started off to his native). His kid and cousins ended up with
bloody heads and he ended up with a broken rib and a trashed car. The whole
day was just that. The kid was a little shocked and never stopped crying. They
gave him anesthesia to get a proper head scan. Later they put him under
observation. (plugs attached to the body and mask to the head). When I went
to visit the kid, the kid was in a playful mood. He started shooting me with the
electrode attached to his index finger. I, ofcourse, chose to fall down instead
of dodging and shooting back.
At the end of the day I got a call that my grandma expired. I started off
immdediately to my native. I am just back this morning. My grandma is
legendary stuff (truly). She is simply larger than life in her region. She died a
peaceful (slightly pitiable) death. Large crowds and adulation were norm to her.
She faced every fathomable obstacle. We family together mourned. It was a
good experience(?). Ideologically we differed. But I always had respect for her.
She always treated me a little special. Used to address me as 'Little Krishna'. In
the train, while coming back, obviously I entertained the train of thoughts
about death and life. I wanted to do posts called 'Celebration of life' and
'The art of giving'.

Sweetie Leela, can you freelance for me from Dubai? I need to get all this stuff
out of my head.

Ghost busters

Its quiet hot in here, my brother-in-law Bil suddenly announced.
Yeah I know, I said wiping my forehead with my palm.
We are dead tonight. Bil.

I vacated my apartment in Hyderabad and I am still in a look outmode.
On my sister Sim's inviation I agreed to stay with them in the tween.

Lets sleep upstairs on the top tonight. Bil Said.
Who is going to carry the mats, blankets, pillows and bedsheets?
Who is going to bring them down in the morning. You never help me.
I am not coming. Sim announced. Besides, Smiley is been running a
running nose. I dont want him to sleep outdoors. She added.

That statement hurt two egos.

I will carry everything. I will even spread the blankets and makebeds for you. Bil said.
What cold? What mist? You think some mist is gonna do some harm to me?
Give me a break. I said.

Cut to:

Bil and I marveled all the stars and the shining moon in the sky. We lectured
Sim that we have been missing nature by staying inside our little concrete rooms.

Mosquitoes? Sim.
Mosquitoes? With this kind of breeze they dont have a chance. Besides they
are so used to looking out for humans inside their homes. They are not smart
enough to come upstairs. Bil.
Mosquitoes? They are part of nature. You have to accept them.I dont know
about you but mosquito bites never hurt me.Smiley.

Dust and pollution? Sim. (The building is adorned on three of its sides with
roads with full traffic).
Dust? What do you think? You think we breath different air when we stay
inside the house? Its the same air. Actually I read somewhere (which means
he is faking it) that the air inside our house is more polluted with all the dead
skin cells and stuff. Bil.
Dust? Thats your reality. Accept it. Surrender yourself to your reality and your
consciousness will break free. Besides I like inhaling dust filled air.Smiley.

Rain? Sim.
Rain? Ha! Smiley how did I ever marry this dumb chick? Sim, dont you watch
TV? There is no rain for the next few years. There is something called 'Nil Eno'.
Thats the new weather trend. It basically means 'No rain' in Spanish. Bil.
And Smiley, you dont have to answer this question. Bil.
Aye Bil.Smiley.

Nature Calls? Sim.
Bah. Bil.
Boo. Smiley.

Robbery and break ins? Sim.
Boo. Bil.
Bah. Smiley.

Sim tossed around for a while and finally couldnt stand and left.
Women! Smiley.
Yeah. They live in their comfort zones. Cant experiment. Cant differentiate.Dumb. Bil.
Sim handed over her rug to Bil before leaving. You might need it. It gets real cold in the middle of night.
I dont need it. Bil.
I dont need it either. I dont know about you but I like it when its cold and when its moist.Smiley.

With in a few minutes a long cold breeze passed over us. We were tickled with delight.
Silly Sim. Never had it in her Karma. Bil.
We sighed in relief.

A drizzle of fine sand passed over us a minute later.
Achhoo. Achhoo. Thoo thoo. Thptrrr. Thptrrr.
What the fuck was that?
Yeah, fuck it.
We got up and made our beds again.

Then I slept. In the middle of the night, When I woke up Bil was looking into my face.
Did you by any chance bring a water bottle with you?
No.Didnt Sim?

Then I slept. When I woke up Bil was pacing around.
The moon. The moon. Its in my face. Its shining through.
We got up and threw the pillows onto the opposite side of the mat.

Then I slept. When I woke up Bil was killing mosquitoes.
Lucky you. You covered yourself with that blanket. I cant sleep with a blanket
covering my face.
They will go away, just wait for the breeze.By then it was considerably cool and
my nose was blocked.

Then I slipped into a dreamland. When I woke up four mosquitoes were
sucking blood from my forehead and Bil was giving taeKwando kicks to some
invisible ones.

Then I slipped into a dreamland and had a dream. I was hiding inside a big
refrigerator. A monster was waiting patiently outside. All Iwanted to do was pee.

When I woke up Bil looked like a shivering ghost. The other side of my blanked
was close to wet. The bed was ice cold.

We are dead tonight.
Yeah I know.

Cut to:

Knock, Knock.

Sim, like she knew it, was sleeping in the hall, without even opening her eyes,
just opened the door for us walked back to her bed.

We were concerned you would be scared. Bil.
Yeah, you can feel safe now. We are back. Smiley.

Bil, I kept a water bottle for you, right next to your bed.
Smiley, ...and 'dont flush'. The commode is still under repair.
Good night. She added.

On that night, two, big, hairy chested men did exactly as they were told,
retired to their beds holding on to their favourite pillow and secretly
admired silly Sim.

Cagle@Slate@MSN

I found this blog by accident and absolutely loved.
Its a part of Slate. Cagle did a marvelous job of assembling
an amazing variety (and practically unlimited number) of cartoons
at one place.

Four Books, Four Movies and lots of blogs

Finished reading

State Of Fear ***
Siddhartha *****

Just in

The Tipping Point
The 8th Habit

Recently Saw

Swades **
The Polar Express (IMAX 3D) ****
Kill Bill Vol.2 ****
Nuvvostanante Nenoddantaana *****

Recently Discovered Blogs(Not work Safe)

Attu Sees All ****
Fark ***
ErosBlog ****
Met Art *****
Fleshbot *****
Slate *****
Sexylosers ****

Blog News
You read it first

Babita added a cutie to her family.
Congrats mom!
(http://neverbeenbetter.rediffblogs.com)

Babita sent me a picture of the little one, and guess
what the little one was wearing in the pic?
A black belt.
Like mom. Like daughter. :-)
(Babita is a six sigma black belt holder).

Leela is leaving
Congrats baby!
(http://absolutelee.rediffblogs.com)

Leela was offered a paycheck as fat as JLo's butt by an
anonymous sheik. Leela couldnt resist. (Keeping in
JLo's butt in mind, I can understand the temptation).

She is leaving to Dubai. :-(

Leela baby, go kick a butt. (Preferably, JLo's)
(Thanks for all those Mad comics and other books.
I have donated the comics to The Tsunami Relief Fund.)

Patrix is pregnant
Congrats dude!
(http://ipatrix.com)

After the 'I have a third nipple' episode, Patrix had to visit the emergency
room again for 'Everything tastes funny', 'I cant see my dick anymore',
'I am tired', 'I am missing my periods', 'I puked No2 Cheese burger
and ate all the salad' and 'The chicken I ate yesterday is still alive' episodes.
The hot Iranian emergency ward specialist confirmed that Patrix is
pregnant.

Scifaiku

Timetravel is forbidden.
But kids
do it anyway.

Eva Eriksson

You can read more Sci Fi Haikus at
Scifaiku.com

Interesting Flash Cartoons at
Campchaos.com

Bodi, Turture and a bloody cock

Last week I was on a vacation.I was back at my village.
Going there always had been a time travel for me.

Everything slows down in my village. That includes time
and mind.

I was surprised to know how much I am a part of that place,
in the lives of the people and their memories.

I have been hibernating and didnt meet most of people in the
last several years.

They all still remember a lot about me.

They are still unconditional when it comes to love.

Some highlights:

1) I once fell in love with our village barber's daughter.
Her name is Bodi.(I think I am still in love with her.
I think after Thrisha, she is the most beautiful girl God
ever made). She is not around anymore. Someone told me that
she was sold to some Dubai guy. My heart broke. Luckily for
me, I met my village Dhobi's daughter on the last day and
fell in love with her.

2) My cousin has a five year old kid. He cant say 'ra'.
He instead says 'la'. Lets call him La Kid. Another cousin of
mine has another er..a kid too. He cant say 'ka'. Instead
he says 'ta'. Lets call him Ta Kid. Unfortunately my real name
contains both ra and ka in it. So, it was fun with them.

I played cricket with these two kids. After I won (duh) the
game,

:-) : Ok kids, smiley is in a mood to treat. Tell me what you
want.

Ta Kid: I want Turture.
La Kid: Me too. Me too. Tultule. Tultule.
Ta kid: Yeehey. Turture. Turture.

:-) : ??? Dudes. What is this Turture stuff?

After five minutes of exhaustive deciphering and with the help of
Ta Kid's mom I realized that Ta Kid was asking for a silly snack
called 'Kurkure'.

3) My village is famous for cock fights. (Opp to hen). This time
one of those Nehruvian, socialist, secular, progressive, animal
loverist SP (Police) ordered a strict ban on the fights.

Everyone who knows the history of Andhras know that we love these
fights. Actually two of the famous battles in our history were
over these fights. (Bebbuli and Palnati). Everyone who anything
about our community knows that we love our vices.

My father's elder brother has more than five dozen cocks. (Ok,
girls, stop drooling). He was enraged. The president of the village
was enraged. Three of the local MLAs are his best buddies.

That night he met them. They decided to go ahead and conduct these
fights, no matter what. SP warned. He increased the basti.

One of the MLAs is pretty close to the home minister. MLA informed
the minister that he would rather get arrested than die an
infamous death in this region.

Home called SP. SP said fuck off. So for the first time in its history
my village slept without seeing the fights on sankrati. I slept
without eating that mother of all 'pandem kodi chicken biryani'.

Home minister called the CM next day. CM got a clear message. Either
you let our cocks fight or we let you down in the upcoming elections.

CM said, what the fuck man? Let those fucking cocks fight. Home minister
said, what the fuck is wrong with you SP? Let those cocks fight.
SP finally accepted a bribe of 5,00,000 (five lakhs), but still being
an animal lover, rested at home on a sick leave the next day.

And that day, my village celebrated. Blood spilled. Half of the
cocks died. Shit loads of Money changed hands. Gallons of alcohol
was consumed. Many of the lower caste virgin women were unvirgined.
Prostitutes danced. The local MLA and president were zindabaded
for keeping the tradition and gaurding the honour.

I had my share of chicken biryani. (Ok stop giving me that
Nehruvian, socialist, secular, progressive, I-hate-you-types look.)

Smiley’s Dirty Jokes Dept.

In association with

Smiley’s Short Story Dept.

Presents

Male Pride

Before kingdoms emerged and long before tribes were formed, there were
thick and deep tropical forests in southern India. There lived giant elephants
and tiny ants in harmony. Giant elephants had giant itchy butts. They loved
scratching their big butts against the trunks of big trees.

The Elephant



Elephant loved scratching its butt against trees. Ooomm, aaaah, uuufff.
She would go in pure bliss. But that day she got a little bit out of hand and
rocked the tree so hard that the beehive on the top of the tree fell right in
front of her.

The Bee



The bee worked hard all its life to make a decent living and settle down with
his favourite girl. He worked eighteen hours a day for two years and built the
beehive. He flew 24 hours a day for two weeks to attract his favourite girl.
When the girl fell, he made love to her for two consecutive days. She got
pregnant and filled beehive with little bee kids.

That day a fat elephant with an itchy butt scratched a little hard and killed his
whole family. So the bee leapt for the butt and stung it so hard that it got locked
into the pachyderm. It kept on stinging.

The Bird



The bird had been curious about everything right from its childhood.
It always woke up early and ate its worms early. It always flew into the
unexplored territories and always stood first in trying out new things
and new styles and new combinations.

That day it saw an elephant running wild with a red butt. It got curious and
flew near the butt and took a closer look. What he found was a bee stinging
the butt so hard that the elephant was crying puddles and pools.

So it asked the elephant,
Sweetie, whats wrong?

The elephant said,
Please get rid of that bee. I will do whatever you want me to do.
Sure deal sweetie.
The bird in one swift move plucked the bee deep from the butt and ate it.

The elephant got so relieved that it licked the bird and said
Now tell me, Oh the one who flies, what is that you want?
Oh the one with big butt, I always wanted to fuck an elephant, doggie style.

The elephant thought on it for a while. She was a virgin. But whats a little birds
tiny prick gonna make any difference. She thought.

She lifted her tail and let the bird in.

The Monkey



Monkey right from his childhood was never satisfied with whatever he had.
He always wanted to have more and exotic. He ditched his loyal wife and
loving kids and stayed alone a tall coconut tree just because they got boring.

That day a strange thing happened. A big elephant stopped under the tree and
a tiny bird started fucking the elephant from behind. The monkey got such a
huge hard on that it started masturbating.

As the birds movements got faster so did the monkey’s hand. The elephant
was grazing.

The Pride

Oooh. Oooooooh. Oooooooooooooooh.

The bird started hitting harder and harder.
The monkey got shafter and shafter.
In the frenzy monkeys hand hit a coconut.
Coconut straight down fell on elephant’s head with a huge thump.
Elephant shouted so loud that the whole jungle heard it.
OUCH.

The bird oblivious to what happened stopped fucking, opened its eyes and
from the behind shouted towards the elephants ear
Oops. Did it hurt dear?

nonick

Nonick is real. Nonick is no ghost. Nonick isnt me.
(Sorry Fairy dear). I am lucky to have readers like the
readers I have.

Because they made it fun to read and post. (Most of the time
my posts suck. But my comment box always lived up.)

I am glad to inroduce nonick to you. She (surprise!) has a blog too.
(She writes poems and stuff). http://whthehell.blogspot.com/
...another of life's mysteries solved.

The only mystery I am (Fairy is) left with is

who is nonickers?

Day 3
A few more little people.

I called them dudes. There were several of them in my mind. The most
significant of them were

ToDoDude
LookAheadDude
WorstCaseScenarioDude

The discovery of each individual dude was an Aha! Moment.
I didn’t regret them. Instead I looked them the way Snow White would
look at the dwarfs.

I realized that each one of the little dudes had responsible roles. They were just
performing their duty. Like life, thought fights for dominance too. Thought
tries to proliferate too. The dominant and winning thought defines our mood,
decision, personality, happiness or sorrow at any given moment.

In my case I realized that around 60-80% of my back ground buzz in my mind
on a day to day basis is due to these three little dudes.

ToDoDude: He is the one who listed all the To Dos which LookAheadDude
runs through every now and then. (The more complex your ToDo is the more
worried is LookAheadDude and more often he run through them.)

LookAheadDude: Dude, Dude, by 11:00 we have to finish this and have
lunch. Yeah, lets cut down on rice this afternoon and hit on rotis. That makes
us less sleepy in the afternoon session. Btw, have you seen that
TooDeterminedDude ? He had eight rotis yesterday. Man! Then take a nap.
Oh by the way, we have to check the laundry on our way. Get back to
meditation from 1:00 and 2:30. Oh yeah, I have to pick medicine for cold at
the counter at five. Yeah take a bath at 5:15. Let us better be there by that
time. Otherwise we wont get hot water. Hmm, back to meditation by 6:00.
I wonder what discourse do we have this evening. After the discourse,
go to bed. Lets make sure we sleep before the snoring dudes start their
snoring.

WorstCaseScenarioDude: At one time I was fantasizing a cruise from
Australia to somewhere. At midnight after making love to all the two dozen
Australian chicks on board I went to deck and started peeing in the sea. I
was mesmerized with the reflections of the moon in the sea while peeing into
it. Then WorstCaseScenarioDude created this great white shark which leaped
out of the water and snacked my dick. At another time, I was fantasizing sex
with a stranger in the New York subway and WorstCaseScenarioDude
mentioned AIDS and neither of us were carrying condoms.

At another time, I dreamed of merging my current startup with an
established firm and taking it to public, then Manmohan Singh died and stock
market crashed. When I swam, he increased the depth. When I took a flight,
he failed an engine. When I met my dream girl, he created a cage. When I
worked harder for greater success, he created ill health and failure. When I
trusted someone he made them backstab me. When I took my girlfriend to a
lonely ranch, he created a serial killer. I was amazed at how unaware of this
dude all the while.

(Later, it is this WorstCaseScenatioDude who helped me find my
‘Origin of Fear’.)

I should say, I was very successful in merely observing all these emotions
instead of identifying with them. I should also say that it kind of made me
feel good.

Continued…
Ok, you have little people in your mind. What else?
Can we skip like, to Day 10? Thanks in advance.
Hmm..once again, there is no blue font! Is it going to come back?
I heard of stuff like Adistana, Craving and Aversion before. What about that?

Day 4
The Art Of Women

Breakfast Log

Bhoot

Yesterday I attended a party (a friend's brithday) thrown
at Ram Gopal Varma's guest house. Its located in an almost
jungle like location not far from Hyderabad.

He made a Telugu movie long back (Deyyam) which was entirely
picturized at that guest house. Spooky dude he is. I got
totally spooked out while reaching there. I was alone and
it was pitch dark. The road barely existed. I didnt know the
directions and my cell was Out Of Coverage Area. :-)

Adding to it, in the middle of the night, power went off.
:-). Hmm..what did I have? Two pegs of Red Label, prawn
biryani, mutton curry, chicken fry, crab fry and fish fry.


DPS MMS

Like I mentioned at Fairy's blog before, we shouldnt be discussing
the moral aspects of two teenagers having sex at school. But law
and press should devote their energies in punishing the poeple who
are circulating this MMS. I did what I could by refusing to watch
the clip.

I am glad to know that finally the 'circulators' are being noticed.
(One IITian and CEO of Bazee.com). Even the teenager is being
presented at the juvenile court today.

Bad Sex Award

Tom Wolfe won this year's the British prize for
bad sex in fiction.

This is the stuff that won the award for him

"Slither slither slither slither went the tongue," one of his winning sentences
begins. "But the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand,
since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the
otorhinolaryngological caverns -- oh God, it was not just at the border where
the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest -- no, the hand
was cupping her entire right -- Now!"

Link

How Mac was made

One of the tech's all time favourite stories is back again.
I should say, this time it got better. (For all those who
read Pepsi to Apple and thought they knew everything about
Mac -- No we dint get most of it from Scully).

Oreilly did a book on that and its available in the market now.
(Patrix, now you know your weekend read)



For all of us Non American Residents, most of the book is avaialble
in the form of stories for free at http://folklore.org

One of my favourite stories is Reality Distortion

Scarab Beetle



Link

Day 2
Your mind wanders. Smile.

Dont feel bad for not being able to concentrate on your breath.
Your mind wanders.
Accept the fact that your mind wandered.
With a smile, bring its attention back to your breath.

Observing your breath is as simple a task can get. Thats what any one would
think. But the thing is, your mind doesnt really like doing the task on hand.
It always wanders.

The more it wanders the more frustrating it gets.

The same instructions were repeated several times.

Soon by the afternoon, I saw a pattern. By that evening, in one of those aha! moments, the pattern became a map. The moment it became a map, it became much more clear.

It was an elating moment.

My mind revealed itself. It suddenly gave me an perspective that was very
objective. Every emotion, every thought, suddently fell into a precharted territory.




Soon I realized that the vast thought process I thought I possessed is actually
an implementation of very few interfaces. (Pardon the language). In other
words, every thought had a pattern. It neatly fell into a zone.
The zones were surprisingly few.

Each zone is an escape channel to avoid NOW.

So what happened to the blue font?
Ok, you got a map. So what?
Hmm...who are these little people?
Come on hurry up dude.
continued..
Day 3
A few important little people

Day 1
Observe it; accept it, as it is.

Observe your breath. Dont regulate it. Just observe your normal, natural breath.

If it is warm, then it is warm.
If it is cold, then it is cold.
If it is shallow, then it is shallow.
If it is deep, then it is deep.
If it is hard, then it is hard.
If it is soft, then it is soft.
If it is fast, then it is fast.
If it is slow, then it is slow.

Observe it, as it is. Accept whatever is real, as it is.

From:
04:30 to 06:30 AM
08:00 to 11:00 AM
01:00 to 05:00 PM
06:00 to 07:00 PM
08:30 to 09:00 PM.


The duality of my mind fascinated me when I was in the final year of my college. I asked this question several of my friends.

Lets take for example, preparing for the exams. Our mind perfectly understands the benefits of preparing for the exams, passing the exams, getting good percentages and the benefits we reap on them. Our mind actually visualizes us sitting through the exams, acing the exams and being praised by parents, friends and relatives. Our mind motivates us to set higher goals, prepare plans and gather material to start preparation. Yet the same mind discourages you from going through this. It tells you to take a break, to go to a movie, to sleep early, to not to get up early etc and looks for instant gratification every moment.

This applies to every duality one usually faces like, smoking, drinking, eating, spending, working etc. Your mind perfectly understands the benefits of doing or not doing a task, yet the same mind totally discourages you from doint it or not doing it.

Why duality?

That question haunted me. Well after eighteen months, I found the answer, when I was least expecting it, in the book shelf of a friends uncle. The name of the book was
I'm Ok you're Ok.

The answer I was looking for lied in something called Transactional Analysis.
For the first time, that book made me think about my mind, its behavior patterns and its working patterns. For the first time, I realized how my past effects my future and how every decision I made in the past also has a heavy influence on the decisions I am making today.

That book gave me a huge intellectual satisfaction. No book ever satisfied me that much until then.

I found myself already in I’m OK and you’re OK zone. I felt glad about it.

Coming Next..
So, what do we get out of this observation?
Is this what you did for TEN days?
What does this blue font prose have to do with your Vipassana stuff?
Day 2
Your mind wanders. Smile.

The day before
Emotion has no reason, needs no reason and knows no reason

Twelve days of my absence would cause havoc to all our ongoing tasks, priorities and targets. There were so many last minute things. There was a certain amount of tangible loss too. I was prepared. Gave instructions to the staff, made more than hundred decisions in a span of six hours and finally said good bye to everyone. My staff treated me with a Paradise Special Mutton Biryani. I ate little and left. Two of my good friends offered to drop me at the center. On our way, we picked my cousin Vinny, who also enrolled to this course.

We entered into the campus and were instructed to fill several forms. Almost every form and instruction pointed to one single thing.

I agree, I will not leave this campus until the end of the ten day course, no matter what.

Without even a trace of doubt, I agreed and signed. They asked us to surrender the mobiles, valuables, pens, notebooks and cameras. Then we were registered and assigned rooms. One of the clerks realized that Vinny and I are cousins and allocated us rooms that are separated by a good 50 feet.

My good friends told us, Dudes, screw this thing. Keep at least one cell phone with you guys. If you ever feel like coming out, you can just give us an SMS. We know how to break a lock. I strongly disagreed and surrendered the phones. I asked them to leave and said good bye.

I suddenly felt lonely, the moment they left. As it got darker, my uneasiness and loneliness grew. Vinny had a slight fever and a thick cold. We were served Upma as our dinner at 5:30 PM.

I ate that stuff, picked blankets, mosquito nets and made my bed. At six, (my office boy packed my bag) I opened my kit and found that two essential things, toothpaste and toilet soap were missing. By six fifteen, at least a dozen mosquitoes bit me. At six thirty, a bell was struck. The noble silence begins from now. You are not supposed to speak, signal or look into any one else' eyes. You should work in this ashram for the next days, as if you are completely alone. I was instructed. Cake walk. I thought.

At seven thirty, they asked us to assemble in the main hall. By then I wasnt just uneasy but beginning to get nervous about the whole thing. I am slightly claustrophobic. I dont like closed environments. Also, I need noise and people around me all the time. I dont like eerie silences and empty halls. They scare me to death.

We entered into a dark, spacious and closed hall. I was shown a small white cushion. I was asked to write my name and room number on its tag. You are supposed meditate only on this cushion for the next ten days. The Dhamma worker said.

I was very nervous by then. Just the type of nervousness that strikes you before an interview or a public speech. I sat on the cushion in a padmasana and closed my eyes. I was not comfortable with my nervousness. I realized it was a kind of fear. I hated myself for fearing something as simple as meditation. A million things flooded my mind the moment I closed my eyes. The tasks that I left unfinished, all the things that can go wrong in my absence and all the worst case scenarios that I can get into.

For a second, I developed this intense urge to shout
Fuck this. I don’t need this. I am fine. I am leaving. Bye.

Lights got further dimmer and suddenly two speakers came to life. Then a strange raga filled the room. It wasnt a chant. It wasnt a song. It wasnt a mantra. It wasnt like anything I heard before. An East Asian Buddhist raga, I thought.

Without warning and without a reason a wave of panic numbed my mind. I thought I was fainting. It was a very strange experience. I panicked and opened my eyes. I cursed myself for going through this for something as simple as meditation. The next thirty minutes were a huge struggle between my panic state of mind and my reason. I wondered about the stuff I would go through in the next ten long days. I made a concrete decision that, if I get overwhelmed with fear or anxiety in the next session I would leave the center.

At nine, I walked back to my room fighting mosquitoes. I had two roommates. Within fifteen minutes they both entered into deep sleep snoring loudly. If there is one thing that I cant stand in this whole world, its snoring. The hard pillow wasnt comfortable. The blanket wasnt full length. That strange nervousness was still there. I stared into the ceiling for a long time.

I never showed faith to any God or any religion at any point of time in my life.
As a matter of fact, until very recently, I used to be an active atheist and

rationalist. Lately, I have stopped being an atheist and just been staying on neutral grounds.

Through out my childhood, early teens and teenage I strongly stood on my atheist grounds. I read lot of books, debated and gave a lot of thought about concepts like origin of life, evolution, universe, rituals, religion, social structures and belief systems. I accepted things that stood reason. Rest, I declined. I never had any problem saying that the rest of the world could be wrong.

Joie

I never believed in reincarnation, traditional definitions of sin, karma, evil, heaven or hell. At the age twenty, after having a series of long debates with two of my good friends I concluded the following

1) There is no greater purpose to this life
2) Zillions and zillions of living cells were born and died. You and your short little life is just another blink.
3) The universe that you know is a grain in an endless sand beach. Zillions of earth like planets evolved and morphed and this solar system itself is just another blink.
4) The root of misery lies in attachment
5) When there is no greater purpose to the life, when no religion or social system is absolute, then the only thing that ever matters in your life is just being happy. In this short little life, every thing we ever do is towards just one state, to be happy.
6) Detach. Enjoy. Be happy.

De

At twenty one, out of curiosity, I joined a French class. I learned a little bit (too little) of French and bought a book titled ‘Learn French’ published by Orient Longman. Some where in that book I found a beautiful expression that caught my imagination. The more I thought about it, the more it fascinated me.

I used to do lot of painting in those days. I wrote stuff like Metallica, Hells angels, Aromatic Fart, Pak Stinks, Bon Jovi, symbols of fire, cross, swastikas, skulls, guitars, on jeans pants using Fevicryl fabric paints. On the next day I painted this French phrase on my cap and my T-Shirt.

Some of my freinds asked me what it is. I told them, it meant joy of life. They asked me back, So what about this joy of life? I told them that, that is the answer I was looking for all these days.

Vivre

Thats the most beautiful expression I ever heard. I realized that joy of life is not
in finding solutions, finding happiness, conquering sorrows, possessing valuable things, attaining nirvana, finding love or anything thats a part or bye product of life.

The joy of life is in living itself.

The next year, this new cool technology called internet became a public phenomena and this new cool thing called ‘hotmail’ became almost a social status. I promptly got a mail id. In the signature option I put this phrase.

Joie De Vivre.

Coming Next

Day 1
Observe it; accept it, as it is.

The Vipassana Chronicles

The day before the day before

A huge party was scheduled for that night. A private party at a private pool at Leo Meridian. I had dark rum and a chicken kabab. I helped myself with extra doses thinking about the dry and vegetarian days I am going to spend at the Vipassana centre for the next ten days. I was sure that I would love doing it and was in a way eagerly looking forward to it.

That night tossing on my comfortable soft bed at Park Inn, watching TV, I thought about the upcoming ten days.

Around two and half years back, I drew up a Master Plan of my life. I had identified six major areas of my life and prepared goals in those areas of self, love, career, finances, family and society. It was an ambitious, bold, strategic plan filled with lot of vision stuff.

I took several major decisions about my life based on my master plan and totally altered my life in a single week. The plan was my guiding force, a kind of compass that always lingered in the background.

I reviewed the plan occasionally. It told me where I was doing good and the areas I was doing badly. A year later, when I was reviewing the plan I realized that I failed miserably in many areas.

NOW

When I looked back and reviewed my life in that year, I realized that it was an eventful journey. Extreme fun, bold and dynamic energy, unlimited spending, utter failures, learning new things, adopting to new environments, realizing the dreams, failing the dreams, unlimited sorrows, unending pains, fear, the ugly side of humanity, love, women, the beauty of humanity, loyalty, friendship, relationships etc. So much happened in one single year.

But one thing that was constant was the stress. Anxiety, worry or stress, whatever you call it. Blame it on the number hours I was spending at work, or the number hours I was spending drinking and partying late nights or my lack of managerial skills or lack of ability to handle conflicts or lack of communication. Whatever it was, as much as I was happy, during the entire time, I was that much worried too.

ACT

After being clinically diagnosed with stress and given anti stress pills and sedative medicines, I realized that it was time for me to concentrate more on my ‘state of happiness’ or the ‘mental balance’.

In that process I stumbled upon a book called ‘How to stop worrying and start winning’. The author of the book is also the author of one of the all time self help best seller ‘How to win friends and influence people’. Even though the title sounded cheesy I bought that book because of the name of the author. I read it. Usually I make notes while reading a book like that. On a neat white paper, after I read the last page of the book, I wrote just two words.

Now.

Act.

For the sake of clarity, I added italics later,

Think Now.

Act now.

Tweener

After I came out to the normal world I got back to my routine with out a hitch.
But on that weekend, on sunday morning I started typing and didnt stop till
that evening.

LL asked me @ HBM, So are you posting on Vipassana?
I said, I am. A long one.

So, is this one of your 'never finished' theories like Unified Blog Theory?
He asked.



Lot of people so far asked me, What is this Vipassana? Why did you do
this Vipassana?

I am not sure if I can pin point to one single reason or if I can pin point to
'reason' at all for Why I Took Vipassana. I am not sure if I can tell anyone
what I got out of Vipassana or what is Vipassana.

Vipassana is not just theory, but your own experience added to what you can
call is a 'frame work'.

I typed whatever that came to my mind that afternoon, in no particular order
or pattern.

I didnt try to make it funny or more readable. I didnt correct my spellings
or grammer. But I feel obliged to share my thoughtSnapShots and experiences.

Your feedback is appreciated.

Smiley's MindStuff Dept.

In Association with

Smiley's StoryTeller Dept.

presents

Smiley's
The Vipassana Chronicles

Smiley Gets Into Media

Around five months back, couple of dudes and an ace team joined
me and we closed in on an interesting script. We thought of scheduling the
shooting in the third week of Jan. Things changed a lot in between.

Our definition of Media was initially confined to movie making.
We changed the scope so as to increase the scope. (Ha!)

Several interesting projects are on my table at this moment.
An 'Animal Planet' kind of children's TV show to a crossover film.

We are currently interested in interesting ideas (Another Ha!).
Overseas, local, crossover, offbeat, onbeat...whatever.

If you or any of your friends are interested in any of the creative
departments (story, screenplay, music etc), do let me know.

Hyderabad Bloggers Meet 2

Come one, come all
come short, come tall
come slim, come fat
come dog, come cat

OK, that dint make sense, but that was the only damn thing that rhymed,
man !!! ;-) The point of the matter is to spread the word ... its time for the

Second Hyderabad Bloggers Meet,

So come and see the biggest freak show on earth (no snide comments on this
line plese, this is just us being modest)Venue : Barista, Ground Floor, Banjara
Hills Main Road (If you can scream loud enough, mebbe we can get Neil to
change the venue to a place where we can get some booze ... Hic!!)

Date : 04-Dec-2004, SaturdayTime : 5 PM
(the last one to arrive foots the bill, and trust me, we eat a lot ... so get there
on time) Special prize for ladies (pssst, dont tell anyone, its justa ruse to get
the ladies to come ;-)) So I hope to to see you ppl there
"BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE"
Cheers !!!

P.S: This is the original invitation. A cut and paste of this post can be found
at Adi's blog.
(Copy right? My ass! I am a H-Blogger. Copy is right. )

Smiley Goes to Vipassana

You? Vipassana? Are you sure? Mr. Sharma enquired.
Hold on dude, I told my friend on my mobile, turned towards Sharma and gave him this Duh look. Why do you think I drove all the way to here and filled in this silly application form?
Do you know anything about Vipassana? Sharma enquired further.
Dude, I will call you back. I told my friend and gave this give me a break dude look to Sharma and told him. Yeah I know everything about Vipassana, Dalai Lama, Buddha and Angelina.
Who is Angelina?
Did I say Angelina? I meant Leela. She is friend of mine. She took this course.

Sharma looked very unconvinced.

For the first time I realized that admissions are not automatic and not granted. I need to pass through Sharma's scrutiny. I became very nervous. I already bought four oversized Jockey Underwears for this meditation thing. I am not going let them go waste.

I put my mobile in silent mode and sat a little erect.

A lot of young men like you (thank you baseball cap) walk in and they get disillusioned in no time. Sharma said. Besides they end harming themselves by developing this intense negative feeling about the whole thing. Do you know what it is like to spend ten full days at Vipassana? Its not a vacation. You will working intensely for ten hours a day for full ten days. Everything you see, feel, eat will be against your will. Some times a minute lasts for days.

Bah, I endured a flat chested, whining, crying chick for a month. Everything was against my will. I can do this. Besides if Fairy can do this, why cant I?
Who is Fairy?
Did I say Fairy? I meant Leela. She is a curious chick. If she sees a road, she will definitely cross it. Ha ha ha.

Sharma threw my application into a dustbin.
I got extremely nervous. Now what am I going to do with those oversized underwears?

Look Mr err...Smiley, Vipassana is not fun, its not an adventure, its not cool, it needs total dedication, hard work and submission of your will.
Sounds like me.
No, of course not. I have been practicing Vipassana from the past twenty five years. I have seen thousands of people. I know. I dont want to judge you, but please think about the whole thing again.

Dude Sharma, you will regret this moment for the rest of your eventless life. You are denying Vipassana an oppurtunity to get in touch with Smiley. You are coming in between a historic and momentous moment. Can you tell me that I am not going to be the next Buddha? You cannot.
By denying the oppurtunity you proved yourself to be judgemental. Which means, you are still judging events, people. You are still associating them with your self, ego and past. I would say you wasted twenty five years of your life.

I added, What I said about you is true. So , its going to hurt your ego. You havent conquered your ego. Instead of admitting the fact that you were judgemental, you are going to deny my admission. Good bye Sharma.

Sharma, took the admission out fo the dustbin, he turned it over and jubiliantly said, Ha! You need to be introduced by an old student. No one introduced you. So I cant let you in.

Hope beckoned. I immediately took my mobile. She this Rani Mukharjee I told you about did this post after she did her Vipassana. I read it. It is technically as good as being introduced by her.
Rani Mukharjee did this course? Where?
I meant Leela. She is a good friend of mine. You can see, I showed him the SMS I sent to Leela that morning
Happy Diwali :-)
and Leela's reply to it
Stop bothering me :-(

Sharma very reluctantly gave me a confirmation. Two female foreign (British) students walked in. One of them said, I need to check my email. Sharma didnt understand a thing and said ya ya.
She went into the computer room. Sharma longingly looked at her. See, videshi vanita she is, she is been living here from three months. What dedictation? What dedication? He looked at me and asked. What do you think?
I looked at her and said
Yeah, nice butt.

I shook Sharma's hands and said, Thanks for letting me in, you will be proud of yourself in very few days. Sharma looked a little nervous and a lot worried.

P.S: What do you think? If Sweetie Lee can do it, I cant do it-aa?
My course starts from Nov 15 and ends at Nov 26th.
May the smiling buddha emerge. :-)
May you all live in peace.

Patrixy

I am feeling a little Patrixy today.
First, let me lampoon Patrix and his kind..



Hyderabad Shoe Shine

A proposed Outer Ring Road for Hyderabad (Part of V 2020) is finally approved. The land grabbing has already started. This ring road is supposed to usher a new era of western style sub urbs life style. Thumbs up.

A mega 'Central' mall by the name Hyderabad Central was opened last week and has already got rave reviews. (By teenage love making lovers).

To support the outer ring road HUDA is coming up with 22 (twenty two) satellite towns around the ring.

A super flyover with a mini flyover over that super flyover is coming up to digest the congestion between Begumpet and Banjara Hills. Now, take the ramp at Grand Kakatiya and exit at Banjara. No stops. :-)

India Super Shine

The grand Infy ADS is an indicator of whats going to be the next wave of corporate India. If I am right (which I always am) there will be a major (exponential) influx of foreign fund flow into India. Not just because of the FDI but also because of external borrowings by corporate India.

The moment RBI regulated the overly regulated external borrowing (dollar funds) channel to protect the volatile rupee, every CA and CFO charted out plans to borrow the low interest and cash rich west funds. What we are seeing is a realization of that implementation. Next quarter, we should see an all time high rate of external borrowings. It is good for the corporate India. Ironically, RBI will have to step in, and reregulate the unregulated, again in another two to three years to prevent a crumble down like that of the paper East Tigers (that happened during the end of the Clinton era) and the domination of external factors.

Nehruvian Urban Secular Socialists

Some schools are teaching their kids the negative effects of 'Celebrating Diwali'. It causes sound pollution, air pollution, wastes lot of paper etc. So, the convent going, english speaking, urban hip kids pledged not to 'celebrate' diwali. Not only that, they want to spead this 'awareness' to the rest of the India. So they are painting the perils of Diwali. Fuck them all. I have just ordered a shit load of diwali crackers. I told my office boy to pick the loudest, smokest and litterest possible damaka stuff. If you see a guy distributing these crackers to the slum kids in Madhapur on the night of diwali, its me. (Thats what I have been doing from the past two years).

What a day :-)

At the breakfast table..
Smiley: It went super smooth. I kind of touched that 'sweet spot'.
One little nudge and it was over. All I had to do was just shake off at the end.
Eddie:Yeah. Yeah. Mine too. By the time I read Garfield, it was over.
I wish every day starts like this.
Gello:What are you two talking about?
Smiley&Eddie:About how we shat this morning.

Good morning :)

It wasnt a planned management policy. It actually started pretty innocently on a fine lazy sunday morning. I sent an SMS to my cousin Vinny. The SMS simply read

Good morning :)

Vinny immediately called me and said,'Dude, how are you doing? Yeah I am doing good. Thank you and you have a wonderful day'. I was surprised by the warmth in his tone. So the next day morning I sent him another SMS the moment I woke up.

Good morning :)

Vinny called me again. We wished each other a great day. Then Vinny forwarded that SMS to all of his staff and clients. Neither of us expected the kind of response we would get. Almost all the people who received the SMS either sent a reply or called Vinny back.

The next day Vinny sent me that message even before I did. It lasted for couple of weeks. It became a kind of game between the two of us. Who would get up first and send that SMS. During that week Vinny discussed with me the kind of new enthusiasm this SMS is building in his sales and administrative staff. Everyone was getting up a little early and the moment they saw him they were throwing this huge smile. It kind of became an announcement among the staff. Look I got up at 6:00 AM today. On an average he was receiving not less than a dozen Good Morning :) SMS every morning, with in two weeks.

So, I extended this to my staff too. The response was the same. Warm and welcoming. The next day I sent that SMS to everyone in my phonebook. To say that this simple SMS literally rejuvenated all of my contacts would be an understatement. I sent this SMS to the Company MDs to Office boys. The response was always the same. No matter how the previous day ended, my staff would get up anticipating this message. Many a differences were settled. Many of my clients beamed. Many new contacts turned into new business. (I am not exaggerating). Some SMS lazy guys, when met in person, mentioned that they were receiving these SMS.

Like all the new fads I thought this one would be dead in a week too. Even though I stopped sending those SMS (I send that SMS to very special few), I still receive atleast half a dozen of them in the morning.

Two days back my accountant walked into my room and was rattling on cutting costs. He informed me that we consumed 4.7 cups of tea per day per head last month. We agreed to cut it down to 3 cups per day. Entertainment cost per head for sales people came around 750. We agreed to cut down it to 400 per head. He then held the H-Bomb and told me in a dramatic tone, You wont believe this, last month, our staff sent SMS worth Rs.6543. We can easily take out 5000 off that.
No, I said, take off all limits on that. Thats the best investment we ever made on our HR.

So, my Grandma was right

A male Homo floresiensis returns from the hunt. Found on the island of Flores in Indonesia, these ancient humans grew no taller than a three-year-old modern-human child. Their small size led scientists to nickname the species "hobbits," after the tiny Lord of the Rings characters. The first such individual found was female. Since then at least seven individuals have been found, including males.

The archaeological find will be featured in a National Geographic Channel program to air in early 2005.

Illustration by Peter Schouten

A dinner that never was.
Ek Chicken Biryani aur Do Kingfisher.

After a long time Eddie and his wife Gello invited me and Dimmy for a dinner.

Dimmy and I went. Eddie's 12 months kid Cheddi embraced, kissed and gladly welcomed us in. Gello said Hello. Dimmy and I praised her kindness and her saree. We admired her beauty and remarked how lucky Eddie was.

Gello smiled till her lips touched her ears. She asked us to be comfortable and went into the kitchen to make an additional dish for us. Eddie, Dimmy and I were watching cricket on TV while the kid tried to draw our attention to him. We ignored him. The kid went into the kitchen and started bothering Gello. Gello came out and asked Eddie to put the kid to sleep. But Eddie was too busy watching cricket. So I took up the job. I told the kid a story. I told the kid how a sparrow makes its nest. I told him about the mating calls made by frogs, by making those sounds. He laughed and laughed and suddenly fell asleep. Proudly I handed him to Eddie.

Eddie went inside his bedroom and put the kid on the bed. He annouced, Gello, I put the kid to sleep. Gello shouted back, Be careful. Watch him. He rolls in his sleep. We were back to watching cricket. Gello would shout from the kitchen every two minutes, Are you watching the kid. Eddie would shout back, Yes and Eddie would run into the bed room to check the kid. It went on for about twenty minutes. I got tired of Eddie and gave him a brilliant idea.

Why dont you put pillows on both sides of the kid and save us from this disturbance? Eddie beamed and did exactly that. By then Gello finished making Chicken biryani, Raitha and went onto making Sambar and papads. India was winning. Gello would shout from the kitchen every two minutes, Are you watching the kid?. Eddie would just sit in chair and shout back Yes and then would give me that you are my best buddy look and then I would nod back in agreement.

It went on for another ten minutes.

Then we heard this sickening thud. Yeah the thud of a soft baby's head falling from a good three and half feet high and hitting the marble below is sickening. It took Eddie couple of seconds to register what had happened. His face went extremely pale after he realized. He jumped into the bedroom. Dimmy and I got suddenly uncomfortable. With in couple of seconds we heard the kid crying at the top of his whatever little lungs.

I went into the bed room for the rescue. The kid thing totally turned red and opened his mouth so wide crying, I could see the food he had for dinner. Eddie was shivering. We came out of the bedroom and my legs trembled when I saw Gello.

Gello looked pure anger. Her nose turned red. Her face turned red. Her eyes turned red. She was so angry that she was gasping for air. She hissed Give me the kid and snatched the crying kid from Eddies hands. Eddie became clueless.

Wow! I didnt know he can roll over a pillow. Ha ha ha. He said.
You son of a triggerless gun. You good for nothing couch potato. All you ever do is sit and watch that stupid TV. There isnt a thing that you can ever do right. Gello shouted.

We were least prepared for this outburst. Eddie couldnt stand this humiliation right in front of our eyes. His macho image crumbled like a crumbling sand castle. He got angry but had the sense to not to show it.

He said something like, He is my son. He is strong enough. When I was kid I fell from a two storied building.
Ok, now we know why your brain is half dead. If you ever fucking call him your son again, I am going to kill you. You never was a good husband. You never talk to me. The only thing that ever matters to you is your office, your friends, your stupid cell phone and cricket. I cant stand this anymore. I am leaving. Sob sob.

Eddie looked half dead for sure.

Then I made my move. I said, Gello, pillow was my idea. Not Eddies. Its my fault. Wow, look the kid stopped crying. Now can we just move ahead and enjoy that biryani? Hmmmm...it smells so good.

She simply said, No biryani for you.
I looked at Eddie. Eddie looked at Dimmy. Dimmy tried to look busy checking sms in his cell phone.

Cut to:
Munching on my chicken biryani, sipping on my second beer, wathcing the match in a shady bar I asked Dimmy who was sitting opposite to me, for the dozenth time
Huh! How could Cheddi roll over a pillow?

Hello world

Evolution is some how a word that misleads you. It makes you think that
we are evolving towards something better.

Adding to it, We are self aware. This self awareness made us special and
superior to the rest of the species we were told.

But how does self awareness makes you superior? Thought is a by product of
self awareness. Does that make us superior? How and why? Why are we so sure?

What makes you superior?

You can build better buildings than an ant can?That makes you superior only if
the ant is comparing its hill with your building.But the ants dont care. You are
the one who is comparing.

What if the ant says,Hey I can trace food with my antenna thats 100 meters
away. You cant find that cookie crumble in your sofa.
What if the ant says, Hey I can lift a weight thats 100 times my body weight.
What if the ant says, Hey long before you thought of socialism, communism
and found religions, we discovered living a selfless life, to live for a society.

The thing is, your metrics for superiority are your metrics. Not the ants.
Ants dont even have metrics. Actually that makes them too superior because
you can NEVER beat them. No matter how complex a thing you evolve into.

The new age culture and science told you that you are superior. Western
individualism and I CAN, I WANT, I WILL and I AM cheese cake pop
philosophies flourished just because of that. They are pop. (In the same week
America discovered that Monica saved the wipes of Clinton's bursts in her
closet, thousands died in Gujarat. I dont need to tell which news made it to the
covers of TIME. Thats what pop is all about. What you like to see is what you get.)

This I AM thing took us too far.
This egoic I AM lets us say I AM right, this IS the truth.
We found religions that said I am right. You are wrong. So convert.
We found religions that said I am. You are not. So die.

In a way, we are just as preprogrammed as ants. They have antennae.
We think. Thats it. In terms of evolution we are no superior than a fly.
We might be a major impact on its direction with our devastation powers
as a species put together.

This self righteousness gave us right to kill every other living organism.
See, we can think. They cant. So, we have a right to.

We flourished because of our strengths. There is nothing wrong in it. Its one
of the fundamental qualities of life. To multiply. To be ruthless and to be
selfish. Always at the expense of another life. Thats how this system is built.

But, unfortunately multiplying doesnt mean 'better'. This must be just a blip.
A spike in the curve. Chance favoured us. Big ones died. Climate favoured.
Continents came closer.

Even then we were just the same. We co existed, related to and learned from
them. The more you trace back your folk tales the more you can discover how
humble our thought process used to me.

A mere two thousand years which isnt even a snap in an evolution year cant
make us superior. Actually nothing makes you ever superior than your fellow
beings.We are all same. With different qualities at different quantities. We are
just another possible outcome of this ever multiplying and morphing
gene machine.

On this day and at this hour, I am denouncing my attributed superiority. I am
accepting the fact that the ant thats crawling on my hand now is just as unique
and as important as I am.

I am saying, Hello world.

P.S: I hope that the other ant thats been hiding in my underwear right from
this morning gets these vibes and stops biting me.

Krishna

Just playing with this new Hello thing that lets me post pictures directly to my blog.

Delirium
Love has no matter

I took two steps forward.
Cage moved forward with me.
Took two steps side wards.
Cage moved side wards.

I ran.
Cage ran.

I rolled.
Cage rolled.

She was there. Outside the cage. I knew I could never get her.
I guess she knew it too. But she stood there as if she was more curious about
what is going to happen than in seeing me out of it.

Why is the cage?
Because you want to get out of it.

They said time started the moment the bang happened. Before that, there was
no time. Before that, there was no matter. Because time as we know it is linear and unidirectional. They said, you cant peek past the bang, where no event was
ever measured.

If matter can neither be created nor be destroyed, where did matter come from?

Matter is the initial condition of the universe. You cant get past it.

Is there anything that can be created out of its own?

Everything is a morph. Just various instances of energy and matter. You cant
create new instances. You can only change the attributes. The sum of all
energies is always the same.

What about information? Where did it come from?

What do you mean?

This post never existed before. I CREATED it.

This universe cares a fuck about your post. It is at balance. You just spent
some energy to DO something. To run or to think, who cares? You just
converted one form of energy into another.

I created information. It can be consumed. Unlike energy, it need not be
reproduced for every consumption. It doesnt morph with every consumption.
It doesnt even know about consumption. It is independent of its consumption.

I dont know how many people are going to consume this information. This
information is going to be consumed, in other words created, in I dont know
how many peoples heads, for I dont know how long. Why cant I call every
consumption an instance? Something that was not there before?

In other words, in theory, a bit of information can be replicated infinitely in
every corner of the universe. Number of replications or instances do not directly
or indirectly draw energy from the original bit.

Where is it going?

I am saying that the energy sum of all the bits of information that is ever
created from this post is higher than the energy required to create this post.
This is a clear contradiction to the law of the universe. Energy can neither be
created nor be destroyed. So I am wrong. But for me to be wrong, I must have
created anti Information for every instance of information I created.
Something of antiBit sort.

So?

If the cage exists as long as I want to get out of it, if antiBit is true, it should
disappear if I dont want to get out of it.

He laughed to death.

Ok, this is your last time. I am not going to let you out of the cage anymore. Neither excuses nor theories are going to work next time.

The cage disappeared.

She stretched her arms.

I ran towards her. To love her and to make love to her.