Foo Bar

Three weeks back

So thats my plan. I gave the rough sketch to Vinny. Vinny who usually would
jump into it, quiet uncharacteristically gave me a sarcastic smile.

Its not going to work.

I was disappointed and hurt. Why not? Atleast half of it can be implemented.
No. I am not tempted. Its not going to happen.

Three weeks minus one day back

So thats my plan. I gave the rough sketch to Zee. Zee donning his wise man role
just nodded. Now Zee, tell me how it cannot be done?

The total cost Smiley. We need fucking one and half million dollars, all in cash to
do this. And you are so broke right now.

Yeah, cant we raise cash?
Let us be a little realistic here.

Two weeks back

Thats my plan. I handed it to Dr Rao. He pointed out to couple of blanks. If you
can do this, this and this, then it can be done.

One week back

Zee, do this, this and this. I have done the ground work. Now its your turn.

Four days back

Smiley, this and this are done. We still have this to do. But its impossible.

Two days back

I shook hands with the CEO of one of the subsidiaries of a three thousand crore
(3000,00,00,000) Indian giant. Then I sat in their Directors room explaining
COO why they are so lucky to get me. Then I told them, Not just one. I want
them both. Both the projects. And of course exclusivity.

I cant believe I am signing on this document. You are so inexperienced.
COO shook his head. Sign it. I encouraged.

On my flight back

Zee, I signed on both the projects. Not just that, I gave them post dated checks.
Now, you have get that this done. We have no other go.
Holy fucking shit. Congrats. But I mean holy fucking shit.
Yeah lots of holi fucking shit.

One day back aka yesterday

Its done. Said Zee.
I smiled.
But you will have to convince them tomorrow evening. I have arranged a meeting.
Convince? I am going to make them beg us. Now, rest your soul.

The Dream, I said, The Great Indian Dream has arrived.
Cheers.

Always On

Sigh. I am on. I got so tired of not being able to connect to the net.
I initiated this 'I should always be on' policy and unveiled it on, who
else?, my allInOneKrish.

So I am on. Always on now.

A Dell Inspiron connected to the net by a Reliance wireless modem
when I am on move.

A Toshiba connected to BSNL broadband at home.

Another Toshiba connected to Airtel at work.

(*Grin* Yeah, I have three laptops now. Because I hate disconnecting those
power cables.)

My IPaq always on with GPRS from Airtel.

Sify broadband connected to a locally assembled computer at the
other work place.

Tata Indicom broadband, once again to an assembled computer at my
Vijayawada office.

Rrrrrrrrriba rrrrriba.
Beep. Beep.

Vaishali

Vaishali stood out in that crowd. She stood out with her large happy smile that
revealed a surprisingly clean (for her class) and white set of teeth. Her smile was
pleasant and motherly. She stood out for her skin too. Not exactly an unusual fair
but hers was a smooth natural hairless skin. She was the head mestri for a group
of 40 laborers.

All of them were women.

It was three years back. I was working on a leather export order. To personally
supervise the quality and design I decided to get into the thick of action and went
to Chennai to make sure these women understood the design.

The owner of the leather factory was a muslim. He had a brother in law who was
in charge of design and prototypes section. It was a shed roofed with asbestos. I
daily used to go there with a laptop, digital camera and Reliance phone for my
internet access.

Trust me, sitting in asbestos shed during the peak of Chennai’s summer is not for
faint hearted. You would sweat your digestive juices out.

I fell in love with Vaishali on day one.

Vaishali spoke Tamil. I understand Tamil but cant speak. Razzaq spoke Hindi and
Tamil. My Hindi is extremely rusty. Razzaq understood neither Telugu nor English.

Vaishali never looked into my eyes. She always used Razzaq as the mediator.

On day three I guess, Razzaq was absent. Vaishali finished a prototype and just
placed on my table. I looked at it. Didnt like it.

I said, No. I showed the model to her and said No.

I need a clip on the back. The edges should be of light colored leather for contrast.

By the evening we grew comfortable. One thing I noticed about her was she did not
sweat while I soaked.

On fourth day she asked Telugu? I said Yes. She said in Tamil that she understands
Telugu but she cant speak Telugu properly. I told her that so is my case with Tamil.

Our deal was I will speak in Telugu and she will speak in Tamil and that we can
work together.

The women did a laborious and boringly repetitive job. The run starts around 9 in
the morning. All they have is a chai around 11. A twenty minute lunch break in the
afternoon and close of the shop at 6 in the evening.

On the next day she looked a little special. She wore a saree. Almost instinctively
I said Wow and smiled at her. She smiled back. She joined her women and they
all giggled.

Even after an hour when I was talking to her about a new design she was giggling.
Why are you laughing?
She looked back at her team. She covered her mouth still giggling. The team was
giggling too.
Whats the matter?
Those two girls think you look like a cinema hero.
Really? I looked at the girls. Those two girls covered their faces.
Stop this nonsense. Razzaq erupted. Get back to work.
But nothing stopped Vaishali from giggling till lunch.

Just around lunch she finished a design and placed it on my table. I didnt like it.
I also wanted to her work on two more prototypes. The lunch bell rang.

I will come back after lunch. She said.
I cant wait. You can bring your lunch here.
She said, No no, I will eat later. I explained my design to her.
She worked on the prototypes. Around four in the evening. One of the prototypes
came out just right.

Good. This is what I want. I said.
I took pictures and uploaded them to my laptop.
What is it? She asked.
Its a computer.
By the way, did you have your lunch?
No.
I am sorry.
No no no. Thats alright.
You can bring your lunch here and have it.
Ok.
Show me your lunch.
It was a double decker. Pickle and rice in one box. Curd rice in the other one.
Thats basically crap. Dont you cook?
She giggled again. She said that she cooked some curry in the morning but after
fixing boxes for her kids and husband nothing was left for her.

I got shocked.
You have kids?
She got shocked.
I am married.
How old are you?
Twenty four.
And you have school going kids? You don’t look like that. You are actually
kind of good looking.
More giggles.
You dont have scars on your stomach.
She was little offended and covered her stomach with her saree.
Go ahead, eat your crap.
Are you married?
No. No girl is interested in me.
You are a liar. Girls will like you.
Aha. How do you know? Do you like me?
Giggle.
Will you marry me?
Shut up. I am married.
Lets see, what is your husband like? Handsome? Smart? Rich?
No. She said. I noticed sadness in her face. I realized she was not comfortable
talking about her husband.
What about your kids? Are they cute?
My son looks like my husband. My daughter is just like me.
Lets keep your daughter. We can sell your son to an orphanage.
She laughed hard for about a minute.
You are crazy.
Where does your husband work?
At the port. But not on all the days.
How much do your earn here?
Eighteen hundred.
Fuck! How much does your husband earn?
He doesnt give us any money.
What is this us thing? What does he do with his money?
He drinks a lot.
Nice pick. Not handsome. Not smart. Not rich. Drinks a lot. Ha!
She got offended again.
Shut up.

Next day I asked her.
So have you thought anything about it?
About what?
About coming with me.
Why are you teasing me?
By the way, I cant marry you. I can keep you.

She put her hands on her hips and gave me a strong stare. She waved her index
finger and uttered something and broke into a wild laugh. She ran and joined
her team.

Vaishali wakes up at 5 in the morning. She fights for four buckets of water with
about 60 other women. She fights for three jugs of drinking water with another
60 women. She wakes and make up her children for school. She manages to
cook a breakfast and lunch meanwhile getting herself ready for the job. She
leaves house around 8 AM. She takes two buses guarding herself from men
from 15 years to 55 years ogling at her,trying to touch her, making comments
at her. She works nine hours non stop at the leather shop. She reaches home
around eight in the night. She prepares dinner for the family. Once or twice
in a week her husband arrives in the midnight. If he arrives in a love making
mode, he rapes her once or twice. If he arrives in an asshole mode, he
beats her.

She is the unsung heroin of the society. She is the working class pillar on
which factories run, institutions spread and intellectuals feed.

Her greatness belittles me even today.

This post is dedicated with immense respect to the great Indian working
class moms.

Windows

A lovely thing to see:
through the paper window's hole,
the Galaxy.

ISSA

Cuddlers and cleaners

Let me start with a cliche. There is a lot of difference between having sex
and making love. Girls need love and boys need sex. Thats generalization.
Yeah there are always exceptions. There are different kinds. Let me freeze
time. Rewind. Let us go the micro second during which the guy comes.
Now let me open his mind for us.

Hmmm..that was not bad. Last time it was 7 minutes. I think (looks at watch)
its 9 minutes now. She clearly had two orgasms. Good. Mmm sucks couldnt
try doggie position even this time. Bah. There is always next time. I wonder
how she enjoyed this one.
Did you like that one baby?

I wonder how she liked it. Man! making this condom sink is a tricky job.
Last time it took me three buckets of water. Should I let her use the toilet
first? Let me be a gentleman.
Did you like it? Also, baby, you wanna use the toilet first? (I am a gentleman)
*Disbilief in her eyes* (I cant believe this. He is a pig).

Hmm, now do I wear my underwear and walk to the toilet or just walk naked.
*Looks inside the blanket* Eeew, thats the ugliest thing I had ever seen. Let
me wear my underwear. I hope she liked my undie. They come with clinically
proven anti microbial lining. I wonder how she liked this one.
Sweetie, did you like it?

God! dont tell me, I spent all my money for THIS. Fuck, it lasted less than a
minute. Her boobs are not as big as I thought. Why in the hell did I order that
fancy dinner? We should have settled down with a pizza. For this kind of money,
I can as well fly to Bangkok. Bang Cock. Hey, thats funny. I wonder if she
likes giving head. I mean, if she doesnt, I am ditching this bitch. She doesnt
smell all that good. Btw, I wonder how she liked it.
Did you like it?

Sigh. Wow. That was cool. Btw, this also is the twelfth one this month. Boy am
I on a scoring spree or what? I like her. She is so soft. I like her moans. Hey,
I am getting hard again. Shall I go for the thirteenth? Hey, today is Friday. That
makes it 13th on the Friday. Hey thats funny. Hey, I can call my dick,
Frankie the thirteenth. Hey thats more funny. Btw, I wonder how she
liked it.
Cutie, did you like it?
Yes my man. You were amazing.
Did you know we just scored a dozen? Ha ha.
You are counting?
Yeah!
I hate you.

Should I still keep it inside. She still looks likes she is enjoying it. Let me give
her some more thursts. She is amazing. I love her so much. Yeah, there, she is
coming. Hold it for her boy. Wow, she is amazingly graceful. There she is
opening her eyes. Look at those beautiful eyes. Look at the pure magical love
she has in her eyes. Sigh. Do I deserve her? I am so lucky.
I love her.
I love you. *Kisses on her lips for a long time*
I love you too baby.
Baby, I am never going to let you go. You are mine. *Hugs her tight*
Me too, love. *Gets hugged*
Btw, did you like it?

cuteoverload.com

Just in

Smiley meets Ram Gopal Varma

It was Saturday afternoon. No one was at my office except Zee, Shredder and I.
Zee was lazying in the sofa and I was playing dead with Shredder.
Zee suddenly asked
What are your plans for the evening?
Dunno. If you are staying back, I will have couple of drinks and go home. Else, I will
go home straight and sober.
There is a cocktail dinner at Taj Krishna. You want to join?
No. No way.

The day before I bought a key chain with glowing LEDs. I was showing it to
Shredder and then hiding it. He gets frustrated pretty fast when he is losing.
So he was begging me to show that zing zing thing to him.

Zee said, Hey Ravi just called. I need to go to the party.
Who is Ravi?
Ravi Teja.
Why is Ravi Teja attending this party?
You are crazy or what? It is his party. Its got something to do with his latest
movie Shock. Ram Gopal Varma will be there too.
Gee Zee. Can I join?
Sure you can. But you need to take a bath. Lately you smell like a dog.

In the shower I suspected that Jyothika might attend the party too and did my
Smileys Quick Fix Ab exercise (Just in case). I wore jeans, Calvin Klein T and my
new shiny metal Espirit watch. (I wrote the previous sentence just to tell you about
my new watch. It rocks. My friend loveAll gifted that watch to me two weeks back).

On our way we picked Dagger and reached Taj.
It turned out to be an audio function with cocktails and dinner later.

This sucks man. An audio function? Dagger got frustrated.

There were the usuals. Puri Jagannath, Raghavendra Rao, Suresh babu, Rajamouli
etc. But nothing prepared me for the arrival of Ram Gopal Varma. There was certain
uneasiness till then. With Ramu’s arrival the whole auditorium got charged up. He
was mobbed by the press and everyone from Tollywood wanted to shake his hands
and to get a picture with him. There is an enigmatic energy surrounding him. He was
charismatic in his own way and knew his way through.

Audio function was over in a swift fifteen minutes. Everyone mobbed the bar
counter.There are always three kinds of people in this type of parties.

Celebrities.
Hey-I-Know-Celebrities.
Hey-I-Know-a-Hey-I-Know-Celebrities.

Zee and I managed drinks and some quick snacks. We secured a comfortable
area to stand too. Dagger, Kyonki and Rocky joined us. Soon Ravi Teja joined us.
(Dagger, Zee and Kyonki are good friends of Ravi Teja, the hero of the film).

Ravi is energy personified. There is no difference off screen. My eyes were rather
fixed on an itemNumberBomb. She did a number in the film. There was another
beautiful female who was a little on the plump side in a bright red saree. She was
sexy. She was also shy. Clearly not from the industry.

A lot of young girls were taking pics with Ravi and his autographs. Bomb was
with an oldie. There were going everywhere together.

I wonder how much bomb charges for a night.
30-50k. But she must have been already booked. Dagger came in handy.

By the time I finished my second Bacardi rest of the dudes finished four. Most of the
folks finished their dinner and left. We got a little high. I spotted this dude Jeeva.
(Chandraswamy in the movie Sarkar).

Zee, lets talk to Jeeva.
Jeeva was gulping whisky. I walked to Jeeva and shook his hands.
We want to talk to you. As a matter of fact, we would be cool if you join us.
Jeeva joined us. Zee started.

You wont believe what I am going to say.
Jeeva looked curious and puzzled at the same time.
Whatever I am going to say is going to come from my heart. Not from my mouth.
Say it.

Zee is a fan of yours. I lied.
Zee thumped his chest and then placed his hand on Jeevas shoulder.
Eyes. Your eyes man. Your eyes. Zee remained silent after that.

Thats all Zee wanted to say. I helped Jeeva out of his open mouth.
You know what is the thing that we remember about the movie Sarkar?
What?
You.
You know what is the first thing that strikes whenever someone mentions
Krishna Vamsi?
What?
You.
You know a villain who can do comedy as well as a rape?
Don’t know.
You.

Dagger loved what was happening. He joined. My grandma used to tell me that
artists are Gods children and rest of us is adopted. Your life is blessed.

Jeeva got fully charged up. He started talking about divinity in acting and how his
job of acting is his puja to the God.

Sir, long time back I saw an illegal clipping of a Malayalam movie. It was a clip of
you raping a girl in a hotel room. It looked so original. I asked.

Jeeva gave me a Chandraswamy look.

Meanwhile Ramu walked by. A girl who looked like just out of her teens was waiting
to meet him. I was observing that girl. One of Telugu artists spoke to her at length
before that.

Meanwhile Zee caught Lawrence. (Composer of Chiranjeevi’s famous Veena step,
Director of Mass and Style).

You wont believe what I am going to say.
Because whatever I am going to say is going to come out of my heart.
Not from my mouth.

Lawrence looked at me for rescue. I winked.

Zee thumped his chest. I am fan of Chiranjeevi. I saw your film.
You are a fan of Chiranjeevi too. We are brothers.

Meanwhile Ramu was getting physical with the girl. He put his hand around her
shoulder. Another Telugu star (Cant disclose the name) approached the girl and
whispered something in her ear. She looked a little nervous and not really into it.

I just couldnt stand it anymore. I walked to Ramu and looked into his eyes and said,

Hi Ramu, I am Smiley. I love your films. I am so glad I met you in person. Then I
looked at the girl and winked at her. She looked at Ramu. I shook Ramu’s hands.
He just said, Thanks. He was oozing power that was intimidating. I walked back.

Zee and Dagger were explaining Gist about how they have got rights to a dinner
with Shah Rukh Khan and wondering how to cash it. Gist was assuring them that
if they can pull Preity Zinta he can sell it out.

The girl was wearing a sleeveless. Her skin still has the radiance of a girl and her
chin is still filled with baby fat. Ramus seasoned hand on that shoulder, sucking
her into the matrix, looked like a metaphor to me.

Bomb left. Red saree left. Teenage girls were going gung ho taking pictures
with starts.

Its going to be a long night. I thought. I waved my hand for an extra drink.

Hoot

Hooters in India .
Auuuuuuuuuwooooooooo.
For us Southies, even their 911 chicken wings wont do.



Ta

Ta is the sound you make by pressing your tongue to your upper
jaw and releasing it at once.

Ta is also the sound you automatically make when you eat the lemon
from a lemon pickle.

This morning my mom made two chapati, cabbage curry, spinach dal,
rasam, pulihore and pongal, along with carrot pickle for my meal. I ended
the meal with an extra helping of curds and pulihore. When I thought it was
over, my mom gave me pineapple pieces cut like crop circles.

When she asked me about how the meal was, I said
Ta.

Huh

Not believing in anything I just sit,
listening to my breathing
After thirty years
It still goes in and out.

Albert Coelho

Addendum

Huuuuhhhh!

Reading the mornin paper while I sit,
Flashes in the mind of one dim twisted wit
Thirty years and still
What goes in as food comes out as shit

Two Penny

H(M)uah!!

and in a voice that sounded faraway and strange she asked
oh shitting stranger,
how many miles more to Utopia?
Utopia is this land of dreams i hear
oh stop reading the paper dear
how many more miles to Utopia?

nonick
ps: love u too

Cheeky

Yoda Iyer

Here is how to draw him

Dumb logic of the year

Just read on Megha's blog about this design nomination stuff. Hilarious post.
Not the post. But the logic of the nomination. Some stuff about Indiblog
awards is silly (I appreciate their effort. But lets call a dud a dud.)

1) They talked more about programming than nominations and content
2) They are proud about the Script they wrote that let people vote than
voting patterns and gaurding the privacy of the voters
3) Categories basically are silly and not comprehensive

Finally, if what I read on Megha's blog is true (read), well there is no point
in me rambling about it because I totally agree with her (whoever this
Megha chick is).

So here is my award to the Jury of Indibloggies
Dumb ass logic of the year award goes to Indibloggies.org for saying
that 'People who borrow (steal) templates from public domain are eligible to
nominate for a category called Best Design'.

Added later: Since Desipundit.com is the default pit shop for every
Indiblogger I propose Desipundit.com to come up with hosting the awards.
I will sponsor the award of 'Two day vacation with Smiley at Kulu Manali'
for the best female humour category.

At the other end of your blanket

Rated: Yawn

Just with in couple of days of Shredders arrival, my fantasies of my dog
fetching me beer and peanuts got distorted with lots of reality. Actually,
got replaced by, me cleaning his feces and puke, running behind him,
hiding my-socks, shoes, cell phone charger, coffee mugs, cushions, pillows,
(re) making the tent for him, making sure not stepping on him and on
his urine.

By fifth day he looked like a prodigal child. He doesnt respond to my calls.
He doesnt listen to me. All he does is eat, shit, shred and bite. Of course,
sleep. He absolutely refuses to sleep alone. He bothers Srinu during the
nights. (Srinu eventually shifted into Kitchen). That’s when my nephew
came to my house, saw shredder, fell in love with him and said,
I want him. I said, Take him.

The next day, I gladly packed the tent, the food, the toys and Shredder
and knocked on Sillys door. Silly looked perplexed. Here, your son wanted
him. I efficiently and quickly tied Shredder in her balcony, gave her
instructions and left. Actually I left to a different city to attend an annual
meet. I came to know that Shredder accommodated Silly well and became
a family member in just two days. According to Silly, he is the nicest dog.
But things were not destined to happen that way. Someone close to Silly
died the next day and the entire family had to leave and I got a call.
(I was in a different city). I called couple of my friends and instructed them
to pick this funny looking black patched dog from my sisters place and keep
him with a family for couple of days. Thats what they did.

For the next two days, Shredder didnt eat a single grain. Not even his
favourite Royal Canin. He cried through day and night. I got more than two
dozen calls because he was also going through diarrhea.

I drove back. Collected him and brought him home. I hand fed him. He ate.
That, some one so small and selfish could distinguish who was feeding him,
kind of surprised me. Shredder, kind of won my respect.
May be it was curiosity.

With in just four five hours Shredder was truly home. I know a thing or two
about animal stress. So, I understood. Shredder continued to bite and rule my
house. Unfortunately for him, I read couple of articles on the net about
alpha male and show him who is the boss stuff. On that night, the next day
morning, for a full four hours I tried to tell him that I am the boss. Some how
he didnt get it (Looking back, I didn’t get some of what he was telling). He
continued to fail to understand not to crap or pee inside the house. His worst
nightmare came true that night. I took him inside my bedroom, took my
leather belt out and shouted to him. Listen. He ignored me. His ears still
stood out in pride. Whack, came down the belt. His first reaction was
disbelief. He is a furless dog. It must have hurt a lot. Listen. I shouted.
Whack. He gained his senses and ran to a corner. You will go nowhere.
I shouted. I held his collar and dragged him to the middle of the room.
Listen. I shouted. His ears were in a submissive mode this time. We stared
at each other for a long time. You will listen to me from now on. I told him.
And you will respond. I added.

Things changed a lot after that. Within two days he learned not to pee or poo
inside the house. But he still continued to bite and ignore calls. One of his
favourite spots is the my travel bag that lies under my bed. He loves
crawling into that corner and sleeping on it.

Soon I realized that he is actually a smart dog. He has an amazing range
of low grunts and whines. Remember, he is a French Bull dog. He doesnt
bark much. He makes this Weee…weeee…which can be translated to
Untie me, I want to play. He makes this Hissss weee hisss weee..which can
be translated to Stop tickling me. Ha ha ha.

He makes this hwwwiieeee….Please dont disturb me, I am sleeping.

He also has a wide range of looks. Sometimes his looks can be spooky.
He also has a wide range of body expressions. The best is when he walks
to you and rolls on his back to expose his belly and looks at you.
He is saying, Yo, scratch my belly.

It struck me a little later, but I really didnt understand why we are
supposed to be more intelligent than dogs. I seriously dont think so.

We formed a true bond when Shredder got super sick. He got food poisoned.
He became a skeleton in two days. I let him sleep with me those two days
and talked to him a lot. Shreddy, you are strong boy. Its alright. You will
be fine. He used to sigh with lots of self pity in his eyes. It took him a week
to recover.

Another threat to our relation came from the management of the
apartment. They said pets are not allowed in the apartment. Now,
shredder stays in my office. Shredder misses me a lot. I miss him a lot.
I never disciplined him beyond, Sit, Stop.

Guess what? I am moving next month. Yeah, to accommodate this funny
looking dog in my life.

A note

She has these incredible sexy chocoloty browny edges on her lips.
Her saliva is so neutral you can drink her. Probe her under her
tongue and drink her.

I rested one of my hands on her plump rump. Then squeeezed it.
She steamed. I took some liberty and ran my hand over her breast
to feel her hardened nipple. I rested there and squeezed her.

She grew hesitant and said, No.
What do you mean by No?

No, you cant do that.
What do you mean by I cant do that?

We can kiss on lips. Thats all.
(My hand still on her breast) That sucks. But logically it shouldnt matter.
Took some more liberty and kissed her on her nipple.

No, we cant do this. We can kiss, though.

Note to self: The white Jockey Elance you are wearing is not exactly
your luckiest wear.
Another note to self: Girls are so complicated.

Of Macs, Modi, Mutton and Monkeys

Can an announcement last more than 90 minutes? It could. Says
Thinksecret.com guessing on Apple's traditional Steve Jobs
presentation thats going to happen today. So whats being churned
by the rumour mills?

1) Intel Based Apple Tops
2) Cheaper Shuffle
3) Media Centric Mac Mini (Mounted on Front Row)
4) Several major media deals

**

I threw a gala party at a place called Alankrita yesterday. Honouring me,
everyone had their dinner in a bowl and with a fork. (Thats trademark
Smiley). This is what we had Rasam+Rice+Mutton Rogam Josh.
The ones who didnt know the art of eating rasam with fork drank
straight away from the bowls.

Thats not the point. There was a discussion about Narendra Modi Vs
Rajashekhar Reddy. Actually there was no discussion. Unanimously we
all agreed that Modi is the best in India. (Hard to swallow for the so called
secular Indians, but I havent met an average Indian who doesnt like Modi.)
Thats not the point either. The intellectual depth of the conversation got
me clean bowled. By the way, did I mention the capuccino Hukka?

**

Last week, during one of those lazy afternoons I returned home from office
to take a nap. While dozing I heard next door kid crying (both crying and
shouting) "Uncle, Uncle". I wondered what was happening and went to her
rescue. Standing at my door was a six year old, soaked in her tears. In front
her is a baby monkey making faces at her and scaring her.

I hugged her and stomped the baby monkey. "There is another one inside my
house. My mama is not at home. I am scared". I liked her honesty in admitting
that she is scared. She stayed with me untill her mom returned.

She revealed few things (kid notes) about me. Kids in the apartment are scared
of me. They like my TV. They love shredder. (All the kids routinely play on my
floor). Now she thinks I am 'good'. (Silly girls). 'You are good only' with
vigorous head shake.

Next day she introduced me to her friends. 'Monkey Uncle'. Stupid girls.

Delirium
Its a go

I stopped walking.

What is that?
That strange shining white light object?
Yeah
Its light.
Light?
Yeah, we are at the end of the tunnel.

For a long time I didnt say a thing. The emotion was overwhelming.
I looked at my bloody feet. Felt my wounded soul. The sense of relief
wasnt obvious. Not as obvious as I thought it would be.

I sat down in the mud. I silently started crying, within.
He left me alone for sometime. After a while, he returned with a huge
smile and asked.

Why are you crying?
Because its a Delirium post.

We laughed. I hugged him.

What do I do now?
Keep walking.

Know Thyself
The net.

When Junior entered the room, Master Yoda was licking his armpits.
Junior greeted Master. Oh the one, whose pits are clean chits, Greetings.
Master greeted back. Oum.



Oh the master of masters, the one whose wisdom guided Adam to slow
down, I have a question.

Ask.

Its shredder. Shredder shredded the known world to bring in a new
order, new kind, new peace and boundless hapiness to this new world.
But oh master, there is one thing that puzzles me about Shredder.
Why is he always trying to bite his own ass? The word in the woods is
that it has to do something with the last Buddha.

Master Yoda's pupils grew larger. Junior, the last Buddha is a myth.
All Shredder is trying to do is sniff his last meal.

Master, oh whose ear wax can light a thousand clouds, I know when
you lie.

Master Yoda sighed deeply. Alright junior. The truth, I warn, must be
contained. I will tell you why Shredder is trying to bite his own ass.

It was a different world. It was a different kind. It was a different master.
Humans they were. They called it the information age. The age of
knowledge. They truely believed that they were destined for greater
greatness, because they harnessed information. It was called the Net.

The last of Buddha called it Being or collective consciousness. The last
Buddha also warned, Thought alone, when it is no longer connected
with the much vaster realm of consciousness quickly becomes barren,
insane and destructive.

But the humans didnt think so, they integrated net into themselves
and called it Bionet.
They thought
harnessing collective intelligence and real-time leveraging of the
two-way communication ubiquotously
will finally make man himself, the God.

But then Shredder was born.

continued...

Know Thyself II
I shred.

Blog awards everywhere

Indibloggers are nominated. Except for few deserving, its a disappointing
list. Is Gaurav's blog a good blog or a popular blog? I would like to fire the
bench and appoint myself the supreme. Here are my nominees.

Male Humour
Penny, Yogu, Daman (by the way they are not blogging anymore)

Female Humour
Alpha or Megha? Lets schedule a cat fight and see who wins. (Psst thats just
to enjoy the fight. My pick is Alpha. Dont tell this to Megha)

Travel Blog
Finn Times (Sigh. The full moon.)

BNOUBA (Blogs no one understands but appreciates)
Ph, ::M::

Default Nominees
Patrix, Desipundit

Sexy Mom who blogs
(Hey send me some pics here)

Most redundant post of the year
Patrix's 2005 review of his posts post

Most grammatically correct blog
Absolute Lee

La Vada

Rated:Gross

It happened a long time back. We entered second year during our
Engineering years and were bloody ravenous to rag junior. (We got so
thoroughly ragged during our first year that we were in a revenge mode).
A lot fun stuff happens during ragging. But this one lasted so long.

We asked a junior to attend a greeting formality at our room. When he
entered we asked him to perform a mono and mime act.

Do you know how to eat a pussy?
Don’t know sir.
Well, well, we very well know that you know. You have two options.
Either perform or die.

He started performing. He was surprisingly good.

With little encouragement from our side,
Yeah, you can imagine a table. No, no, first undress her. Yeah, she can
wear a sari. Wow man, go ahead. No you cant fuck her,
the show went well.

A little later another junior entered the room. I got a little curious and
told Junior2, Dude, Junior1 is going to perform some stuff now. You
have to tell us what he is doing.

Junior1, start all over again, No sounds please.

Junior1 promptly did his act.

So, Junior2, tell me what he was doing.

Without any hesitation, Junior 2 said,
Sir, Junior1 went to a Udipi hotel, ordered a plate Vada and ate it.

We all laughed for two full days.
We promptly nicknamed Junior2 La Vada. Junior2, for the rest of his four
years was fondly called Lavada ga.